


when smoke hits lungs (i taste a little bit of you)

by simigang



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ??? Does that qualify lmao, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hansol is a delinquent, Happy Ending, I swear, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Meddling Friends, Oops, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, but then stuff happens, for a while, just a little, parents suck!, rich! Seungkwan, rough start lmAO, seungkwan is such a good child, some side pairs will come up, sort of, they disagree so much, this is gonna be so happy, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2018-12-05 20:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 115,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11585478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simigang/pseuds/simigang
Summary: Seungkwan, a child too good for this world, meets Hansol, someone not many people truly know (or understand), and of course they don't get along. They're too different. They could never be friends (or anything more for that matter). That's what they thought at the start anyway.(also known as that one dramatic verkwan highschool au)





	1. you make me angry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hansol and seungkwan's first meeting...is a little bit of a mess, but they're stuck with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I suck at summaries, but here's my take on a verkwan high school au! based loosely on [this](http://khh-17-etc.tumblr.com/post/161992670592/a-concept-boonon-au-where-theyre-dating-in) headcannon on tumblr...hella unedited lmAO

 

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan was about to scream out of anger and frustration all while punching the wall in the process. He was livid at this point. While watching the ticking clock in the school library continue to keep track of time, his rage only increased. The is all because stupid Chwe Hansol. Instead of getting blown off, like he has been for the past two weeks, the boy decided to do something about it. He rose out of his chair with determination and clenched fists as he left the library to get to the bottom of whatever was happening. He sighed to himself.

 

_“I really don’t have time for this shit.”_

 

  * _**Two weeks ago**_



 

It was an normal Wednesday for Boo Seungkwan. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as he ran around to each of his responsibilities with urgency. As soon as he woke up each day, his life became a strict schedule that he had to follow in order to get everything done. After all, it would be weird if the class president  _wasn’t_ busy all the time.

 

First, he came to school every other morning for private lessons with the choir teacher. After that, it was time for a meeting with the club captains and their sponsors. Before he knew it, it was already time for school to start. His classes flew by quicker than he could catch his breath (which seemed like a blessing), and soon lunch rolled around.

 

Lunch was the hour break he needed everyday to not lose his sanity. In between bites of food and jokes with friends, he forgot all about his duties he needed to fulfill. Instead of letting the pressure of everything crush his spirit, he ate and gossiped and just laughed because that’s what high school is supposed to be like. Not a job to stress about.

 

As much as he loved being able to breathe, he knew this suffocating school life was his reality. He waved his friends goodbye early so he could get a jump start on his school assignments. They understood because that’s just who Boo Seungkwan is.

 

Coming from his last class, he was pulled off the track of his commute to choir practice by the Academic Dean. Seungwkan was a tad bit startled, but still complied by following her into the office. He had 15 minutes before practice, and usually spent this time snacking and chitchatting with fellow choir members, but to him, this was more urgent.

 

“I’m glad I found you. I know your free time is limited, but this will go by quickly.”

 

Seungkwan simply nodded at her words.

 

“Anyway do you know a student named Hansol Chwe? I think most students know him by Vernon though.”

 

The boy clenched his teeth at the name. He knew about Hansol through the words of others, which weren’t the most pleasant comments to say the least. He can also vaguely recall seeing him in one of the detention sessions after school that he volunteered at last year, but he didn’t truly know him so he tried not to form a biased judgement.

 

“I know of him.” He finally decided to say.

 

She began to pull up Hansol’s educational records. Important test scores were printed next to his normal grades he got every grading period. The president was puzzled as he noticed his classroom grades didn’t compare to his outstanding test scores. The confusion must’ve shown on this face because the woman in front of him laughed.

 

“That’s what I thought. Things just don’t add up. He’s either cheating on his tests, which is near impossible due to all the procedures we go through before giving it out, or he’s just too lazy to do his school work.”

 

Seungkwan wondered too as he quietly studied the numbers in front of him.

 

“Even if he is a genius, his grades still suggest he do tutoring. I know you’re already busy as class president and all, but would you have the time to study with him? You’ve gotten students to turn themselves around no matter their background. I know Hansol will be tough to deal with, so I couldn’t think of anyone else except you.”

 

As egotistical  as it seemed, Seungkwan could understand why she would come to him. Hansol is from  _that_ side of town along with  half of the school population. Kids that come from where Hansol lives usually fall below  the educational standard all the rich kids established,  so Seungkwan had experience tutoring them in his high school career.

 

The interesting thing about their school is where it’s located. It’s the only high school in town and it’s smack dab in the middle of two groups of people that are polar opposites. Seungkwan always found it peculiar on how people in their town are either super loaded with money or hanging on by the thread financially. With these two different lifestyles, came the two different people that lived there and attended the school. There were the “Seungkwan’s”: the well-off and studious kind of kids that are spoiled by their parents that lived on the eastern part of town.  And then the “Hansol’s”: who are already working in high school or skipping class because  _it’s high school and you should live a little_ who lived on the west-side of town.

 

During Seungkwan’s freshman year, he tutored his first classmate named Chan. It was difficult at first, but nothing he couldn’t handle. In fact, it was fun to be in the unfamiliar presence that the student carried; which was unlike his own. Deep down he realized everyone seemed to have a kind heart underneath the hardships they experienced.  

 

“Yes, I think I have time to spare. What time will we meet?”

 

The president laughed at the irony of his words. He could barely find time to breathe in his packed schedule, yet here he is taking on another responsibility. He really needs to learn how to say no. He’ll make a sticky note and put it on his wall later...

 

“Great! I’ll tell Mr. Chwe. You can decide the time.”

 

She smiled at him brightly, and his heart swelled. Nothing felt better than being able to help someone.

 

As he ran to choir practice, which now started in 3 minutes, he made sure to write down _tutoring w/ chwe every friday after school_ on his hand since he didn’t have his planner with him.

 

  * _**Present**_



 

_"Maybe The Dean forgot to tell him the time?"_

He thought to himself as he made his way up the stairs to the highest floor of the school. That would be the only excuse he would accept. Seungkwan had all the reason to be upset with stupid Hansol Chwe since he wasted two (almost another today) Friday afternoons waiting for this kid to show up.

 

When he finally found what he was looking for, a lone door at the end of the hallway, he took out a set of keys borrowed from the janitor and unlocked the door. The room was very small and only included a metal ladder that went up. He heard voices from above coming from the opening that lead to the roof of the school.

 

The president always had suspicions about the rumors floating around the school. He heard that a group of ‘delinquents’ (as the teacher’s liked to call them) often met on the top of the school to skip classes or whatever they do. Seungkwan mostly ignored thoughtless rumors since they were often false, but he didn’t have anywhere else to look for Hansol. It was either here or somewhere off campus. He decided to climb up the ladder and take his chances.

 

When he finished climbing, he was met with the bright, setting sun rendering him blind for a moment. After blinking to regain his vision, he was met with the gravel covered roof and took a step. In the very far corner, he saw a group of 6 boys with foggy air around them. Anger flooded his body as he saw Hansol in the center of the smoke, laughing without a care in the world.

 

He was nearing the group of boys and decided to call out,

 

“Hey! Chwe Hansol!”

 

The boys turned in his direction, confused by the sudden outburst, and stood up.

 

He coughed harshly as he started inhaling whatever they were smoking. He was shocked,  _because oh fuck actual drugs_ , but tried to remain firm while standing his ground.

 

“Holy shit! Is that his royal highness?” He heard one of them say.  They all laughed, not phased that the class president just caught them smoking weed. Do they take him as a joke? The anger building in his chest got a little more suffocating.

 

“What the fuck? It really is our dearest class prez Boo Seungkwan.”

 

A boy placed his arm around Seungkwan’s shoulders in which he rudely shoved off. He saw his familiar face and remembered him as one of his classmates named Kwon Soonyoung (though he couldn’t be sure). He scrunched up his nose. They all smelt terrible, and he _did not_ want to get the stench of marijuana on his clothes. He feared at the possibility of his parents finding out that he was around drugs. He continued to fan the air around him so he wouldn’t have to breathe it in.

 

“Hansol, or Vernon, or whatever your name is, I need you to come with me.”

 

Seungkwan looked at the boy straight in the eye, through his black sunglasses, to show he was serious. The group around them got quiet, and turned to Hansol to see his reaction. He recognized most of them, and even saw Lee Chan, the boy he used to tutor.

 

_“Ooooohhhh Vernon’s in trouble.”_

_“Yeah! Vernon what’d you do?”_

 

The boy in the hot-seat just laughed and slightly turned his head in confusion.

 

“As far as I know, I have done nothing to upset our school’s most  _prized possession_. Why don’t you go read a book or something.”

 

Seungkwan didn’t think he could get any angrier, but he felt the madness overcoming his head. Why did he have to talk to him so condescendingly?

 

“Oh so you didn’t know I was supposed to start tutoring  _you_ every Friday? Or were you high when you were informed? Because I know a side effect of smoking weed is memory loss…”

 

Hansol’s eyes narrowed through his sunglasses, and stepped closer to Seungkwan. The boys surrounding them jumped in excitement because  _oh shit are they about to fight?_

 

“Oh yeah I knew about that, but I don’t need a dumbass tutoring session from the likes of  _you_ that will just waste my time.”

 

The taller boy took another hit, and spoke, having smoke invade Seungkwan’s senses. The president slipped into a coughing fit and felt his eyes water. God, he was so pissed.

 

“The only one wasting time is you. You’re acting all high and mighty like you can’t spare a couple hours to actually do your homework. I’m doing this because I want to help you!”

 

The atmosphere around them got heavier as Hansol laughed. He found it amusing that someone like Seungkwan would actually be interested in helping him. Yeah right. He continued to smoke right in the other’s face, knowing it pissed him off.

 

Seungkwan was beyond done with this situation. In the spur of the moment, he snatched the blunt from Hansol’s hand and threw it on the ground between them. He stepped on it harshly to get rid of the flame. Before he could even be proud of himself, he felt strong hands wrap around the collar of his shirt.

 

Hansol brought the other boy close by his shirt. He felt his friends pushing against him in an effort of trying to get him to release their class president, but he didn’t budge. This Seungkwan boy made his blood boil for some reason. He couldn’t see the best due to his smoking clouding his head, but he knew the boy he had in his hands was smiling like he won.

 

“You can’t make me do shit rich boy. Just leave before I really hurt you.”

 

“I can’t make you do anything? Watch me.”

 

Seungkwan felt his soul shaking, but he was too hyped on adrenaline to pay it attention. He couldn’t show his fear of Hansol or else he would lose this game they created in the minutes they started speaking to each other.

 

Hansol roughly pushed away the boy, and realized he couldn’t beat the shit out of him like he wanted to. With just one call to mommy and daddy, Hansol would be suspended for who knows how long. Worrying his parents like that would be troublesome.

 

Once Seungkwan was freed from the hold, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. There was only one way he could get this kid to come with him. He avoided playing dirty, but now it was necessary to get the job done.

 

He heard Hansol going on about it was pointless to come this far and come get him while he pulled out his phone and pressed some buttons.

 

“Hi? Hello is this the police?”

 

The group froze with terror in their eyes. Seungkwan suppressed a smile from showing on his face.

 

“Yes! This is an emergency. This is Seungkwan, you know me right? Yeah well I saw a group of boys doing drugs, and one of them even threatened me! Could you please send help right away? I could tell you their names too.”

 

He saw Hansol frantically wave his arms while mouthing  _Yes! I’ll go with you! Just don’t call the police!_ He then realized that the rest of the boys made a run for it, and were now going down the ladder at  lightning speed. He hung up the phone and crossed his arms.

 

“What was that? I didn’t hear you…”

 

Hansol cursed under his breath.

 

“Yes. I’ll go to tutoring. I’ll even go right now and the rest of the Fridays for as long as I need to! Jesus Christ.”

 

Seungkwan smiled and let Hansol lead the way to the library as he responded to a text from his friend Mingyu.

 

 

**_[ ming-yoyo ] :_ ** _did you pretend to call the police so you could get those kids to do whatever you want again?_

 

**[ boo(ty) sk ] :**

_Hey! I always do it with good reason ;-)_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what an introduction am i right? i currently don't have an updating schedule, so the next one will be out whenever! Comments are great motivation though ;-)


	2. are you serious?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit happens and a new project pops up which gives seungkwan an idea and some motivation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! im back. lmao... if you're curious to what the boys look like appearance wise, [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ai7D8C4Wio) video shows the look im going for (except sk has brown hair in the story) a lot goes on in this chapter so watch out!

 

 

You could call Seungkwan persistent, or even a bit manipulative, but he somehow always knew how to get his way. When faced with a challenge, he would get it done no matter how drastic the measures. The only thing he hated more than losing would be not trying at all. Maybe that’s why he seemed to dislike Chwe Hansol so much, or better known as: the king of not giving a fuck.

 

After their first tutoring session on that same Friday they fought with their words (and almost their fists), he seemed to run into his fellow classmate more than he wanted to.

 

Whether it was hallways, the lunchroom, or even their speech class he didn’t even know they had together until Hansol showed up in the class for the first time, Seungkwan seemed to see the other boy everyday.

 

It wouldn’t be a problem if it was anyone else, but Hansol is just so... _Hansol_ . He gets underneath the president’s skin with no effort. Everyday it’s either talking to his druggie friends about how privileged the snobs are, or some random topic that makes your head hurt _(he swore he heard them having a conversation on whether we are actually robots stuck in a fucking capri sun)_. And some days he’s not even in class, which is what bothers Seungkwan the most. You were given an opportunity to attend school, so what makes you think you can skip just because you claim you have “nothing better to do”?  Chwe Hansol is laziest and uncaring kid he’s ever met, and it makes his head explode that he has to spend every Friday with someone like him.

 

It’s Tuesday, which means one of his favorite days of the week. He can afford some time to spare to have lunch with his friends. Seungkwan feels his good mood turn sour when a certain someone strolls up next to him in the lunch line.

 

“Mind if I stand here?”

 

He glares at Hansol, who is a good distance away not to annoy the president further, and just proceeds to take a step further in line. He thought for sure the boy next to him would get the message and fall back, but of course this is Hansol we are talking about.

 

“Aw, _little Boo_. Why are you being so cold to me?”

 

Seungkwan scoffed at that stupid nickname, making Hansol laugh. The unique sound haunted Seungkwan’s ears. It sounded so ugly, but he didn’t seem to mind it. The Hansol he saw often wore an uninterested expression learning about articulation when presenting a speech, or a bored one whenever Seungkwan explained math problems to him. In their two weeks of knowing each other, he’s never had Hansol’s laugh directed towards him, but he tried not to show his surprise as they moved together in the lunch line.  

 

The president grabbed his usual salad and greeted the lunch lady behind the counter with a smile and a “thank you.” Hansol thanked her as well as he grabbed the total opposite of Seungkwan’s meal. He tried not to stare, but that pizza looked terribly good; even if it was greasy and dripping with calories.

 

“What’s up _King Boo_? If you want pizza, there’s more than enough for the both of us.” The black haired boy asked in slight confusion.

 

Hansol was right, but Seungkwan knew he couldn’t.

 

“Pizza is unhealthy.” He replied simply and wondered how Hansol got in front of him in line.

 

They both grabbed some drinks; Hansol stuck with juice while Seugnkwan reached to get a carton of milk along with a fork to eat his salad with.

 

“Dude, it’s just pizza. Besides we are like seventeen, which is too young to be worried about your health or calorie intake. When you’re young, you can basically eat whatever you want.” Hansol replied as if it was stupid to eat salad for all the “wrong” reasons. They met eyes for a second, and Seungkwan thought about if his message of mind your own business was conveyed to Hansol.

 

They boy in front of him paid mindlessly, thanking the cashier. He waited for Seungkwan to be done paying to start walking with him.

 

Seungkwan finally spoke up with a question for the brown-eyed boy next to him.

 

“Why do you talk so much?”

 

Hansol laughed again as if it’s a funny question that even a five-year old can answer.

 

“Because I know it pisses you off.”

 

The president squinted at the other while he walked away, shoulders shaking from laughter. Seungkwan was about to go after him as he took another step, until he heard his friends calling him in confusion to his left. They all smiled at him as he headed slowly in their direction. He didn’t even notice he was about to pass his lunch table since he was too distracted. By what? He didn't know, but he is certain about one thing.

 

_He really doesn’t like Chwe Hansol._

  
  


☄️

 

It took about thirty  minutes to answer all of his friends questions about _“what the frick was going on”_ (Seokmin liked to put it). It seemed like an interrogation session as their questions kept rolling in.

 

“Was that _the_ Vernon you were just talking to?” Seokmin whisper shouted at him. He wanted to laugh at his childish friend’s antics as he took a seat next to him. Seokmin was on his right while Mingyu was on his left.

 

“Noooo. It was the reincarnation of Jesus coming back to save the humanity from its sins. Of course it was Chwe Hansol you idiot.” Wonwoo, another friend of his, replied in a sarcastic manner making Seokmin’s gaze turn into daggers as he looked at Wonwoo. The whole table tried not to spit out their food in laughter.

 

“It doesn’t hurt to confirm!”

 

“Anyway,” Seongcheol started to speak before Wonwoo and Seokmin got into another verbal battle as they always seemed to do.

 

“The question isn’t who...It’s why.”

 

“Yeah! Why were you talking with him?” Joshua spoke up, continuing Seungcheol’s question. Suddenly, five pairs of eyes were on him. He was confused as to why it’s such a big deal since he’s been seen conversing with people like Hansol many times, but he decided to answer his friends anyway.

 

“I’ve been tutoring him.”

 

Their table exploded with a million other questions which drew attention from all points of the cafeteria. Seungkwan smiled at his friends freaking out over something so...trivial.

 

_“For how long?”_

_“Why didn’t you tell us?”_

_“Where?”_

_“What’s he like?”_ _  
_

_“So are you guys friends now?!”_

 

Seungkwan shushed them eventually with a promise to tell them everything. It kind of annoyed him that in their scarce free time, they wanted to talk about the bane of his existence, but he didn’t mind surprising them once and awhile.

 

“Well technically, I’ve been tutoring him for four weeks, but we’ve only had two sessions together because he decided to skip the first two.”

 

Suddenly the boy to his left spoke up, “Yeah until he tracked him and dragged his high ass to the library two Fridays ago. He even pretended to call the cops on him.”

 

_“Holy jeez.”_

_“No way!”_

_“Dude that’s awesome.”_

 

Wonwoo gave him a high five from across the table.

 

“How come Mingyu knows everything and we don’t?!”

 

“Chill out Seokminnie. He had to call someone to pretend to be on the phone with the cops.”

 

Everyone agreed, and that gave Seungkwan the sign to continue.

 

“Yeah! His eyes were so red too. It was crazy how they were actually smoking weed on the school’s roof of all places!! And I didn’t tell you guys for obvious reasons, I mean this isn’t a big deal I’ve tutored west-side kids before, so I don’t know why he’s so special…”

 

Seungkwan was puzzled by the looks when his friends looked as if they were questioning his intelligence. Even his best friend Mingyu looked done with him.

 

“Do you not know the rumors about him? Everyone knows about Vernon no matter where they live!” Seokmin began to gossip.

 

“Yeah I know you’re out of the loop but you at least know the things people say about him right?” Seungcheol asked seriously. The president became even more confused. Was the kid he was tutoring a murder? Did he have some kind of secret life?

 

“You guys know I don’t care for gossip unless it’s affecting the school. I know nothing about Chwe except that he’s annoying and lazy.”

 

The boys around him gasped in shock. Seungkwan not knowing about Hansol seemed like a sin since  he’s easily one of the most talked about students in school.

 

“Be careful Kwannie. Apparently he’s the ruler of some huge drug operation, and all of his friends are the dealers. It’s why ⅔ of the school smokes weed or whatever. “

 

“He’s called The Marijuana God or something like that”

 

“I heard they’re all in a gang! They do stuff like jump people at gunpoint!”

 

“Where did you come up with that? Your imagination is way too big for your own good Seokminnie.”

 

Laughter filled the air around them once again, but Seungkwan joined along half heartedly. His mind came up with questions that he knew he’d never get answers to, but he couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander. Is Hansol really involved in such illegal acts?

 

 _“It’s none of my business.”_ He smiled to himself.

 

All six of them were knocked back to reality when several phone notifications went off one after the other.

 

“It’s the Student Council Sponsor. She told us to meet her in the hallway by the courtyard.” Joshua read the text out loud. There was a collective sigh as they all rose up from their seats to trash their lunches. They were all done eating, but there was still twenty minutes left to spend with each other.  Sadly, school duties come first.

 

Just like the president, his five other friends are just as busy. There schedules are jam packed with classes, extra curricular activities, and community service hours. The six of them are easily the most influential kids in the whole school due to their backgrounds and grades; which is why they seemed to stick together.

 

Everyone calls them the Snob Squad, but they try not to mind it.

 

On their way out of the cafeteria, Seungkwan’s eyes gravitate to Hansol unwillingly. While wondering if all the rumors are true, the boy smirks at him as if he’s hiding something. Seungkwan tries to continue forward as if it never happened.

 

_“It’s definitely  none of my business.”_

 

☄️

 

The six boys arrived eventually arrived at the big window displaying the school’s vast courtyard filled with huge trees and even a garden. They all wait for the teacher to come with news so urgent that it couldn't wait until after school. Seungkwan was a little pouty since they had to interrupt their lunch.

 

At least his friends were with him.

 

It was no surprise that all of the “snob squad” filled the roles in student council since they were loved by _most_ , and had all the credentials to back it up. Seungkwan is President, Seungcheol is Vice President, Joshua is Historian, Wonwoo is Secretary, Mingyu is Treasurer, and Seokmin is the Social Rep.

 

They all talked amongst each other until the teacher came running from the direction of the front office. They saw her distressed facial expression which caused them to look to each other in confusion. The clacking of her high heels came to a stop as she leaned against the wall, too  breathless to speak right away.

 

“Boys…..come with...me”

 

She started walking with slow steps while the boys followed close behind whispering about what could possibly be going on.

  
  
  


They knew what their destination would be as the turned the corner into the electives hallway. In between the band and choir hallway was a humongous mural of sorts on the wall. The painting was something different. There were so many components to it like nature and  random landmarks _(the eiffel tower really?)_  but they somehow fit together. Where would this person even find the time to do this?

 

“It’s…” He heard MIngyu rendered speechless as they all stared at the wall.

 

_“Beautiful”_

_“Vandalism”_

 

Seungkwan and Joshua both met eyes, eyebrows scrunched down in confusion.

 

“It’s a really good mural. Whoever the artist is, has a lot of talent. I think we should keep it since it adds character to the hallway.”

 

Joshua had a great point, but Seungkwan always had to overrule with the harsh reality.

“I do admit. It is done with a lot of talent, but we have to paint over it. If we let it stay, then they might get the idea that they can paint over any wall they want. It’s illegal if they don’t get permission since it technically is vandalism.”

 

Most of them nodded in agreeance while the sponsor watched them work it out themselves.

 

“How about we track down the artist and ask them to do a commision on one of the walls. If they’re getting paid and they have permission, then it’s a win-win. They get money and we get a cool, new mural on the walls.”

 

Wonwoo’s idea seemed to go over great with everyone. Now all they had to do was get permission and find the artist. It seemed simple, but their school is somewhat big. The artist could be anyone of his peers, and Seungkwan didn’t even know how to start looking. He didn’t have time to think of that now since everyone was waiting for his final decision. After all, he is the class president.

 

Seungkwan took a deep breath.

 

“Okay, first, great insight Josh and Wonwoo. I think Wonwoo’s plan is really solid and the school could use a little personality. “ They both smiled at him.

 

“Since it was your guys’ idea, I want Josh and Wonwoo to pitch the idea to all the higher-ups. Probably make a presentation so it can be more convincing and appealing to them.  Work with Mingyu to see how much money it would cost the school, since it’s probably coming out of our class budget.” The three boys nodded at him.

 

Seungkwan looked down at his shoes in thought.

 

“Then, I want Seungcheol to assist Seokmin in getting the word out. It’s gonna be kind of hard to find the artsit, but if they see all these posters asking for someone to paint a mural, they might show themselves. Seokmin, I also want you to post on social media about the mural since everyone is connected to the internet nowadays.” He got confirmation from the two boys he was talking to.

 

Lastly, he thought about what he would do.

 

“I’ll go check the security cameras and ask the custodians for some white paint so I can start painting over the walls this afternoon. I should be free. Sound good?”

 

They all cheered in excitement, and Seungkwan could feel it too. It was like a real life group project, and they were their own little team. There was nothing they couldn’t do when they were together.

 

“Great thinking Kwannie!” Seungcheol said happily as he slapped a hand on the president’s back. Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile.

 

Suddenly, their mood was dampened by a ringing of a school bell. It was time for their next class and no one wanted to go, but they had to. The six friends started to part their respective ways.

 

“See you guys after school. Meet me in the library as soon as class is over.”

 

☄️

 

The six class officers met in the library briefly to go over the plans once again. After some clarification, they all broke apart in their little sub-groups to get started. Joshua, Mingyu, and Wonwoo finally found a free computer (since the library is quite busy right after school) while Seokmin and Seungcheol got started on the posters that would go around the school. If they were lucky, they would make it home just in time for dinner.

 

Seungkwan didn’t miss dinner on Tuesdays. They were the only day of the week his parents were both home at the same time to eat with him. Most of the time, he ate alone or occasionally his mother. His father seemed to be too busy to make it home before six o’clock. He was used to this though. Their nanny seemed to keep him great company.

 

His thoughts about his family drifted away, as he arrived at the front office. Everyone greeted him by his name and he smiled respectively.

 

“Hi! I know it’s completely against every rule in the school handbook, but could I by any chance see the security cameras? There’s a terrible vandal loose in the school! They even terrorized school property!”

 

The president knew how to work a person. If he exaggerated the situation, then he might be able to actually see the footage himself instead of the person in charge report back to him. It’s not all bad. He didn’t technically tell a lie so his conscience wouldn’t beat him up after this.

 

The young woman he was trying to convince was taking the bait perfectly as she seemed to be in distress. Before she could move to report this to the on-campus police, Seungkwan waved his hand nonchalantly.

 

“No need to get the police involved! We don’t want to cause a scene and scare the students right? Word gets around fast. If you just let me see the footage, the Student Council and our sponsor could take care of this.” Seungkwan smiled at the woman, who let just let out a sigh of relief, and tried to convince her further.

 

She thought it over for a second and weakly nodded. As she pushed up her glasses, and tilted her head to the side to signal Seungkwan to follow her. They went to the back of the large office without anyone noticing. They were all deep in work or their own conversations.  She unlocked a door and pulled Seungkwan in quickly. As she handed him the keys, she guarded the door just in case someone came in.

 

“You only have a maximum of ten minutes to look around. The campus police are surveying the halls since school just let out. They come back around five. Good luck Seungkwan and catch the bad guy! I’m trusting you since I know you’re a good kid.”

  


He glanced at his watch to see it was already 4:45pm. He needed to hurry up.

 

As he unlocked the door, his feet led him in the dimly lit room. His eyes soaked in his surroundings. The eight computer monitors, the intricate control panel, and a lastly a aged leather chair.

 

The president quickly sat down in front of the million different controls, buttons, and switches. He had no idea what the fuck he needed to press to get what he needed, but he at least had to give it a try. He noticed the monitors were all marked with a letter, and the camera recording the electives hallway was letter “F”. While taking a closer look at the panel, he smiled as everything became easier in a matter of seconds.  

 

The huge panel was sectioned into 8 pieces, and each was marked with a letter. The flashing and beeping controls were a lot less intimidating now. He went to the “F’ section and pressed a button that looked a lot like a back arrow. His finger pushed down on the button and watched the footage rewind like a television.

 

_“Holy shit this is so cool.”_

 

He saw the first flicker of movement on Saturday at 11pm. The boy felt his heart hammering in his chest as he continued to venture into the footage.

 

He watched the hooded figure walk backwards to his mural he created on the wall. Seungkwan became entranced by the way the video showed the hands of the skilled painter and his work. The way it was backwards only made it more mesmerizing. Seungkwan was so caught up, he didn’t even notice how he went back too far, to Saturday 7am, where the walls were blank. He did notice a group of maintenance workers come in, but decided to fast forward through it until the hooded figure came back around 1pm.

 

He played it at normal speed so he could see the mystery boy clearly.

 

A boy dressed in ripped jeans, a black hoodie with paint stains all over, and a surgical mask covering his face looked right into the camera. Seungkwan played it back slightly and paused. With some random pressing, he eventually figured out how to zoom in on the mystery boy’s face.

Seungkwan couldn’t believe his eyes.

 

The boy _winked_ at the camera.

 

He played it over at least five times before the somewhat hidden face became familiar to him. The eyes, the dark hair peeking out of his hoodie, the body shape.

 

He pulled out his phone to take a picture of the screen.

  


_“Are you fucking serious? That Chwe Hansol I swear…”_

 

☄️

 

Seungkwan was thankful the custodians would give him the paint he needed to cover the wall. He decided he would come paint Thursday and Friday since that was the only free time he really had. He’d start Thursday and probably finish on Friday after tutoring Hansol.

 

His mind wandered back to the problematic boy that was plaguing his life right now.

 

“Where would he even get the time do that?”

 

He started talking to himself since the halls were empty.

 

“He started around 1pm and didn’t leave until 11pm...which explains why he didn’t get caught. He did it all on the one day no one was there.”

 

He saw the empty library (except the librarian who was scanning books) and was slightly confused. He checked his watch to see it had already been an hour since school ended. His friends were nowhere to be found, but he figured they finished all of their respective jobs. A vibration in his pocket broke the silence of the library.

  


**_[ seokminnie ] :_ ** _yo boo where ya at?_

 

 **_[ hong kong ] :_ ** _Seungkwan you’re taking forever fam._

 

 **_[ wonton ] :_ ** _we already finish so we gonna head home_

 

 **_[ grandpacheol ] :_ ** _y’all i srs think he’s dead_

 

 **_[ ming-yoyo ] :_ ** _we gonna go h ome tell us if u find_

_anything interesting on the cams kk._

 

**_[boo(ty) sk]:_ **

_I FOUND SOME JUICY SHIT_

_I’LL TELL YOU GUYS THURSDAY AT THE MEETING!!_

  


Seungkwan decided to head home too. He bid the woman behind the counter goodbye and then made way to his car to drive home.

  
  


As soon as he got home, he felt his heart fall down to his stomach. He hoped his empty driveway to his house meant his parents were going to be later than usual. The seventeen -year old headed up his long driveway and finally the huge double doors that are the entrance to his home.

 

After typing in the code next to the doors, he was let into the huge space. He started the long walk to the kitchen while putting down his backpack and taking off his shoes in the process.

 

“Master Seungkwan. You’re home a bit earlier than usual.” Their family nanny greeted.

 

“Ms. Grace, I told you not to call me that. I’ve known you for seven years already. How was your day?”

 

He grabbed one of the cookies with a sigh. He knew he told her to stop baking so many, yet she insisted because she knew how much he loved them.

 

“It is the same as ever. I planted more vegetables in the garden and dusted the paintings. My life is awfully boring.” She said with a bright smile. It was obvious she loved her job, but Seungkwan would hate working for his parents.

 

It grew quiet, and the boy didn’t even have to ask. Grace somehow already knew what was on his mind. She pushed the plate full of cookies towards Seungkwan.

 

“Your parents won’t be coming home until late tonight. I know how much you look forward to having dinner with them.”

 

Her expression was somber. Seungkwan tried to smile, but it was hard sometimes. It was times like these where he was glad she was able to read him like an open book. Seungkwan continued to eat more cookies.

 

“Don’t eat too many! I’m trying out a new beef recipe I know you’ll love.”

  
  
  
  


Seungkwan went upstairs after helping Grace, even though she insisted not to, with the dishes. Her cooking was always the best (and bad for him too, but he couldn’t help it). He decided not to eat any late night snacks tonight.

 

Instead of focusing on his family like his mind kept doing, he tried his best to start on his homework. If he could finish all of his assignments early, then he will be thankful.

 

In the middle of typing his literary analysis, his phone vibrated. A genuine smile graced his face when he saw it was his sister who texted him with a picture. She rolled her eyes in the photograph and sent “I hate work.”

 

He rarely heard from his two older sisters now that they were out of college and helping out at his father’s company. The name Boo Jaehyung is incredibly well known in town as he’s known as one of the richest residents in this small town. His tangerine  company has been operating for twenty-five  years. Seungkwan remembers hearing stories from his dad from when he was actually around saying he built something from the ground up, and soon all his kids would be taking it over someday.

 

It’s located in the closest biggest city after it got too large to handle in a small city. Seungkwan was only ten when his parents  moved with his company causing the man to rarely be seen around the house. At the time, his sisters were old enough to take care of him along with Grace’s help.

 

Seungkwan tried to understand, but it was only forty-five minutes away from their town. He couldn’t help but think selfishly. Was it so bad that he wanted to see his own parents more?

 

_“You’re seventeen now. Stop acting like a baby.”_

 

He blinked away the tears like he had done many times before.

 

☄️

  


Wednesday turned out to be useless. The officers were too busy attending to their own matters that the totally forgot about the mural problem. Seungkwan didn’t even see Hansol in class so his plan to confront him had to wait until today.

 

It was now Thursday morning before school where all student council members met to discuss whatever was on the agenda. Today, it was Chwe Hansol.

 

After Seungkwan was done explaining his discoveries and even passed around his phone so they could see the photo, everyone was rendered speechless for a second. All you could hear was the Librarian shuffling around in the background. It was too early for kids to be at school

 

“So that Vernon guy is actually a brilliant artist.” Wonwoo broke the silence.

 

“It seems so. Wonwoo, Mingyu, and I can go right now to get the mural idea approved.” Joshua imputed.

 

“Seokmin and I are already done with the posters. We worked on them yesterday. Plus we already have people messaging us on social media with ideas. If we do this right, then it will be a huge hit with all the students.”

 

Seungkwan agreed. This was all a great idea, but that left him with one responsibility.

 

“All I have to do is get Chwe to agree to do something that would benefit  the school. No problem at all. ” he sighed.

 

“Hey prez, if you convinced him to attend your tutoring sessions from hell, then you can do anything!”

 

His friends encouragement warmed his heart, but he still didn’t want to do the task at hand. Anything to do with Hansol gave him a headache.

  


 

 

 

Lunch rolled around faster than he’d hoped. Seungkwan was still lost on how to approach Hansol. He didn’t know why he was overthinking things when it seemed like he had the upper hand. He had evidence, so really Hansol couldn’t fight him.

 

While his confidence was high, he approached Hansol’s table with determination. Their group of seven sat on the opposite side of the cafeteria, so Seungkwan’s long walk to the other side caught some attention. He wasn’t affected by the stares as he kept walking with that same passion driving his steps.

 

One of the boys, Seungkwan wasn’t too sure of his name, notices the president walking towards the table. His laughing suddenly stops and soon the rest of the table turns around to see what he’s staring  at.

 

“Ah! Peek-A-Boo, what can I do for ya?” Hansol asked with amusement.

 

The standing boy rolled his eyes at another weird nickname Hansol had came up with for him. He tried not to let it get under his skin since he was here strictly for business.

 

“Call me Seungkwan please, and I need to talk to you.”

 

Hansol smirked slightly as if he already knew what Seungkwan needed to talk about, but of course he wanted to play with him a bit more.  He gazed off into the distance and stroked his chin in fake-thought.

 

“Hmmm. You’re always in dire need to see me. What’s in it for me?”

 

Seungkwan’s eyes couldn’t help but narrow into thin slits. God, he hated the games Hansol seemed to love playing. In a rush of frustration, he bent down to the other boy’s level so now he was right in front of him. As he grabbed the neckline of Hansol’s hoodie, he yanked him forward so his mouth was right by his ear.

 

_“What’s in it for you is that I save your ass from getting suspended. Is that good enough?”_

 

The president almost died at Hansol’s shocked expression when he pulled back from the close proximity. He simply nodded his head as if he was too surprised by Seungkwan’s personality change.

 

As the two of them left the cafeteria, they failed to notice the whispers and widened eyes of all of their classmates.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan’s fast pace made it hard for Hansol to keep up, but he was blessed with longer legs. They seemed to arrive at their destination when the president started to slow. He stopped by the back flight of stairs. Hansol took a seat on the steps while Seungkwan stood above him.

 

“So Mr. Chwe, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

 

He could feel Seungkwan glowering down at him as if he was supposed to shrivel up in fear. It was hard to take him seriously since Seungkwan is about as threatening as a teddy bear with the face to match.

 

“Hmmm. I don't know what you're talking about...”

 

The president rolled his eyes in annoyance. Hansol really had the nerve to feign innocence. All Seungkwan wanted to do was get back to lunch!

 

He remembered his phone in his pocket and decided to reach for it so this discussion could finally come to an end. It's only been minutes, yet Seungkwan is done with all of Hansol’s games.

 

“I know you did it, so confess and maybe I'll let you off the hook.”

 

Seungkwan really wasn't the one who controlled whether or not the other boy got in trouble, but it would bring him joy if he had Hansol begging not to tell anyone.

 

The sitting boy took Seungkwan’s phone in his hands and studied the picture. A smile crept onto his face which made the president confused.

 

“My, my Baby Boo. You really got me there.”

 

Seungkwan couldn't help but feel excited. Of course he did! He wanted to throw it in his face so bad but that wouldn't be--

 

“You just made one mistake.”

 

The silent celebration in Seungkwan’s head halted.

 

“What do you-”

 

“Well it looks like this is security cam footage no?”

 

Seungkwan scoffed.

 

“That's because it is!”

 

Hansol hummed in amusement like he'd won.

 

“So you took a picture of private school property which, I'm guessing, you didn't even have proper authorization to see.”

 

The president choked on his words. He hasn't even thought of the consequences for _himself_ since he thought no one would ever look at him and how he got it. They would just focus on who did the stupid thing.

 

“I had authorization of sorts. And that's not the point!”

  


“Then what is the point hm?”

 

Hansol rose from the stairs and was now towering over Seungkwan. The west-side kid looked deathly serious, and Seungkwan was lost on what to do. He never realized Hansol could be so threatening.

 

“T-The point is…you! You vandalized school property!”

 

The taller boy emitted a bone chilling laugh. One that didn't meet his eyes. If it wasn't obvious, Hansol was _pissed_.

 

Seungkwan took a step back to put some distance between them. Right now, Hansol’s presence was suffocating, and Seungkwan felt _scared._ What if those rumors were true? Would Seungkwan be another victim of his gang’s mugging?

 

Hansol knew Seungkwan was trying to get away, and closed the space between them. The president tried his best to be even a foot away from him, but Hansol wouldn't let him. Soon he had him trapped against a wall.

 

“Yeah. I did a ‘terrible’ thing, and I wouldn't have a problem if one of the Admin suspended me because I knew I deserved it. But it was _you._ Some rich kid who probably manipulated his way into finding out who it was. What business do you have knowing it was me?”

 

The piercing gaze Seungkwan was under caused his defenses to crack. He just hoped he wasn't shaking in fear.

 

“Well I'm the-”

 

Hansol rolled his eyes. He got even closer making them breathe the same air.

 

“Don't even start with that high and mighty president _bullshit_. Just because you're in student council doesn't mean you're better than anyone at this school. And you're definitely no better than me.”

 

Seungkwan wanted him to stop putting words in his mouth, but he was too scared to speak up for himself.

 

“Listen rich boy, come at me like this again and I won't give you a warning next time.”

 

With that, Hansol backed away. Instead of going back to the cafeteria, he pushed the double doors open to go outside. Seungkwan didn't even have the courage to go after him.

 

As he dragged his feet to make it back to his friends, he thought about what just went down. No matter how much he wanted to, he had no right to be angry with Hansol.

 

In more ways than one, the boy was right. It wasn't Seungkwan’s intention to abuse his power, but it did look like it.

 

_“Maybe threatening him wasn't the right way to go.”_

 

The president wanted to slap himself for how stupid he really was.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


While painting over Hansol’s artwork that afternoon, the president remembered the different sides of him. His unpredictably scared…and maybe interested him, but he would never admit that aloud.

 

 


	3. i'm taking you with me (you promised)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are awkward for a bit, and seungkwan gets a little nervous. of course, it's all hansol's doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my loves im back. i think im going to keep this updating schedule (15th & 30th of every month). sorry it's so long and spaced out, but i never want to leave y'all hanging or be late. it might change when i get more written...  
> but anyway new chapter yAY! im so sorry this chapter is so short :'-) this and the next chapter ended up being one huge chapter when i was writing and it felt right to split them up. AHHH i hope you still enjoy it and anticipate what's coming next.  
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS AND FOR GIVING MY STORY A CHANCE. <3  
> ok this got long...ENJOY !!!

It had been more than a week (eight days to be exact) since Hansol had scared him shitless.

 

Since then, there had been no unnecessary contact, no terrible nicknames, no suddenly coming to talk to him, no _anything._

 

Last Friday Hansol showed up for tutoring like he was supposed to, but something was off. He just silently did his work with no side comments, and then left. The president had even attempted conversation, but there was no substantial response. It’s as if Hansol only knew the words ‘yeah’ and ‘okay’.

 

Seungkwan felt some kind of confliction in his heart. He wanted this. He wanted Hansol  to leave him alone right? So now that he has, why does it feel so...weird?

  


☄️

  
  


Seungkwan had been thinking so much his head was starting to hurt. The entire school day was filled with him silently brooding. Of course his friends noticed something was up, but they didn't push for an answer when he claimed to be fine.

 

As he headed to the library, he decided he needed to apologize to Hansol. It was weighing on his conscience more than he could bear, and Seungkwan felt so misunderstood. He didn't mean to come off that way to Hansol. No matter how annoying he is, he wouldn't want to pressure him into something without a good cause.

 

Then, his mind drifted to the upcoming plans of the school mural. He remembered how exhilarated his friends seemed to be now that the idea had been approved by the principal himself.

 

_“Kwan, how’s operation ‘get-vernon-to-do-the-mural’ doing?”_

 

_“Really Seokmin? That was the best operation name you could come up with?”_

 

_“Shut up Mingyu!”_

 

_“Well since you asked, I think it’s going okay. He doesn't seem thrilled by the idea, but I can be pretty convincing.”_

  


 

The guilt of lying to his friends was getting to him. He acted like Hansol was almost on board with the idea, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He was 99.9% sure the boy hated him to the core, so there's no way in hell he would do this for Seungkwan.

 

He just didn't want to disappoint his friends, to quit when he felt like he hasn't tried hard enough, but he knows a pointless fight when he sees one. It's unlikely Hansol would say yes.

  


When he opens the doors, he sees a hoodie wearing boy already seated at one of the tables. As always, the librarian is moving around quietly in the background, but that's all the noise you would hear. It's empty on Friday afternoons due to teenagers hanging out right after school or going to a football game.

 

As he makes his way over to their table he takes in Hansol’s figure. He was wearing his usual hoodie-jeans-sneakers combo which was the polar opposite of Seungkwan’s attire. Everyday it was some kind of sweater-button up combination with chino pants and boat shoes. This just reminded him of how different they truly were.

  


Seungkwan tried to make conversation as he slid into the chair next to Hansol. The west-side kid had a straight expression on his face like he was done and over the whole tutoring thing. Maybe since Seungkwan was used to the attention, he felt so bothered by Hansol ignoring him. He tried to ignore the confusion, and instead focus on the boy in front of him.

 

“Starting without me I see.”

 

The boy raised his head slightly without really meeting Seungkwan’s gaze. Then goes back to writing something down on his notebook paper. Was he still mad? Seungkwan felt his heart grow heavier.

 

“Yeah.”

 

The tension in the air felt suffocating. Seungkwan keeps pushing, yet Hansol doesn't budge. He hated the awkward presence between them. Even when he couldn’t stand to see him, the air usually felt natural and unforced.

  


“Um… so let's get started. Well like, you've already started, but you know what I mean.”

  
  
  
  
  


An hour of silence goes by. It was filled with scanning of books and Seungkwan talking to Hansol about English essays. With each passing minute, Seungkwan felt weirder. Like something was missing.

  


After another five minutes go by of watching Hansol type his assignment, that's when the president decided he couldn't take it anymore.

  


“Hey...Hansol. Is everything alright?”

 

Seungkwan hated that he was so nervous to address the elephant in the room. He doesn’t usually feel so flustered when confronting a problem that’s bothering him, so what makes today so different? Hansol is just a fellow classmate. They aren’t even… friends (at least he doesn’t think so).

 

“Yeah. I'm fine. What's up with you though?”

 

Seungkwan was taken aback by the question. If anyone is acting out of their character, it’s Hansol not him.

 

“I- I'm just fine. What do you mean?”

 

Hansol detached his eyes from the computer screen and finally looked at Seungkwan. For some reason, he felt so small when Hansol looked at him. Was the weight of his gaze always so heavy? He never looked closely enough to remember.

  


“Hm. I don't think so. You're all fidgety like something’s on your mind. If you want to say something, then say it.”

  


The president looked down at his hands to see they were busy spinning a pen; a nervous habit of his. Seungkwan pursed his lips at the fact that he was so transparent to Hansol.

 

He gazed at Seungkwan, like he was waiting, _expecting_ , him to say something.

  


“Well. About last week, I don't think I've properly...properly apologized for my actions. I didn't mean to come off the way I did.” Another stretch of silence filled the air which left Seungkwan to wonder if he had said something wrong. He swore it was an hour (but actually a full minute) before Hansol responded to him.

 

“Do you really mean that?” Hansol asked  with skepticism. It was obvious he didn’t think Seungkwan was serious. Even though his pride was hurting, the president  answered without hesitation.

 

“Of course I do! It's hard to get an apology out of me, so I can take it back if you don't think it's sincere!”

 

He cursed his mouth for spewing out these unnecessary words. A simple “yes” would've sufficed, but no, he just had to be his sarcastic self.  He felt the need  to hide in the corner, and far away from Hansol’s heavy stare.

  


“Interesting. Don't get so worked up Honey _Boo Boo_. I'm over it. I kind of overreacted anyway…”

  


“No! Your reaction was justified. I'm the one in the wrong here.”

  


Hansol smiled at him. A true, genuine smile. He felt his heart melt (in a relieved kind of way). Hansol and Seungkwan felt the atmosphere change. If you looked closely, between the two fools trying not to smile at each other, you’d see something shift in their hearts too.  

  
  
  
  


Half an hour goes by. Hansol is finally finished typing up his assignment that should be ready to hand in the following Monday. The pressure was now on for most students behind on their work, like Hansol, since the grading period was coming to an end next week. Seungkwan didn't even realize until now that this would probably be one of the last tutoring sessions they'd have together.

 

It's not that he would particularly miss Hansol, but it would feel odd not to see him every Friday since he was so used to it.

 

_“How will I ask him to do the mural if these sessions stop? I do have a class with him, but we don't even talk…”_

  


Hansol noticed the boy in front of him was lost in thought. A spaced out Seungkwan looked so… air-headed. It made him laugh. He boldly decided to wave a hand in front of the president’s face which made him glare.

 

“Penny for your thoughts Mr. Boo?”

 

He met Hansol’s eyes and then averted them like he wanted to avoid his gaze. The west-side kid tilted his head so it was back in Seungkwan’s field of vision.

 

“Well, since I've been such a good child these past few weeks, I thought maybe next Friday we could skip tutoring…” Hansol drew patterns in the wooden table in slight nervousness. Putting himself out there seemed a lot easier in his head.

 

No matter how nonchalant he appeared, Seungkwan would still look at him crazy for even considering skipping.

 

“You want to skip? Why? My tutoring sessions boring you already? You've only attended five!” Seungkwan looked mildly hurt and puffed his cheeks out with a frown.

  


“No! They'd probably be useful to someone who actually needs the help.”

 

Seungkwan narrowed his eyes. What the _hell_ was that supposed to mean? He felt the remnants of that cocky side Hansol had in him.

 

“Have you seen your grades? I don't think you're one to talk.”

 

Hansol laughed loudly, too amused that Seungkwan had actually looked at his grades. Only he would be so thorough.

 

“Let me prove it to you then.”

 

He pulled the math worksheet from underneath Seungkwan’s hands. At one glance, he saw it was calculus. Easy enough. Seungkwan was beyond lost at what Hansol was getting at, but he went along with it cautiously.

  


“You're not even in calculus. I’d like to see you try.”

 

He snatched the pencil that Seungkwan was waving in front of his face.

 

“If I get all of these questions right, then we get to go wherever I want next Friday. Deal?”

  


Seungkwan wanted to burst out  laughing.

  


“If you get even _half_ the questions right, then I'll let you take me anywhere. We can even go to the moon.”

  


“Remember to keep your word.”

 

The look of mischief in Hansol’s eyes told Seungkwan that he may have been messing with the wrong person.

  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan is certain Hansol has magical powers. Maybe he summoned the gods to help him on this calculus worksheet because there’s no way in hell he completed that all by himself. He didn’t even use a calculator!

 

The president doesn’t know what annoys him the most. The fact that he got all of the questions right, or that he completed it in five fucking minutes.

  
  
  


“How would I be able to cheat?! You were watching me the entire time!” Hansol exclaimed loud enough for the librarian to shush him. Even though he wasn’t disturbing anyone (since no one was there), she still made the pair be quiet at all times. The secret genius got a kick out of Seungkwan’s bewildered expression and couldn’t help the loud laughter coming out of his mouth.

  


“ _What else is he hiding besides his smarts?”_ Seungkwan asked himself internally. He really wanted to know, but he would never let the other boy know he was interested. Instead of voicing his thoughts out loud, he just pushed Hansol playfully. He tried not to laugh along with him, but eventually failed.

  


“Whatever. I don't associate myself with black magic users. Where are we going anyway?”

  


Hansol had the nerve to _smirk_.

  


“Does it matter?  I'm taking you with me anyways. You promised.”

  


☄️

  


Mid-October marked the end of the 9 week grading period. It was amusing to see his fellow classmates scrambling to get their work turned in to help their grade go up those extra points. He, on the other hand, was just a bystander to the show since he made sure to always stay ahead in his studies.

  


Seungkwan was still stressed even if all his work was completed and he knew his grades were outstanding. Of course, Chwe Hansol was the one to blame.

 

For some reason he was so anxious of where they could be going. Would he drive him into the woods and kill him? He couldn't even answer that! He's too unpredictable!

  


“ _Damnit! Stupid Hansol_.”

  


“Woah. I know you might not like him, but no need to be so hostile.”

  


Mingyu’s voice ran through his ears. Did he say that out loud? Glad everyone is still in the lunch line buying food so they didn't have to hear that.

 

“It's not like I hate him. He's not….that bad. He's just unpredictable. Wouldn't you be nervous if you didn't know where you were going?”

 

Seungkwan is rambling more to himself than to Mingyu. He only talks a lot with people he's comfortable with or nervous. To combine both is a big mess of words. Mingyu was as lost as ever, so he stopped Seungkwan while he was mentioning something about abandoned houses and hot air balloons.

 

“Wait, what the hell? You guys are going out now? I thought he was the cause of your stress. You’ve even yelled at me over the phone about how you can’t stand him!”

 

Mingyu looked like his eyes were going to bulge out of his head. Before Seungkwan could deny the outrageous accusation, he heard his friends sit down around them.

 

“ _Who’s_ going out?”

 

Of course they heard that.  With his luck, they probably heard who he was talking about too.

 

“Aw! Kwannie I knew you had it in you!”

 

“Who's the lucky lady?”

 

“Or dude?! Don’t look at me like that Wonwoo. Seungkwan has never been so serious to date someone, so it could literally be _anyone_.”

 

Seungkwan could only groan with hot cheeks. This was so embarrassing. His friends just had to be so nosy enough to butt into his love life. And this isn’t even about his love life anyway!

 

“We- I’m not going out with anyone!”

 

The entire group let out a collective sigh of sadness.  He just rolls his eyes, knowing he’d be exactly the same way if one of his friends were in his spot and he was on the other end.

  


“Don’t forget we have everything to do with your love life. That's how best friends are. If you find someone you better tell us!” Joshua scolded him like a father. It was weird since they were only months apart, but he still took advantage of being one of the older ones.

 

“Okay enough about your gloomy love life,”

 

“ _Hey!_ Watch it you germy brat.”

  


“If you're not going out with Hansol, then why are you damning  him to hell?” Mingyu asked, genuinely wondering. Of course, he had no idea of the mess he just made. Their table exploded with questions at that point. Seungcheol shut them up in an instant then looked at Seungkwan expectedly.

 

With all eyes on him again, Seungkwan realized he was in this position way more than he'd like to be.

  


“Well, he's been good student to tutor and since today is probably our last tutoring session, he invited me out. We made a deal and everything so I kind of _have_ to go.”

  


Everyone stared at him like he'd just grown a second head. Seokmin literally had his mouth wide open in shock while Wonwoo stopped peeling his banana to look at Mingyu trying to see if he knew what the hell was going on. Mingyu just shrugged. Seungcheol and Joshua had their eyebrows furrowed like confused dads talking to their son.

  


“So...it's like a date?” Seokmin said puzzled.

 

“It's not like a date, it _is_ a date.” Joshua said finally.

 

Seungkwan blinked in surprise. He wanted to burst out laughing at the mere thought of...dating Hansol. No way would that be possible. They were just too different. He’s some apparent drug dealer while Seungkwan is the class president. They truly come from two opposite worlds.

 

“It's _not_ a date you idiots. We’re just going out...as friends?”

 

That was stretching the truth a bit, but he could say they were friends. Maybe. For a second, he wondered how Hansol saw them.

 

Eventually the topic got lost in conversation between Wonwoo commenting how cold it's getting and Seungcheol’s story about a west-side kid who looked stunning in his anatomy class.

 

Seungkwan was in and out of conversation, but his mind was still running a mile a minute. He was deadly nervous about tonight for some reason while Hansol was the opposite. He was nowhere to be found in the cafeteria with the rest of his friends, so he figured they were off up to no good. He tried to stop his thoughts from wandering back to the source of his nerves, but he couldn’t. Where they would be going was all he could think about.

  
  
  
  


Seungkwan was pacing circles around his house, probably creating a draft, but he didn't care. His level of anxiety was through the roof. Obviously, he had gotten worse throughout the day. He even sat next to Hansol in speech class, but the boy wouldn’t budge. He just wore that smile on his face that showed he was up something crazy which made Seungkwan even more scared.

 

“Seungkwan, you're going to put a hole through the floor!” Grace laughed. Tonight was Friday, so it would most likely be just the two of them tonight; that would be until Hansol picked him up.

 

“Don't be so nervous! From what you told me, he seems like a nice boy. I mean, you even told him where you live!”

 

That stopped the president in his circular path. He realized he _did_ tell him the address to his parents’ massive estate. He thought he was so smart not giving him his phone number but he still knows where he lives.

 

God, he's probably going to be shocked at the mere gate entrance of his house! It was huge to say the least with handprint detection. Behind the gate, was the huge mansion with a yard in front to match it. It almost felt too big if Seungkwan was being honest. That walk up the driveway to get to the house is at least a mile long.

 

“I know Ms. Grace! I really wasn't thinking.”

 

His simple reply made her laugh even harder. The nanny claims he's so different from when she grew up. She grew up on the opposite side of town, and had carefree parents who supported her rebellious nature.

 

“Just rel-”

 

A loud buzzing went off. The signal meant someone was ringing the bell at the gate. Was it him? The president felt his heart rate spike.

 

Seungkwan’s heart raced as he went over to the security control panel. It showed security camera footage of the gate along with a microphone box. Grace was a step behind him.

 

On the screen revealed a confused looking Hansol.

 

“Oh wow he's _cute_.” Grace said in a whisper tone.

 

Seungkwan furrowed his eyebrows at the woman beside him and then answered the buzz in an unrecognizable voice.

 

“Um hello...who’s there?”

 

He felt Grace’s small hand smack him upside the head.

 

“Uh...is this the wrong house? I'm looking for Mr. Boo Seungkwan.”

 

Seungkwan was splitting at the seams with laughter. Hanson sounded like a nervous twelve year old ordering their food for the first time.

 

“He’ll be right out!” Grace replied and hung up the phone to the gate. She continued to beat the life out of Seungkwan’s back in punishment.

 

“Did you see the poor boy? You confused the life out of him!”

 

“That's what makes it funny!”

  


Seungkwan only had time to grab his phone, wallet and then slip on his shoes before Graced shoved him out the door.

 

He only got half way down the driveway until he heard Grace scream out,

 

“Hansol! Take care of him for me!”

  


Seungkwan’s cheeks got red hot in embarrassment and almost ran back inside to his safe haven, but he couldn't now. He swore _heard_ Hansol’s ugly laugh from down the driveway.  Looking down at his shoes, which were just his normal boat shoes he worse everyday, he wondered if he was overdressed. He had changed into jeans, but still had on his classic button-down sweater combination.

  


When he finally got to Hansol’s car, he actually got a decent look at it. It looked clean and vintage. Seungkwan wasn't anything close to a car man, but he knows a good one when he sees it.

 

“Jeez Bam _boo_! You couldn't walk any slower.”

 

Seungkwan narrowed his eyes while turning to face the driver, but was mildly surprised. He hoped it wasn't that obvious.

 

 _“He… looks different.”_ He was right. Hansol’s hair was styled up rather than resting against his forehead like usual. And he wasn't wearing a hoodie, but a windbreaker material jacket with a plain black t-shirt underneath.

 

Seungkwan tried to get his head out of his thoughts

 

“Yeah...well you're late. Weren't you supposed to be here like,”

 

Seungkwan flips his arm to look at his watch for more effect.

 

“Twenty minutes ago. What's your excuse?”

  


Hansol just laughed and took his car out of park while the other put his seatbelt on.

 

“Well y’know, I'm a pretty busy guy. I have a life outside of school unlike _some_ people I know.”

 

Seungkwan just rolled his eyes. He only hoped Hansol could hear his heart beating out of anxiousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it ends kind of mysteriously right? i might update earlier.  
> also happy 1 year anniversary of the verkwan booty slap !!! <3


	4. señor seungkwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you could say seungkwan has an..."out of body" experience and discovers snapchat. meanwhile, hansol cannot stop laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOO! i'm early (okay i know it's only two days but still) because i'm going to school tmrw and i thought this would be a gift from me to you. to any of y'all in school or are starting soon, i wish you great luck on this upcoming year! study hard and don't obsess over kpop too much okay. 
> 
> (i guess you could say the drug use warning comes into effect this chapter...)

Hansol found Seungkwan incredibly amusing. From the first day they met, he was just naturally interesting. It was one surprise after another with him. The way he got him to go to tutoring, the way he always gets annoyed at the nicknames, and even the way he tried to blackmail him. It was was… _something._

 

Since all things Boo Seungkwan were entertaining, Hansol found his eyes gravitating to the east-side kid unconsciously. He tried to keep his eyes fixated on the road and not the way the other bounced fingers on his thigh as a sign of anxiousness.

  


“Uptight much? Relax, it won't be much longer.”

  


The boy in the driver’s seat saw Seungkwan visibly relax and tense up again. _“He is so open when you look closely”_ Hansol observed silently.

  


“Is that supposed to make me feel better? It looks like we’re in the middle of nowhere!”

 

A laugh slipped out of Hansol’s mouth. Well, he wasn’t wrong. Their surroundings were nothing like the city. There were no restaurants or bright lights, but instead endless stretches of forests filled with trees tall enough to blend with the sky. Up ahead were tall mountain like structures that were also covered in shades of green. Seungkwan felt his heart race at the sight of the road as it was turning into a steep climb. The ride turned into a slow journey up gradual incline which eventually flattened out to something smoother. The car didn’t stop until the road ended.

 

Seungkwan watched as Hansol clicked off his seat belt and pulled the keys out of the ignition. The latter was already out of the car before the passenger started scrambling to get out as well.  He quickly caught up to the boy who was already sitting on the dirt beneath them. Seungkwan sat down with a thump and quiet _“hey”._

 

He couldn’t figure why Hansol was so immersed in the sight in front of them until he took a look for himself. The disappearing sun was beautiful blood orange color that faded into dark purple showing that night-time was approaching. Seungkwan rose up from his spot and took cautious steps towards the end of the plateau  that they were on. The landform abruptly ended and dropped to the mass of trees beneath them. The sight is so breathtaking that Seungkwan almost pulled out his phone to take a picture.

  


“You might want to come back towards me since the ground there is super unstable. It would be a tragedy to lose you _Boo_ nana.”

 

The president scurried back in seconds to take a seat next to the boy who called out to him all while frowning at the terrible nickname. Seungkwan took a close look at Hansol. His eyes were far and distant while his mouth was fixed into a grin. His face looked impeccably smooth and glowed against the setting sun while his black hair shined. Instead of how it was usually styled resting against his forehead, it was parted so you could see the skin underneath. It’s the first time he truly looked at Hansol. While studying his features, he was struck with a thought.

 

_“Well, he sure is… attractive. Or not ugly? Wait why am I thinking about his appearance!?”_

 

He dragged his eyes to the barely visible sun.

  
  
  
  
  


After some time on the ground, they relocated to the inside of Hansol’s car. Seungkwan was afraid they would leave, but became relieved when the driver made no movements to start the car. It was now blue outside, the telltale sign that night is here, making Seungwan wonder what they would do instead of sit in comfortable silence. He was too distracted with his head pressed against the window to notice Hansol silently fumbling around while looking for something in the back seat.

 

He only noticed he was alone in the car when he heard something hit the roof of the car. As he got  out quickly to find Hansol, he found the source of the loud bang. Seungkwan looked unimpressed when he saw the west-side boy sitting on top of his car.

  


“You know there places to sit _inside_ the car right?”

  
  


Hansol heard Seungkwan call out from beneath him. From this angle he only saw his eyes and the top of his head, making him look smaller than usual.

  


“Yeah, but I don’t want my car to smell like weed.”

  


With that, the president jumped a good five feet away from the car to see what the _fuck_ Hansol was doing up there. The moonlight wasn't the best light source, but he could still see the latter’s hands playing at something. Seungkwan was curious, but was kind of scared of the answer he felt like he was going to get.

 

“What...are you doing?”

 

Hansol smiled as he finished rolling the grinded plant into the paper. He held it up to the moon so he could illuminate his handiwork properly.

 

“Why don’t you come up here and find out?”

  


Even though Seungkwan tried to resist, he still found himself ungracefully climbing on the old vehicle to join Hansol. He confirmed his suspicions when he saw two white rolls sitting on a plastic bag.

 

“You can’t smoke _that_ when you still have to drive.”

 

Hansol looked to where Seungkwan was gesturing and then met his eyes with a knowing smile.

 

“Well no shit. I would have to be insanely fucked up to be high and drive. That’s why you’re going to smoke them.”

 

Seungkwan almost fell of the car in shock. Yeah okay! In what world would he be doing drugs? Surely this kid doesn’t know him well enough. He started laughing until he couldn’t breathe while Hansol observed quietly.

  


“That’s a funny joke Chwe! If you think I’ll get anywhere near _those_ , you’re surely mistaken.”

  


With the moonlight hitting his face, Seungkwan could see the boy in front of him roll his eyes.

  


“C’mon Seungkwan! Do you really want to live your life saying _‘I didn’t do a single crazy thing in high school’_? Don’t be so boring.”

  


Seungkwan felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment. Instead of getting livid at the fact that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to harm your body, Hansol had a point. The craziest thing he’s done in his four years of high school would be missing choir practice three years ago. He’s proud of being the perfect student, but the thought of never doing anything outrageous sat with him funny.

 

To make things worse, he’s looking like a total _square_ in front of Hansol, who’s the king of doing crazy things. He doesn’t know why he’s getting all shy about it, but for some reason he feels the need to hide all the uninteresting attributes about himself away from the black-haired boy.

  


Hansol noticed Seungkwan’s resolve cracking into pieces slowly as he over thought the whole situation (like he often seemed to do). A little push in the right direction and he’d reach his goal of seeing a stoned Seungkwan. He thought that concept would be reaching for the moon, but it turned out to be an arms length away. It would be too hilarious not to try out.

  


“You don’t _have_ to do it, but trying won’t hurt you. Well, not as much as you think, which is probably like a cigarette would. You probably won’t even get high since it’s your first try. That’s very common.”

  


Seungkwan had a nervous look in his eyes and suddenly Hansol felt guilty for putting a little pressure on him. This was definitely a bad idea. He started to put the wrapped joints in the plastic bag they were sitting on while suggesting they should get going.

  


“No! No… um, we don’t have to leave! I’ll… try it.” The president made his way next to Hansol on the roof of the car.

 

Seungkwan fiddled with his fingers shyly while giving his answer, but Hansol wasn’t convinced.

 

“I’m pressuring you so you probably feel obligated. We can leave right now. Knowing you, you have some curfew that you don’t want to break.”

 

Seungkwan grabbed onto Hansol’s bicep to get his attention and stop him from assuming things.

 

“I can admit your peer pressuring skills are more than convincing, but I really want to try. It’s our last year in high school right? I might as well do something reckless. ” Seungkwan tried to say with confidence, but it fell on the shaky side. He couldn’t help it since he was nervous

  


“Plus, you’re here and you’ve done this before. I can trust you.”

  


The president is in no way in a position to trust Hansol since he doesn’t even know anything about him. He feels like the latter is more than meets the eye, so he’s intrigued whether he wants to admit it or not. Even though his head is telling him not to, on that chilly October night, he takes a chance and trusts Hansol.

  


Hansol feels a pang in his heart because he wasn’t expecting such a bold confession, but continues forward. Now he’s got Seungkwan’s vulnerability in his hands. He certainly won’t let it go without having fun first. He could tell by the tan hands in front of him were constantly moving around that the boy in front of him was nervous, but the look on his face screamed excitement. Hansol figured he really hasn’t done anything remotely illegal in his life.

 

“Very interesting who you decide to put your trust into.”

 

Seungkwan’s heart sunk. He was tiring his mind out from thinking so hard, but he couldn’t help it. Hansol wasn’t making it any better with the sly look in his eyes and choice of words. Should he not put his trust in Hansol? Before he could twiddle his thumbs any further, he saw the movement of hands out of the corner of his eye.

 

“C’mon Seungkwan. Let’s get you lit up before you change your mind.”

 

Hansol instructed Seungkwan to raise his hand with a tiny laugh like this was funny to him. All the president could do was wordlessly follow by lifting up his slightly shaking hand. He wasn’t sure on anything right now and was pretty sure weed was not the answer, but the look Hansol gave him made him want to do something crazy.

 

“Okay. Hold it like this.” Hansol brought up his hand to show what it should look like. His fingers were all straight with a slight curve at the joints except for the thumb and pointer finger. They were almost touching, but had a small space between them. He figured that’s where the joint should be. Seungkwan quickly mirror his actions and looked up to him for approval.

 

“Hey! There ya go. Okay, so I’m going to light it, and you have to let it burn for a second so it can get even. Once that happens, you put your lips to the side closest to you and inhale for no longer than a second. If you do longer, then the smoke is going to harm your precious lungs and we don’t want that now do we?”

 

Seungkwan shook his head with annoyance. He almost rolled his eyes at the patronizing tone in Hansol’s voice. It might’ve been his first time doing this, but he wasn’t a fucking five year old. Seungkwan tried to remember the instructs instead of his anger. He really didn’t need to damage his lungs or vocal cords in this stupid stroke of rebellion.

 

Watching the red lighter in Hansol emit a flame and burn the twisted side of the wrapping paper made Seungkwan even more nervous. There was no way in hell he’d pussy out in front of Hansol, so that meant he _was_ actually going through with this. He felt the thump of his heart beat in his chest and tried to calm down.

 

“Okay. Go ahead and try it..”

 

With that, Hansol was amazed at the sight of Seungkwan taking a hit. He seemed to inhale a fraction of a second then letting out puffs of smoke and then taking it back in again. He didn’t know where the hell Seungkwan had learned that trick, but it rendered speechless. Before he could compliment the beginner, he had already attached his lips to the wrapping paper. He watched him do that five more times before some sense had knocked into him to slow him down.

 

“Take it easy there eager beaver. You sure this is your first time?”

 

Seungkwan took his last hit before he realized he had reached the end of the joint. His mind was hazy with some kind of fog clouding around his thoughts which soon cleared. He might’ve looked like he knew what he was doing, but that was far from the facts.  He wondered if it was obvious he tried to mimic what he’d seen in a movie he’d seen ages ago, but Hansol hadn’t said anything. Apparently, Seungkwan was taking it like a pro from the expression of astonishment from the west-side kid.  

 

Hansol found it amazing that Seungkwan hadn’t coughed a single time through the entirety of his first blunt. He was certain that was apart of the experience, but Seungkwan just had to be talented  at everything. Hansol felt regret well up inside him since he should’ve told him not to take it that fast, but he was convinced would be coughing and crying like a baby. The effects will just hit him harder now.

 

“You might feel fine now, but soon you’ll feel the results of smoking so fucking fast.”

 

Hansol questioned whether Seungkwan had even heard him since he made not movement to reply. The boy was just staring at the distance of the dark trees like something interesting was distracting him. After a solid three minutes Seungkwan replied with determination in his eyes.

 

“Let me smoke the other one.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hansol refused and resisted harshly, but Seungkwan looked at him with sadness and a little something else in his eyes that had his hands moving before he could stop them. It was twenty minutes after Seungkwan started smoking his first joint. He was currently in the middle of his second while laying down on his back.

  


“Hey! _Vernon_...should I call you that? Everyone else in the school calls you that.”

 

Hansol watched Seungkwan look up at the white-speckled dark sky with a smile on his face. His eyes were watery since he started puffing out smoke, making them glassy and red like he’d been crying.

 

“Call me Hansol. It’s just a nickname, my middle name, that my friends started calling me.”

 

Seungkwan sat up too quickly making his head spin even faster than it already was. He was seeing three Hansol’s, but after blinking especially slow, they all formed into one.

 

“Are you saying we… aren’t friends?”

 

Hansol was taken aback by the random question, but answered truthfully.

 

“We are, but you are already used to calling me Hansol. It doesn’t sound so bad when you say it.”

 

Once Hansol saw Seungkwan finally processed what he’d said, he was convinced he was higher than a kite. He watched him flop back to his position of laying on the roof of the car. The weed Seungkwan was holding in his hand was now gone and inhaled, so he threw the bud to the dirt ground. For a while he stayed like that, staring at the night sky totally silent. Hansol leaned over to see if he was even awake and breathing.

 

The boy’s eyes were shut. Hansol took this opportunity to study the boy’s face that laid underneath him. His eyelashes were long, but not too long and they matched his auburn hair which laid on top of his head in slightly curled wisps. His skin was clear as day and only had little brown freckle-like moles above his lips and on the side of his cheeks. It was hard not to noticed the deep, shadowy contours of his cheeks or underneath his eyes.

 

 _“I wonder if he’s eating and sleeping well.”_ Hansol said internally since he didn’t want to wake the boy. They stayed unmoving for minutes until he was convinced Seungkwan was knocked out. Maybe it was the way the moonlight was gracing the president’s face that made Hansol want to touch it. He figured a poke to the cheek wouldn’t hurt. They often puffed out in frustration or boredom which made him think of a five-year old throwing a tantrum. Seungkwan did look like a little kid to hm after all. Hansol decided to balance all of his weight onto one hand while slowly inching up to poke the supple skin.

 

It was a soft jab that you wouldn’t be able to feel unless you were awake.

 

“Don’t you know not to touch the art?” Seungkwan slurred out with his eyes open. This sudden comment sent Hansol jolting back and almost breaking his neck by falling off the car. Seungkwan smiled at the shaken boy and sat up dying of laugher. He felt his eyes well up in tears while clutching his stomach because it hurt so bad.

  


“Don’t you know not to pretend you’re dead asleep?” Hansol glared at him looking far from amused. He couldn’t hold the act for long since he was unable to stop the tiniest of smiles from appearing on his face. It was the first time he witnessed Seungkwan dying from laughter, so he couldn’t help but smile.

 

Once Seungkwan finally settled down, he sat staring into space for a second before finally deciding to hop onto the ground. He fell down ungracefully, but slowly got his way back up. In his head, the five-foot jump appeared to be twice the height, so he expected to be falling for a longer amount of time. He heard faintly of  Hansol’s ugly laugh in the background, but ignored it since exploring his new surroundings was far more important.

 

Hansol eagerly watched Seungkwan creep around on his tiptoes as if something would jump out and eat him if he wasn’t quiet. He swerved around in a circle until he suddenly halted. His eyes were following something (yet Hansol saw nothing there) that was apparently flying in the air. After spinning around frantically, like whatever was in his head attacked him, he finally clapped his hands loudly in the air.

 

“Yes! I finally caught you. Stupid bubble! How could there only be one? I’ll catch all of you don’t worry!” Seungkwan said to himself (or the transparent bubbles he saw in his head). He didn’t know how loudly he was shouting though. Maybe it didn’t help since they were out on a quiet night with only crickets and their own voices to accompany them, but Hansol had heard and seen everything. It took incredible restraint to hold in his explosion of laughter.

 

Instead of sitting there observing, he jumped down with ease and headed towards Seungkwan, who looked crazy trying to take off his red sweater. Once it was removed, he undid the first couple of buttons on his crisp white button-down. He pushed up his sleeves, as though he were about to do some kind of heavy duty work, with his red sweater dangling from his hands.

 

Seungkwan didn’t notice Hansol’s presence until he had tapped his shoulder. The former screamed at the sight of him being so close to him which made Hansol lose it.

 

“Don’t scare me like that ever again. Did you appear out of thin air?” Hansol noticed by his reaction that the other was occupied at the moment. He crept closer to the trees that went unmoving in the night, and held out his red sweater to the side like a flag.

 

“I don’t mean to burst your bubble Seungkwan, but what in the world are you doing?” Hansol spoke up from his choked laughs. He was sent into a coughing fit since he inhaled weirdly trying to keep his coughs silent. Because of his loud disruption, Seungkwan glared back at him while marching his way toward him.

 

“Hey Hansol, I don’t know if you see that ridiculously huge brown bull over there,” His eyes followed the finger that pointed in the direction of a particularly large tree sitting innocently.

 

“I thought I’d try to control it. After all, I am Señor Seungkwan, Matador Extraordinaire, known to all of Latin America.” Hansol watched as he pulled up his collar of his shirt and straightened his posture to show he was serious. Then, as he flapped his red sweater in front of him like a flag, he turned back into the direction of the tree. He treaded lightly, almost dragging his feet, while he told Hansol to follow close behind him.

 

“I know what I’m doing so you can trust me _mi amor._ Just stay behind me and don’t make a sound.”

 

At that point Hansol almost lost it, but held it in the best he could. He wondered where the hell all this Spanish influence was coming from in Seungkwan. Even though he was high, his hallucinations seemed so realistic (and not floating donuts like he had seen before).

  


“ _Ay_! It’s getting up! I don’t need you dead in this arena, so make sure you stay out of the way.” Seungkwan said with determination. All Hansol could do was nod along with a smile on his face and a phone discretely placed in his hand so the boy in front of him couldn’t see it.

 

Suddenly, Seungkwan sprang into action. He leaped from the shade of the trees they were under and went into the more open area. As he stood in the dry, hard dirt beneath him, he stuck his flaming red sweater in front of him. Hansol didn’t know if it was the moonlight shining down on Seungkwan (or maybe the smoke he breathed in on accident earlier) but he felt like he was transported into his mind. He could visualize the brown beast standing in front of Seungkwan with its horns held out in front like a weapon. His head shifted over to the other who looked calm and ready.

 

As the bull came charging, it looked as if it was going to knock Seungkwan dead, but he moved in an instant. His red sweater was blowing in the slight wind of the night. Hansol almost raised his fists in victory, but the battle wasn’t over yet. It wasn’t over until the animal was down for the count. He approached the red sweater in the middle of the arena with vigor, but was still no match for Seungkwan, who was lightning speed. The bull crashed into one of the walls of the arena which made Hansol clap with pride. He almost said _“Yeah! That’s my friend!”_

  
  


But he didn’t… because none of this is real. In reality, Seungkwan was just hopping around while waving his sweater like a madman. It was kind of sad how Hansol actually got caught up in the fantasy, and he’s not even smoking. He hoped Seungkwan wouldn’t remember him being apart of his hallucinations.

  


As Hansol came back to his senses, he realized Seungkwan wasn’t in the spot where he last saw him. He spun around quickly, but saw no sign of him. The black haired boy swept his hair back with his hands, trying to focus and think clearly. He was calm until his eyes drifted to the end of the plateau. It was easily a hundred foot drop until you’d hit the treetops and then fall to the dirt ground underneath. You’d break a million bones during your fall, or tragically splat like a crushed bug. His mind assumed the worst.

 

_“Did he actually run off while I wasn’t looking? We just became friends though. Holy shit, he’s actually dead what do I-”_

  


“When you’re done looking at the ground, can you take me somewhere to eat? I’m so hungry…”

 

Hansol heard a voice behind him whining like a little kid. He clutched his neck in pain from turning around so fast, but he has never been so relieved to see his car. Seungkwan had the bright screen of his phone glowing back at him in the darkness of the car. He was alive and well.

  


As he ran back to the driver seat, he thought about how panicky he got when he realized Seungkwan had wandered off by himself. Since when did he care so much?

  
  


☄️

  
  
  


As they sit down with burgers and fries between them, Seungkwan feels like he’s floating on clouds. He can feel the drugs in his system, but the difference between thirty minutes ago and now would be he’s so much more aware. He feels like he knows everything about himself one minute, and then the next he’s asking Hansol what his name is.

 

When he goes to pick up the cheeseburger, he misses it by a long shot. He could hear some weird laugh in the background, but disregarded it. Nothing in the world matters more than this good ass looking food in front of him.

 

“Need help there Seungkwan?” Hansol said smugly. It was like watching a cat follow a laser pointer. Seungkwan kept swiping at the air when the food was just beneath his hands.

 

“I don’t need your help _Hansollie_.” The boy in front of him sassily replied. The way he was looking slightly to the side of his head (and not straight at him like a normal person) let Hansol know he was still under the influence of the weed. It had been three hours, so it makes sense to still be feeling the effects. But soon, they’d probably start to wear off. The way Seungkwan had calmed down showed that this was probably the start of the end.

  


Hansol pushed his hands down after getting tired of looking at the helpless baby in front of him. Seungkwan could only glare, but not complain since he finally got his hands on the food he wanted the most.

 

Seungkwan was so caught up in his hunger that he didn’t even realize Hansol was watching him eat. The smile that graced the boy’s face made him feel flustered. Who watches people eat anyways? The president couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow in confusion.

 

“Aren’t you gonna eat?”

 

“Not hungry.” Hansol said coolly as he pushed his food to Seungkwan. He thought the boy was all health conscious, so it was interesting to see him eat something greasy and fried. Seungkwan didn’t get it though, and accepted the food with reluctance. For some reason he was extremely hungry.

 

A silence filled between them. The diner was filled with mid-age workers who have stopped by for a bite to eat. He didn’t see anyone he recognized since they were still in the next town over. He felt self conscious. The silence was eating away at him, yet Hansol looked content with the peace.

 

His mind felt better after eating, but was still a little hazy. He heard the snap of a phone camera and immediately shot his head up. He narrowed his eyes at Hansol instantly since it was him who photographed him off guard. The black-haired boy in front of him just laughed and made sure to save it before Seungkwan snatched his phone out of his hand.

 

“What is this? Why are you taking pictures of me?” Seungkwan asked curiously. He had never seen whatever app was working right now, but was shocked when a sudden dog ears and tongue appeared on his face.

 

“Woah! How is there a dog on my face?” The east-side kid hollered at Hansol. As he touched the circle with flowers in it, a flower crown popped onto his head. Whatever technology this camera is using, he loves it.

  


“Have you never used Snapchat before?” Hansol asked distractedly since he was  watching the boy in front of him be amazed by his phone.

 

“Snapchat? What's that?” Seungkwan looked up innocently with no sign he was joking. Hansol was amazed at how he really didn't know about the app.

  


“Come here. I'll show you.” The boy patted to the spot next to him. Seungkwan didn't give it a second thought and went over to the spot near Hansol. They sat in big booths, so there was more than enough room. Maybe it was the drugs he was on, but he felt incredibly conscious of the boy next to him. If Hansol could sense his discomfort, he didn't show it as he simply held out a hand for his phone.

 

“Okay, so Snapchat is basically a social media app that uses pictures to communicate with other people.” Hansol explained and then slid over to his ‘added friends’ and scrolled through showing the different people. Seungkwan noticed the long list. _“Wow, he sure is popular.”_

 

Hansol double tapped on a name quickly and then took an off-guard picture of Seungkwan, who looked innocent as ever, and sent it to someone named ‘Minghao’.

 

“Did you just take a picture of me?!” The shorter boy screamed loud enough for people to stare. Once Hansol stayed quiet, he hit him on his bicep which made him smile.

 

“Delete it! Hansol please.” Seungkwan pouted and peered up at him with big eyes. Hansol felt slightly guilty, and slightly confused. He looked really… _cute_? All he knew was he didn't mind the Seungkwan looking at him like that.

 

“I can't. Once you send it, then it's gone unless you save it before hand.” Hansol faced the screen towards him to show it had been ‘delivered’ and never to be seen by his eyes again. It was no surprise he was upset since he’d always tried to look his best in pictures. On many occasions, he had been that friend to delete the photo since he didn't look good enough. This resulted in ten tries of taking a picture and friends screaming at him to just accept it.

 

“Now that you know how to send it, I'll show you how to take a picture.”

 

Hansol scooted closer to him so now they were touching shoulders and thighs. If Seungkwan was conscious of him before, he was even more aware now. Maybe because he didn't know the other boy well, but he had no problem with being close to any of his other friends. He looked to the phone in front of him rather than there boy beside him.

 

“If you press and hold on your face, you can put filters on yourself.” Hansol demonstrated by clicking on a little circle with sunglasses on it. They popped onto his face in no time. Seungkwan took the taller boy’s phone and tried it for himself again. The dog one was cute and it was becoming his favorite.

 

After posing a couple times, Hansol came into the frame making another dog face appear.

 

“It works on more than one person?” Seungkwan asked as he saw they both had the filter on. He had a brown dog while Hansol had the spotted black and white one.

 

“Yeah, but only certain ones though.” He tapped the screen which made them switch dogs and Seungkwan tried not to gasp because _this shit is so cool._

 

Hansol clicked the circle button to take a picture. They were close to each other to fit in the frame and both smiling. Seungkwan didn’t know if Hansol’s was genuine, but he knew for sure his was.

  


“You know, I was really nervous for tonight.”

Seungkwan blurred out unconsciously. It was probably the stupid weed in his system that made him voice his thoughts so freely. Next thing you know, he's going to be saying Hansol actually looks decent or complimenting  his appearance. God, that would be awfully embarrassing.

 

“Why’s that?” Hansol replied simply. He gazed down at Seungkwan showing true interest in his words. The president felt even more embarrassed since his reasoning is so dramatic, but he might as well spill.

 

“Don't laugh but, like, I dunno, you're _you_ and I'm _me._ I had no idea where we were gonna go, which is terrible since I like to know everything, while you're totally calm like always, and I didn't know if we were going to get along since we are so different. Well, I don't know if we are but it feels like we are? Then I was like _are we even friends? why’s he doing this?_ And then-”

  


Hansol forced down a laugh, but he couldn't hold it in at the end. Seungkwan glared at him with rosy cheeks because he felt like such an idiot. Hansol _would_ get a kick out of him rambling like no tomorrow like a little nervous school girl in front of the person she liked. Before he could leave and call someone to pick him up to save him from this embarrassment, the west-side kid spoke up between little laughs.

 

“You think _way_ too much Seungkwan. Why would I want to hang out with you if I didn't like you and we weren't friends? I asked you because I want to spend time with you, like outside of tutoring, as friends. It may look like we are very different, but we are both seventeen year old boys in high school. See? Already one similarity. Don't worry too much about it.” Hansol ended with an arm wrapped around his shoulder trying to pat his nerves away.

 

He never thought they could be friends, and he still doesn't know if this will last. He is certain of two things though: he had a lot of fun tonight (even if he did something illegal) and he likes hanging out with Hansol.

 

  
  
  
☄️  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan woke up with a headache. His head was pounding, but he could still make out Grace screaming downstairs to wake up him. As he rubbed his eyes after his hard sleep, the sleepy boy tried to recall yesterday’s events. He could see the beautiful sunset in his head, but it got extremely hazy after that. All he knew was he fell asleep in Hansol’s car on the way home.

 

His phone buzzed next to him. One hundred messages from his group chat with his idiot friends and five from an mysterious number.

 

**_[ unknown ] : 4 attachments included_ **

 

 **_[ unknown ] :_ ** _enjoy little boo ;-)_

  
  
  
Somewhere across town, someone screamed “ _Why the fuck was Boo Seungkwan on your Snapchat story?”_ in Hansol’s ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: a joint and a blunt are different! i didn't know that lmao! it was really funny tbh i love high seungkwan  
> \- OH YEAH! mi amor = my love in spanish  
> \- don't forget to show love by commenting/kudos/subscribing !! thank you to everyone who already do it really makes my day <3  
> see y'all soon ;-)


	5. friendship (and its most troubling times)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> like all amazing friendships, hansol and seungkwan's start out with a bump or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI DON'T KILL ME I KNOW IM A DAY L8 BUT HERE'S SOME THINGS U SHOULD KNOW  
> -the ages are a little different because of the schooling. if you couldn't tell already it's an american schooling system. and basically there's a certain date you have to be born before to be in that grade or else you have to wait until next year. the way i made it is that you had to be born before aug 1st. so from oldest to youngest in the story is: seungcheol, jeonghan, minghao, jihoon, joshua, seungkwan, chan, hansol/seokmin, mingyu, jun, hoshi, and wonwoo. they're in america and months apart (since they're in the same grade) so they don't really care about age like korea. hope that's not THAT confusing.  
> 

 

 

“Tell me why we started preparations so late again?” Seokmin’s voice echoed in the open space of the cafeteria. The tables were put up they could have an vast space to work with.

 

“Do you not remember how all our decorations got stolen last year? The later we start working, the lower the chances.” Wonwoo stated like it should've been common knowledge. Well, it should be honestly. Everyone groaned at the mention of what happened.

 

The “Capture the Crown” tragedy that took place only a week before homecoming. The royalty theme the student council, art club, and parent volunteers worked on for a month were gone in a flash. It's become ancient school history, but the culprits were never caught.

 

The amount of stress and scrambling the thefts caused was enough for them to never mention it. Seungkwan can still feel his throats hurting from all the screaming he did directing everyone. He seriously lived up to the nickname “Devil President” he had received in the past.

 

As Seungkwan finished placing the pizza order for the dance, which was in less than two weeks, he made his way over to Mingyu to see how much money they had left in the budget and what he could do with it. Before he could get over to his best friend, his phone rang.

 

Without second thought, Seungkwan answered the phone. It was probably the company he contacted about getting five-hundred gold and black balloons.

 

“Hello. This is Boo Seungkwan.” He was still on his way to Mingyu, who was busy talking to their sponsor about the budget. On the way there, he avoided wet paint on banners that everyone was working so diligently on.

 

_“Hey Prez Boo. What ya doing?~”_

 

Seungkwan groaned as he stopped in his tracks. Hansol would call him at the worst possible time. Before anyone could notice him on the phone, he headed in the opposite direction towards the double doors of the exit out the cafeteria.

 

“Chwe Hansol this is not a good time right now. I'm busy.”

 

The sound of laughter on the other end of the phone filled his ear and he couldn't help but suppress a smile. He unconsciously  clutched his folder filled with papers and plans tighter to his chest.

 

_“Busy doing what? And don't say ‘President Duties’  because that's all you're up to these days.”_

 

Seungkwan scoffed as he leaned up against the wall.

 

“But it's the truth! The homecoming dance isn't going to plan itself y’know. So are you going to tell me why you called or are you just going to pretend like you're interested in my life?”

 

Hansol clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and inhaled unsteadily. Seungkwan could hear all of this and was confused, but didn't know if he could afford to be away from preparations from another moment.

 

“If you-”

 

_“I was wondering-”_

 

The boys spoke at the same time making each other stop abruptly. It was silent until Hansol decided to talk with a smile behind his words. Seungkwan was listening closely as he was interested at why Hansol was acting so fidgety.

 

_“I was wondering if you'd want to, like, go out again. I know you're busy, so I get it if you can't, but I thought I'd ask.”_

 

“When?” The president was asking before he knew it. He closed his eyes in stress since he really can't afford play around right now. Not with the dance to plan, choir practices and lessons to attend since the concert was soon, homework and meetings and-

 

 _“Today. Like in three hours.”_ Hansol responded simply.

 

Seungkwan thought a lot about it. He was pretty sure he had choir practice to attend, and by the time that's over, it's already time to go home. Then, homework and also working out the last minute details for dance. He already has a full plate with no room for ‘hanging out’. That much was obvious, yet he just couldn't move his mouth to reject the offer. Maybe since he had such a great time last week, he didn't want to pass up an opportunity and miss out on the fun.

 

 _“I said it's okay if you can't Seungkwan. Don't worry about it. I understand you're too busy.”_ Hansol answer before hearing his answer. His silence was enough for him to know he was thinking way too hard.

 

“But, that's not it!”

 

That was totally it, but Seungkwan didn't want to face the facts. He knew his responsibilities, yet maybe one day wouldn't hurt. It hadn't even been a week since their last outing, but Seungkwan didn't mind spending time with him again. Friends hang out all the time right?

 

 _“Then what is it?”_ Hansol asked quietly.

 

“It's- Well you're right I am busy.” Seungkwan laughed expecting it to be funny, but all he heard was silence. He got even more nervous as the guilt was setting in.

 

“But um… I want to see- I… I want to hang out with you, so yes. If you still want to that is…” The president wanted to bang his head against the wall. He shut his eyes tightly as he cringed at the word-vomit that just spilled out his mouth. He's realizing Hansol has that effect to make him sound like a total idiot when speaking, and doesn't know how to feel about it.

 

 _“Oh cool. I'll see you soon then. Wait for me at the front of the school.”_ Before Seungkwan could ask what Hansol was doing hanging around school or how his day was, the dial tone sounded as a goodbye. The president furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he slipped his phone into his pocket. He couldn't even take one step once he caught sight of who was in front of him.

 

“Quite an important call there Boo.” Mingyu stood a good distance away with his hands in his pockets. The smug expression he wore told Seungkwan he had heard everything.

 

“What are you doing out here?” Seungkwan avoided his gaze and stepped around him to get back into the cafeteria. He heard the treasurer follow behind him.

 

The pair sat down at a table that was casted aside. The president opened his folder and took out a list of supplies still needed to make the night amazing.

 

“So about the budget, I was thinking a balloon drop when king and queen were announced. Then-”

 

“Woah, woah, woah. You don't get to act like I didn't see you getting all flustered on the phone talking to Chwe Hansol.” Mingyu said accusingly while pointing a finger straight in his face. Seungkwan shushed him like a kid as he signaled him to come close.

 

“Okay, first of all it's not what it looks like.”

 

“Oh really? Because it looks like you guys are about to go out on a _date_ tonight.” His best friend gave him a look saying he was done with Seungkwan’s bullshit. Of course he couldn't lie to him. Mingyu might be naïve, but he was incredibly perceptive when it counted. After all, he was the only one that could see through his lie about what him and Hansol were up to last Friday night. Apparently, seeing a movie for five hours isn't realistic…

 

“It's not a date! We’re just hanging out as friends.” Seungkwan whispered as his thumbs scrolled on his phone looking for the number to contact the photo booth company.

 

“Since when are you guys _friends_?” Mingyu questioned with a suggestive look.

 

Seungkwan glared back while mocking his best friend. _“God, his unrealistic fantasies are getting annoying.”_ The president thought.

 

“What if your parents come home? How will you explain this to them? You know they'll just think he's a bad influence who will ‘corrupt’ you.” Mingyu put air quotes around his words. You might think he's being extreme, but Seungkwan’s parents were on another level on strict. They controlled who he made friends with and his career for the ‘betterment of his childhood’.

 

“You know they won't come home. And if they do it'll be almost midnight and I'll be upstairs pretending I don't exist. People hang out with their friends all the time. I know I'm not exactly your average teenager, but I like to have fun too.” Seungkwan tried to justify himself to his best friend. It's not that he needed his approval, but he valued Mingyu’s opinion.

 

The time of the conversation switched from invasive to caring. The puppy Kim Mingyu was showed its true colors as he patted Seungkwan’s head affectionately.

 

“I know. I'm just worried about our dear Kwannie. You're growing up too fast, and getting your own friends. I remember just yesterday I was your only friend besides your stuffed animal. His name started with an A right? Middle school certainly was the gold years.” Mingyu teased which made Seungkwan slap his arm hard. He looked mad, but his heart was actually swelling in his chest. They didn't show their love for each other often, but it was still alive and well.

 

“Shut up Kim Mingyu! I'm older than you y’know. Don't talk to me unless it's about Homecoming.”

  


☄️

 

Three hours passed before Seungkwan could even blink. Preparations were left to the volunteers and art club to finish up since all of the student officers had choir practice to attend. After school, all six boys had to split their time between learning music for their concert (which was more than a month away) and making decorations for the dance. It wasn't a surprise they wanted to head home straight to their families for a home cooked meal and to start on their homework.

 

Seungkwan made sure to tell Grace he’d be late and not to make dinner for him tonight.

 

The president felt weird. It was so unusual to be excited by hanging out with friends for him, but maybe because Hansol was someone totally new to him. Sure, he had acquaintances among the ‘west-side’ kids, but Hansol was different. They are actually _friends_. They sit next to each other in speech class and crack jokes to one another. They greet each other in the lunch line and wave when they see each other in the hallways.

 

At first, he was wary of the other. He didn't know if he'd be embarrassed to be seen with some rich kid in front of everyone who would be watching. But so far, Hansol treated him like a genuine friend.

 

 _“You literally saw him hours ago. Why are you so excited?”_ Seungkwan asked himself as he sat on one of the school benches. Hansol said he'd be here at 7pm, which had past about ten minutes ago. He ran out ahead of his friends in a hurry only for them to leave before he did. They didn't question his antics, but did give him a confused look when they saw how disappointed he was. Mingyu discreetly wished him good luck before he got into his car to head home.

 

The president figured his friend would arrive soon, so he’d find things to pass time. After reading the designated chapter for English and finishing notes about persuasion for Speech class, he was left with no more homework to do. While reminiscing on last Friday, he remembered the app ‘Snapchat’ Hansol told him about. He soon found it in the app store and waited for it to download.

 

He didn’t become conscious of  the time until Mingyu was texting him. He stopped his snapchat session of photos (and videos since he’d found out how to record them) to answer his friend.

 

 **_[ming-yoyo] :_ ** _what do u mean ur still waiting???_

_kwan it’s almost 8;45_

_u’ve been waiting for almost 2 hrs……_

 

He noticed his friend was right. The moon was rising against the midnight blue sky. The parking lot was mostly empty. The president looked inside the school  to see a lone janitor with a trash can a mile away. It really was late. Hansol was … really late.

 

When the realization hit, Seungkwan felt his excitement die in his chest. Did he forget about him?

 

**_[boo(ty) sk] :_ **

_should i call him?_

_do you think he's standing me up?_

_MINGYU WHAT DO I DO?????_

_duck it bro im gonna call him_

  


On the first call, it rang with no answer. The president tapped against the metal bench with his fingers. Hansol was making it really hard not to jump to conclusions and get mad.

 

It was the third call when he finally got a response. It was far from what he wanted to hear.

 

 _“Yo~Is this really Boo Seungkwan?”_ An accented voice from the other side of the line said. He heard multiple in the background which were yelling things that he couldn't hear.

 

“Who else would it be? And who's this?” He cursed his emotions for showing so easily. He's lucky whoever this was couldn't see his face because you'd be able to know what he was feeling with one glance.

 

 _“We've never been formally introduced. Hi, I’m Wen Junhui, but you can call me Jun. We've heard so much about you.”_ The boy, Jun, mysteriously said. What the hell was that supposed to mean? The name sounded familiar too. He was probably one of Hansol’s friends.

 

“Um… Hello Jun. I'm looking for Chwe Hansol. Do you know where he is?” Seungkwan asked over the screaming in the background.

 

 _“Vernon? Oh yeah he's here somewhere. We're all at… work right now. He should be back soon. Do you want to wait until he does? I've been waiting to talk to you~”_ Junhui questioned with obvious underlying intentions. Whatever this new person wanted to talk about, Seungkwan was far from interested.

 

“It's… It's fine. Just tell him I called.” Seungkwan somberly said. Before Jun could ask some weird question that Seungkwan didn't understand, the president hung up.

  


He hated how hurt he was more than anything. There was so many emotions swimming around his head, but that one stuck out the most. He knew his expectations were too high for someone he just met. It's not like he's incredibly fun to hang out with, so he could understand why he got stood up like this…

 

Or at least he tried to comprehend it. As he walked to his car in the lonely parking lot, he tried to see things from Hansol’s perspective. According to Jun, they were ‘busy working’. He didn't want to tell Seungkwan about his job it seemed.

 

 _“That's fine I guess”_ Seungkwan reasoned with himself as he drove home. The streets were emptier than ever. It was only him and the street lights.

 

Reality is a tough pill to swallow, but Seungkwan was strong. Hansol obviously didn't think they were as close as Seungkwan did. He didn't even tell him where he was, and cancelled with no warning.

 

He despised to admit it, but it hurt a lot.

  


☄️

  
  


Hansol knew he fucked up when Seungkwan wouldn't return his calls. As soon as Jun told him who called, he was reminded of their plans. Guilt set in that very second, and he still felt it now, two days later.

 

What happened Wednesday could be explained as innocently losing track of time. No matter how unconvincing it sounded, him and his friends were actually ‘working’. He just needed to explain that to Seungkwan.

 

It was Friday now, and he'd been trying to catch the president’s attention these past two days. Seungkwan was avoiding his gaze and laughed at his jokes with no feeling. Every time Hansol tried to start a conversation, he was shut out with one-word responses.

 

He wasn't even trying to be discrete. It was obvious his new friend was trying to pull away and keep his guard up, but Hansol had no plans to let him go.

 

They fell into the steps of friendship fast, and Hansol was amazed at how natural it seemed. Seungkwan wasn't the uptight, rich kid he thought he knew of. He's just a sarcastic boy who's incredibly sheltered. He is smart and has too much determination for his own good. He liked being around him.

 

When Hansol hurried into the library, he was faced with the emptiness Friday afternoons brought. Not even Seungkwan was in sight. The two seniors had agreed to keep meeting up after school on Fridays just to study together since Hansol didn't need tutoring anymore. His grades dramatically increased, but the two didn't want to stop the sessions. It was an unspoken fact they both seemed to understand without voicing it out loud.

 

Seungkwan said himself he didn't have anywhere important to be on Fridays, so where could he be? Now, Hansol was being stood up without any reason. He had no messages or calls from his friend which made the situation even more ironic.

 

Hansol had put him through this same feeling of hurt and anger days ago. As he left the library to go to the parking lot, he understood perfectly why he got no explanation. He didn't deserve it. The fact that he hurt Seungkwan made him feel like shit.

 

He didn't know exactly where to start looking, but he was determined to give an apology tonight. As a hand twisted the key into the ignition, bringing his car to life, he sped off with vigor.

  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan rarely went to football games or any sporting events. He mostly was there acting as the class president showing school spirit rather than going to enjoy the actual sport itself. Football, in particular, was boring to him since he could never grasp what was going on between the two teams and the ball.

 

But here he is, along with his other friends in the stands, cheering on their school’s team like they know what’s going on. When in reality, they’re listening closely to the parents and students in the crowd and following whatever they’re doing.

 

The loud screams around him and the cheerleaders flipping around hinted at his school scoring a ‘touchdown’ (at least he thinks that’s what it’s called), but he was too busy lost in his own head to realize. Usually he’d be pretending with the rest of his friends, but today he just didn’t have enough spirit.

 

“What’s wrong Kwannie? You look like someone just insulted your ‘amazing’ vocal ability crushing your huge ego in the process. Did someone say you sound like a dying cat again?” His friend sitting next to him had sarcasm dripping from his voice, making him want to choke him, but instead he felt a smile growing on his face.

 

“Shut up Josh. At least when I dance, I don’t look like a praying mantis.” The president retaliated, making the older boy next to him frown in faux anger. They met each other’s eyes and kept the stare until their acting fizzled away into smiles. They were bursting out in laughter, catching everyone’s attention for a few seconds except for their own friends who were immersed in their own conversations (instead of paying attention to the game). Once the two smiley boys calmed down, the mood turned somewhat serious.

 

“Really Seungkwan. I pretended not to notice, but I see the way you’ve been pouting like someone stepped all over your feelings. What happened?” Joshua asked in a concerned tone. If you can call Mingyu perseptive, then Joshua had a sixth sense for these things. He is the person who knows something is bothering you before you realize it yourself. Him being one of the older ones, he had that ‘caring-parent’ air about him that makes him easy to talk to, but kind of scared on what his reaction will be.

 

Seungkwan debated whether or not he wanted to tell the whole truth about things. In his head, he knew he was overreacting. His behavior reminded him of how he used to act when he was younger in elementary school. Everyone was too scared to hang out with him since he was too ‘loud’ or ‘clingy’ and their parents knew of how intimidating his family status was, so he cried about being alone often. The only people there to comfort him were not his parents, but his two sisters who understood everything he was going through.

 

The boy was taking awhile to answer, too caught up in the memories of the past, but Joshua was extremely patient. He saw his brain over thinking on what to say, so he decided to speak up to ease his conscience.

 

“You don’t have to tell me all the specifics since it’s not really any of my business. We just get worried you know?” Joshua placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort, making Seungkwan feel incredibly warm on the inside. He didn’t know how he got blessed with such amazing friends which is why keeping things from them felt so wrong, but he hated acting like a baby causing them unnecessary worry.

  


“It’s just… “ Seungkwan started without really knowing where he was going. “It’s nothing major of course. I just thought one thing and someone else thought another, and it kind of hurt?” The president said vaguely, unaware of the somber expression that he was showing the elder. This is when Joshua knew not to press too hard since it looked like Seungkwan was in distress over the whole thing. Before he could offer his words of comfort, the cheerleading captain stepped up to where they were sitting.

 

“Seungkwan! It’s time to announce the homecoming court!” She said excitedly. Her high ponytail bounced as she did, making a funny sight, but the five of them stifled their laughter. Seungkwan was already up and walking down to the field with his hand holding the girl’s. Apparently, all girls loved Seungkwan (which is a fact his friends are painfully aware of) which is the reason why they were so touchy with him.

 

As he walked to the middle of the field with a microphone in hand, he could hear his friends going wild on the stands for him. He doesn’t remember enough time passing to be half-time, but he had been stuck in his thoughts lately. The president just wanted to be at home with his friends watching movies, but duty calls. It had been tradition for the class president of the senior class to announce anything important as he had done it many times already this year alone, but right now he just didn’t feel like it.

 

Sucking up his feelings, he found the cheerful personality he was known for, and spoke the rehearsed lines into the microphone.

 

“Hi everyone! It’s your class president Boo Seungkwan!” Cheers erupted from the crowd, with his friends being the loudest, which made him smile a little more genuinely.

 

“Thank you, thank you. Now for the time you’ve been waiting for… the Homecoming court!” He clapped his hand against the microphone and then gestured to the many pairs beside him. Out of the many people running, there would only be three pairs selected that will be considered for Homecoming King and Queen.

 

He recognized some of the people standing in the cluster. They were mostly top students that were heavily involved in the school whether it be on the sports team or running a club. Looking at all of them made it exciting for some reason. He had always loved school events.

 

After a dramatic drum-roll (courtesy of the school band and the stomping in the bleachers), he was handed an envelope with six names printed on a little card. As he finished reading the names out, huge screams could be heard from the crowd. Amongst the happy students and parents, there were a couple sour faces since their friend or child’s name wasn’t called. He took a look at the six, and could recognize all of them except for one.

 

The boy was averaged sized, but his looks were eye catching. His face was pretty and his smile even prettier, but his eyes held something closer to playfulness. He had both of his arms behind his back with his hands linked while the girl attached herself to his arm with her own. She was obviously talking trying to get his attention while she looked up to him. He pushed his medium length black hair behind his ear after he freed himself from her hold.

 

Seungkwan didn’t even know he was staring until the boy met his eyes. Before he could look away in embarrassment, the mystery boy smirked while quirking an eyebrow up at him. It looked like he knew something, but Seungkwan was probably just dreaming things up.

 

Soon, their allowed time was over, and it was now time for the other team to do a performance. Everyone walked back to the stands or stayed on the field. They had to either play in the game still or cheer the players on. Him and the mystery guy’s exchange was long over, but he couldn’t forget his expression. Does he know Seungkwan and just not remember?

 

 _“Who the hell is Yoon Jeonghan?”_ He asked himself. Maybe he would ask his friends.

 

☄️

 

The sky was getting darker which caused the air to become chillier. Hansol stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket after paying the entrance fee to the stadium. He was still bummed about everything that happened in just the span of three days. Earlier this week, it truly felt like him and Seungkwan were on the track to being friends. They couldn’t be any more different, yet they somehow went together. They could both feel it, but Hansol had to go and fuck it up. It’s likely that the president wouldn’t forgive him or believe his sorry excuse, but it felt right to at least say something. Somehow Seungkwan had already gotten under his skin. It might’ve been in the way the east-side kid was overly competitive or the rare caring side that thanked him for helping him on his homework.

 

As Hansol realized his attachment to their friendship, he felt even more grim about the whole situation. He wanted to run and apologize to the other, but he didn’t even know him well enough to know where to look. A thought had crossed his mind to go to his house, but he didn’t want to explain the situation to his housekeeper Grace (he thinks that’s what her name is), or worse, his family. He could feel the awkwardness by just thinking about it.

 

Eventually, he stopped driving around and gave up. His friends were ringing his phone like crazy because some crazy shit was apparently going down at the football game involving Jeonghan. They refused to tell him unless he got his “lazy ass” (direct quote from Soonyoung) down to the game.

 

Before he knew it, the boy was already walking up the steps to the stadium, hoping it was the right side since he wasn’t really paying attention. As he finished walking up the stairs, lots of people fell into his line of sight. He goes to football games pretty often,

but usually later because of the tutoring he had to attend. He’s familiar with how many people are usually here, so he could tell this is way more than the regular crowd. The student scanned the crowd for any sign of his friends, but found nothing until he he was at the very far end of the stands. Relief washed over him as he was greeted with the sight of his friends pushing and playing around at the very top. They didn’t even notice him smiling up at them.

  
  


Seungkwan felt a lot better once he got his mind off of things. Talk about the Homecoming made him excited for next week and his friends could feel it too. They forgot about the game and fell deep into conversation about random stuff, the dance, and their upcoming concert. He was fine until he spotted him. He was towards the bottom of the metal stairs making his way up. Was he coming to see him? Seungkwan felt his heart in his throat.

 

As Hansol got closer and closer, the president couldn’t look away. Without even realizing, his name slipped out of his mouth, catching the boy’s attention.

 

“Hansol?” The calling of his name made his heard jerk around to see where it was coming from. He almost continued up the stairs until he looked slightly above him, to the right.

 

His eyes almost jumped out of his head at the sight of Seungkwan. Instead of his usual attire, he looked different with his school sweatshirt covering him and his hands pushed into the sleeves. He wore jeans and sneakers as well instead of his everyday outfit. It a minor change, but still one Hansol noticed. The boy in front of him looked comfortable, yet still had that same stiffness about him.

 

His feet were moving before his thoughts were. He stood next to Seungkwan, who was at the edge of the row, for a minute since he didn’t know what to say.

 

“Hi Seungkwan.” Hansol started simply, but the greeting caught his friends’ attention. They were bad at hiding their shock compared to Seungkwan, who looked a little pouty but showed no emotions other than that.

 

“What are you doing here?” Seungkwan’s hands came out to play with his sleeves out of nervousness. He tried to put up a careless front, but you could see him cracking at the seams if you knew him well. And all his friends knew him very well. They shared looked of confusion but then directed their attention back to the pair.

 

“I-I come to games pretty often.” Hansol said simply, scared at Seungkwan’s expression. He'd never seen him so … calm and that was pretty scary.

 

“Oh ok. Well, see you around then.” Hansol saw the forced smile Seungkwan flashed his way. He was shutting him out. For a second, Hansol didn't want to push, but then he remembered everything. If he walked away now, things would probably change forever between them.

 

“Wait! Um…” Seungkwan felt someone grip his shoulder as he was turning back around to face his friends. He wanted this conversation to be over as soon as possible. Every time he saw Hansol, he just wanted to forget everything and go back to how they were just days ago. The president could admit that he was scared of what Hansol had to say, and potentially hurt his feelings once again.

 

“Can we talk? You don't have to, but like , we can go somewhere else of course, and… yeah.” Hansol wanted to cringe at how his words were coming out. He's never sounded so flustered in his life.

 

There was silence for a good minute before an answer was in the air.

 

“He’d love to talk. Right Seungkwan?” The boy beside him said. He's recognized him hanging around Seungkwan at lunch before. The way he was looking at him and the way he was pushing his own friend made him feel like he knew something.

 

Meanwhile, if he was being his dramatic self he would easily say he's having a mental crisis. Bigger than the time Seungcheol finding his secret video of his younger self singing his underwear. That seemed like a happy memory compared to now as he followed Hansol down the stairs of the bleachers.

  
  


Hansol sat next to Seungkwan, who was a couple feet away from him. They were sitting on a brick wall away from the field and stands. It was made up of bricks stacked up to their hips with a tree planted in the middle. Its leaves were blowing in the night breeze which made them both realize how cold it actually was. The distance between them seemed further than usual.

 

“I don't want to beat around the bush, so if you're mad at me, just say it.” Hansol said boldly. He didn't know where in the world to start,  but he was trying his best. The president could tell he wasn't being sarcastic or trying to mock him.

 

Seungkwan, who was swinging his feet with his hands in his lap, turned in Hansol’s direction. Because of the stadium’s bright lights, he noticed how red the boy’s nose was from the cold.

 

“I'm mad at you.” Seungkwan stated. There were a million things in his head, but that was all he could get out.

 

“Why?” Hansol questioned. There was no confusion in his tone, but curiousity. The thought that he would even ask insulted Seungkwan. Maybe he was truly overreacting, and Hansol didn't see this as a big deal.

 

Insecurity was creeping up on Seungkwan, yet he still tried to explain himself without sounding upset.

 

“Why you ask? I'm not really sure either,” Hansol could tell by the distant glint in his eyes that this ran deeper that he thought. He felt himself leaning in as he was intrigued at what Seungkwan had to say.

 

“It's just… friendship has always meant a lot to me. I love all my friends without even realizing it. There's always that possibility that our friendship doesn't mean as much to them as it does to me. I know and accept that, but I don't know Hansol.” Seungkwan let out a shuddering deep breath before continuing.

 

“You're different from anyone I've met before, and the thing that really confused me is that you'd want to be friends with someone like me.” Seungkwan laughed with no feeling. It was empty and haunting which made Hansol get chills of fear. He couldn't let this go on any longer. He didn't feel his body move, but apparently it did since he was seated mere inches away from Seungkwan.

 

“Don't think like that. You underestimate yourself so much Boo. There are so many people that value you as much as you value them. I can tell just by how great you are.” Hansol panicked at the sight of his friend on the verge of tears, but he continued on.

 

“And… I'm sorry for being a shitty friend. I should've told you about what was going on. I want to tell you…” The elder wanted to scream at Hansol. Say he could tell him anything because he could trust him. Friends are always there for each other.

 

“But I just can't….” Hansol ended ominously. Seungkwan felt the desire to be nosy and figure out what the hell that meant, but he didn't. His eyebrows were furrowed in deep thought and confliction.

 

Hansol’s mind seemed to be elsewhere, so he didn't notice his friend staring at him. Seungkwan didn't necessarily mean to, but when Hansol looked so lost in thought, it made him realize he truly doesn't know anything about him. In these past weeks, he's barely scratched the surface. He couldn't help but wonder about all the secrets Hansol could be hiding.

  


And more importantly, if he'd ever get to know them.

  
  
  
  


After all was set and done, Seungkwan felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Hansol, too, felt light as a feather. It wasn't said out right, but an apology healed the wound in their friendship. Even if it was a sorry excuse, it was enough for Seungkwan. He hated how he put his trust in Hansol so easily like he's a saint, but he found himself doing it unconsciously. Maybe because Hansol is just charming like that.

  


“So, what’re you doing after this?” Hansol asked, but his eyes were fixated on the sky. It was almost black without a star in sight. They were too close to the city to see any of the twinkling lights.

 

“Why are you asking? Gonna stand me up again?” Seungkwan teased, making the younger turn to him in distress. For a second, Hansol was convinced that Seungkwan hadn’t forgiven him for being an idiot. The boy mumbled something about it being _“too soon”_ with a frown on his face when he saw Seungkwan trying to suppress a smile.

 

“I was wondering if-” Hansol started, but both were startled by the person who jumped out of thin air to shake Hansol’s shoulders. Hansol cursed obscenities until he could calm down since he still shaken by whoever scared him shitless.

 

“Vernon~the game's almost over and you're just now showing your face?” Soonyoung appeared out of the shadows to ask his friend. Seungkwan recognized him instantly. He's seen him around school and his loud personality is almost impossible to miss.

 

“Oh! This is him right? Boo Seungkwan, right?” An accented voice, that wasn’t too far behind, Soonyoung spoke. He looked over his shoulder to see a small crowd of boys waiting for Hansol. Some he recognized and some he didn't.

 

“Um… Junhui right? From the phone call?” Seungkwan asked, not really sure how to respond. He noticed the boy was touchy as he hung over all of his friends’ shoulders.

 

“Ah. Hanging out with the class president Vern? When did you become so lame?” Jeonghan, the boy he'd seen on the homecoming court, asked. Seungkwan was used to those familiar words, yet he couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

 

“He's just messing around I'm sorry. Please don't mind him” Hansol whispered so only Seungkwan could hear. The latter fought a smile trying to come on his face. Hansol looked embarrassed to show him his friends which amused him the most. Before he could take advantage of the situation, he heard familiar arguing coming towards them.

 

Of course his friends had to show up now.

 

“Oh, Kwannie. The game is basically over.  We won of course. You ready to go? I think we're still going over to Mingyu’s house!” Seokmin asked enthusiastically, unaware of the rigid air surrounding them. He looked happy while the rest of his friends were more interested at the unfamiliar guests.

 

The tension in the air was suffocating. Two groups of people who couldn't be any more different were now in close proximity. Hansol and Seungkwan looked at each other knowingly. This could not end well for anyone.

 

“So I'll-”

 

“See you soon?”

 

The two were practically snatched away from each other and went their separate ways. They could only wave to each other as they went in opposite directions.

  


They definitely would laugh about this later.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps if u wanna be friends or whateva..  
> im @ kwanology on twit / sinyoongis on tumblr  
> 


	6. unbelievable.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after homecoming preparations finally come to an end, hansol and seungkwan finally get to hang out a bit. seungkwan's parents surprise him with a visit...which goes as well as surprises get in the boo household, but that's not the only surprise seungkwan is in for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse my lateness!  
> (i hope 7k words worth of verkwan makes up for it?)  
> 

November was just as busy as it was cold.  The school work was increasing, school events were getting scheduled left and right, and the temperature was dropping each and every day. Though it was pretty busy, it was nothing Boo Seungkwan couldn’t handle. The homecoming dance was just days away, and it was his responsibility to make sure everything was flawless. That the decorations were finished and hung, that the photo booth guy would be on-time (since no one is trying to relive last year), and most importantly, that the votes for king and queen were correct and counted. Those were just a few tasks on his list anyway.  
  


“Oh my god! That looks amazing!” He was astonished at the sight of the beautiful paper banner that was the size to cover up one of the huge cafeteria walls. The gold paint really stood out against the black paper which made it look noticeable and eye catching despite its simple contents. It only  said  **_“Gold and Black Masquerade: 2017”_ ** with a pretty painted gold mask to match. Judging by the detail, Seungkwan could tell the art club members were talented, and is forever thankful they volunteered to help out with decorations. 

  
  


The club members, along with the teacher, thanked the president. They would’ve hugged if there wasn’t so much paint all over them. 

  
  


“Mingyu, please tell me I have made the right decision by trusting you with this DJ problem.” The brown-haired boy made his way over to his friend, who was sitting at a lone table with a box full of money they made selling tickets. From the looks of it, he just interrupted the treasurer counting the bills. The tanned boy lost focus for a second which caused him to lose the number he was on. 

 

“Damnit Seungkwan! I was almost done counting too…” His eyes stayed fixated on the green paper in his hands instead of answering his friend's question. Seungkwan rolled his eyes and let the boy finish. After noting the total, Mingyu turned to his friend with a smile.

 

“What can I do for you Royal Pain in the Ass?” Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile while slapping the shit out of his friend’s arm. It wasn’t like Mingyu was necessarily wrong since Seungkwan had been a little more than pushy this week. He tried to blame it on the stress, but everyone knew it was just in his personality to be a perfectionist. 

 

“The DJ remember? You said you knew someone for the job. Are they set to come for Saturday Night?” Seungkwan asked while sitting down in front of him. They were the only two resting as everyone was still hard at work. Joshua and Seungcheol were talking to administration about something, Wonwoo was taking note of whatever their sponsor was saying, and Seokmin helped roll up the huge banner so it could be stored until Saturday. Seeing everyone working hard made Seungkwan feel confident about the whole dance would go. 

 

“Oh that? I told you I know a guy who knows a guy who’s willing to DJ for half the cost of a professional one. Don’t worry so much! You can trust me on this one, he’s good.” Mingyu almost boasted as he looked totally calm about the whole situation. On the other hand, Seungkwan was worrying his mind away. This sounded nothing short of shady and untrustworthy. An ametur who didn’t know a thing about music could ruin the whole night. If there isn’t good music, then the atmosphere suffers too.

 

“My worrying is perfectly justified thank you very much! This guy sounds shadier than a lamp Mingyu. Could you at least give me a name?” Seungkwan pleaded, but the blond haired boy wouldn’t budge. 

 

“No way! He rather I not tell until the day of. He doesn’t want to risk losing the job.” Mingyu explained while pinching a piece of his dyed hair to examine the ends. They were unsurprisingly dead from the chemicals he used to bleach it. Seungkwan just looked at him confusedly. Why would he look at this DJ guy any differently because he knew his name? The president didn’t even bother asking since Mingyu would just avoid the question like he always did when he was hiding something. 

  
  


For the sake of everything, he really doesn’t care who the guy is as long as he knows what he’s doing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Before long, it was time to wrap things up for the day. Everyone waved to the six running boys as they went to their usual Wednesday choir practice they were already late for. 

  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  


“Great work everyone! Thank you so much for these past weeks! We truly couldn’t have done it without all of you.” Seungkwan annocened while the rest of his student council officers  applauded at the group of thirty or so people who volunteered their time to help with the dance. They had finished and stored all their decorations the day before which meant today was time for the final touches. A bunch of calls were made to confirm for tomorrow, furniture was moved to its rightful place, and ballots were gathered. The amount of votes casted and tickets sold told Seungkwan about how just many people would be attending. According to the school admin, this would be one of the biggest dances in school history. 

 

The six boys were excited, happy, and nervous all at once. They’d worked so hard to make everything perfect and get students to attend so it felt like their effort had paid off. But the couldn’t rest easy since they knew hundreds of people would be coming. As teenagers themselves, they knew how wild and reckless their fellow classmates could get. Hopefully nothing would go wrong under their watch. 

  
  


Since they were busy at work, a date was the last thought in their minds. During lunch that week, they talked about how each one of them had gotten at least one invitation from someone to accompany them to the dance, but they all refused. It wasn’t uncommon for them since the same thing happened last year, but they rather all go together than with a boy or girl they barely knew. Their popularity was something that didn’t faze them. Sure, they all came from wealthy backgrounds and got near perfect grades, but they were still a normal group of boys. Apparently the school didn’t agree by the amount of attention they got.

  
  


“Hey! You guys want to hang out and celebrate now that we finally finished everything?” Seokmin suggested which made everyone cheer. They were bouncing ideas off of each other trying to figure out what to do. The movies, arcade, and french fries were brought up, but Seungkwan was struck with realization. Today is Friday. 

 

“Oh, um, today? I forgot I can’t do anything today.” The president blurted out. He hadn’t even given himself time to prepare a decent excuse, so it was either tell an unbelievable lie or spill the truth. 

 

“Why not today?” Joshua asked with a puzzled expression.

 

“Yeah, you seemed pretty excited two seconds ago…” Seungcheol added.

 

“You never have any plans, so stop lying.” Wonwoo said, delivering the final blow causing Seungkwan to glare in his direction.

  
  


“Believe it or not, I have plans today.” The boy in the hot seat said simply. It technically wasn’t a lie. 

 

“Today’s Friday right? I thought you didn’t need to tutor that Vernon kid anymore since he is, in your words, a genius.” Mingyu stated with disdain. All the events had been exposed by Mingyu to the rest of his friends which made them wary of Hansol. It was obvious they didn’t like him around Seungkwan after the tiny bout of hurt he inflicted on him. To them, he was just an asshole who didn’t deserve Seungkwan’s friendship. The president completely disagreed, but his friends were, sadly, as stubborn as he was.

  
  


“Yeah I don’t tutor him any more, but we study together sometimes… “ Seungkwan said hesitantly. They were just friends studying together, but he knew the boys around him would make a big deal.

 

It was silent for a minute before Seokmin finally spoke up. 

 

“Well what are you waiting for? Go study with him.” He laughed, oblivious as ever to the tense atmosphere. Seungkwan looked to his other friends to see them avoiding his gaze. 

 

“You planned this in advance, so it’s only right to follow through with it.” Joshua said quietly. He, like all of his other friends, were protective of one another, but he knew what Seungkwan wanted. He knew how much this friendship meant a lot to Seungkwan even though it was young. 

  
  


As he left the table with his backpack, he peered over his shoulder to see his friends. They were back to their normal selves as they discussed plans. He somewhat guilty for leaving his friends, but he only sees Hansol two times a day at most while he’s seen them enough to last a lifetime these past two weeks. With everything that happened last week, cancelling last minute just seemed cruel. Besides, Seungkwan had a mountain of homework he had to finish and didn’t want to wait until Sunday night (like the rest of his friends) to finish it. 

  
  
  
  


The president tried not to run up the stairs to make it to the library. He was now thirty minutes late, and didn't really know what he was expecting when he finally arrived. 

  
  
  


It definitely wasn't this. 

  
  
  


_ “Ah~Yeah.”  _

  
  


Seungkwan shut the glass doors behind him quietly. He made sure not to make a sound as he entered the space. From the outside, before walking in, he saw Hansol talking to himself while waving his hands around. Well, it looked like talking anyway. 

  
  


He stealthily made his way across the library making sure not to be seen by his friend. He took note of the librarian, who was nowhere to be seen, and wondered where she could've gone. 

  
  
  


“I’m turnt up I'm super turnt up.” Hansol rapped into the highlighter in his hand. He was bored pulling out random books trying to find something interesting to read while waiting for Seungkwan. The librarian had been gone for twenty minutes now, so he figured he could get up and stroll around. He is technically ‘watching’ the library while she was out doing whatever. 

  
  


_ “Vernon, yeah, pull up on you whacks with the Mack fully loaded, uh-” _

  
  


The boy stopped immediately when he heard some scuffling and some tiny noises around by the non-fiction section. What was someone doing on a library on a Friday? He was positive he was the only one in the library, so either someone snuck in or he's imagining things. 

 

Something akin to laughter was heard at that very spot which made him rush over. He didn’t expect to find Seungkwan, of all people, smiling like he was trying to hold back his laughter with his hands behind his back. He rested on the floor peering up to Hansol with an innocent face, but eyes full of mischief. 

 

“How long have you been there?” Hansol asked skeptically.  Seungkwan saw the tips of his ears get red with embarrassment. The sight of flustered Hansol was rare, but when it happened it was… cute? He didn’t know if that was quite the right word. Whenever he stuttered while presenting in class or if he randomly lost his train of thought, it reminded the president of a little kid. 

 

“Hm~long enough.” The boy, who was starting to stand up, replied mysteriously. If the coy smirk on his face and hands behind his back told Hansol anything, it was that he’d seen about everything, and it’s probably recorded on his phone which is being held behind his back. 

 

“What’re you hiding Boo?” Hansol questioned as he took some steps forward to try to limit the other’s chances of escaping. Unfortunately, Seungkwan was always thinking on his toes, and slipped away from Hansol’s grasp in seconds. As he sidestepped, his skips turned into running with Hansol hot on his trail. His phone behind his back became a microphone as he mocked his friend.

 

_ “You ain't got no feel, got no feel” _ Seungkwan sang out in his deepest voice trying to imitate Hansol. The sound of his own lyrics being sung by someone other than himself made him feel a little less than humiliated. It only motivated him to catch Seungkwan and delete the video he knows he recorded. 

 

The two sprinted around the library with seemingly endless energy. Whenever Hansol got even close to Seungkwan, he’d make a sharp turn by the bookshelves. The wooden shelves filled with rows of books were the perfect spot to stay hidden. 

  
  
  
  


After a while, Seungkwan didn’t hear any footsteps or breathing to indicate where Hansol was. He relaxed a bit since the other probably lost him and went to go search elsewhere. As he was taking slow steps between the isles, he played the video on his phone. You could clearly see the boy rapping like he was alone in his room. A smile slipped onto his face after watching the short video a couple more times before saving it. It was then when he blindly turned a corner and got pushed up against a shelf which sat on the wall.

  
  
  
  


Seungkwan didn’t know how it happened. All he did was blink and now Hansol was a little too close with his phone in his hand. The president realized how short he actually was compared to Hansol, who was towering over him with a hand resting on the books above him. He also couldn’t help but notice how they were inches away from each other, close enough to breathe the same air. His heart jumped in his throat causing him to be rendered speechless.

 

“Can we please forget everything you saw? It’s kind of a secret.” Hansol asked sweetly. He waved the boy’s phone in his hand with a smile on his face.

  
  


“Not in a million years.” Seungkwan managed to respond. He tried to focus elsewhere instead of how close their bodies are or how Hansol’s eyes seem to be staring straight into his soul. He felt Hansol squint as if he had to focus on some tiny detail of his face while Seungkwan found the poster of the reading dogs on the wall suddenly interesting. He felt the west side kid laugh and get even closer, bringing their foreheads to almost touching. 

  
  


“Aw. Is little Boo getting shy now? Maybe a little flustered by how  _ close _ I am?” Hansol asked, even though he knew it was a fact. Seungkwan’s cheeks got redder which made them all the more noticeable to the boy looming over him.  He couldn’t bring himself to answer as his mind was getting messier by the second. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Boys… the library is a place for studying, and not for  _ whatever _ is going on.” The librarian yelled out from the entrance. From her distance, all you saw were two very close boys against a bookshelf until they jumped apart. Hansol felt the phone being snatched out of his hand by a sly looking Seungkwan as they made their way back to the table. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


For a second, Hansol saw Seungkwan, in a shy and flustered way that he had never seen before. He is always witty, level-headed, and nothing short of perfect in front of people, so to see him so vulnerable was incredibly interesting. At least Hansol thought so. But as quickly as it came, it left just as so with him returning back to his normal self. 

 

It happened some while ago, but it stayed on Hansol’s mind for longer than it should’ve. He found himself getting lost in thought staring at the setting sun through one of the library’s huge windows while the boy next to him diligently completed his work. They often sat in comfortable silence since Hansol was a faster worker and had less homework. Sometimes he would go get some snacks or play on his phone, but he always waited until the other finished to leave. It was just something they silently agreed on. 

  
  


After Seungkwan finally got off the phone with the pizza place, he took a deep breath and then opened his eyes. He internally cheered at the fact that Homecoming planning was finally over. It was was then when he realized the boy across was staring at him. The president moved to the left a bit while Hansol’s gaze remained fixed and unwavering. He really got lost in thought too easily. 

 

Seungkwan checked all the missed notifications he had gotten including many, many snapchats from his friends. As soon as they found out he had made the account, they stole his phone so they could be add themselves into his phone, going against the many times he protested. The only reason he kept the app was because of the cute filters. 

 

While pressing through many loud videos of his friends playing arcade games, a picture popped up with the caption ‘We miss you’ with all of them making sad faces into the camera. Except Wonwoo who had his face stuffed with french fries. They had seen him hours ago, yet here they are contacting him twenty-four seven. 

  
  


“What’s the smile for?” Hansol asked amusedly. Apparently, he had finally broke out of his trance and came back to the real world. 

 

“Just my friends. They’re hanging out right now.” Seungkwan said with a fond tone. Hansol could tell by the way he talked (and sometimes complained) about his friends that he loved them dearly. He couldn’t help but wonder how Seungkwan saw him as a friend. 

 

“Why aren’t you with them? You rather study with me than hang out with your best friends?” Hansol teased while peering up at him. His head was rested on his arm covered of the sleeve of his hoodie. From this angle, Seungkwan appeared taller instead of his small self. 

 

“Not necessarily, but it’s kind of rude to cancel last minute when someone is waiting for you.” Seungkwan replied easily. He knew the weight of his words, and messed with Hansol way more often than the other boy liked. 

 

“What? Too soon?” Seungkwan teased which eventually turned into a couple laughs while Hansol looked the total opposite of amused. As fun as it was, Seungkwan did feel slightly guilty for harassing him so much on the problem. He was completely over it, but Hansol could never tell. 

 

“Hansol. I’m joking, please stop looking like I just stepped on your shoes.” Hansol perked up instantly, totally forgetting to act like the pouty kid as he was doing before. 

 

“For your information, they were brand new, and limited edition!” He shouted, taken back to that day in class. He didn’t talk to Seungkwan for a whole ten minutes, and only caved because Seungkwan promised to buy him food after school. The librarian just shook her head at their loud antics, for she had gotten tired of shushing them weeks ago. 

  
  
  


The two talked until the sunset; which was getting earlier as winter approached. Somehow they ended up on the topic of Homecoming which excited Seungkwan more than it should’ve. Maybe it was because of his hard work and stress that he couldn’t help but boast about every little aspect of the dance. 

  
  
  


“So, who are you going with?” The president asked, trying to hide his interest. Hansol laughed at the question like it was one of the funniest things he’d ever heard.

 

“W-Who said I was going?” He retaliated between laughs. Seungkwan didn’t know what was so funny, and just furrowed his eyebrows at the boy in front of him. 

 

“Everyone is going this year! Wow, I’m really surprised to be honest.” Seungkwan voiced his thoughts out loud. Now it was Hansol’s turn to be confused. 

 

“I don’t really belong at a school dance. They’re pretty lame.” Hansol stated simply. This was one of the things that made them different. Seungkwan loved everything that had to do with the school, while Hansol was the opposite. He wanted to be as far away from all events if it were possible. 

 

“Didn’t I see you at a  _ school _ football game last week? If  you hate the school so much, then why were you even there?” Seungkwan questioned. It was a good one since Hansol couldn’t answer right away. He couldn’t find the words for it to make sense without Seungkwan asking even more questions. He definitely wasn’t ready for that. 

 

“My friends basically dragged me down there because one of us got nominated for King.” Seungkwan could recall instantly who he was referring to. Yoon Jeonghan, a boy apart of Hansol’s circle of friends, had unexpectedly been voted through. He asked his friends about him which made old rumors resurface that Seungkwan didn’t even know about. His grades were fair and school life normal except for when he was caught smoking with a bong in the bathroom with Wen Junhui, someone he had met just recently, during sophomore year.  Apparently, anyone at school can pay him to go on dates with him. 

 

Seungkwan knew whatever he was up to was suspicious as hell, and wanted to avoid him at all costs. He was definitely bad news. 

  
  


“Whatever. You should’ve still given it a chance. Now you can’t even go if you change your mind last minute.” Seungkwan replied quietly. Hansol didn't miss the way his lips turned into a pout. 

 

“Why’re you so sad Boo? Wanted me to go that bad?” Hansol’s question had caught him off guard. The east-side kid didn’t notice his friend was just teasing as he struggled to get an answer out. The black-haired boy just watched him fall apart while his cheeks turned red and tried not to burst out laughing. He made note to surprise him more often. 

  
  


“That’s not  _ exactly _ why. It’s just a fun time that you shouldn’t pass up. We worked really hard to make sure it would be one of the best dances in school history.” Seungkwan boasted after collecting himself.

  
  


“And a night with someone, or people, you care about could potentially the best you’ve ever had.” The president added. He just nodded in response. Those words stuck with him for a bit. A school dance wouldn’t be his definition of a fun time, but how could he know if he never tried? Before he could ever ask Seungkwan who he was going with or something else among the matter, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Oh, damn, I forgot about… something I have to do tonight. I gotta go.” Hansol said while looking down at his phone screen. He was busy typing away to notice Seungkwan looking as confused as ever. 

 

_ “I’m going to act like that wasn’t one of the most vaguest statements I’ve ever heard.”   _ Seungkwan said inside his head. He was wondering why Hansol was being so secretive, but he didn’t push it. The president collected his things quickly and rose up in no-time. 

 

“See you later then?” The president asked while the other was still caught up in his phone. It must've been extremely important since he didn’t even look up to Seungkwan until he was by the door. 

 

“Wait, Seungkwan, I’ll walk you out?” Hansol smiled and Seungkwan found it hard to deny the proposition. 

 

As they walked and pushed each other around on the way to their cars, the brown-haired boy felt funny. It was obvious Hansol had his own secrets to keep, and it shouldn’t have bothered him so much. But it did. He wanted to know, yet it wasn’t his place to ask. At least not yet. Sometimes, he felt so close to him, yet so far away at the same time.

  
  


It was a complicated feeling. 

  
  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  


 

Even though the initial excitement had faded, Seungkwan was still smiling ear to ear when he walked inside his house. 

 

His smile faded a bit once he saw what was waiting inside for him.

 

“Seungkwan! You're finally home sweetheart!” His mother’s voice rang in his ears like a warning of something else that he should be worried about. She closed the distance between them and engulfed her son in her arms. Seungkwan hugged back half-heartedly since his mind was already bothered with something else. 

 

“Such a surprise to see you Mom. I missed you.” He said in a hushed tone. It wasn't a lie in the slightest. He saw his parents no more than two times a week, so the loneliness burned at times. 

 

For a second, it just felt like the two of them in the whole house. Her embrace felt so familiar to the times he was in single-digits and their family was still together everyday. It brought back a past full of smiles and a heart beating with innocence. 

  
  
  
  


His mother had always been his favorite parent.

  
  


“Seungkwan. Hurry up and come eat.” He heard his father call from the kitchen, shattering the memories in his mind. Once his mother heard him be called, she returned quickly to where she came from. The teenager toed off his shoes and dropped his backpack with a sigh before making his way to his dad. 

  
  


When he turned the corner of the front hallway to get to the kitchen, he saw three people waiting for him at the table. Grace gave him a big smile and beckoned him with her hand to sit down beside her. 

 

“You're very late. You're lucky we waited for you.” His father commented while they started to dig in. Grace was an amazing cook and always showed her skills when his parents made their way home. He tried to focus on how delicious the food was and not let his dad get to him.

 

“Where were you? You didn't tell any of us you'd be home later. Try to be more considerate Seungkwan.” The boy bit down particularly hard while chewing the lettuce to his salad to try to contain his anger. He felt his blood simmer and everyone did too. His mother and Grace looked between the two men at the table with worry.

 

“Where was I? Are you suddenly starting to care about me now?” Seungkwan stared his father dead in the eye as the older man did the same. The tension could be felt from rooms away, but it's not like this was anything new. 

 

“Seungkwannie, please. We were just worried about you.” His mother chimded in before things escalated. Seungkwan turned to two women to talk directly to them instead of involving his dad in 

the conversation.

 

“I was hanging out with a new friend after we finished preparing for Homecoming. It’s tomorrow by the way.” The boy was back to his cheerful self as he described the plans for tomorrow. He didn’t fail to mention how grueling these past two weeks, but he couldn’t help but smile all the while. 

 

Grace smugly smiled at the mention of this new friend, and it took everything for Seungkwan not to mouth  _ “shut up” _ while his mother was interested more in the dance. She loved school events as much as her son did and even attended sports games and pep rallies when she had more free time in the past.  

 

He couldn’t say the same for his other parent. His father had little to no interest in small things that were important to his son. 

 

“Who’s this new friend?” His father asked in between bites. The president’s heart warmed slightly by the way his dad unexpectedly interjected in the conversation. The situation was delicate though. If they knew about Hansol’s… hobbies or how bad of a student was in the past, they would forbade any contact with him for sure. He hesitated which made his parents focus in on him all the more. 

 

“He’s… um… someone I met this year. His name is Chwe Hansol. We sit next to each other in one of my classes. He’s really nice.” Seungkwan tried to keep the statements as vague as possible to avoid conflict. 

 

“Last name Chwe hm? I don’t think I know of that name. What do his parents do?” His father asked. The question would seem random and out of  the ordinary, but not to Seungkwan. His parents always wanted to know every single detail about his friends and their friendships. 

  
  


“I don’t know.” Seungkwan replied and wish the topic would fly away, but sadly his father wouldn’t let it go so easily. 

 

“You don’t know? Well you should know. His parents could be people of no importance. It’s pointless to make connections with someone who won’t benefit you in the future. Where would that get you in life?” Seungkwan could only nod in response even though the statement couldn’t be further from the truth. 

  
  


“I’m only in high school. I’m not thinking about con-”

 

“Seungkwan, you are our only son and this company’s successor. You need to start thinking like a businessman instead of a child. Everything you do, including friendships, reflect the company. Don’t make friends with people that have no use to you.” the man stated like it was the cold hard truth, but Seungkwan didn’t believe so. He valued his friends like they were his world, and didn’t want to use them like a rag that would soon be thrown away.

  
  


“Not everything is for personal gain Dad. I make friends because I like them and they’re there for me… unlike you.” He didn’t mean the last two words to slip out, but his mouth moved before he could think rationally. Picking a fight with the man was basically arguing to a brick wall, but the truth was already out lingering in the air. 

  
  


“Excuse me? I am your father and you have no right to speak of me in the way.” His father said putting down his silverware with a  _ clink.  _ Their gazes didn't waver in the slightest, but instead intensified. His dad crossed his arms in question. The name brand blazer was crisp while his tie made him look truly professional. The wristwatch completed the look of the heartless CEO that he was rumored to be. 

 

To many, he was a boss, someone to look up to, but to Seungkwan he felt like anything but a father. 

 

“Are you really a dad? Because you sure don't act like one to me.” The boy raised up from his seat in anger while his father mirrored his actions. He wanted to make his way to the stairs, but his father had other ideas. 

 

“Really? Who raised you, cared for you, and put up with you this entire time? I feed you and give you this perfect life, yet you are still so ungrateful!” The father yelled at his son, making him stop in his tracks. The comments pierced his heart, but didn't slow the anger. In the heat of the moment, he marched right back to his dad. He should've been intimidated by the hard expression and looming figure, but he’s been down this familiar road one too many times before. This time, he’s not just going to stand to the side and take it. 

 

“You have no right to call yourself my father. You don’t care about me. You haven’t even given me a second glance since the company became successful. How can you choose work over your own son Mr. Boo Jaehyung?” Seungkwan’s voice was laced with disgust, but if  you looked closely, you could tell he was seconds away from emotional collapse. His father’s eyes soften for a millisecond, making the younger think for once he had gone too far, but they were back to their stern appearance. The two eyes captivated Seungkwan’s attention and filled his body with… fear. He had never pushed his father to this extent, but he couldn’t hold in the truth a second longer.

  
  


_ “Master! Please NO!” _

 

_ “Jaehyung stop!”  _

  
  
  


It happened too quickly for the teenager to notice. His eyes gravitated to the hand that was previously tucked underneath his father’s crossed arms, but was now inches away from his cheek. He didn’t even notice the tears that stained his face and were now sliding down his chin and neck. Seungkwan couldn’t help but step backwards in shock. His mother had her hands covering her mouth with her eyes staring directly at her husband. Grace was no different. 

  
  


His  _ father _ . The man he called his father was going to hit him. 

  
  


“Why don’t you just do yourself a favor and head back into the city? No one asked you to come home anyway.” Seungkwan heard the words buzz in the air like wasps that stung. Words were the most powerful weapon he could use against his dad. He realized this long ago, but he finally decided to put them into action. His tone venomous and eyes spilling with emotion. The sight of his son in this state would burn in his memory forever, and that was exactly what Seungkwan wanted. 

  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  


Last night’s events were pushed to the back of his mind. He threw himself into setting up for the big day since he needed all the distractions possible to take his mind off of what happened. He found it harder than usual, but still tried his best to stay positive for the long day ahead of him. 

 

His stomach grumbled loudly as he helped hang up the skillfully decorated masks. The teenager was starting to regret skipping breakfast, but he couldn’t muster up the appetite. Grace was out grocery shopping so he was left to fend for himself and eat solo. Sitting at the huge dining table alone wasn’t appealing in the slightest so he just hoped lunch would come fast. 

  
  
  


Finally, after two hours, Wonwoo, Seokmin, and Mingyu returned with enough fast food to feed a small community. It took everything from Seungkwan not to run towards the smell of fried food dipped in grease, but he remembered his diet. He had been all over the place, barely getting enough fruit and vegetables then in the past. His brain told him to reject it and find a healthier alternative, but his heart screamed at him to eat the food his friend shoved into his hands. 

 

He hadn’t eaten food like this in weeks. He  _ deserved _ this. 

  
  


“Have you ever noticed you’re a stress eater?” Mingyu sat down next to him with the same portion of food as Seungkwan. Their friends were still handing out food to everyone, so it was just the two of them for now but they’d soon join. 

 

“What are you trying to say?” Seungkwan had said playfully while inhaling his food. His mouth was full of food which made his cheeks fill cutely. Mingyu poked the side of his face which in return made Seungkwan almost bit his finger. 

 

“I’m saying you turn to food when you’re a mess. Do I need to get pictures from freshman year during exam season?” The blond reached for his phone that resided in his pocket slowly so Seungkwan was able to grab his wrist with a glare. 

 

“Don’t make fun of my chubbiness!” He hit his friend on the arm hard, but laughing all the while. Mingyu continued to rub his arm in fake injury while watching Seungkwan devour his food. 

  
  


“Why is Seungkwan stress eating?” Seungcheol announced to the pair with three others following behind them.

  
  


The president almost choked on his french fries as everyone sat along the circular table. He didn’t remember ever showing his emotions through his eating habits, but leave it to his friends to notice it before he did. Everyone looked at him worriedly as they took small bites, but mostly focused on him. It was always like this whenever one of them was down. Last year, Wonwoo barely said a word when his cat died. 

  
  


“My parents… we kind of faught. Well my dad and I.” Seungkwan left the explanation vague in order not to trouble his friends. All they needed were the few words to understand the situation. Each person had met Seungkwan’s parents and they were intimidated to say the least. Of all their parents, Seungkwan’s held the most power, with being owners of a flourishing global company, so the boys couldn’t be anything but scared when they faced the two. 

  
  


“Do you want to talk about it?” Josh asked quietly after some silence. They had to finish eating their lunch before responding or talking with their mouths full. 

 

“There’s nothing really to talk about. He doesn’t even act like my Dad half the time, so he thinks he can still control who I’m friends with. I’m almost a legal adult. It's unbelievable.” Seungkwan ended harshly as some of last night’s anger had still been coursing through his veins. He could tell his friends were still confused, but they understood not to push the boy. It was something they couldn’t relate to since Seungkwan’s father was on another level of parenting, but they could still love and support him as always. 

 

Before he could even blink twice his friends were around him hugging him like a huge cozy sweater. They didn’t let go until the boy in the center flashed a smile and started pushing them away with laughter. Seungkwan couldn’t suppress his happiness, and realized how truly fortunate he was to have these boys in his life. 

  
  
  


Their moment shattered when a tall, lean boy was calling out to them from the other side of the cafeteria. 

  
  


“Hey! Kim Mingyu! My guy is here.” The boy had hints of an accent in his voice and was dressed in black ripped jeans and an oversized shirt that came to his upper thighs. His hair was dyed red with the sides faded, giving him a somewhat harsh appearance, but as the group got closer they noticed his face was… adorable looking? 

 

Seungcheol was about to ask the stranger who he was, for he had never seen him in his life, but was stopped by Mingyu. The two boys locked hands and embraced which made the other boys riddled with confusion. 

 

“Oh! Um… Guys this is, Xu Minghao. He’s the guy I know who knows a guy to DJ tonight.” Mingyu smiled while grabbing the boy’s cheek in affection. The shorter, Minghao, looked as if he was going to cut off Mingyu’s hand for even touching him more than necessary. He pushed the tall boy away to gain back his personal space. 

 

“You guys probably don’t know me, but yeah, just call me Minghao. I’m a senior too.” 

  
  


The rest of the boys introduced themselves to the stranger while Seungkwan thought about the name. Minghao. It sounded somewhat familiar, but he’d never seen him before. How would he know him? 

 

While lost in thought, another person appeared. This boy was smaller than everyone, but looked meaner than your average stranger. He didn’t even smile, but just walked up to the group. He, like Minghao, was dressed in black jeans with a black shirt to match. He had wire framed glasses and brown hair cut like his friend. Seungkwan swore he’d seen him somewhere, but he doesn’t know where that would be. 

  
  


“I’m Lee Jihoon. You can call me Jihoon or, by my stage name, Woozi. I promise you I know my shit and I’m not going to ruin your precious dance.” His face quirked up in a fraction of a smile, but was gone just as quick. He walked away to set up the equipment while the five boys looked at each other, baffled by these new people they’d met. Just what kind of connections does Mingyu have? 

 

Seungkwan couldn’t ask him that since he was busy chatting up his friend Minghao which, the president might mention, none of them knew about. Between their shared looks and glances, they’d definitely ask him about it tonight. The boys soon broke apart to finish setting up while Mingyu strolled around with Minghao. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The six boys were supposed to be there early to greet people and make sure things got started gracefully, but of course, fate had other plans. On the night of the dance, Seokmin  _ would _ be the one to realize that he’d forgotten to buy a mask, Seungcheol  _ would _ rip his pants playing around while getting dressed, and Mingyu  _ would _ tell the limo company the wrong time. 

 

The boys didn’t even want to ride in a limo, but Mingyu’s mom insisted they had to go all out for their last homecoming. She couldn’t hold back the tears as she took pictures of the boys, but his dad did try to calm her down while holding back some of his own. 

 

As the long car finally pulled up, the boys darted inside. 

 

“Boys! Have fun tonight okay! I love you all so much.” She cried out from their porch making her son cringe and the boys laugh. For a second, they forgot they were almost an hour late to their own dance. 

 

“Are you guys really making me wear this? All of you have nicer ones.” Seokmin whined from his spot in between Wonwoo and Joshua. Wonwoo, who was laughing more than usual today, couldn’t hold back when the boy next to him put on the ski mask they found in Mingyu’s attic. It was either that or his little  sister’s middle school art project. 

 

“It’s your fault for not buying one when we all did weeks ago. How can you have a masquerade dance without a mask on?” Seungcheol asked rhetorically while the back of the limo filled with laughter once again. 

 

“I don’t think you should be talking. At least he has pants on, so leave him alone.” Joshua snapped at the older boy as he stitched the black thread to cover the hole Seungcheol had created. The laughs and giggles only increased, but Joshua was far from amused. The many times he pricked his finger in the needle made him think this situation was far from funny. 

  
  


“Seokmin what's that in your blazer pocket?” Mingyu pointed to the lower pocket that was sticking outward. Whatever was in there was oddly shaped. 

 

“I don't remember putting anything in here…” he reached inside and pulled out a small golden mask that would cover the space around his eyes. It looked beautifully made with different materials that had it poking out in odd directions. The piece was uniquely abstract. 

 

The whole car groaned at the fact it had been his pocket the whole time. Leave it to Seokmin to forget something so important.

 

“I knew I bought one!” He cheered and joined the rest of his friends while they put on their masks.

  
  
  
  
  
  


That Saturday night was awfully windy. Students who were just as late as they were ran to their school entrance before their masks and dresses flew up and away.

 

The group of boys got out, catching a few stares and they straightened their clothes (and got their clothes on in Seungcheol’s case). They all had different variations of black and gold on. Seungkwan, specifically, had a gold pinstriped jacket with black slacks. His tie matched his mask, which was just plainly gold. 

  
  


The walked into cheers and loud music. From the entrance, you could see Jihoon managing the equipment with grace. They were surprised to see the amount of people up and dancing since it sometimes took a while to get everyone up and moving. 

 

After passing the ticket booth, the six of them slowly walked side by side to the main floor. They looked like models or actors in the movie since the entrance was that dramatic.

  
  


“Everyone! Look who's finally here!” The small boy, who was dressed in a simple all black suit and even had a black mask covering his eyes, called out into the microphone. The students’ attention shifted to the six boys and they screamed in excitement. Some even coming up and giving high-fives, but they mostly just waved from their positions until the moment passed.

  
  


Seungkwan didn't even notice he was now all alone since his friends didn't even give a warning to where they were going. He spotted Mingyu talking to another boy, probably Minghao, while he saw Wonwoo sit down at a table. He couldn't find the rest. Before he could decide where to even go, a sudden voice shocked him making his heart rate sky rocket. 

  
  


_ “Wow. Look who finally decided to show up..” _

  
  


It's probably a figment of Seungkwan’s imagination because no way in hell  _ he  _ is here of all places. Unbelievable. Nope. 

  
  


This surely isn't happening right?


	7. falling for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their last homecoming doesn't really go as seungkwan plans, and he doesn't know how he feels about it, but he knows he would probably do anything for hansol to be happy. meanwhile, one group of six boys and another group of seven boys kind of mush into a huge group of thirteen, and jeonghan catches everyone off guard (except of himself of course).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ! i just want to say i love y'all and i hope you guys are happy! did you miss me? i missed yall wtf  
> i wasn't really planning on updating today, but i finished another chapter today and i was like FUCK IT MA N. this one has been collecting dust and i just needed to put it out there right freAKING NOWWWW. it made me freak out writing it. i hope you freak out reading it?  
> -shout out to my irl bud for finding my fucking fanfics. you have too much power. everyone should know if he says one word to anyone i'm deactivating my accounts IM NOT JOKING.  
> -oh yeah this chapter is fucking long srry (7k? and not rlly srry)

Hansol really couldn’t believe himself and neither could his friends honestly. 

  
  


“You? You, Chwe Hansol, are suggesting we go to the homecoming dance?” Minghao said slowly and surely, over enunciating his words like he was talking to a little kid to make sure he had heard his friend correctly. His reaction was far from unexpected since Hansol really wasn’t one for being stuck in a crowd or school functions unless he absolutely needed to. 

 

“I mean, yeah, I guess.” He said simply as if it was enough explanation. The boy crossed his arms.

 

“I never thought you'd be so whipped dude.” Chan said looking at his fingernails uninterestedly like it was a well known fact. Jeonghan was two seconds from loosing his shit as his cola almost spilt out of his mouth. Hansol glared daggers at his friend  who was too ballsy for his own good. 

 

“I'm. Not. Whipped.” 

 

“Yeah? Well, you're definitely going soft.” Said Jihoon who spoke up from the couch cushions he was buried between. Hansol was surprised he could even hear the conversation with his music blaring while he was so focused on his laptop that rested on his lap. 

 

“Soft is not the word. Whipped is better. He’s  _ so _ whipped for the little goody president rich boy.” Soonyoung pointed a finger accusingly and shouted at the top of his lungs. He was so excitable at times that even hopped on their coffee table of their little underground ‘workspace’. 

 

“Don’t talk … about him like that… ” Hansol starts out strongly, but ends the opposite. He had never wanted to eat his words more than in that one moment. The boy just couldn't stop his mouth from talking. It was like instinct to defend Seungkwan. He couldn't just sit there while they mocked him like they knew him. Even if they were his best friends, it just felt so wrong. 

 

Silence filled the space of the basement in an instant. The hyperactive Soonyoung mumbled out an apology seeing how serious the situation had turned and jumped off the worn, wooden coffee table back to the cracked concrete. Hansol just buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. It isn't in his personality to be all uptight and get defensive over a little insult. He's the exact opposite. He plays around and vibes in a nonchalant mood, but Seungkwan may have just made himself an exception in Hansol’s mind. 

 

“No offense, this is speaking as your best friend, but what's up with you?” Minghao asks without a trace of a joke in his voice. Hansol slid his fingers through his black hair after meeting eyes with each of his friends. He really didn't know how to answer that. Minghao is anything but subtle, so the question caught him off guard; but he knew what his friend was hinting at.  _ “Why have you been acting so weird these days and why does it have everything to do with Boo Seungkwan?”  _

  
  


“It's simple. Are you guys really that dense?” Jun detached himself from Jihoon, who was still diligently working on whatever was on that laptop, and sat up on the couch. As he raised his eyebrows expectedly, Hansol, Minghao, and Soonyoung shot him a look of confusion while Jeonghan seemed to be smirking at the situation. Chan just shook his head, but you couldn't miss the hint of the smile on his face. The Chinese boy let out an amused laugh and knit his fingers together. 

 

“Okay.  Since half of you are  _ so  _ slow, let me lay out the facts.” He dramatically popped his knuckles and pushed aside the product they were rolling on the table (that Soonyoung had stepped all over, but they were still going to sell). Once Jun had a clear space, he started creating a visual with his hands. 

 

“So, say one person and another person are total opposites, but are forced to spend time together because shit happens. They don't really get along at first, but somehow things start working out and they become friends.” Jun uses his fingers to show the two “people” slowly come together. He looks in Hansol’s direction and the smile on his face looks a little too big for the elder’s liking, but he keeps watching his demonstration. 

 

“They start hanging out  _ a lot _ and they talk about each other even more than  _ a lot.  _ Every sign in the book says they like each other. I mean, who voluntarily does their homework with someone unless they want to fuck?” Jun asks making Jeonghan and Chan fizzle into laughs. Hansol’s eyes practically roll into the back of his head while Soonyoung and Minghao eventually catch up to reality and understand what Jun is trying to say. 

 

“Haha. Very funny, but I don't…   _ like _ Seungkwan.” Hansol said bitterly like he was swallowing a pill dry. Why was it so hard to state a fact? It was true right? 

 

“Vernon. We’ve known each other for three years. You know you can't just blatantly lie to us right?” Jihoon, whose work was now on pause, said after everyone’s laughter had calmed down. For it to be coming from Jihoon of all people made it feel even more realistic, but he was sure Jun was just getting in his head. He and Seungkwan were friends. They had just become friends. He may have started to care for him a little quickly, but still just a friend. 

 

“I’m not lying! He’s just a friend! I barely even know him.” Hansol blurted out. It was something he didn't want to admit, but it was true. When he stepped back, he realized he doesn't really know Seungkwan. It was understandable since they had just met only two months ago.

 

“Whatever. You're just making up excuses now.” Chan accused with a smile on his face. The boy in the middle of all this felt his face getting red with frustration. No matter how many times he said he didn't like Seungkwan like that, his persistent friends wouldn't hear him out for a second. 

  
  


“Fine. You know what? I'll prove it.” 

  
  


The teasing stopped in an instant. 

  
  


“We go to homecoming tomorrow. Seungkwan really wanted me to go  _ as a friend bec- _ ”

 

“As a date-” Soonyoung corrected. Hansol felt his hand ball up into a fist at his side. 

 

“We all go, and I will have him admit to you himself that we will  _ never  _ date because I don't like him like that, and he certainly doesn't like me like that.” 

  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  
  


Hansol doesn't remember the last time he was at a school dance. Or a costume party. This felt like combination of both.  As he laid low in the shadows of the cafeteria, he scanned the area of the room. It was almost an hour into this damn thing and no sign of Seungkwan and his friends. Just when he thought about joining Chan, who was currently talking to a couple of people they knew, his ears recognized Jihoon’s voice cut through the trashy pop music. 

 

“Everyone! Look who’s finally here!” 

 

The six boys walked in shoulder to shoulder and caught the attention of the entire population of the dance. Hansol felt his lips quirk up in a smile as he spotted a boy with a gold mask on. As he got closer, his friends dispersed which made him stand out even more in Hansol's eyes. 

  
  


Even when he was just steps away, Seungkwan still didn't notice his presence. It was dark enough that he would probably start to notice when the other was mere breaths away. Hansol shook his head. There was no reason to be that close. 

  
  


“Wow. Look who finally decided to show up… ” Hansol felt his mouth move but his eyes never leaving Seungkwan’s figure. The boy he was watching intently turned to face him instantly. His eyes were visible and he could see them grow large. Hansol wanted to laugh as he took a couple steps back in shock. 

  
  
  


Seungkwan wasn't dreaming. He was a thousand percent sure Hansol was standing in front of him at Homecoming. A school dance. It felt unreal for him to be here and even more unreal for him to look so… amazing. His hair was styled up like it was on their first outing. It went well with his neat appearance. He wore all black, including his mask that only covered his eyes, except for his blazer. It was bright and eye catching gold. Seungkwan wondered how he didn't spot him when he walked in.

  
  


“Want a picture? I know I look good and all-” Hansol’s voice broke Seungkwan’s trance. He suddenly found his designer shoes way more interesting instead of meeting Hansol’s eyes. Of course he would get _caught_ staring openly at his friend like a full course meal. How embarrassing. He found himself showing this side of weakness in front of Hansol too often. 

 

“Aw. Is Boo a little embarrassed?” Hansol wrapped an arm around the smaller playfully making Seungkwan quickly push away in return. He narrowed his eyes at his friend before fast-walking to the food table to escape the seemingly never ending teasing. 

 

Too bad pizza couldn't camouflage him when it counted.

 

Hansol followed him at every turn, and Seungkwan felt like he just couldn't escape. It felt so elementary to be pacing around the many people, but his heart was beating in his chest like he liked it. 

 

After a minute of cat and mouse, the president could hear someone loudly call his friend’s name and drag him away. At the sound of it, Seungkwan looked over his shoulder to see Hansol. Their eyes locked and the former couldn't help but laugh as the latter’s eyes screamed for  _ help.  _

 

Seungkwan felt… weird, or lame. He couldn't put the his finger on the word that described the emotion he felt when Hansol was around. His cheeks glowed red while his head was slowly turning into a muddled mess. Maybe it's just tonight. 

 

Realizing he was standing in the middle of the dance floor like a mad man, he quickly vacated back to where the food and drinks were. Suddenly feeling hot and thirsty, he poured himself a cup of punch. The liquid was gone as fast as it came, yet Seungkwan flinched. It burned going down his throat. 

 

Something wasn't right. 

  
  


He brushed his brown bangs off his forehead as he brought his second cup up to his nose. He sensed a familiar, yet distant taste that he couldn't put his finger on.

 

“What are you? A sommelier now?” Seungkwan didn't jump this time when Hansol appeared out of thin air. The latter seemed slightly out of breath, but every little hair still perfectly in place. 

  
  


“Hey. Drink this.” The president took his cup and gave it to the other.

  
  


The black haired male furrowed his brows, and reluctantly took the paper cup. He looked down at the red liquid before downing it in one go. His face was sour as he came back up, but he evened out into a laugh.

 

“It's good. Spiked. Which makes it even better. I think that's like… Smirnoff or something which is why it burns so bad.” Hansol smiled and tried to get more.

 

“What are you doing? That's alcohol Hansol…” Seungkwan glared at him like he had grown a second head, and Hansol had done the same.

 

“We’re teenagers Seungkwan. It's not really that serious. You can't even get drunk off of this!” Hansol defended himself and stepped away from the other. 

 

“It's still underaged drinking! That's dangerous and some kids drove here. What if they get hurt? I have to get rid of this immediately.” The two boys unconsciously raised their voices which made a couple of people couldn't help but glance. 

 

“They can taste the alcohol. They know what they're doing, and so do I. I’m not going to get drunk off of spiked punch. If you don’t like it, then don’t hang out with me. ” Hansol stated. It was simple. 

  
  


“Don't forget you smoked weed Seungkwan. Those are drugs if you didn't know. So don't act so high and mighty with me because I know you.” 

  
  
  


Seungkwan watched his friend’s back as he turned away from him. He didn't mean to push his views on Hansol, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted him to be safe. His friends studied and volunteered, not “worked” and smoked. Seungkwan forgot how different they are, and he should be more considerate. 

  
  


He should go apologize. 

  
  


Just before he could go find Hansol, Seokmin tapped him on the shoulder. 

 

“I finally found you! Dude where have you been?! Never mind. Doesn't really matter. We gotta announce the Homecoming court winners!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan didn't really register himself getting pulled through the crowd and onto the small platform that Jihoon stood on with his DJ equipment. He notice the small boy, with his usual brown hair tousled to appear the right amount of attractive and carefree, peer up at Seungkwan. Maybe it was the look the younger held on his face that made him hesitate before handing him the microphone.

  
  


They didn't know each other really, but somehow Jihoon could sense it. Boo Seungkwan appeared to be an open book at times. He watched a switch flip as soon as the president brought the microphone to his lips. His eyes turned brighter in an instant. 

  
  


“Hi everybody!”

 

The crowd of students immediately brought their full attention to the shining boy on the stage like moths attracted to the light. They screamed in excitement because they just  _ knew  _ what two crowns on a long pillow with Seungkwan and Seokmin standing next to them meant. 

  
  


“It's finally that time of night.” Seokmin said ominously which got students even more jittery. 

  
  


“In my hand, I have the two people you voted to be your Homecoming King and Queen.” Seungkwan waved the envelope dramatically making everyone jump up and down crazily. He swore amongst his classmates he saw the administrators smiling as well. The atmosphere of the dance must be getting to them too. 

  
  


It was no shock to anyone when Seungkwan called the name of the Queen. Half the cafeteria cheered as the Cheerleading Captain, a really good friend of Seungkwan’s, made her way on to the stage to get her crown. They'd always had classes together and seen each other on volunteer communities. 

 

After Seokmin had placed the crown on her head, she turned to give Seungkwan a tight hug which he wasn't expecting. He laughed at the bright smile on her face before getting back to the anxious crowd. 

  
  


“And Your Homecoming King is…” 

  
  


While taking the other card out of the envelope, he could already tell whose name was printed on the slip of paper. He wanted to be shocked, similar to the rest of the student body, so he tried not to let his surprise show.

 

“Yoon Jeonghan!” 

 

The cheers compared to previously were… kind of insulting. Everyone knew his name and made sure to scream for him as he made his way to the stage to get his crown. He appeared like a true king in his glittering gold blazer which contrasted his simple black mask that only covered his eyes. The outfit was a look only Jeonghan could pull off, and made him even more eye-catching. 

 

Once the two royalty were side-by-side on stage, the students separated into couples or stood off to the side of the wall since they knew what came next. 

 

A slow dance for the King and Queen. 

 

It’s been old tradition for decades, but some schools still kept to their old values. It was up to the two people who had won. The slow-paced song would still be playing no matter what they chose. 

 

“U-Um Jeonghan! Do you want to dance?” Seungkwan tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation as he and Seokmin followed the two to the dance floor. He'd never heard her sound so nervous, but Jeonghan was that kind of person. His reputation intimidated many who didn't know him personally. 

 

“Oh,” The boy rubbed his neck trying to find the words to say. He brushed his dark hair, that was slightly in his face, out of the way. Suddenly, he took her hands into his in an act of sincerity. 

 

“I've been waiting for the right moment to make a move on this one person all year, and I think tonight is the night. I'm sorry to leave you hanging sweetie, but I got to go take my chance.” Jeonghan winked and disappeared into the crowd of swayers. The song had just started, but he had ran off to go find who he'd been looking for to pull into the spotlight in the middle of the dance floor. Everyone had reserved that space for the King and Queen to dance together or with whoever they wanted to. Another aged tradition that students liked to stick to. 

 

Seungkwan felt a tinge of sadness in his heart for his friend who was now abandoned. She would probably go find the rest of her cheer friends and pull them with her into the spotlight, but right now she glanced around like a lost doe. 

 

Before the president realized what he was getting himself into, he made his presence known to her. 

 

“Ah! Omg, perfect Seungkwan! I had no one to dance with! Can you believe Jeonghan just ditched me?!” She almost shouted as she dragged him into the light quickly before the song was over. He peered back to look at Seokmin laughing his ass off at his despair. 

 

She placed Seungkwan’s hands on her hips as she pulled him close. Her fingers interlocked around his neck. Now that there were a couple in the spotlight, the students hollered from their distance. Seungkwan put on a small smile and just wished for this to be over with soon. 

 

“Like, what's wrong with dancing with me? Okay I get it. You've been trying to get someone’s attention for who knows how long, but that couldn't wait until after this one dance!? The photos would've been to die for! He's hot, I'm hot, We’re hot-” She began to ramble. 

  
  


It's not that this situation is  _ particularly _ bad, but she's just… a talker, and Seungkwan needed to find Hansol. 

  
  
  


“Hong Joshua!” Seungkwan instantly turned his head at his friend’s name being shouted. The voice was loud enough to capture everyone’s attention, even over the now semi-loud music. 

  
  


The whispers grew louder when the mystery voice belonged to none other than Yoon Jeonghan who was making his way over to the slender boy. Once they came face-to-face, their conversation could no longer be heard by every student in the cafeteria, but that didn't mean everyone wasn't watching. 

 

Seungkwan himself could barely make out Joshua point a finger to himself in the dark lighting and quirk his head to the side while Jeonghan laughed and nodded yes. He watched the pair make their way right next to him and the Queen, who were still swaying peacefully, and mirrored their positions. 

  
  


If you listened closely, you could hear the gasps around the cafeteria. 

  
  


Homecoming King Yoon Jeonghan turned down dancing with the Queen to dance with Hong Joshua. 

  
  


Seungkwan couldn't help but sigh. Gold and black balloons started to fall around them in the hundreds which made everyone cheer with excitement. He looked over to the two dancing boys, and couldn't help but stare like the rest. They looked amazing with their smiling cheeks and faces that were inches away. People were surely going to talk tonight. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


An hour of dancing around had gone by, and Seungkwan hadn't seen Hansol once. He'd even embarrassingly asked one of his friends, Chan, who was going in the middle of an intense dance battle with Mingyu. 

  
  


_ “I haven't seen him all night. Sorry man.”  _

  
  


He shouldn't let this affect his night, but now no one had seen him around. Seungkwan didn't want to be the cause of him going home. Homecoming is supposed to be a night full of great memories, and shouldn’t be ruined by one tiny disagreement. His friends would probably laugh at how easily he was giving into admitting he was in the wrong when Boo Seungkwan has a reputation for being stubborn. He just wanted Hansol to have a good time is all. 

 

_ “He came because I asked him to anyways…”  _ Seungkwan thought to himself.

  
  


“Hey! President!” He heard an assertive, but quiet voice call out to him. It took him more than a minute to find  _ who  _ exactly was calling him, but he saw Jihoon resting by the drinks while sipping on some fruit punch. 

 

“Hey. You called me?” Seungkwan asked awkwardly. He wasn't quite sure how to act around the mutual friend of his, but he wanted to make a good impression since he was sure word of their interaction would float around one of their friend groups. 

  
  


“Yeah. You're looking for Vernon right?” Jihoon replied after gulping down his drink making Seungkwan flail his arms in response.

  
  


“The drinks! They-  _ Alcohol! _ They're spiked!” The president urged the smaller boy to throw it away, but his insane arm motions just made him smile. 

 

“I know. It wouldn't be this good otherwise.” He tipped his cup in towards Seungkwan like some kind of salute. Maybe he was silently thanking him for the _ amazing _ beverage thinking it had something to do with the Homecoming committee, but the president can assure him this was not apart of any plan of his. 

  
  


The look on Seungkwan’s face was truly priceless. His eyes were wide, so wide that it was obviously seen through his mask, and his mouth was slightly agape in shock. It took too much from Jihoon not to burst out laughing at his expression. 

  
  


“But anyways, Vernon, he's probably on the roof, in case if you're actually looking for him. I saw him leave, but he hasn’t came back yet.” The shorter got some more to drink before Seungkwan could stop him or answer him. He didn't know whether to expose the truth to him. They barely knew each other, but talking to strangers did help at times. Then again, they weren’t really strangers considering he was Hansol’s-

  
  


_ “It’s so like you to over think something like this.”  _ Hansol’s voice rang in his head. It was a recollection from a not-so-distant memory, yet it couldn’t have been timed more perfectly. It was stupid. It’s like his head can’t stop thinking about Hansol even when he’s trying to find the boy. 

 

Seungkwan was so lost in his own thoughts that Jihoon’s statement was left with no reply. His hesitation spoke for itself apparently since Jihoon spoke up again.

 

“Ah, well. I should get back to Junhui before he breaks everything and ruins the dance.” He walks off with his drink while making his way back to the little stage towards the front of the cafeteria. From here, Jun could be seen delicately touching buttons trying not to break the expensive equipment. Before he’s even halfway there though, he turns around one last time.

  
  


“Remember the roof.” 

  
  
  


And Seungkwan does. 

  
  


☄️

  
  


The president feels the first bits of nostalgia hit when he climbs the first rod of the ladder. The time had passed so quickly, and if someone told the Seungkwan from three months ago that he’d be chasing after Hansol trying to see if their friendship was alright, he’d be laughing his ass off. This was the same boy he ‘called the police’ on the second they met just to get him to go to tutoring. 

 

Seungkwan never imagined he’d be here, kicking at the gravel that litters the rooftop, trying to gather his thoughts on how to approach the situation. Instead of standing there overthinking and letting his subconscious, that sounded too much like Hansol, he actually went for something for once. 

 

The chill of the night was felt on his cheeks as he neared the boy. He felt a whole shiver run through his body when he realized just how close Hansol was to the edge of the school. His feet were at the very edge, almost dangling off, that if you were to scare him and make him jump, he’d probably fall off. 

 

The president had his hands in his pockets, trying not to show that he couldn’t stop moving his fingers out of nervous habit, and stood behind the younger for a second. The moon shone down behind him which illuminated his back covered in the black dress shirt and his gold blazer laid casted aside. For a second, Seungkwan thought his position was exposed when Hansol shifted from his still position, but he just stretched. 

 

As he took a step, one that went unheard by Hansol, the other reached for the phone out of his pocket that was connected to the white headphones in his ears. Seungkwan wanted to laugh. Only Hansol would bring headphones to a school dance and actually use them. 

 

The night was quiet enough for you to hear the smallest of sounds, so of course Seungkwan could make out every lyric of Hansol’s blaring music. He had always gotten on to him for listening to it so loudly, especially when they were in class quietly studying, but it seemed like old habits died hard. 

  
  


_ “Don’t you see me now…”  _

  
  


Before he sat down, he took in the [lyrics](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60_GhdsXk_w) and the sounds of the voice that were being played. It contrasted the hard beats of rap that Hansol usually listened to. The male voice was soft, like a whisper, and reminded Seungkwan something he’d heard on Joshua’s playlist. 

 

This was definitely a side he’d never seen before. 

  
  
  


_ “I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you.”  _

  
  


Hansol had felt someone stand behind him from some time, and it was making him anxious to wait any longer. It was probably one of his friends trying to drag him back to that crowded, sweaty area, but he was content staying right here on his roof top where he belonged. 

 

Away from everything and everyone else. 

  
  


_ “Don’t you need me… I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you.” _

  
  
  


He didn’t know why he was putting himself through this suffering, but maybe he liked the pain. Having a vast music collection meant there’s a song for every occasion. Even when you’re rethinking your whole friendship with a boy, a boy you probably shouldn’t even be friends with, because of a stupid fight showing how different you both are. 

 

All it did was highlight the differences and make them stand out brighter than they did before. How could they fool themselves into thinking they could ever be friends when they have different opinions on every little thing. They were born into different social class even! All the signs were pointing at Hansol to end his effort, but why did he want to prove the world wrong? 

  
  


“If you think too hard, you’ll break your brain.” Seungkwan sat next to him on the gravel, and faced him as well. His skin glowed extra bright now that he was facing the moon.

  
  


_ “On this night, in this light, I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you.” _

  
  


Hansol let out a groan. He was the first and last person he wanted to see right now. 

  
  


“Nice to see you too Hansollie.”  Seungkwan joked, totally oblivious to Hansol’s internal confliction that was going on in his head which made Hansol even more upset. 

  
  


“Why’re you here Seungkwan?” Hansol asked. His tone was completely serious which caught the president off guard. He knew what he was in for when sitting down to talk with him, but he wasn’t used to Hansol acting so cold towards him anymore. He didn’t like it at all. 

 

“To...um...apologize and stuff.” Seungkwan winced at his wording. It couldn’t have been more awful, and didn’t express a fraction of what he was feeling about the situation. 

 

“I mean, I wanted to say I’m sorry for trying to control you at the dance. I just- you know- care about you a lot and for you to get hurt is the last thing I want to happen. I know you’re responsible, and I trust you to take care of yourself, so I really wasn’t thinking.” Seungkwan suddenly confessed. His pride wasn’t nearly as important as this bond with Hansol. He doesn’t know how he began to mean so much to him, but the adoration just keeps growing at rates he can’t keep up with. Hansol is a bag full of unpredictabilities, and Seungkwan would be lying if he didn’t want to know everything about him. 

  
  


Hansol’s sigh was long and loud like he’d been thinking too hard which made Seungkwan worry. It was so out of his character to overanalyze. 

  
  


“Don’t be sorry Boo. I shouldn’t have reacted so rashly anyways.” He scratched at his neck before he could continue with what he was about to say. Hansol didn’t understand what was so difficult about cutting this off. It was the only logical explanation to end this tiring attempt at friendship. 

  
  


“So we’re good?” Seungkwan instantly perked up which stabbed Hansol’s heart. 

  
  
  
  


“Well, I don’t know if we should keep trying at this whole friend thing.” He let out slowly and watched Seungkwan jump forward to him. The proximity between them reduced to half of what it was seconds ago since the brown-haired boy had leaped almost into Hansol’s lap. He jumped back in surprise, headphones falling to the ground between them, as the Seungkwan loomed over him with narrowed eyes. 

  
  


“What do you mean you don’t want to be friends anymore?” Seungkwan seemed as level headed as ever which had Hansol confused and maybe a little scared. Just yesterday he was getting flustered over Hansol slamming him against the bookshelf, and now the roles were reversed? 

  
  


“Exactly w-what I-”

  
  


“But why?” Seungkwan pushed further, crawled further, so that Hansol’s thighs were between his own. The position was making him sweat, but the other seemed more concerned with the topic at hand. For once, Hansol didn't feel in control of the situation. 

 

“We’re too different.” His voice was slightly unsteady, but tried to hold his ground. 

  
  


“Are we? You said it yourself we aren't.”

  
  


Hansol could recall a time when he considered that, but it went so much deeper than he originally thought.

 

“You're so perfect Seungkwan.” Hansol started out and didn't miss the way his cheeks blushed up in an instant. 

 

“You're the perfect student, with the perfect life, perfect grades, and perfect friends. I don't fit into that equation. I've fucked shit up before and to be honest, I don't even deserve the people I call friends right now. I'm not a good person like you believe me to be.” Hansol explained like everything was a fact. It hurt Seungkwan’s heart for him to say those hurtful things about himself so much that he just had to put an end to it. 

  
  


He would blame it on the magic of the night, but he knew his feelings and his heart were to blame. He had taken a liking to Hansol and there was no way he'd let him go tonight. He couldn't stop his body from moving on its own, but he relied on purely on  instinct.

 

It took Hansol by complete surprise when Seungkwan rested on his lap and forcefully grabbed his cheeks with his hands. The two shared complete eye contact, which was hard to maintain when Seungkwan was staring at him with such  _ emotion _ , for a minute before he started to talk.

 

“I don't care about your past Hansol. About how shitty of a friend you  _ think _ you are because I know the truth. I know about a guy who's incredibly smart, comes up with cheesy nicknames, looks after me, helps me on my homework, and didn't let our friendship go when he had the chance. It's too late for you to try and get out. You're stuck with me. And I don't even want you to go because you're an amazing friend who is so much fun.”

  
  


Hansol wondered if he could hear his heart beating in his chest because it felt that loud. Seungkwan kept looking at him like he cared and it wasn't doing him any good. He overplayed that song, so it was stuck in his head. There were so many components racing in his mind right now, and it looked something like  _ seungkwan, seungkwan, seungkwan.  _

  
  


“I...Okay.” Was all he could muster out. He was too speechless to think of a more suitable answer. 

  
  
  


The response was enough for the president who borderline collapsed on top of him out of relief. Hansol grew tense at the proximity while Seungkwan was suddenly aware of just  _ who  _ he was sitting on. The sight of the growing tint of red that stained his cheeks all the way to his ears and him scrambling his way up (and tripping just a bit) was enough for Hansol to call it even with the universe. 

 

Since it was obviously not on his side. 

 

Seungkwan quickly grabbed his hand before dragging him to the ladder after realizing the dance ended too soon. Hansol tried to be present, but his mind ran a mile a minute. 

  
  


Since when was he not able to define his feelings for Seungkwan anymore? 

 

The only answer he had for himself was the hammering heart in his chest. 

  
  


_ “I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck.”  _

  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  


He didn't know if Hansol realized how obvious he was being, but Seungkwan wasn't  _ that  _ dense. He could tell the distant look in his eyes that something was weighing heavy on his mind. 

 

He wouldn't force him to open up, but it didn't suppress his growing curiosity any less.

  
  


“You're a terrible dancer.” Seungkwan commented as they stepped away from the crowded mess of people that were still here even though it was nearing midnight. Hansol only stifled a laugh and looked down upon him, but a response never came. 

  
  


They stood in silence for a beat of a second before Seungkwan grabbed his hand. Hansol noticed he was being awfully touchy today. 

 

_ “Maybe he was always like this, but you're just so aware now that you-”  _

  
  


If there was a way to fight his subconscious, then it'd be dead in a ditch right about now.

  
  


“Wanna take some pictures? I'm guessing this is your first and last Homecoming after all.” Seungkwan smiled, and Hansol felt a bit weaker than he did two seconds ago. 

 

“Sure thing Boo.” 

 

There was surprisingly no line, but a couple was finishing up as they arrived. They held up cute heart props that seemed to fit their vibe perfectly. 

  
  


“That’ll be five dollars.” The cameraman said looking as bored as ever since he'd probably been to a million school functions before. 

  
  


“Thank you for working tonight Sir.” Seungkwan smiled his way before dropping a twenty dollar bill in his hand. The man thought to himself for a moment, but then it clicked.

 

“Ah! The kid from over the phone. Thanks for choosing our company.” Hansol guessed they must've had a joyful conversation from the way the man smiled. 

 

Seungkwan seemed to know what he was doing, so he just followed his lead. He watched Seungkwan dig into the treasure chest full of hats and props before he was handed a crown that matched the president’s.

  
  


“That suits you.” Seungkwan stated simply while waiting for the man to set up his equipment. Hansol knew he was referencing to the crown and wanted to laugh. In no way did he resemble any type of prince or royalty. 

 

“Whatever you say  _ Queen Boo _ .” 

 

“Call me that one more time and I'll make us trade.”

 

“Do it. I don't even know why I'm wear-”

  
  


“So is this your date?” The cameraman started to make conversation which was typical for a service provider taking a little bit too long, but Seungkwan was caught off guard for a second. He looked up to Hansol, who looked kind of amused, to get any shred of help, but he proved to be worthless. He loved to see Seungkwan struggle after all. 

 

“Uh, yes! He  _ is  _ my date. How did you know?” Seungkwan asked sweetly as he closed the gap between the two of them to attach himself to Hansol’s arm. He looked terrified and shocked all at once which only wanted to make Seungkwan keep up this charade. 

 

“Hm. I can see it in both of your eyes. Young love is special you know.” He fiddles with the camera a bit more before he's finally ready, but both Seungkwan and Hansol feel a bit self conscious. 

 

“Ready?” 

 

They both nod and stand close together. Seungkwan feels Hansol’s arm on his lower back which makes him feel squirmish, but the smile on his face doesn't falter. The flash is bright and sends his eyes blinking like crazy. 

 

_ “Seungkwan! Mingyu is totally-” _

_ “Vern! We got this kid wa-” _

 

They both turned and jumped apart when their friends came running over to the backdrop. The cameraman paused his work and said it was fine since there was no line. 

 

“You never told us we were taking picture Vernonie.” Jeonghan said sweetly while pulling Joshua to his side. “Yeah Seungkwan! You should've told us we could've taken a huge group one.” Joshua said which made everyone, including Mingyu who looked half dead, cheer in response. They were already diving through the chest to get props. 

 

“Look Seokmin. Stand next to me while I hold this.” Soonyoung announced to everyone while holding up and arrow that said ‘I'm with stupid’. The laughs made Seungkwan smile. He loved that the two of their friend groups were getting along together, so why was he so irritated right now? 

  
  


“What's wrong?” Hansol nudged him as they haven't moved from their positions in the middle of the backdrop since they jumped away from each other. Everyone had started to fill in beside them, including Jihoon who had a ‘trusted individual’ watching the equipment. 

 

“Nothing it's something really selfish.” Seungkwan replied which he instantly regretted. Now Hansol will never stop bothering him until he gets it out of him. Before he could ask Seungkwan again, he turned the tables on him.

 

“The real question is what's wrong with you.” He said in a hushed tone, but everyone was too loud and distracted trying on things to realize they were talking about something. 

 

Hansol didn't know what card to play. Denial or feign innocence. No matter what, he wouldn't be admitting anything anytime soon because he  _ himself _ didn't even know what was wrong. 

 

“I don't know what’s wrong… I guess this problem is a little selfish too.” It wasn't a lie when he thought about it. Feelings are extremely selfish. But the fact that he threw Seungkwan's words back in his face, made the small boy push him slightly. Over all the noise, Hansol’s ugly laugh stood out even though it wasn't too loud. 

  
  


“Everyone ready now?” The cameraman laughed probably at the ‘youth these days’. A few select voices agreed in response.

 

A  _ flash _ went off. 

 

“Okay wait! Take a funny one!” Seungkwan turned quickly making everyone scurry around trying to find a position. Before he knew it, Soonyoung was grabbing his cheek while resting his foot on Wonwoo’s shoulder. The president was astounded at his flexibility. 

 

Another  _ flash _ . 

 

“Okay, okay, now serious.” Seungkwan felt the edges of his lips twitch because they couldn't stay still. He looked over to Hansol who was completely serious with a straight face and wondered how he did it.

 

Another  _ flash _ . 

 

_ “Oh shit. Was I looking at him for the picture?” _

 

“Were you looking at me for the picture?” Hansol smirked his way which caused Seungkwan to scoot away. He bumped into Seungcheol, who wasn't next to him before, with Jihoon on his back. Everyone was going insane. Maybe it was the traces of alcohol in the punch. 

 

“You're imagining things Chwe.” Seungkwan looked away. 

 

“Oh really? Well, look at me right now and see if it's my imagination.” 

 

Seungkwan instantly turned to face him, but was confused. Then a  _ flash  _ went off, and suddenly things made sense. He was going to look so thirsty for Hansol’s ass in these damn pictures. 

 

“I counted thirteen people, so is that how many I’m printing?”

 

And the worst thing is, everyone is going to see. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was the last dance, a slow one, and already past midnight. They all had danced their little hearts out and were now considerably drained, but the excitement of the night was still there. The nice cameraman said they could come back at the end and he'd have their photos ready so they didn't have to wait. When they did come back to his table though, he was gone but an envelope sat in his place. 

  
  


Seungkwan opened it and started passing out the photo strips. 

 

“I don't know what's worse. The fact that Mingyu isn't even conscious in these or that Seungkwan is practically undressing Hansol with his eyes in half of them.” Wonwoo said aloud after they all had their pictures in their hands. Hansol stifled a laugh while Seungkwan’s cheeks heated up in an instant. He looked over for him for any help at all, but of course he just shrugged and carried on about his night. That  _ asshole.  _

 

As much as he denied it, the teasing still didn't let up. The photos showed a different story. He walked away while grumbling about his stupid friends with the envelope in his hand ready to throw away. As he loomed over the trash can, he realized there were still pictures inside. 

 

_ “He probably gave it to us on accident.”  _

 

He turned over the picture and then quickly hugged it to his chest when he realized just  _ what  _ it was. 

 

It was no accident. 

 

At first, he was disappointed when he realized the first picture the photographer captured wasn't on the photo strip. He even considered calling him to get it, but maybe the elderly have extremely good sense. 

 

The two pictures were of him and Hansol. He looked stupid with that tiara-like crown on, but Hansol was different. He was something straight out of a bedtime story with Prince Charming and his attractive appearance and great body. Seungkwan could admit he looked very, very good. 

  
  


Good enough to make his heart skip just a bit. 

  
  


The two pictures weren't big enough to fit in a photo frame, but appeared to be made for wallets or keychains. The sight of them made Seungkwan’s heart warm. 

  
  


“That was our last song for tonight. Thank you for coming to this year’s Homecoming dance! Make sure you find a safe ride home.” He instantly tensed up at the sound of Seungcheol’s loud voice over the speakers. His hands moved to shove the pictures back into the envelope and into his blazer pocket. 

 

He removed his mask and with it, a weight lifted off of his shoulders. This year he worked so hard to make it much more enjoyable than the last, and if the laughs of his friends or the smiles of the students leaving didn't tell him he did a good job, then he didn't know what else would. 

 

His face felt sweaty and he was a thousand percent sure he had those red lines from his mask, but he was too tired to care. 

  
  
  


“Where'd ya go?” Hansol pushed his shoulder with his. He was just as sweaty, yet he still looked as amazing as the pictures. 

 

“Wouldn't you like to know.” 

 

“I would that's why I-”

 

Everyone was starting to clear out, so the parents and janitors were coming in with trash bags to clean up. Seungkwan had tried to offer and stay behind, but they claimed the students had already done enough. Sudden vibration and  _ dings _ of cell phones could be heard in certain pockets.

 

Jihoon was on the phone with someone while people hauled the musical equipment away, but Seungkwan would guess he got the notification too. Everyone in Hansol’s circle of friends, including Hansol, got a text. 

  
  


“There's an after party at Minhyuk’s.” Chan stated and looked around to the circle with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

 

“No.” Jeonghan and Hansol said at the same time. 

 

“Why? They can come with us.” Soonyoung pleaded. 

 

“Which is exactly why we shouldn't go. They wouldn't survive this shit. Mingyu is tipsy over spiked punch and Seungkwan almost kicked my ass for drinking it.” Hansol discussed. It's like the six people weren't even there. Seungkwan looked to his friends in confusion as they did the same. 

 

“Who's Minhyuk?” Joshua asked the million dollar question. The boys look amongst each other and burst into a fit of laughs. 

 

“He's just a crazy kid who throws some kick ass parties that we  _ are not _ going to.” Jeonghan talked as if he were recalling on a distant memory. 

 

“Yeah. Don't you guys have curfews?” Minghao asked while flopping Mingyu on a table so he could go get him so water. He was beginning to sober up earlier, so he figured he's just tired and using Minghao as some kind of pillow. Minghao decided to be nice and let him have his way, but on Monday he’d surely feel the pain he's feeling in his arms right now. 

 

“We- Not really.” Seungkwan lied. All of his friends looked at him unconvinced. They were blessed with trusting mothers that didn’t track his phone location every hour, or fathers that tried to control his life, so they had no worries. Seungkwan was a different story, but didn't want to pass up the opportunity to see a  _ real _ high school party. He felt stress and excitement all at once. 

 

Hansol, Minghao, and Jeonghan said no. It was too risky and the six of them would stick out too much, but Chan, Soonyoung, and Jun wouldn't budge. They claimed Minhyuk’s parties weren't something you get invited to often. 

 

“Why don't you let them decide for themselves?” Jihoon, who had just recently joined the conversation, asked like it was common sense. It was a great idea. 

  
  


The five (and a quiet Mingyu) of them didn't even have to deliberate for longer than a minute. Seungkwan wasn't the only one with excitement running through his veins. He didn't know how he was going to pull it off, but he was actually going to take a risk tonight. He’d always heard about how fun these things were, but never admitted to wanting to go. 

 

Their nods were enough for the three to celebrate, and the other three to look at each other in worry. Minghao practically carried Mingyu by the shoulders to wave the limo driver down. The excitement was heard by the boys who had never been treated by something so luxurious.

  
  


“Where to?”

  
  


Tonight was definitely going to be something to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o shit. there we go. everything is a lil complicated now...i swear the little petty arguments are over though!  
> \- but i'm trying to go back to my original schedule of every 15th and 30th or i might stick to weekends tbh like sundays bc i write on saturdays. we shall see.  
> \- oh yes i made a new [twitter](https://twitter.com/simigang) for writing updates and just reccs so if you really love me you'll hit me up ;-)  
> \- song : [fallingforyou](https://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60_GhdsXk_w) by 1975  
> \- HAPPY EARLY HALLOWEEN to those who celebrate <3 thank you for all the hits / kudos last chapter! i haven't seen that response in so long. don't forget to comment!


	8. i'm fucked (and not because i'm drunk)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all seungkwan wants to do is learn the ways of beer pong (in a tournament-like fashion), but hansol's too caught up on the fact that his heart is racing, he's nervous, and a bit too protective for it to be considered friendly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe! im back y'all. im so glad i was able to become consistent. this was actually one super huge chapter (you would've know if you follow me on twitter), so i decided to split it up. this one is honestly the more...calmer half of the two, but don't worry! i'll be back with more soon! oh yeah...monsta x does make a cameo :-D

Seungkwan couldn't stop bouncing his legs in anxiousness the entire limo ride. Wherever this ‘Minhyuk’ person lived, it was on the other side of town. The liveliness of the car added to his excitement, but it couldn't hide one thing. 

 

“Vernon, you're being awfully quiet.” Jeonghan broke the trance that Hansol was in. Instead of adding to the noise of the cramped space, he opted to stay silent. His hands were folded in his lap and a still expression painted across his face. Before the elder called out to him, his body was as still as a statue, but his mind was still as active as ever. There were just some thoughts he couldn’t silence. 

 

The mention of his name caught Seungkwan’s attention immediately. He felt weird when they all piled into the limousine and the boy hadn't sat next to him. Instead, Hansol had chosen the end seat next to Minghao who was keeping Mingyu upright and slapping him awake every-so-often. He and his six friends had been up early, but they refused to let sleep overcome them. It was their first high school party after all. 

 

“You're usually so excited to go to these.” Minghao nudged his arm but all Hansol did was smile in response then go back to silently brewing about whatever he was on his mind.

 

Seungkwan couldn't keep his eyes off of him when a frown graced his face. He hoped the atmosphere of the party could smooth the lines away, or maybe, somehow, he could help. 

  
  
  
  
  


The president felt a shake on his shoulder. He repeatedly blinked until the foggy figure he saw in his peripheral turned out to be Seungcheol who looked a bit sleepy himself. He peered around to the rest of the cabin to see he wasn't the only one who had fallen victim to restlessness. More than half of them seemed to be stuck in that phase between sleep and wake as they rubbed their eyes harshly and yawned. 

  
  


“Alright, alright. Wake up Sleeping Beauties!” Soonyoung shouts loudly which gets everyone's ears ringing and, especially, Mingyu’s head pounding. The way too energetic kid snickers at the little  _ jesus fuck  _ the blond whispers to himself as he grabs at his temples. Seungkwan makes a mental note to never make a bet with Jun, Chan, and Soonyoung. 

  
  


“It's precisely,” the loud, black-haired boy whips out his phone from the pocket of his pants “1am. Perfect timing for a good entrance.” He smirked to Chan who was at his left. 

 

“So I'm assuming some of you have never been to a party before. No offense.” Chan started off. Their silence and avoidance of the question spoke for itself. He didn't seem to offend anyone since it was a true statement. The closest thing the six boys had came to this type of party would be their own hangouts or banquets they had been invited to, but, from what Seungkwan heard, this is a completely different ball game

 

“Well. That's fine. It's pretty chill. There's just some…  ground rules you could say.” It seemed like he was uncertain if he was using the correct terminology, yet everyone seemed to grasp the concept. 

 

“So basically, there's like unsaid party etiquette. Even at these things?” Seungkwan asked to clarify. 

 

“I mean, yeah, if you want to put a better name to it. There's most likely going to be alcohol and drugs here tonight, so if you're not good with that, then you might as well just stay in here with good ol’ James.” Soonyoung explained nonchalantly while  reaching over Wonowoo to tap on the barrier that separated the driver from the occupants in the back. 

 

“You guys aren't from this part of town like us, so we’ll be looking out for you in there. Just have fun. And oh yeah! Watch your drink at all times! Don't get too touchy with anyone unless… you know.” Jun, who was sitting across from the two, added to the conversation. Everyone nodded in understanding. It seemed like a movie if Seungkwan was being honest. He's watched way too many college movies where the main character blacks out from getting to drunk or does something they regret, and it's all starting to come back to him. What if people noticed they were different? Would they treat him like outsiders? The unanswered questions only fed at his hungry nerves.

 

Before he could process it all, they were already removing their expensive blazers so they wouldn't get stolen inside (a good point made by Jihoon). The Thirteen boys piled outside of the limo trying not to catch any more attention than they were already getting by the unusual sight. Mingyu went to the driver's side window to somehow convince James not to spill the secret to his parents about their location to his parents. They might be relaxed and fun, but they were still paying for this limo in the first place. If they found out he and his friends took it to a party with  _ drinking and drugs _ , he’d be dead for sure.

  
  


Seungkwan stretched a bit before really taking in his surroundings. With his arms above his head, he noticed the modern looking, one story home in front of him. All the lights were on inside, and weirdly, Christmas lights were already hung outside. There were cars parked all along the street as well as people hanging around the front porch with red cups in their hands. They'd probably be talking amongst themselves, but their attention was now focused on the new arrivals. 

  
  


Yeah… he has no idea where the fuck he is right now. 

 

The thought was scary and exhilarating all at once.

  
  
  


Their huge group was lead by none other than Soonyoung and Chan, who were recognized by people sitting on the lawn almost immediately. Everyone followed them to the front door in tow, Seungkwan included, until he felt himself be  _ yanked  _ backwards and into someone's grasp. 

  
  


“What-”

 

“Do you seriously want to go in there?” 

 

The president felt his body relax and then tense up again milliseconds later. He realized Hansol was literally against him, with his head leaning on his own shoulder to whisper things that should only be heard between them. Instead of focusing on his proximity, Seungkwan looked to the pale hand of his that rested on his shoulder. Okay, bad idea. That wasn't really helping either. 

 

Oh shit, he should probably give Hansol an answer before he thinks-

  
  


“Are you okay?” Hansol detached himself from Seungkwan just to stand directly in front of him. He avoided the pressure of Hansol’s gaze since he’d be able to see through his calm facade he'd been playing at. 

 

“I'm fine. And of course I want to go. We should all have fun as big group of friends right? Who would've thought your friends and my friends would be getting along?” Seungkwan thought it was best to direct the spotlight off of him and on top something more relevant. He wasn't lying. It surprised him how well all thirteen of them were starting to fall into place. Even if Hansol and his friends had gotten off to a bad start, it had obviously been long forgotten and left in the past. 

  
  


He continued to head to the door. His head turned a couple of times to see when Hansol had greeted a couple of other people. 

  
  


_ “They really are popular.”  _ Seungkwan couldn't help thinking. Everyone had tried to hug or say hi to Hansol like they knew him, and it just pipped his curiosity more about this ‘friend’ of his he didn’t really know. Hansol probably has an entire separate life from school that these people know about. It reminded Seungkwan of the rumors of the weed and gang rumors that circulated around Hansol’s name when they first met. He doesn’t even know how much truth those hold. 

  
  


_ “Just have fun. This isn’t even important”  _ He thought to himself while glancing to Hansol for a second.  His black hair was falling back down to his forehead like it was usually worn making Seungkwan want to brush it off his forehead, but ended up balling his hand into a fist. Tonight was really weird.

  
  


The door was already unlocked and slightly ajar which made it easy for the two to enter. As soon as they stepped into the crowded area, Hansol reached for Seungkwan's arm and tugged him close.

  
  


“Don't leave my side tonight Boo.”  He would've bursted out laughing at the mere fact that those  _ cheesy  _ words really just came out of Chwe Hansol’s mouth, but he was genuine. His eyes showed depths of worry that Seungkwan couldn't understand, so he just nodded in response. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Ah! Finally! Just the boy I wanted to see!” The screaming voice separated the two a bit. Hansol’s hand slowly dropped back to his side, as he turned to face the source of noise. 

 

Minhyuk of course. 

  
  


He looks no different from last time except for his hair. It's dyed a darker color: black, but he still has the same charming smile and loud screaming voice that will light up a room. 

 

“Vernon, honey, where have you been?” Minhyuk had always, always favored Hansol and his friends ever since they'd met, so he was used to him sticking to his side like glue. Seungkwan, however, was new to this situation. His awkwardness could be felt by looking at him as he stood by Hansol’s side waiting to be told what to do. Hansol wanted to laugh at the shocked expression of Seungkwan, but his happiness was short-lived.

 

“Oh? Who's this? Another new friend? Is this the famous Seungkwan the others were talking about?” He jumped away from Hansol and attached himself to Seungkwan like he didn't know the concept of personal space. The president tried to be friendly, but at the same time back off a bit, because damn this Minhyuk person is a  _ little  _ weird. 

  
  


“Ah yep. That's me. And you are?” Seungkwan tried to make conversation. The taller stopped patting his head for a second, and then bursted out with an excited scream. 

 

“Oh my god! Your cheeks! They're so cute! Hansol have you squished this guy’s cheeks before?” He turned to look at him with a bright smile on his face.

  
  


“I can't say that I have.” Hansol was two seconds from cracking up into a fit of laughs which was making Seungkwan enjoy this even  _ less _ , but no. He was a guest at this boy’s house, and he was raised to be respectful. 

 

Minhyuk was starting to get invested in Seungkwan’s facial features that Hansol couldn't bear to just stand to the side any longer.  He needed to get the two of them out of their fast before Seungkwan becomes scarred and sees Minhyuk in his nightmares. By the the way his eyes looked at Hansol and screamed  _ help _ , Hansol couldn’t have moved any slower. 

  
  


“Hey. Why don't you be a good host and get Seungkwan something to drink?” He suggested while wedging himself between the two as the brunet rubbed at his right cheek. 

 

“Of course. What would you like? We have literally anything.” Minhyuk batted his eyelashes making himself look cute. Hansol could only roll his eyes. 

 

_ “Oh god. This is worse than I thought.”  _ He said internally.

  
  


“Um,” he nervously took a glance at Hansol before deciding. “Water is fine.” 

  
  


As soon as Minhyuk’s back could be seen turning the corner to go into the kitchen, Hansol pulled Seungkwan in the opposite direction where a mass of people were located: the garage. The president felt himself exhale as the touchy monster was finally gone and out of sight. Before he could thank Hansol or ask him who that guy was from earlier, he felt himself getting pulled down rickety, forever-creaking steps that seemed quite unsteady under all their weight. 

 

Once they were at the bottom, there was an old, worn leather couch that sat in front of a television set. Some movie was playing that people weren’t really paying attention to. There was also a huge ass crowd surrounding a ping pong table? The burning smell of weed was so strong that Seungkwan thought he was getting high just off the fumes. As he peered around, he figured he was in the heart of the party which made him feel giddy for some reason. When the crowd cheered, he looked at Hansol in confusion.

  
  


“What’s going on?” Seungkwan asked and made sure to reach up to Hansol’s ear so he could hear him. The taller just smiled at him and lead him over through the crowd so he could understand what was going on. 

  
  


“Hey! Vernon, bro, you’re late!” Seungkwan turned his head and felt Hansol release his hand to greet the five people that surrounded him. He would join him, but he was too entranced by what was going on by whatever was going on in front of him. 

 

“Seungkwan! There you are!” Seokmin, who literally popped out of thin air, grabbed onto his shoulders with a smile on his face and a cup in his hand. The sight would usually worry Seungkwan, but he tried to trust his friends. They were almost eighteen after all, but he was just worried. 

 

“Hi Seokminnie. Looks like you’re having fun.” He steadied him with his arm so the boy could put some of his weight on him. For some reason, Seokmin thought Seungkwan was the most funniest boy in the world at that point, because he couldn’t stop giggling. 

 

“I-I am! Whatever is in this stuff makes me laugh so hard, and Jeonghan introduced me to the people who threw this party, but  _ I forgot their names already. _ ” He whispered the last part which made Seungkwan stifle a laugh. It was such in Seokmin’s character, even when he wasn’t halfway drunk, to forget something so trivial. Before the social-rep could start his worry-rambling, the president decided to ask something he’d hopefully be able to get a valid answer to. 

  
  


“What kind of game are they playing here anyway?” He gestured to the ping-pong table. Seungkwan hadn’t really been watching except for when the crowd would cheer. He only saw a ping-pong ball bounce once or twice, but he didn’t get the connection or how this game could work. 

 

The question made Seokmin gasp and clasp his hands in excitement. His eyes disappeared into cute half-crescents that Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile at (even if he was being incredibly dramatic). 

 

“It’s like this weird, drinking game that I kind of forgot how to play because I wasn’t listening, but I know it’s called Beer Bong. Or was it Peer Pong?” Seokmin slightly panics, but still slips from his drink. 

 

“Beer Pong?” A stranger asks. A really _ attractive _ looking stranger, who looks to be quite older than he and Seokmin, just like the cheek-pincher did. This guy had platinum blond hair and what looked to be faded blue ends (but it could just be the shitty lamp lighting). He was also dressed in tight black clothing and was slightly taller than him. Now that Seungkwan looks at his face, he recognizes him as one of the five that went to go talk to Hansol just minutes ago. 

 

  
“Yes! That was it!” Seokmin bursted out and nodded vigorously making the stranger laugh which let the whole world see his bright white teeth. Not that Seungkwan was interested, but he would appreciate a great sight when he saw one, and this guy was on another level of  _ hot _ . 

 

Before the three of them could slip into the depths of an awkward silence, the stranger outstretched his hand. “I’m Hoseok, but mostly everyone calls me Wonho. You guys came here with Vernon right?” he was talking to both of them, but suddenly Seokmin ran off when Jun called him from the other side of the table which left Seungkwan and Wonho alone. 

 

“Ah, yes. We did. I’m Seungkwan. We go to school together.” He shook hands briefly with him, but then let go.  Wonho took a sip of his beer after and then they turned to watch the game between two pairs of people Seungkwan didn’t know. Maybe he should go find the rest of his friends. Weren’t Jun and Seokmin just over there anyway?  

  
  


“Oh fuck, I’m kind of being a bad host even though it’s not my party. The host is my best friend. Do you want anything to drink or something?” Wonho asked just like the previous guy. So far, these boys seemed really nice which made Seungkwan smile. 

 

“I’m fine! I asked for water earlier from some guy upstairs, but as soon as he went to go get it, Hansol-- or Vernon, sorry, dragged me down here to find everyone else.” Seungkwan explained and for some reason the other found it amusing enough to smile.

 

“The only person I can think of getting ‘lost’ on the way to getting you a drink is Minhyuk. He’s probably  _ distracted _ in the kitchen with Jooheon.” Minhyuk. The guy everyone had mentioned earlier. So this was his party. The cheek assaulter must've been him too by the way Hansol was acting so familiar with him. Although Minhyuk sounded familiar, this Jooheon person didn’t found familiar at all, but Seungkwan figured it was just another one of Hansol’s many friends.

 

(Of course that comment flew right over Seungkwan’s head which made Wonho burst into tears and Seungkwan worry if he was okay.)

  
  


“So how did you two meet? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. ” The president already knew he was referring to Hansol and himself. He probably didn’t know what else to talk about amongst the two of them, and decided to just rely on the only thing they had in common. Seungkwan was surprised he was still talking to him when he probably knew every single person at this party. 

  
  


_ “This guy knows Hansol. Maybe you could find out more about him if you keep talking…  _ ” an idea crossed his mind. He tried not to smile to himself because he thought he was  _ that good _ .

  
  


“Oh. That’s actually a funny story sort of. At school I was tutoring him and stuff, but he wasn’t really showing up so I kind of ‘called the cops’ on him.” At the mention of the police, Wonho’s eyes got huge enough for Seungkwan to start laughing at the now distant memory.

 

“How did that go?” He asked, seeming genuinely concerned. 

  
  


“Of course I didn’t actually do it, but he thought I did. His face was priceless. I’d say it was a start of a beautiful friendship.” Seungkwan finally said and he swore he heard Wonho sigh in relief which made him laugh a bit. 

 

“How do you guys know each other?” If Seungkwan played this right, then maybe he’d actually know something about Hansol. It felt weird to be in the dark all the time, but he knew it wasn’t his imagination when he felt like Hansol was keeping secrets. 

  
  


The president could sense Wonho’s hesitation. 

 

“We’ve work together… kind of. ” He eventually said. 

  
  


“Oh yeah! He’s mentioned his job once or twice before. It keeps him pretty busy I’d say.” Seungkwan tried to keep the conversation going, but the way Wonho nodded silently and took a sip of his drink showed that the topic was at a dead end. What was this job and why couldn’t he know about it? He couldn’t help but feel frustrated, but at the same time, he had to respect Hansol’s privacy. 

  
  


“Hey Boo. I see you’ve met  _ this _ one.” The boy looks behind him to see that Hansol is tilting his head towards Wonho. Once again Seungkwan feels him up against him, but this time he grabs his waist and pulls him close. Through his back, he can feel the steady rhythm of a heartbeat which makes his cheeks flush. Did he forget they were in front of everyone?

 

The raised eyebrows of his five friends made Seungkwan want to evaporate, but Hansol wrapped his arms around his shoulders and linked them around his neck so his head would be resting on on the smaller boy’s shoulder. 

 

“Everyone, this is Boo Seungkwan. Friend of mine. Student Council President.” 

 

He paused so everyone could respond with a greeting. 

 

“Seungkwan, this is Hyungwon, Kihyun, I.M., Shownu, and you already know Wonho it seems like.”

 

He tried to remember their faces with their names in case this was the last time he’d be seeing them tonight. They were handsome and seemed older than high school age. He wondered just how Hansol and his friends were involved with them, but doubted he'd find out any time soon. 

 

“Nice to meet you all.” He smiled brightly which made Hansol cling onto him tighter. He didn't know why Hansol was acting all out of character, but he found himself getting used to his touchy mannerisms. If this was how things were going to be for now on, he didn't exactly… hate it. It reminded him of a little cute, stubborn kid

 

All five of them looked a mix between laughing and being mildly surprised while Seungkwan just continued smiling like he  _ thought  _ Hansol was doing.

  
  


If only he saw his face. He'd probably think his frown was cute, but he'd be confused as to why he was wearing it in the first place. 

  
  


“Okay. Good to see you guys again. Bye.” Hansol was less than brief and pulled a confused Seungkwan along with him away from the crowd and over to two lawn chairs that were surrounded by a cloud of smoke, but they were the only seats in Hansol’s direct line of sight. 

  
  
  


Seungkwan peered over to the two girls who were shooting finger guns at each other as they blew out puffs of smoke that were supposed to be their ammo. Did he look that crazy when he was high? He looks over to Hansol and he sees he's already looking at him. Their eyes lock for an entire minute with no waver until Seungkwan can't stand it anymore.

  
  


“I take my eyes off of you for one second and you're already making new friends.” Hansol says but his smile doesn't quite meet his eyes. Seungkwan swears he's never felt more confused than he has tonight, and he just wants to scream in frustration. It’s like Hansol is treating him like some kind of  _ boyfriend  _ with the way he’s clinging to him, but that would never happen. 

 

“You're acting so weird tonight you know?” Seungkwan voices without realizes it. He doesn't know how to begin to cover it up. Hopefully Hansol didn't hear him. 

 

“W-What do you mean?” He asked shakily. It took the other by surprise. Seungkwan thought he'd get defensive or something else unexpected that wasn't in his character, but now, he was being sheepish. He couldn't help but laugh at whatever Hansol was going through. It was making him act so…unusual. 

  
  


“No offense, but you're totally losing your cool right now and it's kind of cute.” Seungkwan pushed his arm playfully which made Hansol tense up and look at him in shock.

 

“What's wrong? You can hide a lot from me Hansollie, but at least tell me this. We’re friends right?” Hansol swore Seungkwn’s eyes were sparkling, but it might've just been the marijuana fumes seeping into his system. He looked so beautiful with the cloud of smoke around him.

  
  


Yeah, he was truly fucked. 

  
  


A high school party is one of the worst places he can think of where he could've came to terms with his unrecognized, unlabeled, and unfamiliar feelings about Seungkwan, but he _knows_ the little rich kid worked his way into his heart. That spot he's taken refuge to is becoming his weakness since Boo Seungkwan somehow always gets what he wants. 

 

So when he asks what's wrong, it's not like Hansol doesn't want to tell him, but he doesn't  _ not  _ want to tell him either. It's natural to be scared of ruining something that he wasn't even sure was quite started. When he woke up today, this brown-haired boy with squishable cheeks was his friend, but it's like something changed where he can't stop seeing him in such a bright, beautiful light. Was Seungkwan always like this? 

  
  


“We’re friends. Really good friends. And that's why I can't tell you just yet.” Hansol rested his chin on the palm of his hand. As he saw the girls bursting into giggles, it made him want to smoke, but he couldn't. 

 

He glanced to Seungkwan, who didn't hide his disappointment through his closed-mouth smile, which made him remember he needed to look out for him tonight. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


He just wanted to hide. Why did things have to get so complicated? 

  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  
  
  


Hansol had a right to be surprised. Pushy, nosy, and slightly overbearing Boo Seungkwan didn't interrogate him or throw a fit when he refused to tell what he was hiding from him. Unlike the time he wouldn't tell him his sister’s name, Seungkwan didn't give him the silent treatment. He just smiled and accepted the fact that it was just another thing he couldn't know just yet about him.

  
  


He felt thankful, yet confused. What was so different this time? In the few hours he figured it out himself, had Seungkwan known all along? 

 

The thought made Hansol’s blood run cold. He couldn't have right? 

  
  


“Hansol, what's beer pong?” Seungkwan asked which broke the other out of his thoughts and forced him to act normal. Hansol swore Seungkwan’s eyes were a little too bright and innocent which made him look out of place at the party. With everyone around them under some kind of influence of alcohol, drug, or emotion, Seungkwan was just so refreshing. He couldn't tell if he was actually being serious, or just messing with him, but his facial expression held his answer. 

  
  


The president was genuinely curious. Hansol wanted to laugh because Seungkwan really didn't know. 

  
  
  
  


“It's that game they're playing over there.” As he tilted his head in the direction of the ping-pong table which made his hair fall slightly on his forehead. He brushed it back to its place as he continued to explain. Meanwhile, Seungkwan followed his every movement with his eyes that seemed to speak volumes if you were paying attention. 

  
  


“You have ten cups which are usually filled with beer, but knowing Junhui over there, you probably don't know what you're drinking. To win, you and your partner are trying to eliminate as many of your opponent's cups before they get rid of yours.” 

 

Seungkwan nodded, but still looked confused.

 

“How do you eliminate their cups though?” Hansol seemed to leave out a key part of the game since Seungkwan remembered the flying ping-pong balls. 

 

“You throw them or bounce them, trying to get it to land in the cup. If it does, the other team has to drink whatever's in the cup.” Hansol said. 

  
  


After a beat of silence, Seungkwan's face morphed into realization. 

 

“Oh! I've seen this game before! In the movies! Can we play?” He looked at Hansol with his eyes begging and his hands reaching out to grab his. He knew how to play at the others weaknesses, but Hansol couldn't let him. He'd played the game enough times to know that it was fun, but could also be risky to someone who isn't used to alcohol. It will get you drunk fast, and he didn't need to be getting intoxicated tonight.

  
  


“I don't think so Boo. I me-” 

  
  
  


Suddenly, Soonyoung’s voice yelled out and drowned out every other sound in a five mile radius. 

  
  


“To anyone who's interested, we are about to have the best  _ fucking  _ beer pong tournament ever in existence, so if anyone else wants to join, hurry the fuck up!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hansol blinked at least ten times because things were happening too fucking fast. Before he knew it he was getting forced up from the comfort of his lawn chair and to the crowd of cheering, tipsy people. Before he could shout “wait, stop”, Seungkwan, as the unstoppable force he was, wrote their names in dry erase marker on the whiteboard because he wanted to. 

  
  


For the second time that night, Hansol found himself asking that critical question. 

  
  


“Are you sure you wanna do this? We don-”

 

“It’ll be fun! Please Hansol?” Of course he couldn't say no to those eyes and that pout that Seungkwan liked to pull out, but that still didn't calm his worry. They'll be fine if they just get eliminated first round right? His aim has always been shit anyway due to his lack of athletic ability, and he had no clue what Seungkwan was hiding. His eyes traveled to the board to see who they were going up against. 

  
  


“Is Minghao good at this game?” Seungkwan said in a low voice so the subject couldn't hear. He was near the two with Mingyu by his side. They seemed fairly sober, but awfully giggly. 

 

“He's pretty damn good. All my friends are good except for me honestly.” Hansol found it easy to tell the truth. He might as well instead of Seungkwan finding out in the middle of a game. 

 

“You should've told me. I don't like losing. Maybe Wonho would've been my partner? He was really nice.” Seungkwan teased, yet Hansol couldn't help but take a little bit of it seriously. The ugly emotion of jealousy burned in his stomach and made him quiet until his friend was nudging him with his arm. 

  
  


“Hey. I'm joking Hansollie.” Seungkwan tilted his head cutely which made Hansol flick his forehead in retaliation. 

 

“I know.” And that's the point. His mind knows he's joking, and yet he’s reacting like this. It hit him just  _ how  _ bad he had it, and he felt a little lost. How was he supposed to act to keep Seungkwan close enough to be friends yet not notice his growing feelings? 

  
  
  
  
  
  


The pair watched the first match start. Soonyoung and Woowoo versus Wonho and Shownu. Hansol and Seungkwan both were shocked by the unlikely pair of loud and proud Soonyoung together with mostly timid and quiet Wonwoo, but they quickly learned they had made a great decision to be together. 

 

They were sweeping the floor with the two elders. On their side they had eight cups and on their opponents there was only two. It didn't even look like they were trying. Hansol had already told Seungkwan that Soonyoung was probably the best out of all of them at this game, and Seungkwan said Wonwoo had a natural talent for everything. Their high skill only led them to compete when they were on the same team! 

 

“If I make the cup to right with my eyes closed, you have to do whatever I say. One thing I say.” Wonwoo bets while everyone cheered and raised their plastic cups in the air. 

 

“Yeah okay. When pigs fly Jeon.” Soonyoung looked at him crazy. 

  
  


“Your friend is pretty cocky.” Hansol said and smiled.

 

“It must be the alcohol.” Seungkwan was fully amazed at Wonwoo’s confidence. He was known for his biting sarcasm, but this was a new level to big headed ego that Seungkwan didn't know Wonwoo had. 

 

The entire room held their breath as Wonwoo went as far as closing his eyes  _ and  _ turning his head before letting go of the yellow ping-pong ball. It flew over the tiny net and landed with a  _ plop _ into the amber liquid into the cup. 

 

Jihoon, who was standing by the board keeping ‘score’, couldn't help by scream out in excitement.  Jun, who was helping him, shook his body and jumped up and down. Whatever the fuck Jeon Wonwoo was on, everyone was thriving off of it, but Soonyoung refused to hype him. ( _ “Beginners luck. Anyone can do that!”)  _

 

Shownu and Wonho were unable to come back since they were too many cups down. The two had great alcohol tolerance (it's to be expected) and gave a celebratory pat to Wonwoo and Soonyoung on their backs. 

  
  
  
  


Seungkwan felt a little less nervous now that he'd watch a game up close. To see one of his best friends do so good only motivated him, but before he could even ask him how it went he heard his name be called. 

 

“Vernon and Seungkwan. Mingyu and Minghao. You're up.” Jihoon beckoned with his hand. For some reason, Seungkwan couldn't stop his little anxious movements including his attachment to Hansol. He's glad the other didn't seem to mind as he just looked as calm as ever with both hands in his pockets. 

 

Seungkwan knew from tense clench in his jaw and then constant questioning that Hansol didn't even  _ want  _ to play this probably, yet he was being a good friend for him. The president recognized the familiar flame of competitiveness lighting inside his chest. While peering down in the wobbly reflections of himself in the cups, he made a promise to himself. 

  
  


_ “Let’s win this entire thing.”  _ It was an outrangeous and irrational type of promise that he's pretty sure Hansol didn't even want, but he thought about how cool it'd be to actually win. For Hansol to show off his new friend to his friends because he's  _ holy fuck he's secretly good at throwing ping-pong balls into cups of liquid?? _ Seungkwan couldn't explain why the thought made him so happy.

  
  
  
  
  


Once Junhui explained all the rules for Mingyu (and Seungkwan just to be safe), they played rock-paper-scissors to see who’d go first. 

  
  


_ “Of course Hansol chose paper. He's obviously not in his right mind.”  _ Seungkwan thought to himself as his partner came back to his side. They'd go second. Not a big deal. 

 

Everyone rolled their eyes at Mingyu and Minghao arguing on who was to go first until finally, Mingyu won possession of the ball and pushed his partner out of the way. It was kind of sad to watch the ball bounce and hit the small net separating the two sides. Everyone laughed except for Seungkwan who was far into the competitive mindset to crack a smile. 

  
  


“Let me go Chwe. I think I got this.” The president was sure of himself. Hansol tried to put up an argument, but stopped when he knew there was no stopping him and his stubborn ways. 

 

When he wasn't talking to Hansol or his new friends, he was watching  _ this _ very game being played. As he raised his wrist slowly with the ball in his hand, he thought to himself: 

 

_ “If I just throw it right, and it bounces on the table good then it should-” _

  
  


It went in. 

  
  


He let out a breath of relief while everyone hyped him with cheers and laughs. If he listened closely enough, then he'd hear people of the party asking just  _ who the fuck is that next to Vernon _ ? 

 

High on confidence and some adrenaline, he tossed the ball nonchalantly to his best friend Mingyu, who needed to pick his jaw up off the floor. The brunet turned to his partner, who looked just as shocked, but mixed with worry. 

  
  
  
  
  


_ “So much for throwing the game.”  _ Hansol thought to himself. This was going to be a long night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY FOR CONFUSED FEELINGS! have you guys ever been in hansol's position where you're deliberating on your feelings and you don't want to lose your friendship with the person you could possibly like? i wanna know! this is for science ;-) ! if you don't wanna tell me here hmu on twitter @ simigang !!  
> -OH YEAH. HAPPY MF COMEBACK. CLAP SHOT ME AND LEFT ME FOR DEAD. THE AMOUNT OF VERKWAN HAS BEEN ASTOUNDING THIS WEEK.  
> -also! sorry for the long chapter note, but i mention the side pairs and stuff. i WON'T be expanding on any of them. i know (esp during this party lol) i make some of them kind of obvious, but throughout the story im never going to outright say oh "____" are dating!1!!11 this is a verkwan-centric fic and im not going to stray from it.  
> -but, see y'all later! <3 don't forget to comment, kudos, and all of that stuff. THE COMMENTS LAST TIME MADE ME CRY. IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC I ACTUALLY CRIED. YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IT WILL MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY!


	9. drink a little (spill a lot)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> with thirteen boys fucking around at a party, some feelings are bound to come out and get twisted. the party still continues on though because goddammit, this is high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off i want to dedicate this chapter to lovely [borntovixx](http://archiveofourown.org/users/borntovixx/pseuds/borntovixx) !!  
> thank you for continuously supporting my updates! this ones for you babe <3  
> \- note : this is the second half of last chapter, so if you don't remember, then you should probs re-read that mess.  
> \- enjOY THIS EARLY UPDATE I MCCFREAKING LOVE Y'ALL THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE <3 hope your holidays are great / exams went well !

Hansol knows he's being hypocritical, yet he can't help it. He's hiding countless things from Seungkwan. He expects him to just sit there and be friends with him all while not asking questions, but he didn't think it felt like this.

  
  


“You're seriously not going to tell me anything? Not give me a little hint? At all.” Hansol borderline begged.

 

“Why should I Mr.  _ Closet-Full-of-Skeletons _ ?” Seungkwan said in a low voice without turning to face him. Instead, he focused on the last two cups that were in front of the two of them. Seungkwan, in the past half hour, had proved himself to be more than worthy opponent as he has single-handedly swept Mingyu and Minghao. Hansol had only thrown one ball the entire game so he wouldn't look like a mere accessory, but it's not like it affected the outcome much.

 

After barely winning their first match against two girls with pretty good aim, Jeonghan and Joshua were at their limit. By the way the elder clinged to the others every movement mixed with their whispers and laughs, everyone could tell they were so far gone.

 

Seungkwan was competitive, but not sadistic. He even told them they didn't have to keep drinking, but of course they were downing one cup after the other like the wine aunts they were slowly becoming ever since the night began. With one missed attempt by Joshua, and a win for the other two, Hansol got Seungkwan away from the crowd. It was now even more packed in the small space, so he lead them to stand by a wall where Seungkwan leaned up against.

  
  


“What? Why are you staring at me?” He pouted and pushed Hansol’s arm. His cheeks were the faintest amount of flushed which lead Hansol to believe that the alcohol was finally getting to him.

 

They'd taken turns downing the full cups of beer, and Hansol made sure to stress to him to drink it slowly, but alcohol is still alcohol nonetheless. Hansol brought his hand to his forehead.

 

_ “Never pegged you for a lightweight, yet somehow it's fitting.” _

 

They seemed to be locked into some kind of staring contest until Seungkwan couldn't help but look away out of sheer embarrassment. The world around him was slightly fuzzy, but he was still in the right mind.

 

“Anything to tell me?” Seungkwan asked. Of course he hadn't let that subject from earlier go. Maybe he should just make up some lie and be done with it, because there's no way in hell he can tell the truth right now.

 

“What about you? Wanna let me know why you're so good at Beer Pong? Hansol tried to deflect the subject of the topic from himself to something more interesting, but Seungkwan wasn't having it. Even when he's a little tipsy, he can tell when Hansol is avoiding the truth.

 

“It's not important! Have you ever thought about what I  _ actually  _ know about you Hansol? Yes, I know you're smart, and funny, and pretty fucking hot, but all that shit is so surface level.” He seemed a little more sober than the seconds before, and it takes the latter for a loop. He doesn't know what to focus on: the fact that Seungkwan’s kind of guilt tripping him into telling him shit or  _ holy shit he just called him hot. _  After standing there with his mouth agape open like an idiot, he finally musters an answer.

  
  


“I- I’m scared of what you'll think of me… about all of it. We should be having this conversation when you're almost drunk.” Hansol looks away. Where would you find water bottles at Minhyuk’s house? Maybe the refriger-

  
  


“But will we ever have it? Will you ever trust me enough to tell me anything about you? I don't know why, but I just want to be the closest person to you Hansol. I want to be there for you when you're down or when you're worried, but you won't let me in.” Seungkwan’s eyes were watering at the brim and Hansol was sure he wasn't even aware of it. Of how much of a beautiful mess he looked. Even with his heart hammering in his chest, he steadily brought his fingertips to wipe away the tears that threatened to fall. He couldn't help but feel guilty and responsible for this.

  
  


Seungkwan really did love his friends with his entire heart, and Hansol felt it. He couldn't stop his heart from beating faster when Seungkwan grabbed his hand, or when it sped up  _ even faster  _ at the sight of his blushed cheeks with him leaning against the wall. He was tipsy, truthful, and weighed even heavier on Hansol’s feelings.

  
  
  


He was utterly, completely fucked.

  
  
  


“Please Seungkwan, don't cry. Soon. I promise you I'll tell you everything there is to know about me and more okay. Just please, don't be sad because of me.” He whispered and it took everything in his will not to rest his forehead against Seungkwan’s. He hoped no one was watching solely because he wanted this moment to keep to themselves. Just have have him close, like on the roof of the school, was enough for him.

  
  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  
  


Hansol tried his best to keep Seungkwan far away from the alcohol while no one seemed to notice their little moment. They were too busy focused on the new “Beer Pong Champions” ( _ i.e Soonyoung and Wonwoo _ ) who were good enough to beat not-so-bad Chan and highly competitive Seungcheol. The match was almost over when Chan kept wobbling to the side and Seungcheol claimed to be seeing quadruple (not double!), but the two didn't leave without putting up a fight. Unlike their previous match with Shownu and Wonho, they didn't escape unscathed. Their skill was skill their but it was no longer as sharp due to how many drinks they'd consumed. Soonyoung was probably worse than Wonwoo, or maybe it was the type of drunk he was (Seungkwan couldn't tell). He did keep trash talking the rip in Seungcheol’s pants which did make everyone giggle way more than it should've.

  
  


“Oh god. Please tell me he's not… shaking his ass in front of everyone.” Seungkwan said lowly under his breath. It was exactly as it seemed as his friend held on to a wall and started grinding against it like everyone  _ didn't  _ have their phones out recording.

 

“This is why I didn't want you drinking.” Hansol had his arm comfortably around Seungkwan’s shoulder while they stood a good distance away. Both of their smiles erupted into full laughter when Seokmin joined in with Seungcheol.

 

“This is a fucking mess. Please don't ever bring us again.” The shorter glanced up so he could look into the eyes above him to make sure he could promise. Hansol just laughed, but didn't refuse.

  
  
  
  
  


“Okay. Long enough of a rest time. This is what you've all been waiting for.” Hansol and Seungkwan's conversation stopped immediately when they heard Junhui’s nasally voice echo within the garage space. The many people who were spectating screamed with excitement as the tournament was finally coming to an end.

  
  


“In this corner. We have the unlikely couple, who are actually going against each other instead of the other team.” Jihoon announced which made everyone laugh. Of course Soonyoung and Wonwoo were pushing and shoving about something that everyone else didn't know about.

  
  


“And over here, we have our little pair of  _ lovers.  _ Seungkwan and his little helper, who-isn't-really-helping, Vernon!” Junhui winked at Seungkwan, who's eyes looked like they were about to fall out of their sockets. The whole crowd around the table cooed at the sight of the so-called ‘couple’. The president turned to look to see Hansol’s reaction, and was surprised to see the flushed sight of his cheeks. Usually, he'd make a witty remark at whoever said it, but here he was, totally silent and compliant.

  
  


Seungkwan didn't get him sometimes.

  
  
  


“Hey. You two. Where's the beer and why’s there vodka in these cups?” Soonyoung asked suspiciously while looking down to the ten-cup pyramid on their side of the table. Junhui looked to be feigning innocence and Jihoon looked just as confused as everyone else, yet interested as they took a peek at the cups.

 

“If you're trying to give us alcohol poi-”

  
  


“God no! Jesus Soonyoung, you're so pushy when you're fucking drunk.” Jun snapped which caused everyone to hold in their laughter except for Wonwoo. He couldn't help it. He had formed a habit of hitting Soonyoung whenever something was funny. ( _ “I'm not drunk? Am I drunk? I'm not pushy either! Answer me Wonwoo.” _ )

  
  


“In honor of this lovely tournament formed by yours  _ trulies _ ,” Jun started out and wrapped an arm around Jihoon so he couldn't escape his grasp. Only Jun would use a word that doesn't exist to refer to the two of them, but no one called him out on it. It was just in his character.

 

“We've decided to end it with a surprise since you guys sure did surprise us. No offense Vern, but I definitely didn't think you'd make it to the finals.” He joked which made everyone smile and some laugh. Seungkwan figured he'd made that big of an embarrassment of himself that everyone knew just how bad he was.

 

“Hey I wouldn't if it wasn't for Seungkwan!”

 

“Yeah yeah, we get it! You want his dick! Anyway, we call this round Do-or-Die.” Jun said ominously. Just the title alone had enough power to spark some fear and anticipation in Seungkwan’s stomach. Meanwhile, Hansol was stuck on the fact if he had been exposed or not, but as soon as an innocent face (fear-stricken nonetheless) looked up to him, he knew he was in the clear.

  
  


“In those ten cups, five are water and five are straight vodka. Hopefully luck is on your side.” Hansol rolled his eyes at Jun’s dramatic antics while Seungkwan was the total opposite. He couldn't stop shaking due to nervousness. Even when Mingyu, who looked like a sweaty-overexcited puppy, was cheering him on with two big thumbs up, he didn't feel any better.

  
  
  


“Hansol, I'm literally going to die.” Seungkwan said while fanning himself. To him, it had gotten ten whole degrees hotter. He started to unbutton the buttons of his shirt when Hansol quickly grabbed his hands.

 

“Woah, woah, easy there. Let's keep our clothes on okay. I don't know why stripping is always the answer to everyone’s problems at parties, but you will keep that shirt on. It's just a game okay. If it makes you feel better, I'll drink all the drinks.” Hansol smiled, but it just made the worry turn into anger at himself. There was no way he could just let Hansol carry the burden of drinking so much, and risking alcohol poisoning. It's just a drink.

  
  


“Nonsense. I can handle it. Let's do this. We got this.” Seungkwan tried to reassure the two of them while Hansol just smiled. As much as he wanted to believe in the both of them, the determined looks on Wonwoo and Soonyoung’s face, told him this could only end anything but well.

  
  
  


“Rock. Paper. Scissors.” Seungkwan and Wonwoo pounded on their open palms and jutted out their weapon of choosing.

 

_ “Of course you'd pick rock. You're being too aggressive Kwan.”  _ Hansol thought to himself as the president smacked himself in the face due to frustration. That probably made Wonwoo gloat even more. He slapped his partner's hands with determination.

 

They were going first after all.

 

“Hey Seungkwan? If we win, can  _ I  _ take your spot as student council president?” Soonyoung boldly asked as he tossed the yellow ball in his hand up and down easily like he wasn't on the verge of full on intoxication.

 

“What kind of- fuck no!” Seungkwan laughed at the audacity of him.

 

By the look the two in front of him shared, he figured whatever they were scheming couldn't be anything good.

 

Soonyoung sniffed the air, and then smirked to Wonwoo.

 

“Hey do you smell that? Is someone cooking some  _ chicken? _ ”

  
  


The dramatic  _ ooh  _ in the background almost distracted Seungkwan from jumping across the table and grabbing Soonyoung by the black collar of his shirt. Luckily, Hansol has his eyes on him at all times and has come to learn Seungkwan is a little aggressive when he's drunk.

 

“Chicken? As in cowardly? Me? Okay well, fine then. Fuck you too Soonyoung. But if I  _ we  _ win…” Seungkwan starts to threaten while Hansol begs him to calm down half laughing because this whole thing is fucking hilarious. He knew Seungkwan was easy to mess with when sober, but this was a completely different story. Everyone was just watching worriedly because they didn't know if this whole charade was a joke or not.

 

An idea popped into Hansol’s head suddenly which made the corner of his lips perk up.

 

“If we win, then you've got to go out with  _ him _ . For two months. No girls, no fucking anyone else. Just him.” Hansol proposed which made Soonyoung tense up immediately. Everyone in the room knew Hansol was referring to Wonwoo, but they were a little lost as to why. Seungkwan had no idea what he knew, but he had a feeling it had to do with the blush the loud kid was trying to hide on his cheeks.

 

“Oh what? The infamous Soonyoung backing down from a bet? I thought there was never one too big.” Hansol sassed. It was always amusing to see him give anyone attitude and even more so to save his ass from getting embarrassed.

 

“Hey it's a deal. We’re gonna win anyway. Kwannie, you might want to get your little boyfriend on a leash.” The ever-so-quiet Wonwoo spoke up. For a second, Seungkwan questioned their four-year friendship and knew when Wonwoo winked at him, then this was all just a game. (But damn, someone might have to hold him back because he really felt like fighting Soonyoung.)

  
  
  
  


“Okay! Okay! Enough trash talk can we just get the game started please.” Jihoon begged from the sidelines which made everyone groan. Of course he'd be the one to ruin the so called fun.  _ (“Sorry I don't like my friends fighting each other like fucking betta fish”) _

  
  
  
  
  


Hansol and Seungkwan were a pretty decent Beer Pong team. Hansol wasn't too bad, but he made good motivation for Seungkwan. His smile was great and the pat on the back that tended to linger felt even better.

 

But he couldn't even clearly see Hansol right now. Everything was wobbly including the cups he was supposed to be aiming for. Their “decent team” relied on his aim and flick of the wrist, but it was all deemed useless with four entire shots worth of vodka in his system.

 

“...Kwan… Seungkwan. Let me.” He heard Hansol’s voice echo in his head put couldn't really put a finger on where he was standing or how far he was so he just put the ball out and hopefully it was near him. He felt Hansol take it, and pray, somehow, the gods graced him with the skill to toss a ball into the remaining cups for half a game.

  
  


He still wanted to win of course.

  
  


The two had decided they would alternate each time Soonyoung and Wonwoo made a shot into the cups. It was just Seungkwan’s luck that every single drink he'd taken would be alcoholic while Hansol’s was just water. Even when he felt his world getting blurry, he didn't let Hansol ease the burn by sharing the drink. He didn't want to admit how much it was feeding his ego whenever the crowd would go wild as he downed the cup full of clear liquid.

  
  


By the crowd’s reaction, it’s safe to say Hansol missed.

  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  


It would be a cool narrative to become the underdogs and come out with the win. They were down by four cups and everyone seemed to doubt them as Seungkwan seemed to get more and more hazy; more and more frustrated at the fact that the world was spinning and he couldn't aim properly. So it was up to Hansol to keep their little system going while Soonyoung, who’s alcohol tolerance was shit so he kept giggling like a five year old, and Wonwoo, who seemed totally unphased, looked nothing out of their ordinary selves.

  
  


After going back and forth a couple more times and snatching the plastic cup out of Seungkwan’s hand to drink it himself, Hansol was glad to accept defeat. He's an embarrassing Beer Pong player and didn't realize how much he'd relied on Seungkwan’s secret skills until tonight.

  
  


“You're looking at the new Student Co-Council President… Wonwoo aren't I your boss now?”

 

“It doesn't work like that idiot.” He heard Wonwoo hit Soonyoung’s back with a fit of giggles.

  
  


“Over my fucking dead body dipshit.” Seungkwan shouted out and for the second time tonight Hansol had to hold him back from fighting his friend. He did not want him to trash his entire reputation over a drunken fight that he'd most likely lose and it would be blasted over everyone’s Snapchat.

  
  


Everyone around them was starting to disperse and clear out which Hansol was thankful for. It was getting stuffy and harder to breathe due to the crowd of people that wanted to see the ametur ternament they had going on, but now that it was over, people would probably find something more entertaining to do.

  
  


“C’mon you alcoholic. You need water.” He felt Seungkwan cling to his back which made it harder to walk, but he found himself not wanting to let go of the warm body contact.

 

“ _ Hansollie _  why did you let me drink so much? I hate you~” Seungkwan cried out as they scurried over to the kitchen before everyone else made their way in looking for more drinks. Hansol felt instant relief when he spotted at least ten water bottles stored in the fridge.

 

“This is the only way you'll learn not to drink so much Boo. First time is always the worst you know.” Hansol realized he sounded like some kind of older sibling taking care of their younger brother by the way he was talking to Seungkwan. He was so child-like right now, so he couldn't help it. The way he stuck to Hansol’s side like glue and whined about literally everything made him wonder where that fiery, aggressive Seungkwan went from just minutes ago.

  
  


He downed the water like he had no self control which really reminded Hansol of a kid.

  
  
  


“Aye! Vernon! Seungkwan! Come upstairs quick.” He heard Minghao thump down the stairs loudly while brushing past the many couples on the stairs minding their own business. At first, Hansol just looked at him curiously. Knowing tonight, this couldn't be anything good.

 

“Hurry up! Everyone's waiting on you.” Minghao glared looking unamused at his friend, and clamoured back up the steps with just as much energy. Maybe now is when he should make a run for it with Seungkwan. After all, his house is-

 

“You heard him Hansol. Let's go!” Seungkwan pulled him towards the stairs. He looked back confusedly to see where the water bottle he was just drinking went and how he got all this energy, but he knew better. No matter how much time he spends with Seungkwan, he still gets caught off guard by his pace sometimes.

  
  
  


As they turned the corner of the last step, he tried to let go of Seungkwan’s hand, but the older male didn't budge. He peered down at him and was met with an expression of confusion.

 

“Why… are they sitting in a circle?” He whispered even though they were far away from anyone to hear.

  
  


“Oh fuck. Let's go down stairs before they see-” Hansol’s grip tightened on their interlocked hands as he turned on his heel to make their way back down the stairs. Games in circles. No matter what it is, it's always fucking bad. Gay chicken, Suck and Blow, or-

 

“Finally the love birds! Hurry up we are about to start  _ Truth or Dare _ .” Jeonghan shouted from across the open space.

  
  
  


The universe truly isn't on Hansol’s side it seemed.

  
  


Seungkwan was…  next to him, but next to him in the way Joshua was next to Jeonghan. He snuggled up to him and put his hand over his hand. He didn't question anything. He didn't want to question the way every time he laughed he felt it because he was  _ that  _ close to him, or how he felt Seungkwan’s eyes flicker over to the side of his face for a brief second.

  
  


“ _ It's the alcohol. It's the alcohol- _ ” Hansol repeated like it would calm his sanity.

  
  


He's never letting Seungkwan drink again that's for sure. At least when he's sober, he's a bit predictable. Now, one second he was ready to fight then another he wants to be near Hansol at all times like a clingy puppy.

  
  


The thirteen of them sat in a circle and watched the empty, glass beer bottle spin around and around until it finally chose its victim.

  
  


“Jeonghan!” Everyone cheered.

 

“Truth or dare?” Chan asked mischievously.

 

“Truth.” Everyone groaned.

  
  


“Where did you and Joshua sneak off to after you lost your game in the Beer Pong tournament?” Hansol’s ears instantly perked up and looked down to Seungkwan whose eyes were as wide as the moon. This was news to both of them.

 

“Sorry Chan. You know I don't kiss and tell.” The reaction was priceless from everyone. Half of their friends screaming at him saying that wasn't a valid answer and the other half fucking yelling at Joshua because  _ holy shit did you guys just fuck? will we ever know? _

  
  


“Anyways! Let me spin!” He grabbed the bottle and gave it a whirl. Hansol’s heartbeat quickened as it started to slow down near Seungkwan.

  
  


And it full on stopped when it was face to face with him.

  
  


“Seungkwan! Oooh. Truth or dare?” He felt the boy next to him tense up in nervousness. Hopefully he wouldn't be gutsy and try to impress by picking dare. Hansol couldn't save him if they made him go hump a tree or something stupid like that.

 

The smirk on Jeonghan’s face was astounding.

 

“Be honest with me Kwannie. Would you ever date our precious Vernon?” Jeonghan asked.

 

Suddenly, the memory of yesterday flooded back into his head.  _ “I will have him admit to you himself that we will never date because I don't like him like that, and he certainly doesn't like me like that.”  _ Hansol said himself he didn't even like Seungkwan and that he'd make him admit that he would never date him…

 

So many things changed in just a day. Now Hansol, like everyone else, is on the verge of their seat wondering what Seungkwan is going to say. Their friendship has been so rocky, but tonight they've acting so warm and domestic that it's confusing Hansol even more. He doesn't want to ruin things with Seungkwan, but if he had a little insight to what he was thinking…

  
  


Then maybe…

  
  


“Um… hell yeah? Have you seen this handsome face? How could I say no? But we are totally best friends so… ” Seungkwan nervously laughed and fanned his face because even the tips of his ears were getting red.

 

Hansol felt absolutely numb. By the way his friends were all wearing the  _ ‘I-fucking-told-you-so’  _ looks on their faces, maybe they were right. Maybe he had a chance.

 

“Boo, it's your turn spin the bottle.” He whispered which must've took Seungkwan by surprise by the way he jumped. He did rise from his position next to Hansol to flick the bottle a bit.

  
  


“Seungcheol, truth or dare!”

  
  


☄️

  
  
  


By the end of the night everyone was tired, but they still knew it wasn't over until all bets were fulfilled. Seungcheol ended up having to explain his neck fetish, Jun sat on Jihoon’s lap for the rest of the game, and Soonyoung ran down the street with no clothes on, but underwear because  _ “no one wants to go blind”  _ (Yes it's winter, but Wonwoo is all the more ruthless). Apparently, Soonyoung claimed he was nice enough to let Seungkwan off the hook and let their little agreement go, but still screamed “You owe me one asshole!” Seungkwan just returned the favor with the middle finger.

  
  


“Wow Boo. You're getting more and more charming everyday.” Hansol bumped into him as they strolled to the limo that had just pulled up. Everyone had either gone home or was passed out asleep on the grass or somewhere inside the house. The boys decided they'd find somewhere else to stay. Waking up in someone else's house in yesterday's clothes with morning breath and an aching back is probably one of the most disgusting things (Junhui described it).

 

“Everyone grab a person to take home tonight since you know the six of them lied to their parents about where they were tonight; now they can't go home.” Jihoon announced. Although the six boys refused and were even offended, it was the truth. They had all agreed to tell their parents they were sleeping over at some hotel.

 

“Chill out losers. You wouldn't be a teenager if you didn't lie to your parents and take risks every once in awhile.” Soonyoung said smugly like he was the coolest person in the world. It made Seungkwan wonder about their parents and how much they actually tell them about what they're up to.

 

“This was so fun. We need to take you guys out more often.” Jeonghan said with the biggest smile on his face.

 

“Of course you had the most fun.” Seokmin mumbled to himself and didn't expect to be heard by anyone, yet everyone heard and bursted out laughing in the tiny space of the backseat.

  
  


Once the pairs were decided, Hansol and Seungkwan grabbed their blazers.

  
  


“Do you mind walking a bit? My house is like the next street over. It's about ten minutes.” Hansol asked getting close to Seungkwan while he put his blazer on due to the, now morning, winds.

  
  


“No it’s fine.” Seungkwan replied simply although he had much more on his mind. It just registered in his mind that he's going to Hansol’s house and he feels stupid for getting all self conscious. Luckily, Hansol takes the conversation elsewhere.

  
  


“You were pretty crazy tonight.” He starts of saying which makes Seungkwan groan out loud.

 

“There's like a bunch of blank spots in my memory! I can't even remember the match with Soonyoung and Wonwoo, but I just remember wanting to kick Soonyoung’s ass. Is that weird?” He asked worriedly, but not truly genuine as he shoved his hands into his pockets to prevent them from freezing up.

 

“It's different for everyone but your memory being hazy isn't rare. You did drink a ton of vodka even though I told you not too.” Hansol half scolded, but in a joking tone. Somehow, Seungkwan knew deep down he was serious and didn't want him to repeat his actions.

 

“Yeah mom okay. No more over drinking for me.” Seungkwan reassured which just made Hansol nod in response. He followed the boy’s footsteps and became familiar with walking next to him. When they turned a corner and crossed the road onto a different street, they both started to talk at the same time.

 

_ “So where-” _

_ “Are we ever going-” _

 

“You go! You go!” Seungkwan begged and got closer to Hansol when a particular gust of when brushed past them. Hansol let him. It was cold after all.

 

“Are we ever going to talk about where the hell your Beer Pong skills came from? Wait let me guess… you actually played sports in the past, but you had to quit for some bullshit reason.” Hansol laughed at his prediction because there's no way that could be true. Seungkwan doesn't even know how football is played. He just doesn't seem like a sporty person in Hansol’s mind.

 

Yet his silence spoke volumes.

 

“Shut up. You're lying. You didn't.”

 

“And what makes you think I didn't?” He looks offended and more, but the desired effect is watered-down when he looks so small hanging on to Hansol’s arm.

 

“You're  _ you.  _ You just don't seem athletic just like how I don’t seem smart. What did you play?” Hansol asked and was truly interested as he tried to visualize Seungkwan in some kind of uniform on a field or court.

 

“Volleyball and Basketball in middle school. I wasn't half bad either.” His voice was low and lacked confidence.

 

“Holy shit! Two sports! Should I call you a jock now?” Hansol teased as he slowed his steps when he neared a house which looked just like Minhyuk’s except the brick pattern was different. Then, Seungkwan recognized the vintage car in the driveway.

  
  


He almost laughed at the amount of Halloween decorations still on the front of the house.

  
  


“Shut up. It's just a part of my past you know. My parents made me quit anyway.” Seungkwan didn't want to be reminded of that painful story, and Hansol could tell by the way he quickly brushed off his attempts to pry further.

  
  


Seungkwan followed after Hansol and took his shoes off at the entrance.

 

“So this is my house. Nothing fancy like you're used to sadly, but… yeah. My parents are on a business trip thing so you don't have to worry about them.” Hansol rubbed the back of his neck as he was lost for words. Seungkwan gazed around for a bit. Unlike his house which had one or two huge family portraits, Hansol's had many little picture frames scattered about the house.

 

It also smelt like pumpkin pie? Pumpkin spice?

  
  


He followed after him up the stairs which had a couple of closed doors and a big open space which was probably the common room. The walls up here though, were different from downstairs.

 

“Holy shit, did you-” Seungkwan was lost for words as he pointed to the huge mural with popping colors. Thanks to the open blinds and moonlight, he could see the painting, but probably not at its full potential. He could see what looked to be like Hansol and another younger girl beautifully captured on the wall.

 

“Did I? Oh hell no. That was my mom. My parents are both artists.” Hansol whispered.

 

“That's my sister’s room. She should be sleeping.” He pointed at a closed door they walked by.

  
  


“Don't mind the door. I decorated it when I was like thirteen okay.” Hansol laughed while avoided eye contact with Seungkwan as he tried to analyze the all black markings and skulls on his door.

 

More than anything, Seungkwan tried to take in every detail of Hansol’s house and room. Everything just seemed so personal and he didn't know when he'd be here again, so he wanted to remember. Even if his eyes were tired and it was 4:30am.

 

His room was the total opposite of Seungkwan's room: a little bit scattered, and small. His bed was unmade, and when he sat down, Hansol’s scent was all over it. He noticed the little wooden desk in the corner of the room. On top of it were broken headphones held together by duct tape and a stack of at least five different journals. Other than that, some clothes were here and there but it seemed totally normal.

 

“Borrow these clothes to sleep in. I hope you don't really care. You can take a shower if you want, it's the first door on your left when you come out of my room.” Hansol handed him a large red shirt and gray sweats. He hadn't changed yet himself, but judging of how tired he looked, he was well on his way.

  
  
  


Seungkwan made sure to hurry up in the bathroom just in case Hansol wanted to take a shower and he was making him wait. The shirt was just a little big, but the sweats fit good which made Seungkwan stare at himself in the mirror.

  
  


He's wearing Hansol’s clothes.

  
  


“ _ That's a friend type of thing right? … Then why do I think I look so good? _ ” He thought to himself which just made his mind more confused and frustrated. As he opened Hansol’s door, he regretted not being softer with his steps since his host was sound asleep in bed.

  
  


Seungkwan himself wondered why even though he felt sleepy, and his eyes were tired, he didn't want to go to bed just yet. He wanted to tell Hansol so much more that he didn't get to tonight on their walk home. Things like  _ “I had so much fun with your friends tonight”  _ and  _ “thanks for looking out for me.”  _ And he wanted to talk about the unsaid everything that they felt. Maybe it was the alcohol affecting him or maybe it was because Seungkwan was there, but Hansol was acting weird. He's been acting weird too. Ever since he's met Hansol, he's just been… weird, but he doesn't know why.

  
  
  


But Hansol was asleep, and Seungkwan also didn't have a chance to ask him where he was sleeping tonight.

  
  
  


“I hope he doesn't mind.” Seungkwan said unsure if he should really be doing this. The floor… looks as welcoming as a hard surface can get, so he is trying to weigh his options. Hansol’s steady breaths stopped so he could turn in his sleep which scooted him closer to the wall.

 

Seungkwan always decided, if he was graced with an opportunity, he should take it and run.

 

The space wasn't roomy, but it was enough. As Seungkwan settled next to Hansol he tried to get comfortable and even faced the opposite direction for his sake. Imagine waking up and your friend’s,  _ a boy’s _ , face is right in front of yours.

  
  


While laying there, he decided to turn on his phone quickly to send Grace a text message (and ignoring all the other ones from the eleven other idiots that created a group chat while his phone was off) to say he was okay and he was having a good time. He quickly turned it off after. He didn't want his parents to see his location. While it was off, they wouldn't be able to see him; he figured he would keep it off most of the night. Him turning his phone on just exposed himself to them, but he did it quickly enough to blame it on some kind of glitch if he was ever asked.

  
  


Hopefully, he was  _ never _  asked. He wouldn't know how to explain.

  
  
  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  
  


**_[sister chwe] : 1 attachment included_ **

**_[sister chwe] :_ ** _ what happened to having no friends over huh? i hate u :/ ur so unfair! i get to have a sleepover next time mom n dad are gone!! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof you've mad e it to the end of this chapter. this whole party was a damn mess. im sorry, b ut lowkey i loved this chapter so much. i think it was hansol tbh. such boyfriend material. OH! if you were confused on the whole beer pong thing, I made [this](http://sinyoongis.tumblr.com/post/167792463358/heres-what-really-went-down-that-night) thing that could hopefully clarify some confusion!!1  
> sum notes!  
> \- i got such a response last chapter compared to the previous one before that one it was crazy. thank you homies?/ everyone is like that silent reader that doesn't comment tho (except for a few!) so it makes me e m o  
> \- if you think some of the scenes were inaccurate then uh ... i try my best. i sorry.  
> \- i didn't realize how freaking LOUD my side-parings were when i was writing this chapter. i still think verkwan stol e the show (they were so cute but like lowkey angsty), but goddamn i was just wildin out LMAO. my bad.  
> \- if you're just waiting for verkwan to get together, theN JUST WAIT A LIL BIT LONGER MY FRIEND. THE EMOTIONS ARE FORMING IN THEIR LITTLE HEARTS!  
> -this got long as fuck but don't forget to provide feedback. comment (it'll make your writers day), kudos, sub, i see them all and it just motivates me all the more. thank y'all for coming this far w me <3


	10. who's prettier? me or the art?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hansol is just trying to be a good friend and invite his friends to his art exhibit, but seungkwan is a little too caught up in something else starting to form inside his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay ... i know i said my updating schedule was every two weeks, but i got really excited for december! this fic is coming together better than i thought it would, so its hard for me to just keep chapters to myself at times. i hope you enjoy this one. it was so fun for me to write... you'll see why. ;-)

Seungkwan had always felt like time moved fastest in the winter. He didn't know if the holidays were to blame, or if it was just in the middle of the school year which deemed it the least memorable, but time always flew by around this time of year.

 

It was currently the last week of November. In Seungkwan’s mind, that meant mid-terms were right around the corner (not to mention his birthday), but to others all it screamed was _Merry almost fucking Christmas_. It was funny how enthusiastic everyone seemed to get just for one holiday. One whole month dedicated to ugly sweaters, a man in red, cookies, and presents seemed a little much, but then again, Seungkwan didn't really care for Christmas to begin with.

 

“Hey! Mr. President! Are you with us this morning?” Seungcheol called out to Seungkwan who was lost in a daydream filled with exams and reindeer. He jumped a bit since he didn't expect the announcement in his name.

 

“Sorry… I was just… thinking about stuff. Christmas stuff?” He tried to play off. It wasn't really a lie, but everyone else thought it was bullshit.

 

“You hate Christmas. You don't want to admit that you're probably dreaming about your little _Hansollie._ ” Wonwoo teased from across the round table in the library. They were lucky the librarian particularly liked them and it was 8am, so no kids were running about, or else she would've shut them up a long time ago.

 

“Don't you even start. You're so far up Soonyoung's ass I don't even want to hear it.” Seungkwan tried to be smug, but fell flat when his cheeks refused to calm down. He felt his whole face get hot at the mention of Hansol and then felt the urge to check his phone to see if-

 

 _“No Seungkwan. You have to stop. Friends don't obsess over how long it takes them to text each other back_.” He mentally scolded himself while trying to calm down. Maybe wearing such a thick sweater wasn't such a good idea if he knew how hot he'd be getting.

 

“This is not what we're here for!” Joshua called out from his spot next to Seungcheol. As one of the oldest, even though he was just days older than Seungkwan, he found himself shutting everyone up when the conversation lost control. Hansol’s friends had to be rubbing off on everyone because Seungkwan was certain his weren't so lively in the past.

 

“Exactly. Thank you Josh. We need to talk about more pressing matters rather than trash talking each other's _boyfriends._ ” Seungcheol aimed the comment at the two fighters this mornin named Wonwoo and Seungkwan. They both looked at each other in shock.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend! Fuck no! What! Ew!” Something amongst those lines came out of both of their mouths at the same time. Even though they declared it loudly, their voices seemed so unsteady and even went higher. Everyone thought it was a little suspicious, but now wasn't the time to push the topic.

  


“Guys! Seriously, stop fighting! We need to talk about this mural.” Instantly, the two shut up. Seungkwan wracked his brain since he didn't remember any type of mural at first, but then he was taken back to the beginning of the school year.

 

Hansol. A unique spray painting. Security cameras. How could he forget?

 

He tugged on the sleeves of his beige, knit sweater in anxiousness. Would he come clean and telling his friends that he fucked shit up a _long_ time ago with Hansol? And admit there was little to no chance he'd even do the mural?

  


Or… could he find a way and somehow convince Hansol?

  


“I know this was forever ago, but Seungkwan you said you could get him to do it. The admin is asking for progression on the project. They eventually want to meet the artist soon even though the project wouldn't begin until the second semester.” Joshua stated the facts from a little notepad most likely from when he met with the principal himself those months ago. His friends looked at him quizzically when he went silent.

 

The thing about these past few months is that the two of them have become so much closer. He's learned that Hansol hates doing anything for the school even if it's simply doing his homework. Seungkwan felt nervous at the possibility that Hansol could reject this whole idea and his friends would probably be pissed at Seungkwan since they were wary of him agreeing to it from the start. Instead of wasting their time trying to convince Hansol, knowing it was a lost cause, they could've found another talent that was more than willing to benefit the school.

  


The president would get him to do it even if he had to get down on his knees and beg.

  


“Don't worry about it. I think Hansol will be pretty open to the idea. All I have to do is warm him up to it.”

  
  
  


☄️

  
  


It took exactly three days on the week after Homecoming for their groups to officially mush together into a super mix of loud, handsome, teenage boy. After that stupidly annoying (Jihoon liked to put) group chat was made, it was only a matter of time before they wanted to start seeing each other more.

 

That meant sitting together at lunch and attempted plans to hang out. They'd always fall through because someone had to “work” or any other excuses under the moon. The six of the “snob squad” tried not to get to nosy at whatever the other seven were up to, but it got difficult sometimes. Seungkwan was just glad he just wasn't alone at wondering where they always disappeared to now.

  


Everyone brought a certain dynamic to their group and it reflected at the table. Seungkwan talked _a lot_ and sometimes made jokes that flopped while Hansol was the opposite. He was mainly reacting to everything that was said like quiet Jihoon and Minghao. Although Minghao did speak up a bit whenever Mingyu, someone who was too loud but also a bit too innocent, said something stupid. Soonyoung and Seokmin became the laughing stocks of the entire table as they cracked jokes along with Chan. Jeonghan and Joshua were sometimes lost in their own world, but they added to the group discussions at times when it wasn't too idiotic. Seungcheol, though, was mainly fighting with someone on differing opinions and Wonwoo was the same. He shocked many because he seemed quiet, but was actually far from it. He, and the others, randomly burst into song sometimes which didn't fit his appearance at all.

 

Their table was a loud, arguing, singing mess. What else would you expect from a bunch of stoner and choir kids though?

  


That's the thing. No one ever predicted they'd become friends like this. The signs were there and as much as the entire student body tended to pay attention to both groups of people, they should've figured this out from a mile away. When unusual pairs like Seungkwan and Hansol & Minghao and Mingyu start to be seen around school together, something has to be up. Soonyoung and Wonwoo had to be on tons of Snapchat stories for everyone to see from the after party. Jeonghan even danced with Joshua at fucking _Homecoming_ like it was a casual everyday thing.

 

(Seungkwan's pretty sure they're dating, but no one knows for sure. They're too scared to ask. The group seems to be in this honeymoon phase and no one wants to pop the bubble and go back to reality of inevitable arguing they’re bound to fall into with _that_ many people.)

 

Their groups aligning and coming together should've been predicted honestly. Seungkwan doesn't see the big deal, and the fact that people are still staring at the group of thirteen is starting to get annoying.

  


His attention on his salad wavered (he wasn’t really eating) and then he returned back to his thoughts when he assumed the tiny flicker of feeling on his shoulder to be his imagination. His fork was almost shaken out of his hand a second later when he felt Hansol’s hand smack his shoulder.

 

“Seungkwan, they're calling you.” He glanced at him with a smile and then tilted his head towards the end of the rectangular table where Mingyu, Jeonghan, and Seungcheol were locked into some kind of intense argument.

 

“What idiots? You called me?” Seungkwan called out to get their attention and everyone else's because he was _that_ loud.

 

“Okay. Kwan. If you're in a pool, are you considered to be wet?” Mingyu said out loud for the tenth time that lunch period. He'd gotten around to asking almost everyone except for a couple. Unlike Seungkwan, who rolled his eyes as soon as he heard the stupidity come out of his friend’s mouth, Mingyu felt like this was a valid question that needed an answer.

 

“Seriously Mingyu-”

 

“Just answer!” Most of the table said minus the quiet ones like Jihoon and Minghao. Hansol was clueless as to why everyone was so eager to hear his response. Maybe this whole ordeal was more serious than the either of them thought.

 

“You're not right? It's not until you come out of the water that you realize you're wet because the water is dripping off of you.” Seungkwan looked around to confirm if he was right and half of the group groaned in defeat while Mingyu, in particularly cheered and ran to him to give him a high five.

 

“Hear that guys? Great minds think alike.” Mingyu showed off his best friend proudly and Seungkwan realized everyone here was too competitive for their own good.

 

“Actually, aren't you wet because you're totally submerged in water. What's the element that makes someone wet? Water. So being surrounded by it would make you… completely wet, right?” Hansol spoke up and everyone grew silent. It was probably due to shock as half of the group didn't even know he was this smart. He did make a valid point though.

 

“Ah! Fuck yeah! Everyone listen!” Soonyoung announced while looking at his phone. From Seungkwan's angle he could see the screen showing a Google results page.

  


“The definition of wet: An adjective; to be covered or saturated with water or another liquid.” He cheered and pointed his finger in Seungcheol’s face, who was sitting right in front of him looking astounded.

  


As the bragging and boasting commenced, Seungkwan felt a little stupid next to Hansol. Each day he just realizes how smart the boy really is. While some were shoving the fact that _yes, while you're in a pool, you're considered wet_ , Hansol just laughed and reached into his hoodie pocket to retrieve a folded, bright orange paper.

  


“Before I forget to tell you guys, I have this art thing coming up. Oh yeah, if you didn't know I'm in art and I paint mostly.” He started out loudly to get everyone's attention then mellowed out once he had all eyes on him. He pushed the creased paper into the middle of the table which just simply said “Winter Art Show!” With a Christmas tree decoration or two.

 

“Is this one gonna have wine samples like last time?” Jeonghan asked as he lifted up the paper to examine it.

 

“Oh dude! That was a fucking trip for sure. Chan almost knocked down that girl’s sculpture.” Soonyoung laughed which triggered the rest of them to burst out at the thought of their past memories.

 

Hansol, though, was far from amused.

 

“That was a goddamn train wreck. I don't know how they thought you guys were over twenty-one to begin with. But no. This is a school thing, that was like a state art show thing.” Hansol said nonchalantly, but Seungkwan was even more curious now. State Art Show? He knows Hansol is relatively good, but for the state to recognize him-

 

“Anyway. It's Tuesday night at like 6pm then it ends at 9. It would be cool if you guys could all make it.” The black-haired boy said shyly which made everyone tease him. It was rare for Hansol to act all nervous Seungkwan was finding out since his friends were big fans of making a big deal about it.

 

All he could think about was how stupidly flustered Hansol looked at that fateful after party because of Seungkwan. He had no idea what it meant. They were both drinking after all, but if Hansol was acting so weird. It's been three weeks and Seungkwan is still stuck on his friends behavior that night.

 

He wondered if he'd ever get an explanation. Hansol was fond of promises, but he never said when he'd act on them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Boo? You okay?” Hansol's voice shook him out of his work. They were left to annotate some speech while their teacher wasn't here. The substitute teacher was one of _those_ who was preoccupied in their phone instead of the behavior of the class, so everyone was out skipping class, left school already, or were jumping around waiting for the last bell to ring. Hansol half-heartedly followed along with Seungkwan who was actually doing his work.

  


“I'm fine. Why'd you ask?” He looked to Hansol who sat right next to him. It was the truth. Just another normal day at school, but leave it to Hansol to notice something about himself he didn't. Nowadays, Seungkwan found it endearing how he was always asking about his wellbeing. If anyone else asked, he’d answer a simple _fine_ and be done with it, but Hansol really made him seek deeper within himself like he could see right through him.

 

“You've just been really quiet today. And all week actually.” Hansol voiced his observation as he combed through his his bangs with his hands. They were almost to his eyes now compared to the beginning of the school year when they started out by his eyebrows.

 

“I hadn't noticed. I'm just thinking and stuff.” Seungkwan brushed off his concern and tried to reassure his friend, but he wasn't doing a very good job. Instead of the usual smiles he wore, Seungkwan found his school work more interesting.

 

Hansol frowned and was kind of lost at what to do. He'd never really been shut out from Seungkwan before. He's gotten upset at him, he's shown him a happy expression, but he's never been so indifferent. He felt being ignored by him definitely hurt the most compared to anything else.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Hansol asked and gave Seungkwan weird chills of deja vu. The president glanced up from the passage. Hansol had his head rested on his palm and his eyes burning literal holes into Seungkwan. He hasn't taken his eyes off of him.

He was only halfway done with the lengthy speech, but a break wouldn't hurt maybe. As he put his pencil aside, he sighed and laid on his folded arms that were covered with his sweater.

  


“None of my thoughts concern you, so stop being nosy.” Seungkwan tried to kick him from his desk and Hansol didn't dodge the attack.

 

A lie. Seungkwan buried his face into hidden safety so maybe Hansol couldn't see through his lie. Hansol wasn’t _completely_ consuming his mind, but a large percentage of it had to do with him. He hated how the party wouldn’t leave his mind, or the hours after it ended either. How Hansol was gradually getting closer to him and it was confusing the shit out of him. He texted him at least every hour of the day from when he woke up to when he went to bed. They still did homework together, but instead of leaving straight after, they sat and talked for a bit like they didn't want to part ways.

 

Seungkwan always had a clear definition of a friend, but Hansol was taking his hands and mixing shit around in his head. No matter what, it's like someone controlling his life is saying _hey! did you stop thinking about hansol for one second? nope! go think about him some more!_ when he tries to get his mind off of him. Even this morning with the whole mural discussion (even though he really brought that onto himself).

 

He's just going through a simple slump right? Soon the clouds will clear in his head and all the flooding emotions will subside because it's not _friendly_ to think about your friend like Seungkwan does about Hansol. He doesn't remember everything about the party, but ever since then, the couple jokes have doubled. The worst part is, Hansol doesn't even do anything about them! He just leaves Seungkwan blushing and embarrassed to defend the both of them while he just sits there quietly like he doesn’t care about them.

 

He's so confusing!

  


“See you're doing it again. I thought I was supposed to be the air headed one between the two of us. What's got you so tied up?” Hansol mirrored his position and tried to scoot closer which took everything from Seungkwan not to cower away in unexplained fear.

 

“It's seriously nothing to worry about.” Seungkwan felt himself put more of an effort into faking it. There was nothing for Hansol to worry about, but he had to sort out his feelings so he could maintain their friendship. If anything, Seungkwan had all the worrying to do.

 

“Mm, whatever. Stop keeping things from me because you know I'll find out about them anyway.” That immediately got Seungkwan’s attention as he rose from his position. He almost, _almost_ asked what the fuck that meant, but he knew that would probably just end in some tiring argument. He hated to fight with Hansol even though that was the basis of their friendship, but it happened so easily between them. It was hard to hold back right now though, when Hansol was being a huge hypocrite about secrets, Seungkwan kept his mouth shut…

  


Because a few secrets of his own were starting to form when he really didn't want them to. He blames the stupid fucking feelings that probably aren’t even real and won’t leave him be.

  
  
  
  
  


Hansol eased up on the interrogation and let Seungkwan go home easily, but his phone constantly vibrated throughout dinner which didn't go unnoticed by Grace.

  


“What’re you and your new friends talking about? Plans for the weekend?” Grace asked with a curious eyebrow raised as she reached for his phone that was on the counter. Seungkwan tended to update her about school and friends so she wouldn't get too nosy, but if it was that horrendous group chat, then there's no telling what she'd see.

 

“Hansol asked if you could make it on Tuesday? Why does that name strangely ring a bell?” She left her defenses open and allowed Seungkwan to take his phone back. Hopefully, she just read the top couple of messages from Hansol and didn't scroll to where Junhui was asking about … fingers?

  


“Omg! He's the boy that dropped you off not to long ago. The cool red car! I remember him from the first time. He's cute~” She shouted out and hurried over to Seungkwan who kept his phone elevated so she couldn't see what he was up to.

 

“Aren't you like… twice our age? Find someone around yours so you can finally get married!” Seungkwan teased. He abandoned his food at the table to run over to the couch, specifically at the corner, so Grace wouldn't try to see. He felt a kick at his shin.

 

“I'm ten years older than you! Watch your mouth brat! And I wasn't talking about for me, I was saying that for _you._ ” She grumbled and sat next to him to see their conversation. Seungkwan replied with an **_“idk. I rlly want to go but my parents might say no.”_ ** which was incredibly lame, but something not very far from reality in the Boo household.

 

“He invited everyone to this Art Exhibit thing. It's not too far away. I think I'll just sneak out if they say no. It's not like they come home every Tuesday like they promise anyway.” Seungkwan went to their Group Chat, which was now changed to **_light up sketcherz squad_ ** (courtesy of Joshua) and scrolled through the messages to see what he'd miss.

 

“Should you really be telling me this? You know I work for them right?” Grace crossed her arms and kicked at Seungkwan's feet. She was way smaller than him so her feet couldn't rest on the glass coffee table unlike his.

 

“The only reason I’m keeping this from them is because they're so rude to Hansol. Every time I mention him, and I don't even talk about my friends often, they want to hear about someone else!” Seungkwan thought back to the last dinner with his family about a week ago. He, unfortunately, had to tag along with his parents and two sisters to some corporate event. The brief time his parents spent with him, they only asked about his grades and a little here and there about friends. Seungkwan mainly spent the night with his two sisters who cheered him up though. They knew he hated anything that had to do with that stupid company.

  


“You're getting pretty fond of him aren't you.” Grace pinched a cheek which left Seungkwan unamused. He cried out in anguish. Was everyone going insane expect for him? Why were they constantly seeing the two of them in _that_ perspective?

 

“Not you too! What are you going to say next? He likes me and I like him and we would make an amazing couple?” Seungkwan asked annoyed. He'd been experiencing this for the past two weeks and now his friends had somehow tainted Grace’s mind too. She thought for a bit, and then looked like she was hit with some short of epiphany.

 

“Why? Is that what you think?” Seungkwan didn't expect her to turn this on him, and before he could answer his brain stopped him to actually think. What did he think of this whole thing besides Hansol was confusing and he was messing with the balances of friendship?

  


_He didn't like him._

  


That impossible thought was almost laughable. He would admit that Hansol had many, many qualities that made him waver from his _fuck dating! i have no feelings!_ resolve he established sophomore year, but no. He felt so… out of his league? Hansol was probably interested in some tall, beautiful girl with long hair and a small waist. So when they're near each other, he can rest his hands firmly-

  


_“Wow. No. No. No. No. Why the hell does the thought of Hansol… hurt? It’s painful?”_ His thoughts were battling each other causing a war of some sort in his head.

 

“Ha! You're hesitating! Tell me what you're thinking now or you'll be buying takeout food for dinner until further notice.” She had the nerve to smirk while Seungkwan's jaw was on the floor.

 

“You can't just threaten my health like that! My precious diet!” He cried out while shoving his face into a nearby, plush pillow. She patted his back i! comfort, but it seemed to be more of a tough love situation to Seungkwan.

 

“I won't tell a soul. I'm supposed to be here to listen to your little teenage problems. Don't forget I was in your shoes once too.” Her words were seeping into Seungkwan’s brain and penetrating his guilty conscience. There was truly no harm in telling Grace, but there was some in bottling up your emotions. He'd probably feel better after letting someone know just how stressed he is.

  


“It's not that I want to date him, it's the fact that I don't _not_ want to date him that has me… messed up. We are supposed to be friends, yet I'm probably taking his kindness the wrong way. Ever since Homecoming, he's been acting super weird and he doesn't think I'd notice but I did! Everyone put the idea of us dating in my head and now it won't leave and I don't want it to ruin our friendship.” Seungkwan said all muffled into the pillow, but somehow Grace understood. Understood his words and his feelings.

 

“There, there little Kwannie. From the sound of it though, the possibility of him liking you doesn't seem so far fetched.” She said which caught Seungkwan’s attention right away. He knew Grace was some all wise, all knowing being that was his guardian angel of sorts, but there's a line between fantasy and reality.

 

“I don't think so. You saw him. He's pretty hot. Like, _straight boy_ kind of hot. This has to be some kind of phase I'll get over.” Grace brushed his brown locks off of his forehead as he turned over onto her lap. He still rested his head on the pillow.

  


“Straight boy kind of hot? Then what kind of hot are you?” The woman randomly asked Seungkwan. The conversation was pretty much over, but now with this question out in the air, it took a somewhat serious turn.

 

“The boy-confused-about-his-sexuality kind of hot.” The brunet couldn't believe he just voiced that, but it was now out in the open for Grace to hear. Everyone always wondered about _that_ aspect of him (aside from his parents who just assumed), and he himself didn't really have a clue either. All he knew was Hansol looked really great in his new hoodie, which he helped pick out via Snapchat, today. His hair wouldn't lay down right, and that made him adorable.

 

Seungkwan groaned internally.

 

Admitting everything. Admitting Hansol is so fucking attractive just makes things worse. Stupid Google for giving him ideas. Accepting reality was just adding fuel to the fire burning in his heart, not killing the flames like it should've been.

  
  


☄️

  
  
  
  


Seungkwan found himself rushing home on that breezy Tuesday afternoon. All of his friends were excited to make it to Hansol’s Art Exhibit except for him who had given the artist a solid maybe when asked whether or not he could make it. He hated sounding like a total flake, but he truly didn't know how his parents would react.

 

He hadn't even asked yet. He was nervous. They weren’t very fond of Hansol.

  


Hopefully, they'd decided to stay in the city tonight. It would make everything one-hundred percent easier on Seungkwan’s end since Grace had already given her approval on him being able to go.

 

When he pulled up to the gate, put his hand on top of the palm-recognition device, he cursed the sight of his parents’ car in the driveway.

 

As he opened keyed in the code to the front door, he pulled off his first layer: a simple jacket which left a black turtleneck sweater. He unlaced his boots only to toss them by the door as he hoped he'd be using them to go back out tonight.

 

“Seungkwan, honey, how are you?!” His mother came to greet him and he forced a smile. He wasn't really in the mood for formalities right now, but he couldn't really find it in his heart to be a dick to his own mother for no justifiable reason.

 

“I'm fine. School is school. Always busy you know. Are we having dinner soon?” He asked while returning his mother’s hug half-heartedly. He followed her into the kitchen where he expected his father to be, but saw no sight of the man. Seungkwan felt all the stress leave his body at once.

 

“Of course, but it'll just be you, me, and Grace tonight since your dad had to wrap up some stuff at the office. We probably wouldn't leave until night if we waited for him to finish up.” His mom explained, but Seungkwan found it kind of unnecessary. All that mattered was his dad wasn't here which meant he could finally breathe a little. His spirits raised just the slightest before he returned back to reality.

 

“It's fine. You guys don't have to worry about coming so often anymore anyways. I'm not a baby.” He brushed off her attempts at affection probably trying to make up for lost time. Ever since that fateful fight with his dad, his mother had put in continuous effort to get closer to him. Seungkwan, though he appreciated the act, didn't know how to react. To have your mom suddenly want to come back in your life after so many years of absence made him go numb. Seungkwan didn't even know if it's because she genuinely wanted to or if she knew… his dad didn't even care for him.

  


He tried not to mind his parents too much.

  


“You're leaving the house soon, so we want to spend as much time with you as we can sweetie.” His mom said sweetly reaching over for his hand. Seungkwan wished he wasn't alone in this situation. Grace was busy in the kitchen cooking while his phone was too far to text Mingyu, and he'd even consider calling Hansol. The boy doesn't even know anything about his situation with his parents, but he was so good at listening. Seungkwan had been avoiding him a bit too as he was trying to deal with this whole _feelings_ ordeal and-

 

 _“Funny how your mind always finds its way back to thinking about Hansol.”_ His subconscious mocked.

 

Seungkwan just simply smiled after he pulled his hand away.

 

“So mom, I was thinking, after dinner, can I go out with some friends? One is having this Art Event thing-”

 

“Who? A girl?” His mother immediately became curious and, dare he say, excited. Seungkwan usually mentioned his friends by name, so he probably gave her false hope.

 

“No. A boy.” He stated hoping she'd still be in a good of enough mood to let him go.

 

“Oh. Who is it? Someone I know?” It looked like hopes and dreams got crushed as she was probably dreaming about Seungkwan’s fantasy wedding with the perfect, rich girl who was an heiress to her parents’ company.

 

“I've talked about him. Chwe Hansol.” At the mention of him Seungkwan saw his mom tense up quickly and then try to hide her discomfort for the sake of her son. He knew his mother too well though. She barely liked half of his perfect friends from well off families. There was a slim to none chance she would be fond of Hansol who was a kid from the opposite side of town that she knew nothing about. She couldn’t even be nosy and ask her friends about his parents to get information about Hansol.

 

“Oh. I see you're still friends with him. Well, I don't know, it is a school night-” she started to pull away from the idea. He knew this was the start of a _no, maybe another time_ , and Seungkwan wasn't about to miss this. The thought of missing something so important to him, and potentially hurting Hansol, weighed heavy on his heart.

 

“But mom, he's a really good friend to me. This is important to him and…me as well. I even finished all my homework. I should be there to support him.” Instead of Seungkwan’s usually whiny voice that tended to come out when he didn't get wanted, his mother saw passion. His eyes were strong but still held desperation that showed he truly wanted to go, and if she didn't let him, then he'd probably just find a way. She knew of how stubborn her son was.

 

She hesitated, and Seungkwan held back a smile.

 

“Call me when you get there, when you leave. I want pictures. Send me your location… “ She started to name off a never ending list, but it was muffled as Seungkwan quickly hugged her and ran to his phone to tell him he'd be able to come. His phone instantly dinged with a reply.

  
  
  


**_[rapper genius hansol vernon chwe the greatest]:_ **

_ok, ill b waiting for you. hurry up this thing is kinda boring :/_

  
  
  
  
  


He left with his stomach full and his mind happy as his mom even wished him to have a fun night. At the door while slipping his boots on, Grace just had to remind him about his confused feelings for his friend which almost made Seungkwan have a small mental break-down right then and there.

  


_“Make sure you give him a goodnight kiss! Oh! And take pictures too!”_ Her shitty reminder echoed in his head as he made his last turn before he finally got to the location. He scoffed at the thought of… kissing Hansol. People were really starting to get to his head now.

  


As he put his car in park, he glanced around to take in the area of town he currently was in. It seemed quite high-end for just a simple High School Art Show. If Seungkwan could recall correctly, he's frequented this side of town before when he and his family used to go out back when he was younger. The skyscrapers surrounded the small, warehouse type building. Their lights shone brightly, so you wouldn't be able to see the stars if you were looking for them.

 

The president pulled down the sun-visor to check his appearance in the little mirror that came with it. He fluffed up his bangs a bit so they looked nicely messy as they rested on his forehead. As he pulled on the nicer winter coat, rather than the jacket he was wearing earlier, his hands passed over his chest.

 

He just prayed no one could hear his heart racing in his chest.

  


As he was sending a text to his mom, he got multiple texts from the group chat. Apparently, Seungkwan just missed his friends as they started to send pictures of off-guard Hansol and some funny videos of them goofing around. His phone slipped into the pocket of his peacoat as soon as he pushed through the doors.

 

The place was professional and minimalistic which led Seungkwan to believe Hansol was lying about this not being a big deal.

 

Everyone wasn't dressed formally, but the artist black dresses or slacks with ironed collared shirts to make them look older and more prestigious. The lights were dimmed slightly and, for some odd reason, Christmas lights were used as a light source. The walls were mainly white minus the pieces hanging from them.

 

“Hi! Welcome to Our Annual Art Winterfest! Here's your informational sheet.” A younger girl who looked to be about in her early teens handed Seungkwan a small piece of paper cut into a snowflake. It was hard to read the words on it, but Seungkwan still managed to navigate through the vast building. After taking many rights and lefts, he hoped he arrived at the section where his fellow classmates were.

 

“Hey! Seungkwan!” A familiar voice called out and he felt relief wash over his body. His eyes narrowed as he tried to track down a tall figure with black hair.

 

He tried his best not to sprint to Hansol, but his walk turned into some kind of jog-like pace since he was just so excited to see him. He didn't know why, but he just was. Things were slowly becoming more unexplainable and he didn't know how he felt about it.

 

“Jeez, could you drive any slower?” Hansol sounded anything but serious as he joked with Seungkwan. The other’s mouth fell open in shock, but good shock as the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile as he smacked Hansol’s chest.

 

“Don't be a brat! Be glad I'm here…” The east-sider closed off his body with his arms crossed as he was feeling slightly embarrassed by his tardiness. He knew Hansol probably didn't care, but Seungkwan did. His parents were starting to get in the way whenever it came to Hansol during Seungkwan’s life it seemed.

 

“I am, stupid. Thanks for coming.” Hansol ruffled his fingers through Seungkwan's hair, something the shorter hated, which caused him to make punching motions at the taller before smoothing out his appearance.

 

Hansol held Seungkwan’s gaze for a second before he turned to the canvas behind him.

 

“So… my theme I chose was ‘Change’, and, yeah. This is what I managed to pull off this year. I kind of don't like it but-”

 

Seungkwan walked closer, all the way to the railing that was about a foot in front of the art to protect it from spectators, to examine it.

 

“It's really beautiful. How could you be this talented and I not know about this?” Hansol watched him become truly entranced with his work. All night he’d been told he was a gifted artist and his work was phenomenal, but it was always hard to believe. Since he was young, he'd always doubted everything he did, but he didn't know what made Seungkwan’s words so special.

 

“I like how… the colors are so simplistic. You used like three, yet it still has dimension. At first when I looked at it, I didn't get it. I was like ‘How is a bird shedding its feathers?’, but it's kind of like a tree with the leaves and the seasons changing. The snow on the ground, the naked trees in the background, the red feathers on the ground, and the badass looking black bird are all perfect.” He continued to ramble on in one breath and Hansol’s heart almost stopped. Life liked to remind him just how deep he'd fallen for Seungkwan and how perfect he is.

  


“You're really talented.” Seungkwan smiled at him and that had to be the finishing blow to his heart. Hansol couldn't even muster up a coherent reply, but was able to force out a muttered _thanks_ with red ears.

  


“Aw Hansollie, you're getting so shy. Go stand in front of your work. I want a picture.” Seungkwan walked back over to his side only to push his friend towards the canvas. The brunet already had his phone in his hand before Hansol could deny it.

  


The president’s thumb as just repeatedly pressing the camera button secretly to get the golden candid shots while Hansol got ready.

 

“Do something with your hands! Oh my god, you're so awkward!” Seungkwan couldn't help but laugh out as he saw tiny Hansol on his phone screen with his arms dangling uselessly at his sides. His friend rolled his eyes before folding his fingers together and smiling with a closed a closed mouth.

 

_“He looks so stiff Jesus-”_

  


“Do you want me to take a picture of the both of you?” A girl, the hostess from the front that handed Seungkwan the snowflake, asked as she held out her hand for him to hold out her phone. Seungkwan thanked her at least ten times before running over to Hansol. On his way though, he passed by… a platter of cheese?

 

“Why do you have cheese?” Seungkwan tipped-toed to whisper into the boy’s ear. Hansol stifled a laugh all while pulling the boy next to him even closer. Seungkwan figured… so they can fit in the frame better.

 

“It's a weird tradition that started during sophomore year thanks to Junhui. Don't mind it.” Hansol reassured him while looking towards the phone with a smile.

  


Seungkwan made a mental note to bring Hansol something next time.

  


 

  
  


“You've been looking at that picture for almost five minutes. Who's prettier? Me or the art?” Hansol woke Seungkwan from his trance and instantly, he locked his phone to try to hide. He thought he was cleaning up inside not standing over his shoulder watching him stare a picture of him.

 

In Seungkwan’s defense, Hansol looked incredible in just a simple white collared shirt and black slacks. His hair was also freshly cut which meant his bangs were no longer threatening to get in his eyes.

 

Oh God, he probably had hearts in his eyes right now.

 

“You don't want me to answer that. It's your big night and I'm not up for hurting feelings.” He dodged the question skillfully. Hansol just shook his head with a smile and sat down on the bench next to Seungkwan.

 

They weren't the only ones outside in the freezing cold as kids were waiting for parents to pick them up, but they both knew they had no good reason to stick around. Yet they still didn't move from their seats. It was quiet for a while. They both didn't make any moves to start a conversation until Hansol finally broke the silence.

  


“Hey. Why'd Josh ask me about some mural thing tonight?” Hansol’s eyes didn't move from off of the gray, transparent clouds that littered the sky, but Seungkwan sat up fully. He tensed, then relaxed. He didn't know how to answer that question without facing the entire problem head-on.

 

Now that he'd seen Hansol’s true art skill, he knew it was only a matter of time before they would be having his conversation anyways. He was just scared of Hansol saying no, and his dislike for the school would overpower a favor in their friendship.

  


“Um, that's actually a long story…” Seungkwan started out, and now there was truly no getting out of it. He thought of how beautiful the school would be with Hansol’s artwork, and maybe he himself would share the same ideals.

 

“The student council has been having this little background project going on.” Kwan started and looked over to Hansol, who looked a bit sleepy sitting all the way to the left of the wooden bench. His white sleeves were rolled to his forearms and legs crossed. Seungkwan tried to keep his glances brief and subtle before continuing on.

  


“Remember when you kind of vandalized the school? Like right when we met? Yeah, Josh and Won thought it would be a good idea to have a student paint a mural of some sort at the school. They really liked your work… so they wanted me to ask you-“

 

“If I would consider doing a mural for the school? Holy shit.” Hansol pulled the words right from his mouth and seemed to be quite alive now. His eyes were shocked at the fact that his ‘graffiti art’ would be even seen in that light.

 

A beat of silence past. Seungkwan let the information sink in before dropping the question on him.

 

“Well, would you? Do the mural I mean. I know you’re not on particularly amazing terms with admin-“

  


“Yeah. Sure. Why not? It should be fun right?” Hansol immediately replied. An excited smile crept on his face which surprised Seungkwan even more.

 

“What’s with the face? You don’t want me to?” He asked with his eyebrows furrowed which caused the smaller to scoot closer and reach for Hansol.

 

“ _No no no no no_ ! I’ve been wanting to ask you this for months! I just didn’t know how. Last time I tried it, it didn’t go well remember?” The president felt bashful bringing up the ugly past of when Hansol and he used to constantly be at each other’s throats. He even went to the extreme length of attempting to _blackmail_ him so he could paint said mural. God, he was so desperate then.

  


_“And you’re even more desperate now. Just in a diff-“_

 

It wasn’t healthy how much his subconscious hated him.

  


“Ah yeah, back in the good ole days. I miss the feisty Seungkwan I used to know. Now I don’t know what to expect from you.” He didn’t know how or when Hansol got close enough to squish his cheeks, but his friend was currently doing so. Seungkwan couldn’t find it in his heart to tell him to stop since they were so cold, Hansol’s hands were so warm.

 

“I could say the same about you, y’know.” Seungkwan spit out while Hansol’s hands still messed with his face. He had his peacoat on, yet the night chill somehow breezed through the fabric. Even though he was still a little cold, Hansol’s smile spread a little warmth from his heart and made his whole body feel _fuzzy_. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i love feelings don't you? especially when seungkwan is extremely in denial about his i cry...HAHAHA.  
> \- i hope none of y'all hate me for that time skip though (aka what happened when verkwan woke up after the party? will we ever know??)  
> \- if you have no idea about what the mural was about, refer back to chapter 2!  
> \- thank you for the continuous support for this fic! i love y'all and your comments make my heart flutter bro i just-  
> <3 love you guys see you soon! <3


	11. we're high...on that christmas spirit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys try their best to get the mural approved, and may or may not go christmas shopping. seungkwan is not thrilled to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are a lot of little things to pay attention to in this chapter, so i think it's one of the most important ones yet. thank you everyone for the wave of support from last chapter!! i love y'all to pieces <3

 

 

“You’re absolutely, positively, one million percent sure you want to go through with this right?” Seungkwan nudged his friend who was, for once, busy with his work. Or something like that anyways. He tried to peer at what question Hansol was on only to be somewhat disappointed to see that he was too busy doodling away on the margins of the passage. 

 

Hansol groaned out a  _ yes _ in annoyance while narrowing his eyes questioningly. His pen stopped their quick movements of shading whatever masterpiece he was creating.

 

“Are  _ you  _ absolutely, positively, one million percent sure you even want me to do this? Why do you keep asking me?” 

 

Hansol has the right to be confused. Just two days ago, the day after the art exhibit, Seungkwan wouldn’t stop bragging about how he single-handedly convinced Hansol to do this big ass mural for the school. He wasn’t supposed to even tell anyone who didn’t already have previous knowledge, but he didn’t know how to shut up. 

 

_ “Yeah. Chwe Hansol. Do you know him? He’s a fucking talented, amazing artist. I have pictures of his work I’ll show you in a second. Oh yeah! He’s even-“ _

 

_ “Shut up Seungkwan.”  _

 

Now, Seungkwan was a worried mother who didn’t even want him near this huge project and had no desire to explain why. 

 

“Of course I want you… to do this. I-” Seungkwan said unsteadily,  _ unconvincingly _ . 

 

“If you didn’t want me to, then why’d you go through such a length to ask me? You acted like you were contemplating it for months.” Hansol breathed out. Seungkwan noticed his frustration and couldn’t stop his hands from scurrying to gather his things to follow after the black haired boy who was already out of the classroom. 

 

The president tried to move as fast as he can (without full out sprinting) to slip in front of Hansol who was heading towards the glass doors of the front of the school. 

 

“H-Hansol… fuck. Why are your strides so long?” Seungkwan gripped the wrist in front of him which was covered in the cotton material of a maroon sweatshirt. 

  
  


A hand rested on his hip for a second before he realized that Hansol wasn’t smiling. He didn’t look amused in the slightest bit which made Seungkwan feel even worse. 

  
  
  


Hansol heard an exasperated sigh from the smaller before he get the pressure on his wrist grow. Seungkwan held onto it tightly while looking to both ends of the hallway. Kids were starting to fill the empty space since the last bell rang around two minutes ago. 

 

Once Seungkwan felt no one was watching, he walked the both of them to the end of the crowd, going the opposite direction (making sure to say  _ excuse me  _ to every person that nudged into them) and turned a sharp left. Hansol let himself get pulled into the empty classroom without protest and sat down on top of the desk. 

 

It was interesting to watch Seungkwan scramble around with flustered, red cheeks; the president was lost for words it seemed like as he kept waving his hands animatedly but with no explanation to follow.

 

“So you want me to do this, but you don’t…” Hansol started to question with his arms folded. Seungkwan’s attention was immediately captured as their eyes met for just a second only for them to trace down Hansol’s body with a gulp.

  
  


He’s going to pretend he didn’t just witness Seungkwan checking him out. That couldn’t have been what that was. 

  
  


“In my head, it sounded like I had better reasoning, but when I try to voice it, I sound so… lame.” He finally sat down in a lone desk quite a distance away from Hansol. He dramatically folded his arms on the surface so his face could rest on top of them.

 

“Okay. I honestly don’t know what goes on inside your head Boo Seungkwan. If you don’t explain anything I’m never going to understand. I don’t even care how  _ lame  _ you think you look.” He laughed with no feeling before ruffling his hair in frustration. His hands gripped the straps of his backpack. After a second of no movement from Seungkwan, Hansol figured this whole thing to be a lost cause. 

 

Seungkwan was incredibly stubborn after all. 

  
  
  


_ “Mmf…. whmm.”  _  A muffled sound could be heard from the other side of the room which made Hansol stop his pursuit towards the door.

 

“What was that?” 

  
  


“I said… I’m … worried,” Seungkwan looked up from the safety of his arms and was shocked to see the boy hovering right over him. Even at this angle, he still looked amazing. 

 

“Worried?” A pair of dark eyebrows furrowed down in confusion.

 

“Yeah, worried. I mean, you have a meeting with admin today. I know I should’ve told you earlier so you could’ve been more prepared, but I didn’t want you to back out because of it! I know… well I figure, you aren’t on the best terms with the school anyways. Then word is going to get out you’re doing this for the school and instead of some kids looking at it positively-“

 

“They’re going to be against it just because  _ I’m _ involved.” Hansol finished his thought; Seungkwan figured he was glass or some other transparent object because Hansol seemed to figure him out so quickly. Even if he claimed he didn’t know what was going on inside his head. 

 

With his the side of his face resting on his arm now, he watched Hansol take a seat on the desk directly in front of him with a smile. A growing smile that eventually turned into the unmistakable laugh that Seungkwan was starting to love even though it sounded so awkward. 

 

“Seungkwan. I don’t care what people think of me. Whether it be admin or the people we go to school with, I honestly don’t give a shit. It’s true that I’ve done stuff in the past I can’t erase, but I can’t dwell on that or others’ judgements y’know.” It sounded like Hansol was on some kind of philosophical rant, but Seungkwan could see the far away emotion in his eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder what he’s been through these past three years when he didn’t know him but knew  _ of _ him.

 

His black bangs fell on his forehead as he shook himself out of his trance. 

 

“So, you want me to do this?” He asked curiously while jumping to the tiled floor. 

 

Seungkwan instantly sat up and looked a bit offended.

 

“Are you serious? Of course you idiot! I’m like, your biggest fan. I can’t wait for you to get famous.” Seungkwan teased while batting his eyelashes like he wanted something. Hansol figured Seungkwan could ask for anything at this point and he’d gladly grant the wish. 

 

“How am I supposed to know? You had a funny way of showing it today.” Hansol commented which made Seungkwan purse his lips. 

 

In a weak moment of no self control, Hansol pinched Seungkwan’s cheek briefly like he was a cute kid. It sure made him pout like one.

 

“Okay Chwe Hansol. Should I call you Minhyuk now? My cheeks have been abused enough!” He rubbed his face and started to follow Hansol towards the door.

  
  


☄️

 

It was well after the sun went down when the three boys finally escaped out of the fancy meeting room held somewhere in the depths of where all the admin offices are. Those who weren’t Hansol, Wonwoo, or Joshua waited in the library fooling around while they waited for the three. 

 

When the rest of the ten caught sight of them they looked mentally drained, but still held smiles on their faces. 

 

“We’re good. The deal went through. It’ll be located on the big wall like right outside the library. The project will start during second semester and should be done before this school year ends.” Wonwoo informed, and  spoke like something had just sucked all of the life out of him. He joined the rest of them in sitting down at the wooden tables. The librarian left ages ago and trusted them to not cause, in her words, a  _ ruckus _ , while she was gone. The door locked on their way out anyways. 

 

“Why do all of you look like you just came back from war?” Chan uneasily asked. He wanted to be concerned for his friends sure, but not step on an emotional landmine. 

 

“I knew the school was strict, but I didn’t think they’d disagree on every single proposition we gave them.” Josh sighed while slipping into a chair. 

 

“Yeah. It was tiring.” Hansol chimed in quietly. Seungkwan’s eyes hadn’t moved off of him since he stepped into the room, and he didn’t notice he was staring so much until Hansol’s eyes met his with a smile. 

 

“Tiring’s such a simple word. I’m exhausted. And I’m surprised you’re not more… I don’t know. Phased? They dragged you through the mud plenty of times.” Wonwoo pointed out which got everyone’s attention on Hansol. Immediately his close friends jumped into full defensive mode while the rest were a little confused. 

 

“What did they say?” The president asked with worry as Hansol finally made it over to his table. There was an empty seat next to him along with Seokmin and Jun occupying the other two out of the four seats. He could sense the distress and just wanted to rest his hands on top of Hansol’s. Weirdly.  Or maybe not. Friends comfort each other right? 

 

“Nothing that matters really… just bringing up old stuff.” Hansol said nonchalantly as if whatever hurtful words were said had no affect on him. Maybe they didn’t, but that didn’t stop Seungkwan’s concern from growing. Instead of believing his words, he and the rest of them just kept their eyes on Hansol waiting for further explanation. 

 

“Seriously! I don’t really care. Josh and Wonwoo had my back anyway so thank you guys.” Hansol tried to reassure everyone. 

 

After a heartbeat of silence, Minghao spoke up.

 

“Well honestly, fuck admin. We never liked them anyway. You’re just trying to do something nice for the school y’know?” 

 

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “That’s shitty.” _

_ “It’s okay Hansol.”  _

_ “We’re here for you.” _

 

Everyone’s unyielding support through all of this made Hansol’s heart clench. Even though they didn’t know everything, Seungkwan’s, now his, friends still stood by his side. Their little family grew closer everyday through their little fights at lunch and stupid texts in group chats. 

 

Now that everything was settled, the group of boys started to gather their things and stretch themselves out of their chairs. It was a Friday night and they’re all bored and hungry. Seungkwan felt his diet crying in the back of his head, but he just ignored it. 

 

French fries were more important, and just better tasting. 

  
  


But Seungkwan’s dream of fried food was interrupted when he heard some sort of whisper-arguing behind him. Mostly everyone was out the door besides him, Hansol, who was waiting for his slow ass, and the two who were going at it: Joshua and Jeonghan.

  
  


_ “Are you serious Hannie? You promised me. I even asked you like— a whole entire week in advance this time.” _

 

_ “I know! I know Shua. I’m really sorry, but something ca-.” _

 

_ “You always say that!” _

  
  


The two youngers glanced at each other and, in a moment of some type of telepathic communication, they nodded.  _ “Yeah we need to get the fuck outta here before we get roped into t-“   _

  
  


“Hansol~!” Joshua’s voice rang out sweetly. He and Seungkwan were two steps away from the door. Two steps from pushing the doors into sweet freedom to join the rest of their friends. But no. The world is too cruel. He turned slowly on his heel to meet Joshua, who was closing the distance between them, and grabbed Seungkwan’s arm to prevent him from leaving him all alone with the pair. 

  
  


When he looked down, Seungkwan was wearing a glare to kill. Instead of looking intimidating though, his cheeks were puffed out, blushing pink. 

 

Interesting.

  
  


Hansol tightened his grip when Joshua finally made it in front of him. Jeonghan, who seemed a bit pissed off, has his arms folded across his chest as he stood behind Joshua. 

  
  


“Hansol. I don’t really know you well, but I hear about you all the time. Want to hang out tomorrow? Jeonghan kind of flaked on me so…” Joshua scratched the back of his neck. Seungkwan didn’t realize his mouth his open in shock until he saw Jeonghan doing the very same thing. He knew Josh was able to charm anyone into doing anything he wanted with his pretty smile, but he’s too nice for that! This isn’t the Hong Joshua he knows! 

  
  


He supported the idea of his friends getting to know Hansol, but now hanging out alone? The two of them rarely got to do that with his ‘work schedule’. That’s unfair! 

 

“I—Um.” Hansol said unsurely which made Joshua’s cheerful expression fall. It probably ripped his heart in two by the way he quickly covered with an excuse.

 

“Why don’t you go with Seungkwan instead? I think I have to work tomorrow…” The mention of work just deepened the frown on Joshua’s face more.

 

“You guys are always working! One day off won’t hurt. Please? I really need to go Christmas shopping and Seungkwan hates Christmas, so it’ll be no fun.” The elder practically begged. He even brought out the soft voice and big eyes to make Hansol feel guilty for even considering saying no. 

 

“Well…”

 

As soon as Joshua noticed Hansol’s resolve was cracking, he smiled brightly and snatched his arms (which forced him to let go of Seungkwan) to grip his hands in passion.

  
  


“Please Hansol. It’ll be fun. It’s one day!”

  
  


A couple breaths of silence later, and a groan could be heard from the younger.

 

“Fine! Fine! I guess we are going Christmas shopping?” He smiled with his eyebrows raised. 

  
  
  


Seungkwan watched the pair laugh. He wanted to smile along with them, but something stopped him. Maybe it was the fact that Christmas was coming faster than he thought. 

 

But as much as he hated Christmas, the feeling has never felt like this. Even when Hansol is back by his side as they’re walking down the stairs, he can’t get the image out of his head of Joshua, one of his closest friends, clinging to Hansol. Or the fact that he has asked him many times to hang out in the past, but is always rejected. 

 

The ugly emotion swirled in his stomach and screamed at him to acknowledge it, but he just forced it away. 

  
  
  
  


☄️

  
  
  


“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they hate Christmas.” Hansol bumped into him while they all assembled into the mall parking lot. It was noon, or somewhere a bit earlier than then, and they’d just gotten breakfast before making their way to the shopping center. 

 

Their stomachs were full of eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, and whatever else they decided to inhale that morning. Word got around fast, or well, as quick as Hansol and Seungkwan could make it down the main school stairwell and out the doors to join their friends in the parking lot, that Joshua needed to go Christmas shopping. Of course, it was that time of year, so everyone needed to join in to get their family, friends, and whoever is relevant in their lives a small gift. That’s how half of their group of thirteen were stretching out of their cars to form a little gathering  in the parking lot to wait for everyone else. 

 

“Really? Because I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they’d eat ten entire lobsters if it was their last day alive.” Seungkwan teased and pushed back with his hands shoved into his heavy jacket. Now that it was early December, the roads were slick with little flurries of snow and the air was a bit harsher than it was the weak before. 

 

That’s also how Hansol and he were huddled closer than they would usually be, but they have an excuse. It’s freezing outside.

 

“Don’t hate lobsters. They’re good. The best part of seafood I’ll have you know.” Hansol was curious as to why Seungkwan disliked their country’s beloved holiday so much, and even more curious as to why he was dodging his question, but he was willing to play along just for now. 

 

“Honestly I’m more of a shrimp kind of guy.” Wonwoo chimed in to the pair’s conversation which made them stifle a laugh. 

 

“Okay. Keep that up and I’ll tell everyone about that one time you accidentally ate a clam.” Seungcheol appeared right beside him with a smirk and a hood covering is midnight black hair. 

 

“Don’t make me sound stupid. I didn’t eat the shell or anything! It just fucked with my digestive system.” Wonwoo said shyly. He kicked at the watery ground in embarrassment as he waited for everyone else to arrive. 

 

“That’s it. I’m calling them. How can you get lost? IHOP is literally down the fucking street. If they’re not here in the next minute, we are going inside.” Mingyu said in an annoyed tone even though he was just being dramatic. Everyone watched him place a hand on his hip as he balanced his weight all on one side of his body. His other hand held his phone to his ear. 

 

Just when the call had reached Minghao’s voicemail box, an old, dented up family van made its way down the rows of the parking lot. You could see Jihoon behind the steering wheel and Junhui in the passenger seat blaring some kind of screamo music. As it jolted into park, Chan and Soonyoung hopped out laughing. 

  
  


“Excuse our lateness. We had to pick up a special someone.” Soonyoung bowed dramatically as Jeonghan stepped out of the car dressed in the full winter attire. His bright (and ugly),  holiday sweater blinded everyone as he flung back his coat for dramatic effect. He even did a full spin which got cheers from a few and laughs from a few more. 

  
  


“Glad you could make it Jeonghan.” Joshua said stiffly as if he was stuck in between being mad at him and being happy at the fact that he was actually here and not whatever he needed to be. Everyone was well aware of the situation that went down last night (as if dinner at the diner wasn’t awkward enough with Joshua basically ignoring Jeonghan), and couldn’t help halting their breath every step Jeonghan took to close the gap between him and Josh. 

 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world Joshuaji.” He jumped onto said stubborn boy to attach himself with a hug, but he mostly hung off his shoulders like dripping honey. Josh seemed unfazed though, but couldn’t hide the little smile forming on his face. 

 

“Jesus Christ, get a room!” Jun coughed out and everyone laughed in agreement. They doubted the two love birds noticed though since they were too lost in the already blooming conversation between the two of them as they headed towards the entrance.

 

Seungkwan and Hansol shared a knowing look. 

 

_ “What a cliche honestly.” _

  
  
  
  


“Finally everyone is free on a weekend so we can do something fun.” Josh said with joy in his voice and got cheers in response. He was a little more excited than the twelve others. His red, reindeer sweater was a loud enough statement on its own, but that didn’t mean the rest were immune to the holiday spirit. It could’ve been the sparklingly lights, cold weather, or the fact that Christmas was just weeks away that made them so hyperactive. It’s not like there was ever a dull moment amongst them anyways, so Seungkwan shouldn’t have found it so odd that his friends were loud. Today, they were just extra loud. 

  
  


As they made their way towards the entrance, Hansol very, very subtly slippped away from Seungkwan’s side over to the six, otherwise known as his closest friends, boys that were lagging behind the ones in the front. They kept their voices low so the others couldn’t hear what they were discussing. They, besides Seungkwan he noticed,  were too busy singing the lyrics to the Christmas music that played softly from the mall’s speakers to realize the seven had separated themselves.

  
  


“Hey. Did the drop this morning go alright?” He softly said into his little crowd of friends while falling into their pace of a slow stroll. He clasps Minghao’s open hand which was offering a greeting. 

 

“It went as well as they always go. You know they always try to negotiate the price even after it’s been set for a week. ” Jihoon sighed looking drained yet it was only noon. At the sound of it, this morning had been a long one for them. Chan rubbed at his eyes. He looked over to Junhui’s face, and felt the dark-circles were really damaging his pretty boy image. 

 

“It’s fine. At least they weren’t suspicious as fuck like last week. We almost had to call Shownu then.” Soonyoung recalled stretching his arms above his head with a yawn. 

 

They all watched from afar as the six, somewhat sheltered kids laughed loudly without a care in the world as they walking into a department store. They made sure to keep their distance while they were having this conversation, but still didn’t stray too far from them.

 

“Are we ever gonna tell them?” Jeonghan asked with an unattainable look that, somehow, all of them could understand. Hansol swore his eyes followed a boy in particular who was browsing the scarfs with a smile. He watched him loosely wrap it around his neck for the others to judge. 

 

“They already ask so many questions. I’m surprised they haven’t figured it out yet.” Minghao pointed out. Hansol recalled all the times they avoided their hangouts because they were “working” and they just nodded their heads in understanding. They were so kind and sometimes he just didn’t get it. It was especially  _ those _ times, and these, where they’re just observing from afar, that he can’t escape the fact of how different they are from them. Who are they trying to fool by playing nice with a bunch of business heirs and, probably, future politicians when they knew it was all temporary?

  
  


“These friendships can’t last forever on lies or keeping them in the dark. Eventually they’ll grow tired of us just avoiding them all the time and just stop being friends with us, and we all don’t want that.” Jun added.

 

“Even if those stupid rumors have some truth to them, they’ll probably understand like they always do.” Chan said.

 

They sat back in silence against the glass display counters of jewelry and perfume. After they’ve all spoken and emotions floated in the air, Hansol wanted to comment on how much  _ they _ have changed them. Maybe for the better, he doesn’t know yet, but they’ve definitely gotten softer. He doesn’t remember the last time any of them cared so much about anything except for themselves, each other, and weed. It has always been the seven of them these past three years, and even then, they were bonded through this ‘job’ and nothing else. Just a bunch of poor, misfit high school kids trying to make money. Now that there was so much more on the table: friendships, (almost) relationships, and everything else that somehow tied the two groups together, the seven couldn’t just leave even they wanted to. Their hearts wouldn’t allow it. 

 

“It isn’t even up to us now that I think about it. You’re the boss Vern, so whatever you say goes. If you say we can tell them, then we’ll let them know.” Jihoon almost whispered, but it was loud enough for the group to hear. He didn’t realize all of his friends were looking at him before they walked off to join the rest in their shopping adventure with slight smiles adorning their faces.

 

He knew he’d always been in charge of this whole operation ever since the idea had graced his fifteen year old brain. He’d been the heart, soul, and center which meant that responsibility fell heavy on his shoulders.  Hansol figured, to tell them the entire truth would come with consequences and unwanted fears of slips of the mouth, but the image of Seungkwan pushed itself inside his head; it tried to mingle with his already muddled thoughts.

 

All the times he’s asked to hang out which left Hansol to attempt to deny politely would be no more. All the times Seungkwan sat in silence, _ in defeat _ , instead of calling him out on his bullshit would cease to exist. This secret that has been keeping them an arm's length apart, as it prevented them from getting any closer, would finally be out of the way. 

 

As many positives this outcome offered, there was always that possibility of Seungkwan hating him eternally. The ‘what-if’ situations, reasons behind Seungkwan’s hatred, were endless in Hansol’s head: for not telling him the whole truth, for not being honest from the start, for involving himself in such dangerous activities, for making him unknowingly become friends with someone like him, a d- 

 

“Hello sir! Is there anything you need help finding today?” A cheerful woman with a name tagged pinned onto her work polo. She was wearing a headband that made it appear like antlers were sticking out of her head. It was then that he realized he was still looming over the jewelry display while making the glass that protected the rings and stones support his weight. When Hansol took longer than what’s considered normal to respond, she tilted her head to the side and a jingle from some kind of bell she was wearing could be heard. 

 

“No ma’am. Not today. Thank you though.” He tried to ignore her disappointed look. He couldn’t imagine how long he was standing there, but it seemed to be long enough for her to think he was interested. 

 

His heart almost stopped and restarted when he finally spotted Jihoon at the end of a winding line they were standing in to pay. He didn’t even notice the smile that slipped onto his face when he realized he was talking quietly with Mingyu who suddenly patted the top of the shorter’s head. That surely pissed him off. Seokmin had his arms full of sweaters while Jeonghan stood next to him in line empty handed. Hansol didn’t question the sight even though he could hear Seokmin’s whining from his approaching distance. 

 

He scanned the area again, and this time found Soonyoung, Chan, and Minghao posing all stiff and mannequin like near the display full of them where they were wearing Christmas pajamas. Wonwoo was, of course, taking a picture of the fools in action. Seungcheol and Josh weren’t too far away, with a bag showing proof they had purchased something, and were just talking with smiles on their faces looking at the ‘mannequins’. Eventually, they got pulled into it too. Then there was Junhui and Seungkwan. His back was to Hansol, who had picked up his pace now that he saw who Seungkwan was alone with, but he could infer how the conversation was going. Hansol could see him glowing like a tomato from here, at least twenty feet away. 

 

Maybe it was because Hansol was already staring, but Seungkwan was the first one to notice his figure. His eyes lit up like the bright lights decorated inside the mall. Hansol matched his smile, and then realized his cheeks were already hurting from holding the position for so long. 

  
  


“Hey Boo.” The words automatically tumbled out of his mouth as soon as he neared Seungkwan’s side. Jun turned to look between the two of them with a sly smirk. 

 

“Hey yourself.” Seungkwan practically pushed Hansol away from him. He didn’t even realize he was that close until his hand was pushed off of the former’s shoulder and Jun was looking at him like he’d won something. Seungwkan, of course, was blushing hard enough for his face to burn off. 

  
  


Hansol thought back to all of his friends. Their fun times that he didn’t want to stop, and the future of more to come. Seungkwan was looking up to him in the way he does that makes him look so much smaller than he really is, and a thousand times cuter. His face mildly concerned, but Hansol tried to brush it off with a smile. He was truly happy. He had a decision to make, but right now, he wanted to enjoy this happiness in all its forms it came in. 

  
  


_ “Maybe some things are worth the risk.” _ he thought to himself. 

  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan knew Hansol didn’t despise the holidays like him, but he didn’t know just how big of a fanatic he was until today. He might as well group him together with Joshua, Jeonghan, and Soonyoung with the way he was skipping around singing Jingle Bells and shouting  _ “We’re high… on that Christmas spirit!”  _ with a laugh. He could just be in just an amazing mood with the way he keeps smiling at everyone (especially him), but then again, the holidays tend to do that to people. It was even getting to him a bit. The way continuously annoying music was getting drowned out by his friends jokes made everything bearable. 

 

Christmas was only fun when you had a real family, and real parents to spend it with, but not everyone would understand that. 

 

His best friends knew of this, and knew not to mention it really, but the jolly spirit was just seeping into everyone’s bones and making everyone talkative. Now, they were two and a half hours in with only half of the mall conquered, so energy came in the form of Starbucks hot chocolate, questions, and laughs. 

  
  


“What are your guys’ plans for Christmas?” Chan asked with a twirl and almost bumped into people going the opposite direction. People probably thought they were all high or something ( _ “on that Christmas spirit!”  _ A voice too much like Hansol's yelled in his head), and Seungkwan couldn’t blame them. He was the only sane person left. Even Wonwoo and Jihoon were giving into their qualms and started to sing along to the songs that were suddenly background noise now that Chan had spoken up. 

 

Mostly everyone answers included spending time with relatives that are coming into town, or leaving to go see family, or even vacation in some cases (Mingyu really is a spoiled brat, but Seungkwan isn’t really one to talk). He stays quiet like he has been for most of today, and just nods along when Joshua describes his cousins who live in the mountains and own a ski resort which he already knew. He also listened along to Junhui explain one of the weird traditions they always do on Christmas. 

 

“What about you ‘Kwan?” Hansol speaks up from next to him. They’d made a turn into a small shop of candles and other small trinkets. There was an overwhelming scent of peppermint that choked the life out of Seungkwan, and added to his growing headache.

 

The universe works in mysterious, cruel ways Seungkwan has figured. Out of the many times he’s silently begged for Hansol to pay more attention to him, to look at him, talk to him, touch him more, he didn’t think it would be granted in such a way where he just can’t drop the subject of Seungkwan and Christmas. 

 

“I- Well,” He glances up from his empty hands to his friends who are all close by, and occupied with touching the products for sale; but otherwise listening in. The brunet hadn’t made his dislike for the holiday subtle, so they, like Hansol, were probably wondering if there was some reason as to why. He looks the type to be in love with Christmas with his stuffy sweaters, soft cheeks, and kind smile he was starting to show more often nowadays. He’s even in choir. All choir kids do around the holidays is sing the  _ same _ stupid songs (he would know). 

 

He breathed in a shallow breath before continuing. 

 

“It’s the same every year. If my parents aren’t busy, then we eat a meal together. Nothing fancy. I might make cookies with Grace, my nanny. If they have to work, they’ll stay in the city and it’ll be just the two of us.” Seungkwan described a normal day in the Boo household, but the boys were shocked. Well, those who were ignorant to Seungkwan’s situation. 

 

“No family comes over?” Soonyoung asks and Wonwoo almost hushes him as if he doesn’t want him to push the already sensitive topic further. It’s kind of too late for that now. Although they weren’t doing it on purpose, it felt like his friends were just shoving the idea of Christmas in his face. With the way they linked their hands with his and encouraged him to sing or how they shared their heartwarming stories of close knit family, it didn’t help his case any more. In fact, it stung with the reminder that Seungkwan had none of what they got to enjoy every year. 

  
  


“My sisters both have families of their own, so I don’t want to be a burden y’know. The rest of my family lives on the islands, but we aren’t that close, so it would feel weird to just show up after not talking to any of them for years.” Seungkwan explained. He suddenly became aware of the fact that he was getting really personal in a damn candle-trinket-whatever shop this was. The wall of snow globes really becomes interesting, and he wonders how it much one would stick out against the high class decor that was around his house. 

 

Soon he hear hums that signified acknowledgment of his explanation, and waited for anyone else to speak up with anymore questions. They might as well ask them while he’s in the mood. 

 

“No offense Boo, but your parents kind of suck.” Hansol says with calamity. The nonchalance astounds everyone, Seungkwan mostly, who whips his head around from the vast collection of water-filled glass domes to meet Hansol’s eyes. They were already up and looking at him when he turned around. 

 

“Excuse me?” Seungkwan asked with slight defense. Okay, he knew his parents were… not the best, but only he could say that. He was their son. What did Hansol know? Seungkwan tried not to sway his ground as he neared the other because was starting to it hit him, at the worst time, that he really is one of the cutest boys he’s ever seen. How inappropriate. 

 

“I said no offense! And I truly do mean it.” He puts his hands up in surrender with a closed-mouth smile. Their conversation is loud enough for everyone to hear, yet they aren’t obvious about their eavesdropping if they’re doing it. 

 

“It’s just… what kind of parents chooses work over their child? You’re an amazing son at that, and even if you were any less of a person, that still is no justification for not putting you as top priority.” Hansol explained. He  _ would _ have some sweet reasoning like that behind insulting his parents. They make their way over to the line that has gotten long now that everyone was deciding to buy something. For a small store like this, it was probably the busiest it’s been all day. 

 

“Yeah well, that’s my reality. They’ve been work-a-holics ever since they hit it big almost ten years ago.” It really has been that long now that Seungkwan thinks back. He remembers when he didn’t hate the idea of Christmas. The image him pushing his sisters out of the way so he could jump down the stairs first to make it to their one hundred percent real tree (because Seungkwan, back then, wouldn’t take any less) in his pajamas that clung to his frame. 

 

Hansol was silent for the rest of the journey through the line. The topic still floated in the air, and Seungkwan wanted to laugh. This is why he hated bringing up his parents in any way, shape, or form. The only reason his friends knew about them was because they’ve forced themselves into his life all the way up until this point. 

 

Seungkwan’s tired of it. He’s going to be fucking eighteen in little more than month, so he’s not going to be put up being babied by them when they were barely in his life in the first place. 

 

“Next in line please.” The older woman with graying roots had called out to the two of them. They stepped up to the cash register together even though they were paying separately. Seungkwan noticed too late, when Hansol was in the middle of paying, and to take a couple steps back in line would be embarrassing. 

  
  


“Ooh! This one is one of my favorites!” The sales clerk said with excitement. She referred to the bright orange Tangerine scented candle he got for his parents just because as she was wrapping it in tissue paper. Seungkwan nodded along and agreed it smelt nice.

 

_ “Not my favorite though. Not by a long shot.”  _ He thought to himself as he grabbed the two handles of the paper bag. 

  
  
  
  


The rest of their little mall adventure was about as exciting as it started. Now that Seungkwan had, somewhat, come clean about his hatred for Christmas, everyone let him be the Grinch he’s always been for years. He did mumble the words to a song or two because he’s weak to a good melody when he hears one. That, and  _ O Holy Night _ had always been his favorite Christmas song growing up because he hit every single one of the notes no matter how much Jinseol, his sister, wanted to disagree. 

  
  
  


He’d been slacking, too busy sulking over wanting to kill the spirit of Christmas, and forgot the task at hand:  _ buying Christmas presents.  _

 

His family (including Grace) had already been taken care of when he bought candles in the trinket shop, but now left six friends. He’d already bought his closest friends gifts when they weren’t looking, and he already had an idea for what he wanted for Hansol’s gift. This just left the six boys he didn’t really know. His presents were usually thought out and heartfelt because he’d known these boys for years, but what was he going to buy six of them that he knew for mere  _ months _ ? 

  
  


At his wits end, he was about to fuck everything and just buy everyone socks, because who doesn’t love fuzzy socks? But then, a quiet Minghao crept into his space. Even though he’d surprised him half to death, he helped Kwan regain his balance. 

 

“Wow, you’re clumsy. Anyways, I need your help.” Minghao got to the point quickly and Seungkwan tries to recall ever having a conversation a real conversation with him. His brain comes up with no results, so this must be the first. He tries to search for any means that this must be a joke, because why in the hell would he be coming to Seungkwan of all people?

 

“Um… okay. With what?” He replied warily and puts the socks back on the rack. 

 

“What does Mingyu like? Or want for Christmas?” Minghao asked. The shorter is taken a bit off guard with the question, and the nosy side of him wants to know the context, but he pushes it away.

 

“Well, he likes domestic things like cooking. And dogs or animals. But he can break stuff easily, so no glass.” Seungkwan offered and hopped he was of some use. He dug into one of his shopping bags and took out an apron that said  _ kiss the cook _ . Minghao laughed and waved a finger. 

 

“Really? Hm. He seems the type.” He probably tried to imagine Mingyu in a kitchen and it’s honestly hard at first, but his cooking really is no joke. 

 

“Alright. Thanks ‘Kwan.” He was already leaving until Seungkwan grabbed his coat sleeve. 

 

“Wait. So you’re just, asking around to see what everyone likes?” Seungkwan seemed perplexed by the idea. It was pure genius, and whoever said west-side kids were stupid needed to be punched in the face. 

 

“Yeah dude. We’re all doing it. I mean, we formally started hanging out like a month ago. How are we going to buy good Christmas presents?” Seungkwan felt stupid for even thinking he could do this without the help of his other friends. Minghao just nodded and picked up Seungkwan’s hand to remove it off of his sleeve. He rushed away to, probably, go find Mingyu an amazing gift.

  
  


Suddenly, life became a little hopeful as he spotted Chan breezing into the section for kitchen appliances. Seungkwan followed in suit with a question already weighing on his mind. 

  
  
  
  


Chan isn’t the least bit surprised when Seungkwan questions him about a gift to get Minghao. He mentions something about an obsession with Kermit The Frog, handbags, and Dancing in the midst of his sharing his story about the one of times they almost got arrested. Apparently, they thought it was a good idea to skateboard in the middle of a grocery store. 

 

With those ideas in the back of his head, he visits Minghao who’s looking at stuffed animals. Kwan asks about Soonyoung, who also likes dancing, playing pranks, and hair dye(?). He raised an eyebrow, but Minghao didn’t explain any further. Maybe he liked to dye his hair. Or his sister’s? Or brother’s? 

 

On his way out of the store, with a Kermit phone case and bright red hair dye placed in a plastic bag, he shoved it inside one the bigger shopping bags. His arms were starting to feel heavy, but he still needed to get more gifts. 

 

With sweat accumulating on his forehead, he feared he hit another dead end. That was until, Hansol veered into his path with a soft pretzel in his right hand and many, many shopping bags in his left. 

 

“Hey.” He said with his mouth full of baked dough and salt. Seungkwan pulled a face which caused the former to almost choke from laughing. 

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full! That’s nasty. But anyway, I’m glad to see you.” He sighs out. The energy is drained from his arms a bit as he rests his bags down on the tiled ground for a second so he can stretch them out. Hansol swallows. 

 

“Are you now?” Then takes another bite. His voice a little skeptical as he eyes the full paper and plastic bags. 

 

“Yeah. I need your help. Are you done with all your shopping?” Seungkwan asked and looked down at the bags from various stores. If Hansol wasn’t done, he didn’t want to be a bother and ask for help. Yet on the opposing perspective, even if he wasn’t, they might be able to finish shopping together. If the other wanted to of course. 

 

“Pretty much. How can I be of use your highness?” Hansol almost went into a mock bow after throwing the parchment paper which held his, now eaten, pretzel. It was literally there for two seconds. Seungkwan realized he eats fast.

 

“ _ Wait, I just really notice something completely useless about him? Was I watching him? Did Hansol notice me?”  _

 

He tried to hide his panic with a question when he finally realized just why he stopped Hansol (besides wanting to talk to him of course). 

 

“Do you know what your friends want for Christmas?” 

  
  
  
  


Hansol seemed to be a very attentive friend Seungkwan noticed. He provided very detailed likes and dislikes about each of his friends even if Seungkwan had already gotten them a gift. Even Kwan was no exception to his kindness as he offered to carry some of his bags while he scurried around to find gifts. He tried to resist, but they were already out of his hands before he could refuse. 

 

Boy, his arms sure felt better too.

 

Right now, Hansol was deep in some story about the time Jeonghan was mistaken for a girl and got hit on by another girl. Seungkwan’s struggling to hold on to the record album for Jihoon, piano fingering chart for Junhui, and new pair of earbuds for Chan because Hansol just won’t stop making him laugh. He’s pretty sure his cheeks are going to hurt tomorrow from smiling so hard, but he figures it’s more than fine when you’ve got happy memories to ease the pain. 

  
  
  


When exiting the music store, he comes to realize that he’s finally,  _ finally _ , fucking done. Christmas has always been a hassle, and the shopping aspect of it was no exception. He wants to collapse when they exit into the open air, but he keeps his pace next to Hansol as they make their way back to the parking lot. 

 

“So, what’d you get me?” Hansol asks, and Seungkwan is surprised he even had the audacity to question him when he knows the elder was going to keep his lips sealed until the gift exchange. 

 

_ “I know what I’m going to get you, I just haven’t gotten it yet. It’s perfect though.”  _ The president thought to himself, and tried his hardest to remember that he absolutely, positively, can’t forget Hansol’s Christmas gift. The thought of possibly forgetting devastates him, and makes his heart burn. 

  
  


“A lump of coal. It’s what you deserve.” He replied with his head held high and kept it there until he felt a force swing and hit him at the back of knees which caused them to buckle. He almost face planted on the pavement, but thankfully he was blessed with  just enough grace that he stumbled only a couple steps. 

 

“Did you just hit me with your millions of shopping bags? I could’ve died.” He gasps and starts to fake limp as if his ankle his twisted or there’s something terribly wrong with his leg. 

  
  


If Hansol has learned anything from all the hours, minutes, and seconds, spent with Seungkwan, it’s that he could not be any more dramatic. 

 

“Yeah I did. I was trying to break your legs. My bad.” He said with a shrug and kept trotting forward like he hadn’t threatened his friend. 

 

He felt a  _ smack _ to his back. 

 

“Chwe Hansol! Take that back!” Seungkwan was trying his best to sound angry but his lips quivered into a smile and eventually a laugh. Shock or genuine happiness Hansol didn’t know. He’s still learning. 

  
  


“Finally! You guys are back.” Josh called out to the both of them and unintentionally bursted their bubble of whatever euphoric feeling Seungkwan felt like they were in. With a glance around their little crowd, he could see arms full of bags and tired faces. They’d been there for at least five hours. Even Josh couldn’t keep up his happy spirit now that his precious Christmas sweater had a big orange stain on the front. Yikes. 

 

“Okay. I had fun. I love you guys, but it’s time to go home.” Jeonghan announced. He looked the most sluggish as he dragged his feet over to the van they came in. Jihoon, Jun, Soonyoung, Chan, and Minghao all followed after saying their goodbyes and a promise to see everyone at school on the following Monday. The president cringed at the way they all put their bags in the trunk. How will they be able to know whose belongs to who? 

  
  


Seungkwan yelled goodbye to his friends who were parked on the other side of the row while he and Hansol were next to each other. As they both walked to their separate vehicles and placed their bags inside, he just now realized that they’re parting ways. He’s got an indication as to why it bothers him so much, but it’s stupid. He didn’t want to say goodbye yet, or stop seeing his face. 

 

_ “Okay, you might like him just a little bit, but that doesn’t mean anything.”  _

 

As he buckled his seatbelt, his phone vibrated. 

  
  


**_[rapper genius hansol vernon chwe the greatest]:_ **

_ let down ur windo w :)  _

  
  


Seungkwan raises an eyebrow and wants to stop the stupid ass smile forming on his face, but he can’t. He just complies. While his passenger side window rolls down, Hansol’s driver side one does the same. 

  
  


“Bye.” He says with one hand on the steering wheel while the other is probably on the gear shift so he can reverse. His hair is all ruffled, so he probably just ran his hand through it.

 

Seungkwan’s heart shakes at the sight.

 

“Did you really just tell me to let my window down to say goodbye to me?” He sounds so shy and not like himself, so he hopes he’s not given away. 

 

“Yes?” Hansol is laughing now and that’s all Seungkwan can hear. That overwhelming, ugly noise that somehow isn’t as ugly as it used to be because it makes him laugh too. He can feel smile grows fonder. 

 

“Bye Hansol.” 

  
  


When the red car that was sitting next to his is long gone, his head hits the steering wheel softly. His eyes close in lethargy. His car hasn’t even been properly started, but that’s the least of his worries.

  
  


Because in the silence of almost winter, if you listened close enough, you’d be able to hear Seungkwan’s heart racing. 

  
  


And he honestly didn’t know what to do about it. 

  
  



	12. face your fears (and your feelings)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan is nervous and misses hansol a bit too much. mingyu is the bane of his existence and it's all his fault. all while they still have a choir concert to preform at. he wonders how much longer he can do this "high school" thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to [adi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tangerineprince) !! thank you for being an amazing friend & i hope you enjoy the friendships in this chapter ;-)

 

Seungkwan could count the amount of times he felt nervousness due to a concert on a single hand. From a young age, his parents had instituted a mentality that basically trained him for any high pressure situation. Because they wanted him to take over their business someday, he had to deal with many different clients, fake a smile, and act a certain way when it was appropriate. That’s how he’d been raised. 

 

Even though he could be a little emotional at times, when it came to business, he was an unrecognizable character that you’d probably think you’d never met. His singing was serious which is why he turned to a totally different person on stage. As soon as his hand wrapped around the microphone and eyes shut, he felt comfortable and at peace. Immersed in his element. 

  
  


“Seungkwan. From the top again. Not so breathy.” His instructor asked of him. 

  
  


He thought highly of himself. He’s even been vocally trained as a child. There’s no reason as to why he should be so  _ nervous _ about the upcoming choir concert in a few days, but he is. His hands sweat at the mere thought of it. 

  
  


“Yes. Okay.” He tried not to sound as frustrated as he was internally, but everyone felt his emotions seeping through his voice. After three run-thrus and an entire month of learning the music, Seungkwan should be flawless with his piece, but he seemed to be off today. 

 

“Wait! It’s already been twenty minutes. Maybe Kwan should take a break.” Mingyu spoke up, waking everyone from their bored trance they slipped into while Seungkwan worked on his solo one-on-one. 

 

“I still need to do my run-thrus anyway.” Seokmin popped up from the audience of the auditorium and hopped on the stage. Before their teacher could deny, Mingyu was already pushing Seungkwan off the stage and out of the bright lights while handing their smiley friend a mic with a mouthed a silent  _ thank you.  _

  
  


“You didn’t have to do that.” Seungkwan felt his voice tremble and his throat feeling a little more strained than it was just hours ago. He tugged at the red tie around the collar of his black collared shirt. Dress rehearsals were never this stuffy in the past. 

 

“Yeah, but I wanted to. No offense Kwan, but you’re struggling in there.” Even though Mingyu’s voice always held that lighthearted tone that gave the illusion that he was joking, Seungkwan knew from many years that it was the opposite. 

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong!” His laugh was cryptic and void of emotion that made him seem so troubled. Mingyu came a little closer to wrap the smaller’s shoulders up in comfort. Their pace eventually slowed when the taller caught sight of the cafeteria. The theater department was too busy practicing their reenactment of Christmas Day to notice Mingyu sit him down at the back tables. 

 

He knew his best friend well. He knew the tears were bound to come no matter what. They always did when the emotions became too high and the words got caught in his throat. It had been a long time since Seungkwan had broke down outside the safety of the walls of his room, but he didn’t know what was coming over him. His eyes watered on their own out of frustration. 

 

“What’s going on Seungkwan? You can talk to me.” Mingyu’s voice had turned softer and it hit him that they shouldn’t be having this conversation in the school cafeteria of all places, but he just  _ had  _ to be a crybaby. That didn’t occur to his best friend as his eyes told him he was still one of the most understanding people in the world. 

 

“I… um…” the brunet was lost for words. He truly didn’t know what was wrong. On the surface, anyone could tell he was more than frustrated with his practice, but those who knew him knew Seungkwan tried to bury has emotions not to burden other. His childhood had made him want to turn into some kind of invisible presence, and sometimes the feelings still lingered. Sometimes, he didn’t know where to begin to face feelings… especially ones he’s never felt before. 

 

_ “Is that what this is about?”  _ He questioned himself. For him to cry over Hansol seemed insane weeks ago, but now he wasn’t sure. He wouldn’t leave his mind. His emotions were affected by his every action. 

 

Seungkwan laughed the same empty laugh. 

  
  


“Okay well, it is rare for Boo Seungkwan to ever show weakness.” Mingyu seemed to be thinking out loud as he furrowed his eyebrows in thought and spoke over the shouting of the rehearsal in the background. Mingyu let Seungkwan hands go so he could rest his underneath the comfort of his chin. 

 

“I mean, you’ve always been a little kid who bottles up his emotions.” The blond states clearly loud enough for any passer byer to hear.    
  


“Hey!” Seungkwan said defensive. 

 

“Especially when it comes to something that affects your heart deeply like say your parents or your grades?” He scoffed at the mention of the two subjects. Yeah, his parents were getting to be more of a pain, but Seungkwan was starting to grow tired of the same games they played.  His grades? Were near flawless thanks to his study habits. 

 

Seungkwan knew what Mingyu was doing. He’d done it many times before when they’d first became friends all those years ago. Mingyu was one of pushing buttons and Seungkwan was a boy of many buttons. He hated how his friend tried to get the truth out of him with the way he’d fish around and bring up everything that could possibly be bothering Seungkwan. Even though he disliked the guessing game, it felt better than just telling the truth from the get go because he could never form the right words. 

 

“Oh wow. We have a special case on our hands.” His fingers were now laced together as if he was some cunning mastermind planning the plot of the century. Mingyu is quite the opposite with his slight innocence and friendly demeanor, but Seungkwan won’t pop his bubble of fantasy. Not when it’s doing such a great job getting his mind off of things.

 

“This is our last winter concert. Maybe you’re not the amazing, professional singer you think you are and actually get nervous unlike the rest of us.” Mingyu more suggested rather than stated. The words barely got out of his mouth before Seungkwan could oppose him.

 

“This is fucking child’s play Mingyu c’mon. I’ve sung in over a hundred public events in my life, and some were far more extravagant than a high school concert.” Seungkwan always had an air of confidence to him when it came to his singing. Maybe because it was  _ his _ thing, but that smug smirk never could leave his face whilst talking about it even though he was just struggling at the rehearsal earlier no more than ten minutes ago. The taller was almost,  _ almost _ about to give up. At least Seungkwan was feeling better. He figured that he’d be able to get it out of him eventually if he just had a little more time to think (and maybe go to Joshua for help), but then the Christmas lights lit up above his head. An idea struck at the perfect moment as Seungkwan seemed to be going on another tangent about a singing experience he once had in middle school. 

 

“Of course! I should’ve known! I wouldn’t have invited  _ Hansol _ if I knew you were going to get so nervous about him seeing you sing.” The words came out more as an experiment. Some form of questioning. If Seungkwan looked at him like he were crazy and pulled the assumption out of thin air, then he’d sweep it under the rug like it was nothing. They tease the two good friends at least once a day, but in everyone else’s defense, they make it so easy! 

 

Mingyu was expecting at least an attempt to deny his words, but he watched carefully as his best friend’s face paled and then turned to the side to avoid his gaze.

  
  


The apples of his cheeks were glowing bright red. 

  
  


“BOO  _ FUCKING _ SEUNGKWAN! YOU’RE IN LOVE? AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME?” The kids huddled in a little circle running off lines immediately stopped at the sound of Mingyu shouting his lungs out. It took everything for Seungkwan not to melt into the floor right then and there, but he knew his best friend didn’t mean it. They were a dramatic bunch after all, and him saying it out loud, made everything feel more solid. With blush spreading to the rest of his face, he tilted his head towards the picnic tables outside all the way to the right on the other side of the cafeteria.

  
  


He didn’t wait for Mingyu to catch up as he fast walked to the doors and sat down on one of the benches. Honestly, curse the stupid, gianatic boy for knowing him so well and his stupid guessing game that never failed. 

 

“First of all, I’m not  _ fucking  _ in love, so no need to celebrate.” Seungkwan removed his hands of embarrassment off his face once it had cooled down thanks to the harsh winter air. Mingyu was sitting opposite of him on the edge of the bench looking unconvinced.

 

“Oh bullshit! I saw your face in there. Love is a stretch, but you like him. You have feelings for him. There’s something you aren’t telling me.” He always got over excited when it had anything to do with “Heartless Seungkwan” and his feelings. Ever since he was young, he didn’t really show any romantic interests and was more interested in just making friends. High school was no different, but his friends wanted him to have a boyfriend or girlfriend (whatever he was into. they didn’t really know because he didn’t talk about it) because  _ everyone  _ was doing it. It was beyond annoying for Seungkwan to say the least. 

 

“Okay fine! So what if I-I like him! It’s not even a big deal.” He found it useless to deny it any longer since Mingyu already had him trapped. Even though he’d admitted it in his head repeatedly over the past two weeks, it still didn’t compare to the heart stinging feeling that came with saying it out loud. It’s like feeling relieved and panicked all at once. He feels better now that he’s facing the truth, but lost because  _ what the fuck does he do with it? _

 

Mingyu looks at him like he’s grown two heads.

 

“Not a big deal? This is a huge deal! Kwannie’s in love with fucking Chwe Hansol of all people. I thought you’d be single for life.” He wants to correct him again on the  _ love _ matter, but finds it useless. Mingyu is persistent (and deaf as it seems), and a little too  giddy since he keeps bouncing his legs. 

 

“Thank you Kim Mingyu really. It means a lot.” He rolls his eyes, but his heart feels like it’s running laps around a track. His distressed expression is no more, and only a shy smile is left in its place because Mingyu keeps looking at him and reaching across the table to shove at his shoulders. 

 

“So what happened? Why were you so upset?” He suddenly gets serious and Seungkwan wonders how he’s just able to flip the switch like that. The duality of Kim Mingyu he guesses. He does think a bit about why he was so frustrated before thoughts click together in his mind. 

 

“Hansol didn’t do anything. He’d never do anything to upset me honestly. I think I was just distracted, so I couldn’t focus on my singing; then I got nervous because I always want to do my best.” That sounded about right. He tried to leave out the disgustingly sappy part about him wanting to impress Hansol and him thinking about said boy during rehearsal. That would just encourage Mingyu further and cause extensive teasing. 

 

“Aw~ you just want to show Hansollie your best. You could probably sing the alphabet and he’d think it was the most beautiful rendition. He’s that far gone for you.” Mingyu was squealing at this point as his mind was probably stuck in fantasy land, but Seungkwan laughed. It’s one thing to like Hansol, but for him reciprocate his feelings is down right impossible. Right? 

 

“I don’t think it’s like that Gyu. It took us a while to find our footing as friends and I think that’s how it’s going to stay. He doesn’t see me like that.” He felt his eyes drop to his hands that were linked together while his thumbs twiddled about. It seemed like he was just laying his entire heart out in the open tonight. It did feel better to tell someone though, and it had been awhile since he and Mingyu had actually sat down and talked like they used to. With the two of them busy with their own responsibilities (and he hated to say, other people), they’d faded just a bit, but the conversation tonight proved the spark of best-friendship was still there. 

 

Again, Mingyu looked at him like he’d grown two heads. Actually, three this time. Seungkwan matched his expression to poke fun at him.

 

“Seungkwan, I know you’re denser than a rock sinking in the Pacific Ocean, but there’s no way in  _ hell _ you think Hansol doesn’t like you back. Please tell me you’re not that blind.” He pleaded which caused the president to knit his eyebrows together. 

 

“It’s because he  _ doesn’t _ .” Seungkwan stated like it was a fact. Mingyu scoffed at his friend’s obliviousness. 

 

“Well have you even asked?!” Mingyu slammed his hands against the plastic of the table and started to rise from the bench. 

 

“That’s not something you just ask!” He countered back. 

  
  
  
  


“What’s not something you just ask?” Wonwoo’s deep voice cut through the air of their conversation instantly. He was probably there to retrieve the two who had wandered too far for too long.. They didn’t even hear him open the door! The two fools stood frozen in their exact positions before glancing to the door, where Wonwoo stood as far inside as possible, then to each other.

 

A smirk graced Mingyu’s face. He was just full of ideas today. 

 

Before Seungkwan could lunge across the table and tackle the truth out of him, Mingyu’s mouth was already moving. 

 

“Seungkwan’s too shy to ask Hansol if he likes him!” He blurted out. 

 

Wonwoo’s laughter was the icing on the cake of embarrassment. He officially hates his friends. Mingyu the most of course. 

  
  
  
  
  


After Wonwoo dragged the two of them back to the auditorium, Seungkwan finally found his footing and was able to smooth out his pitch and hit all the right notes. It may or may not have been due to his venting to Mingyu, but he liked to think he was just professional enough to recover from any bump in the road. The two songs performed by the mixed choir as well as their own, all boys choir, song breezed by quick enough for Seungkwan to feel as if he was just going through the motions. Now that his little confession couldn’t be taken back, it was all he could think about. 

 

He remembers rushing off the tiers and off the stage in a hot pursuit trying to get to his car as quick as possible to try avoid further questioning, but he got yanked into a corner with five eyes looking down at him faster than he could get away.

 

He just realized he’s the shortest one here. Have his friends always been this tall? Maybe because Jihoon had always been here-

  
  


“Care to explain what’s going on?” Seungcheol spoke up with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face. He looked so happy, but why? Seungkwan was confused as to  _ why  _ everyone looked down at him like he was a cute little baby they couldn’t help but swoon over. 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He mumbled while finding his black dress shoes suddenly more interesting than holding this conversation. Looking back on his earlier conversation with Mingyu, it made him red in the face. What was he thinking exposing himself like that? It’s not like he couldn’t trust his friends, but they would for sure make a huge deal about this. 

 

“Oh you don’t? Then why does Wonwoo tell me you have a boyfriend now?” Joshua seemed very skeptical, but underneath it all you could see he was teasing. They already  _ know.  _ He can tell by their smiles they’re trying to force away and the annoying look in their eyes. It screams something evil. Why are they even doing this? 

 

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” Seungkwan narrows his eyes at Wonwoo who’s towards the back of the little huddle with an amused smile stretched across his face.

 

“Not yet anyway.” Seokmin said and everyone gave him high-fives (except for Seungkwan of course). Even cute little Seokmin was under their spell, and now thought he and Hansol were probably destined as two high school boys could get. 

 

“Boys! Get going! It’s getting late.” The stern voice of their instructor interrupted their playful talk, and they scrambled at the sound of her footsteps. 

 

Even though he was home and away from his friends, the abandoned group chat they hadn’t used in a month (since the big one had been created) had now been reactivated. The questions kept coming, and Seungkwan asked himself if he had the mental strength to go to school tomorrow. He couldn’t even begin to deal with the obvious teasing and screaming every time he and Hansol were near each other. Now they  _ know  _ there’s something genuine there, so everything is just going to get worse. 

  
  


_ “How much do you like him?”  _

_ “When do you know you liked him?”  _

_ “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?” _

  
  
  


Too bad Grace didn’t let him skip school, because he doesn’t know how he’s going to get through tomorrow. 

  
  
  


☄️ 

  
  


The first time Seungkwan and Hansol actually see each other face to face throughout the day is at lunch. They text, sometimes from the second they wake up, and during classes, but lunch is when they actually see each other. Right now, Seungkwan’s fingers are anxiously tapping the wood of his desk while sitting in his Government class; he waits for the bell to release them for lunch. On any given day, he’d meet Hansol by the stairs and they’d walk together to the line. 

 

To Hansol, it’ll probably be just a normal Tuesday, but for some reason he’s nervous. Even though he’s just walking with him like he’s always been, he’s still nervous. 

 

He has been getting oddly nervous these days and blames it on his overcalulative mind always overthinking things. He thinks one action will expose all of his feelings, or one laugh will ruin their entire friendship; so he’s been careful with every move. But sometimes, when Hansol particularly cute and decides to do his hair different, or when he laughs and leans his entire body onto Seungkwan’s, he caves a little bit. He looks and stares and just hopes no one is watching because the he’s certain the love in his eyes is obvious. 

 

That’s what everyone says anyways, and he believes them. Apparently, they should’ve  _ seen this coming  _ (yeah, whatever Seokmin). 

 

At the sound of the bell, he strolls out of the classroom. He’s gotten one  _ good morning :-)  _ from Hansol, and he’s said the same, with a bunch of other  _ how are you _ ’s and the usual complainings about his Home Economics teacher who is the only woman on this planet who despises him even though Hansol  has said on many occasions that he finds that hard to believe. 

 

Seungkwan’s sent a string of texts, and sees they’ve gone with no response, but not unnoticed. He looks closely to see that Hansol has read them a little after they sent which is weird. He always replies. 

  
  


He waits at the landing of the stairs a bit because  _ maybe he’s just late _ , but the students all clear out to go into the cafeteria minus a few stragglers. Okay, even weirder. 

 

As he hustles down the stairs, the late bell sounds behind him. He finds the table of eleven easily since they’re already loud even though lunch started five minutes ago. Their conversation over how to properly make tea is interrupted by Seungkwan sitting down with a question.

 

“Has anyone seen Hansol?” He tries, he really does, to not sound worried while unpacking his lunch. He’s been bringing it lately since Grace offered to show him some healthy recipes. He  _ is _ supposed to be living on his own at college soon. 

 

“Oooh~ wouldn’t you like to know?” Mingyu poked fun across the table. Seungkwan swore he was getting more cheeky and it had everything to do with Jeonghan and Jun. If anything he should be more like Minghao with the way they were always around each other taking pictures and matching items. He’d thank the gods for Mingyu to find some chill, so he’d finally be blessed with peace and quiet. 

 

“Aw. Mingyu stop. He’s just concerned for him.” Any other day Josh would be trying to stop the teasing, but his smile said otherwise. His words sounded genuine like he was trying to stop the verbal assault, but Seungkwan knew he was just adding fuel to the fire. The way he looked at him and quirked his eyebrows, making Wonwoo bust out laughing, made Seungkwan question if he really needed his friends. 

 

At this rate, he doesn’t. 

 

“Yeah, you know those two are inseparable.” Seungcheol cooed. Seungkwan wanted to bang his head on the table and throw up. Half of the other boys looked confused, and they had every right. His friends were being a more annoying than usual due to last night just as he predicted. 

 

“Is it just me, or are you guys more relentless than usual today?” Jihoon, referring to the Hansol teasing, asked while turning his head and looking to Jun. Jun shrugged, but smiled with interest. From the beginning, he was always the one behind the teasing, so he could probably tell they know something he doesn’t. 

 

“Can someone just answer my question?!” Seungkwan pleaded while seething in his seat. This lunch sucks without Hansol, but his friends are so embarrassing that he’s glad he’s not here to witness this disgustingness. He already  _ knows  _ his feelings aren’t reciprocated, so when they throw it in his face constantly, it feels so weird. It makes him think even harder of the  _ what-ifs  _ and  _ maybes _ that already keep him up at night. 

 

“I think he’s sick. I had to go by his house this morning for something and he looked like shit.” Soonyoung, the only sensible person at this table, replied back. Seungkwan’s worries were calmed for a second until they came back to life. 

 

_ “Sick? Is he okay? Is it bad? How did he even get- _ “

 

“Look at him! He’s losing his mind over it!” Seungcheol had probably punctured a lung since he was laughing so hard. God, if this was how bad they teased Josh when he and Jeonghan first started sneaking around then he’s sincerely sorry. No one deserves this. Deciding to ignore his friends’ teasing and the odd looks from the other half of his friend, he goes into the hallway. 

  
  


On his way out, he swear he hears Chan ask  _ “What the fuck is going on?”  _ And it makes him laugh. All of them are close enough to the point where secrets get around in seconds, but Seungkwan couldn’t find it in his heart to care. Even if they all knew except Hansol, he wouldn’t really mind. They all tease the shit out of him anyways. As long as Hansol is okay, then he might feel a little less antsy. 

  
  


Usually Seungkwan isn’t impulsive. He’s a person of thinking and more thinking before finally doing. The consequences always weigh on his mind which is what prevents him from doing things easily, but he calls without second thought. He calls before he’s even completely in the hallway. 

 

On the second ring, a raspy voice answers the phone.

 

_ “Hey Seungkwan.”   _ A cough comes after. He doesn’t know how he looks, but he bets it’s bad. Like runny, red nose while sweating bad. His heart pangs as he leans against the wall with his phone pressed against his ear. 

 

“Hey yourself. How’re you doing?” It’s a stupid question since Hansol sounds like he’s been ran over by a cement truck, but it makes the other laugh over the phone. It’s lower than usual because of the strain  of sickness on his voice. 

 

_ “I’m fine. We were out in the snow last night, so I woke up with a fever this morning unsurprisingly. My mom made me stay home which was an overreaction, but you know how parents can get.”  _

 

He really doesn’t, but he just agrees for the sake of it. 

 

“Wow. So Chwe Hansol actually gets sick? The more you know. I knew you were weaker one out of the two of us.” Seungkwan teases to rouse Hansol up. He probably sat up in his bed right then. 

 

 _“Only in the winter. I get cold okay. Sorry my body isn’t a walking heater like_ _yours.”_

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been playing in the snow.” It’s common sense. If you know you get sick easily, why would you be out in the cold? Hansol is a little reckless though, and Seungkwan hates that he really likes that about him. It’s made his senior year plenty interesting to say the least. 

 

_ “Sorry mom. I’ll make sure to put my gloves and scarf on next time.”  _ Hansol croaked out. All the laughing was probably making his throat even worse, but Seungkwan is  _ missing  _ him right now. He hadn’t missed a day of school since the first few weeks (before he met Seungkwan), so he’s not used to him being absent. He wonders how he survived the weekends. Probably because he dove head first into homework and didn’t even come outside to see the light of day. 

 

“Good. Missing school isn’t good. You’ve probably missed a mountain of homework just today. Midterms are just weeks away y’know.” Seungkwan really did sound like a nagging mother, but he didn’t know how to convey his concern any other way. 

 

_ “Is that why you’re calling me? To tell me about my missing assignments? Or did you just miss me that much?” _ Hansol is joking. He knows he is since he, like everyone else, likes to tease the living hell out of him. Hansol specifically targets him and he’s been laying it in heavy ever since they went Christmas shopping. Seungkwan doesn’t know what it is with people and the holidays. 

 

“Yeah. I miss you. It’s lame and everyone is mean to me.” He was basically whining into the phone, but Hansol should be used to his griping by now. He thankfully is, and he laughs before a fit of coughs is triggered. 

 

_ “Good. They got my memo then.”  _

 

“Stop! I’m serious! I don’t deserve this treatment.” Seungkwan sighs.

 

_ “What are they saying that’s so bad?”  _ Hansol asks softly and close to the phone. 

 

The words die on his tongue in a heartbeat. Seungkwan will always applaud his ability for getting himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should he lie? That sounds like the safer option rather than saying  _ everyone is harassing me for my feelings. what feelings you ask? my romantic feelings for you!  _

 

“I…um. I’m just nervous about the concert tomorrow.” Seungkwan smiles at the nice save. He is still just a bit nervous at the fact that this was his last winter concert, and Hansol was coming and he’d probably be sitting right in the front because that’s what all their friends would want. The thought makes his stomach flip. Especially when all he can think about is Hansol laughing his ass off if he messes up. 

 

_ “From what I hear, you’re quite the singer. You’ve got a high expectation to live up to if you want to impress me.”  _ Seungkwan squeaked a bit as the pressure increased even more. He had to remind himself that Hansol’s probably just joking. It’ll be fine. His voice  _ shouldn’t crack.  _ He  _ shouldn’t  _ drop the microphone like that one time in sixth grade. It’ll be fine. 

 

Before he could respond, his phone buzzed with a message from their group chat. 

  
  


**_[ming-yoyo] :_ ** _ ge t off the phone lovebirds lunch is almost over !!!!!!!!!!!!!! kwan still needs to eat  _

  
  


_ “You haven’t eaten yet?”  _ Hansol sounded surprised, and a little sleepy. Maybe whatever medicine he was on was starting to kick in so he doesn’t remember that Seungkwan literally called him right when lunch started. Whatever, he’s being concerned and it’s cute. 

 

“Nope. I had to check up on a certain sick kid. So what’s the verdict? Will you live to see another day?” Seungkwan, like always, had a funny way of asking things. 

 

_ “No one can be positive, but I’ll keep you updated for sure.”  _ And Hansol, like always, played along with whatever he started. They laughed like idiots before saying their goodbyes and hanging up their respective ends.

  
  


While ending the call, Seungkwan saw he only had twenty minutes left of his lunch. He’d spent thirty talking to Hansol, but it didn’t feel nearly that long. His friends caught sight of him and started to giggle as he sat down. He knew something was up, but wasn’t confused since he already had a clue as to what it could be. He didn’t even want to start again with the mountain of questions that were bound to come because he just  _ knows  _ someone spilled about his little secret. 

 

He sighed. 

  
  


Why, of all times, did Hansol have to be sick? 

  
  
  


☄️ 

 

Wednesday night rolled around quickly. Seungkwan was dressed nicely in his black slacks, collared shirt, and squeaky shoes adorned with the plain-red tie knotted around his neck. He matched well with his friends, or the five other counter-parts that made up the male choir. The only thing that made them unique was the styling of their hair since their instructor was strict on accessories. 

 

No one had arrived yet, but they’d start filling in soon. Sadly, he was on heavy lifting duty tonight, but it would be worth it in the end. He’d promised to set up the couple stands they needed and move the tiers into place (the most annoying part) if it meant they wouldn’t say a word to Hansol, who was supposed to be coming, tonight about his tiny crush. Word was passed on to the west-siders, who were also supposed to make an appearance, so hopefully they’ll do good on their promise. 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t want him to know. Is that selfish of him? It’s not really affecting their friendship  _ that  _ much, and hopefully it’ll be something he can get over painlessly. He doesn’t want to confess only to get rejected. Even though everyone is so set on the idea that they’re meant for each other, Hansol… is just out of his league. He probably has lots of pretty girls on beck and call waiting for him, and not Seungkwan who’s a really good friend. 

 

After continuous trips back to the Choir room and everything set in place quicker than he’d thought (thanks to a couple of girls  _ and not his friends),  _ he got retrieved his water bottle. It was thermally heated to be warm and mixed with a little honey to keep his throat well. It was a tactic he’d been using since he was young, and worked well to bring out the best in his voice. 

 

Once he found his friends sorting programs, he joined in so they could all grab an equal number. The girls choir was running scales behind them after they volunteered to hand these out. 

 

All of their phones vibrated or  _ dinged _ at the sign of a text message. 

 

“They’re on the way.” Wonwoo decided to read out loud even though everyone looked at their phone. 

 

They all hummed back in agreement, and then continued to fold the paper. Seungkwan let his mind wander to Hansol. He was still a little under the weather, so he hasn’t seen him in days. He couldn’t even go after school yesterday due to rehearsal. 

 

“Am I the only one who’s nervous?” Joshua laughed but it seemed stiff. His hair, which was usually laying softly against his forehead, was parted and flipped to expose the skin above his eyebrows. He figured Mingyu did it because his is styled the same way. 

 

“No you’re not. I am too. And Seungkwan surprisingly.” Wow, speak of the devil. He doesn’t remember Mingyu having  _ this  _ big of a mouth in the past, but he makes a mental note never to tell him anything personal ever again. 

 

“I wouldn’t say nervous. I’m excited and sad at the same time.” He tries to play it off after all his friends are looking at him insane. He  _ never  _ gets nervous, so they figure something is up. 

 

“We are growing up guys.” Seokmin says and there’s a touch of sadness to his voice. The sound of sorting paper stops as they all look to each other. Four years has really gone by too quickly. 

 

“Aw! Is this where we group hug?” Seungcheol pulls the closest person, Joshua into him which causes everyone to surround them in warmth. 

 

There’s enough  _ I love you guys’ & I love you’s  _ shared between them for Seungkwan to really think back on the past four years. He wouldn’t be who he was without the five of them, and he’s thankful that they’ve put up with him all this time. 

 

“Boys! There are people at the door!” The tell-tale voice of their instructor tore them apart and had them rushing to both entrances of the auditorium. The girls had already left to do the directing at the front of the school, so the stage was left empty until the start of the concert at 7.

  
  
  
  
  


As time passed, Seungkwan started to slip into his nervous mannerisms. He still greeted everyone with a smile that charmed instantly, but if you looked closely, you could see he was cracking on the surface. His fingers moved to pop his knuckles every so often and he couldn’t stand still. Oddly, even though Wonwoo said they were on their way, none of them had seen them walk in yet. They could only wait for so long before they were called to the stage to do warm up scales. 

 

With five minutes left to the start, his heart dropped to his stomach. In a perfectly tailored gray suit his father walks in right in front of his mother who’s wearing an identical color in a dress with a coat on. 

 

His nerves shot up all the way to his head, making him dizzy on the spot. It was unprofessional of him, but he needed some air. He really wasn’t prepared to meet his parents today, and then for them to meet all this frien- They hate his-

 

_ “Calm down Seungkwan. Calm down.”  _ He gets up abruptly from the chairs hidden in the shadows back stage fast enough for his friends not to question him. God, this concert was going to be a wreck! He could feel it. He probably looked silly pacing around in the hallway, but he couldn’t stop thinking. It was two minutes to 7 and he had to perform a solo tonight in about an hour. A fucking hour! He could probably call a cab and escape to the city by that time. Yeah- 

  
  


“Aw what’s wrong Little _ Boo _ ? Getting cold feet?” That teasing voice he’d missed so much these past two days rang through his ears and caused him to turn on his heels quick towards to source. Immediately, Hansol’s expression fell when he caught sight of the state Seungkwan was in. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry (early) christmas to y'all! this is my small present to you guys for making me so happy these past five months. i seriously am so grateful!  
> this chapter kind of spun out of control so my apologies,,, but please keep in mind that every chapter is important to the overall plot (i know what i'm doing lol) && i would never do filler, so don't think im dragging this out. it hurts my feelings lowkey haha.  
> \- HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL! (christmas, hanukkah, kwanzaa, & more <3  
> \- refer back to chap 6 to see the mention of the choir concert!


	13. break a leg (...or however it goes)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan's solo has got hansol feeling some type of way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back kids, this is your last chapter of the year <3 i love y'all thank you for always reading && the support last chapter had me in sh am bles!  
> there's also a song i put in this chapter, and if u wanna feel the /ultimate experience/ then i suggest you listen while reading along. here's the second part of the concert now :0

 

“Seungkwan, are you okay? What happened? What’s going on?” Hansol still sounded a bit sick and congested, but was here. In his all black attire and beanie glory, he was right in front of him. He didn’t know how he appeared out of thin air right when he needed him, but he’s here. Seungkwan felt him come close enough to grab his hands and pull him out of sight.

 

“Hey. Are you okay?” He asked again and Seungkwan realized he hadn’t answered the first time. Probably too distracted at the fact that Hansol is _holding_ his hands and has their fingers interlocked while standing over him. His heart won’t calm down. Neither will his mind or his nerves, but this is what’s concerning him right now.

 

“I…um yeah. Remember I said I was nervous? Well I was actually doing better…then my parents decided to show up and I just freaked out.” While explaining it, Seungkwan feels as if he’s overreacting. He wants to laugh this whole situation off, but Hansol finds nothing humorous.

 

“Don’t be so _frazzled_ , just have faith in yourself. Your parents will be proud of you either way right?” Hansol asked. Did he just say frazzled? Who the fuck says frazzled? Why does he even like him? But whatever, he doesn’t have the heart to lie.

 

“Not really. I don’t know. My parents are different.” Seungkwan sighed into him and let all the thoughts about consequences go for a second. Even if Hansol doesn’t know the depth of his situation, he trusts him so much. He let himself have this moment of leaning into Hansol and having his forehead bump his chest softly. He felt the boy underneath him tense up slightly then relax into the touch.

  


“Well hey,” Hansol started off saying while letting his hands go, and Seungkwan fought to urge to snatch them back. He stepped back from Seungkwan and tilted his head upwards so he could hold his gaze. His eyes looked so deep, and if Hansol was looking long enough he could get lost in them; he saves that thought for another day though. Seungkwan needs him right now. While the other is looking at him confused, he grabs his cheeks with both of his hands and squishes his face together so he looks like a fish to emphasize his point.  

 

“I don’t care what your parents say or what _anyone_ says. I’ll be proud of you. You can trip or fall or miss your cue or hit the microphone on your face or sing the wrong song or forget the lyrics, but I’ll still be proud because you’re _you_.” Hansol releases the hold on his face and at this point Seungkwan is visibly starting to calm and look heaps better than he did seconds ago. Seungkwan does like cheesy things, so Hansol couldn’t help but go for it even if it was embarrassing. He needed to hear those words of reassurance.

 

He pushes him softly towards the direction of, what he’s guessing, is the backstage door.

 

“You got that Boo Seungkwan?” Hansol says with mock aggression to test the waters and see if he was feeling any better. If his little speech had worked a fraction, then he’d feel accomplished.

 

“Yeah. Thanks Hansol.” He said softly like he was still dazed at what happened. He turns to look back to see if Hansol is still there looking at him.

 

He is. He looks content with his hands in his black  bomber jacket while his eyes follow Seungkwan to the door; a slight smile is on his face. Seungkwan, in the midst of his little breakdown, is just glad Hansol is feeling well enough to come. He missed him.

  
  


“Break a leg… or however it goes!” Hansol shouts at the boy who’s practically a step backstage already. That doesn’t stop him from turning around quickly and looking ready to fight.

  
  


“Does anyone even say that anymore?!” He said exasperated while finally going backstage. Okay Hansol may or may not’ve wanted to stall a bit longer because it’s only 7:05 and he hasn’t seen Seungkwan in two days. Whatever, he’ll have all the time to watch him on stage and even after at the reception. While walking into the audience entrance, he his mind drifted a bit.

  


_“Has his ass always looked that good, or is it the pants?”_

  
  


 

It took longer than a second to find the six others because the lights were off which made the stage shine even brighter and the seats all blur together. Currently, the girls choir were set on the stage with a girl introducing their song. He walked around aimlessly until he heard someone whisper shouting _Vernon!_ from the seats below.

 

While he stealthed down the steps, he was confused as to how the fuck his friends were able to score the some of the best seats when they got here late, but he didn’t question it. It probably had something to do with Soonyoung talking to the middle aged woman seated next to him and her husband. Hansol wasn’t aware he had _these_ type of connections, but it’s fine. He wasn’t looking forward to squinting from the back rows anyways.

 

“Where were you? Some kind of pre-show ritual with Seungkwan?” Minghao asked as soon as he was situated comfortably. He probably saw Hansol run over to him by the entrance while they were all supposed to be walking in. He didn’t think Minghao would get swayed into this teasing shit show, but apparently something had happened while he was gone because they’d been grilling him to no end. They knew of the surface level of his feelings thanks to their nosiness and that wretched homecoming after-party, but he kept to himself mostly. The group was starting to get closer to the point where no secret was safe due to their _big ass mouths._

 

“No. He just got nervous. I had to help _our_ friend out you know?” Hansol tried to emphasize that Seungkwan was close with everyone and not just him, but Minghao just laughed. He knew Seungkwan favors Hansol because everyone knew that. It was blatantly obvious, but it didn’t mean anything. Ever since they’d really started hanging out, they’d gotten along more than well. Being best friends isn’t a crime.

 

“Friends? Alright. Whatever.” Minghao brushed off cooly and shared a look with Jun who had ever heard their entire whisper engagement.

 

Okay, amazing. Now Minghao isn’t even believing him. Hansol has spent time denying their random accusations and avoiding their questions for the past two days. The fact that they’re even questioning him is kind of weird. He’d done a pretty good job of acting completely normal ever since realization of his feelings struck. Yeah, something definitely happened. This is why you shouldn’t get sick and leave the boy you like to fend for himself against your so called _friends_.

  
  


The girls performance breezed over quickly, and Hansol isn’t afraid to admit he wasn’t really paying attention. His eyes danced along the scene of the auditorium with boredom and finding the backdrop behind them more interesting until their song was over. His automatic reaction was to clap just as everyone else did and then went back to sulking in unconcern.

 

That was until the dimmed lights went back to their full shine to expose Seungkwan, standing center stage. It was pitiful just how quickly Hansol sat up in interest, but he didn’t really care _because holy shit he looks stunning up there._ He argued internally whether he should whip out his phone to take a picture.

  


“Hi everyone. I’m Boo Seungkwan, a senior.” He started to introduce himself. The mention of his name created a wave of cheer from the crowd including the six boys next to him. Hansol could register the sounds of excitement, but his eyes only focused on the boy on the stage. Once he heard the particular loud screams coming from their section his eyes lowered a bit, and he _swore_ Seungkwan glanced at him. Their eyes held contact for the briefest of moments which was enough for Hansol to shift a bit in his seat. His heart slowly thumped in nervousness for him, anxiousness for him, and every crazy ass emotion you can think of because he’s excited and scared for Seungkwan. Hansol knows he’s plenty capable of putting on an amazing performance. Seungkwan is practically perfect at everything he does, so he just hopes Seungkwan believes in himself too.

  


“Today, I won’t be singing a classic Christmas song, but one I heard recently. I think it shows another side of Christmas I can relate to, so I hope you like it.”

 

He nodded to the girl on the piano who took that as her cue to start her playing.

 

From the first note, Hansol watched Seungkwan meticulously. He witnessed his eyes shut and watched his hands move to grip the microphone; he saw Seungkwan shift into an entire different person like he had a switch. Hansol couldn’t pull his eyes away as he rested back in his seat with his chin in his palm.

  


_“[Will ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRbnKbmKfa4)the snow fall for me? _

_Christmas night, oh love.”_

 

It was completely silent minus the notes of the piano and Seungkwan’s voice. His _fucking_ sweet voice that held so much emotion and rendered everyone speechless. Hansol should’ve known that any Christmas song he picked wouldn’t be the happiest, but he’s listen to his variety of sad music. None of the choices had affected him to this extent.

  
  


_“You’re all I need tonight._

_Here above the Christmas lights—_

_Underneath the Christmas lights.”_

  


So far, the slow rhythm of the song had set the atmosphere. Because of the way Seungkwan sang, you could tell exactly how he was felt about Christmas. His voice made you feel the somberness of the song because it was just that powerful. Hansol became so immersed in his performance that he didn’t even realize the background vocals coming from the girls standing in the shadows or the fact that his friends glanced at him every so often. His eyes were stuck on Seungkwan, and he couldn’t even look away because he didn’t want to.

  


_“Happy presents for the girls who’ve cried.”_

  


His eyes followed when Seungkwan takes the microphone off the stand to step carefully around the stage until he stopped in front of their section, in the middle towards the left.

  


_“Happiness is ours until we die.”_

 

He knows Seungkwan, and he knows the boy can’t even handle teasing without getting red in the face. So why does he look every bit of calm, collected, and fucking _powerful_ while singing to him? Yes, Hansol may be wrong, but why else would decide to stop his pacing right in front of him and not anywhere else? He just opened his eyes to hold Hansol’s gaze, or at least it looked like it. Maybe the delusional part of his brain was acting up again.

 

_“You’re all I need tonight_

_Here above the Christmas lights—_

_Underneath the Christmas lights..”_

 

When he couldn’t hold eye contact any longer, he glanced to his friends who looked a range of confused to smug. Hansol tried his best to disregard the swelling of his heart in his chest as he watched the singer stroll back to center stage. Those were just lyrics of a song Seungkwan chose to sing, and there’s no telling if he truly meant to direct it toward him. Or if he was even singing to Hansol. But he was looking him _straight in the eyes_ — Yeah, no. He’s not a boy of jumping to conclusions.

 

But the way his friends are excitedly whisper shouting at him like he was asleep during the entire performance ( _yes Jun I saw when he looked at me thank you_ ) makes him a bit giddy. He shouldn’t make a big deal over something like a stare, but then again, do friends borderline serenade each other? Hansol just doesn’t know where to draw the line anymore.

 

☄️

  


Seungkwan was the first solo of the night. He honestly felt bad for the girl who had to go after him because he set the bar incredibly high. Thankfully for her, she didn’t stumble on any notes, but her performance just couldn’t compare. Hansol’s amazement towards Seungkwan just increased when they boys’ choir came to perform their rendition of _Mary Did You Know_ and had even Jihoon, the biggest music critic, standing on his feet in applause. Hansol felt a bit cheated. He didn’t know the six of them could sing great enough to make everyone so breathless.

  


Even when they were exiting to the reception (held informally in the cafeteria), which held various types of juices and Christmas deserts bought from the nearest grocery store, they couldn’t stop the chatter about their friend. They believed were actually a secret undercover boy group placed inside their school by the government or some kind of entertainment company with a reality show.

 

“There’s no way that voice comes out of that body.” Soonyoung continued to say with a napkin piled high of tree shaped cookies in his hand. Minghao and Jun agreed, but Jihoon shook his head with vigor, almost spilling the juice.  

 

“There was no track in the background. He just stood there with a microphone and a piano accompaniment which means lipsyncing is impossible.” Jihoon stated factually while sipping on sparkling grape juice. Everyone knows he’s right, but it’s even hard for Hansol to believe that Seokmin could be such an extraordinary singer at seventeen years old. Even though they were raving over Seokmin’s solo, one of the last performances of the night, Hansol’s adoration was still growing for Seungkwan. The sight of him in all black, singing to him would most likely stay with him to haunt his dreams.

  


“Soonyoung! There you are. Did you enjoy the performance?” The same middle-aged woman, dressed in a pantsuit with little Christmas pins on the folds of her blazer slid next to Soonyoung. Sadly, he has about twelve cookies shoved into his mouth, so he can only nod making everyone laugh including the woman and, Hansol is guessing, her husband standing right behind her.

 

“What about you all? How was the concert for you?” She said politely, but all of them were a little scared to talk. It’s not everyday a powerful woman just comes and talks to you. How did Soonyoung even know these people? Thankfully, Jun was the only one born with social skills and replied back to her after a few beats of silence.

 

“It was wonderful ma’am.” _Yes Jun, nice save._

 

She was just starting her somewhat formal discussion of the concert with the group when another woman, dressed in a similar outfit, greeted her with a hug. They all looked at Soonyoung expectantly to explain because circumstances were getting more and more confusing. He shrugged simply while downing his apple juice. What a fucking kid.

 

“I’m going to go talk a bit with Mrs. Hong, but make sure to find me when Wonwoo comes out okay?” The powerful lady walked off with a smile and a wave before jumping into deep conversation with the woman, Mrs. Hong, next to her.

 

_“Mrs. Hong? And why would she want to find Wonwoo? Unless—”_

  


“Kwon Soonyoung, you’re not fucking slick.” Chan beats Hansol to the realization as he pushes Soonyoung with barely enough force to knock him back. Everyone knows what he’s getting at now that  the big puzzle was getting all the pieces; Soonyoung’s ears turned red.

 

“Why are you on such friendly terms with Wonwoo’s mother?” Minghao asked the question of the century. They all turned their heads to look at Soonyoung with that _knowing_ flint in their eyes. Hansol recognizes it well. But he’s not playing into their suspicions as he shakes his head repeating _“no, hell no. this is not what you think.”_

 

“So you mean to tell me this isn’t the part where you reveal that your constant bickering and teasing towards Wonwoo wasn’t just a ploy to cover up that you guys are fucking? Or _dating_ should I say since that’s more romantic?” Jun says with suspicion, nonchalantly, and has everyone clapping their hands in laughter.

 

“It’s not like that! We are just good friends… who occasionally hang out I guess.” He scratched the back of his neck (which was turning red from the amount of blushing he’s been doing). Soonyoung was never good at lying when the truth was being shoved in his face.

 

“Yeah well, we all know how well that turned out for Hansol and Seungkwan.” Jihoon adds in quietly, and that’s the final indication that this conversation has gone to shit. His friends included. How did Jihoon, of all people, turn into such an avid fan of this entire nonsense dealing with him and Seungkwan?

 

“Don’t bring us into this! I mean, there isn’t even an _us!_ Well there’s a friendly us, but…” Hansol tried to defend. His words didn’t want to be said since it was the truth. They really were just friends no matter how much his head and heart disagreed with the fact. No matter how many times he caught Seungkwan staring or felt him rest a hand on his thigh, it’ll never run more than skin deep.

 

“Not yet.” Jeonghan spoke up with a smile. He sipped his hot tea, but that was it; no unnecessary commentary. He’d been strangely quiet today, but sometimes that’s the norm. Jeonghan always kept a hidden agenda to himself. He was often described as a boy who was constantly up to no good (Seungcheol would be the first to admit after Jeonghan finessed ten dollars out of him).

 

“What do you mean not yet? Can all of you weirdos stop acting so damn secretive? I was literally sick for one day!” Hansol finally voiced his thoughts on his friends behavior. He could see all of them visibly tense at his observation and then share nervous glances at each other like he wasn’t right in front of them.

 

“Have anything you want to say _HaoHao_ ?” Hansol leaned on his friend who pushed him off swiftly with just as much grace. Chan and Soonyoung gasped because _oh shit he just brought up a distant, embarrassing memory that pisses Minghao off with just a mention._

 

“Maybe you should ask your precious Seungkwan, _Hansollie._ ” Minghao giggled (yes, giggled what the fuck) and pushed Hansol back by his shoulders which made him stumble into something.

 

Or _someone_.

 

 

“Ask me what?” Seungkwan’s voice jumped out of thin air. Hansol was a mix of confused and flustered at the fact that he can literally see him out of the corner of his eye. He thinks he plays it off cool as he takes a step forward to face the singer.

 

He looks hot. Well wait, overheated kind of hot. Temperature hot. He’s fanning himself with a program while loosening his tie around his neck. His fingers move quick over the top button, but not quick enough since Hansol’s certain he’s been caught staring. The other choir boys are coming out as well.

 

“Earth to Chwe. Hello!” Seungkwan peered at him sideways. The way he did when he was a little angered or fustrated. Hansol’s been on the receiving end of it enough times to know.

 

_“Did you just call him hot? And watch him— Oh shit he asked a question.”_

  


“Um… ask you… how the concert went?” Hansol steers them away, leaving his chuckling fools for friends behind, to the table of sweets. Seungkwan will most likely complain and say _no_ even though he desperately wants some. Hansol, over the past few months, has gotten plenty good at convincing when it came to food. He found it stupid for Seungkwan to deny himself such pleasures in life such as french fries or sugar cookies.

 

“Oh. It was pretty good actually.” He’s stuck between two types of cookies before Hansol just shoves one in his hand, due to impatience, while he holds the other claiming _he’ll eat it._ In reality he’ll end up giving it to Seungkwan one towards the end of the night.

 

“How was your solo?” As soon as the question leaves his mouth, he wants to take it back. He fucking _saw_ the solo and experienced it to its maximum potential, so why is he asking a stupid question like this? It makes Seungkwan laugh which in return, short-circuit’s his brain.

 

“It was good? I didn’t mess up thank god. Weren’t you watching?” Seungkwan looks at him like he’s stupid while grabbing a water bottle. Hansol tries his best not to make a bigger fool of himself while striding beside him.

 

“I was.” He doesn’t know why he’s nervous, or antsy might be a better word, when he’s just talking to Seungkwan like normal. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen him in days, or the sole mention of his solo gives Hansol war flashbacks; it could also be the fucking secret his backstabbing friends are keeping from him having to do with Seungkwan. It’s all mush in his mind at this point.

 

By the time they’re back to the six they left, it’s grown into eleven. What’s waiting for them is a small crowd of loud boys trying to sing, and sounding terrible (ironic because they’re in choir), and a brown basket wrapped full of cookies. He’d totally forgotten about the gift since he was too caught up in excitement for the actual concert.

 

“It’s a tradition for us to give a gift when it’s an important event or whatever.” Jun explained while handing it over to Seokmin, who was looking a bit too moved by the gesture. He gets flowers after every concert from his parents, so Seungkwan doesn’t know what he’s being so dramatic for. He watches his friend peek inside at the contents.

 

“They’re cookies! I baked them!” Jeonghan added with a smile and almost immediately the choir boy’s’ attention flocked to the basket. The rest of them gave Jeonghan a knowing look. That sly boy had the nerve to return their glares with a smile.

 

He wants all of them dead for sure. Only Jeonghan would be crazy enough to give them (what Hansol assumes to be) edibles. Fucking weed laced cookies. Hansol knew he should’ve checked the damn basket before letting them hand it over.

 

Before anyone of them could wrestle the gift out of Seungkwan’s grabby hands, Wonwoo’s mother showed up to retrieve her son. They all watched in amusement as she squished Soonyoung’s cheek with a promise to see him soon. He’ll never live this down.

  


Hansol didn’t take the possibility-of-meeting-his-friends’-parents part of the concert into consideration. So far, they’d all been nice, decent people with never ending smiles. It was kind of creepy, until a woman, smiling,  and a man looking a bit angered snuck behind Seungkwan. Hansol’s blood ran cold. It couldn’t be—

 

He was still holding on to the basket tightly, oblivious to their presence, until they coughed out a “ _Seungkwan_.” His conversation on cookies with Jeonghan halters as he turned to see what was waiting behind him. Hansol watched his eyes widen in panic before calming into a blank expression.

 

“Hi sweetie. Ready to head home? It’s getting late.” The woman, who Seungkwan was a near spitting image of, spoke politely. Her son’s response was anything but as he just brushed them off with _“I’ll be there in a second.”_ He hugged goodbye the remainder of their friends as his parents went off to a wall to go wait.

  


As he was about to wish Seungkwan goodbye, the president grabbed his hand and dragged him over to his waiting parents. With no warning, Hansol was in front of two of the most intimidating people he’s seen. Their matching work clothes and fierce expressions made everything so much scarier.

 

“Before we  go, I want you to meet my… friend Hansol.” Hansol finds it weird that he’s hesitating a bit, but then he recalls everything, at least what he implies, about Seungkwan’s controlling parents. Based on his looks, he and Seungkwan didn’t look like they’d be associated with each other, but at least his jeans were holeless today.

 

“Hi, I’m Chwe Hansol.” He can’t really think much after that because his dad is offering his hand in greeting and they’re locked into some kind of tense, awkward nodding, shaking thing. After it’s gone on for too long, Seungkwan rests his hand, that’s not holding the basket, on Hansol’s shoulder.

 

“Ah. Mr. Chwe, we’ve heard so much about you right honey?” She turns back to look at her husband who’s still giving him some kind of intimidation glare. He’s confused but isn’t afraid to meet Mr. Boo in the eye. Does he have some sort of unsaid grudge against him?

 

“That’s right. Seungkwan talks a lot about you.” The way their son looks alarmed, but also angered while looking at them, sends all the wrong signals to Hansol. He moves just a step closer to Seungkwan to see if they’re watching the two of them interact.

 

Their eyes flicker to Hansol’s arm that he’d just wrapped around Seungkwan’s shoulders. _O..kay._

  


“I talk about all my friends, but I’m surprised you even listen.” Seungkwan said more directed to his father, and everyone could tell by the way he looked at the man. Hansol could almost cut the tension with a knife. God, this atmosphere is tense. He doesn’t know what happened or why they despise each other, but the way his dad is seething at Hansol makes him feel like he’s done something unforgivable.

 

“It’s getting late. We should go.” Seungkwan’s mother says with forced politeness. By the way her son and husband are embarrassing her in front of a stranger, she couldn’t be happy. Hansol didn’t really care since it wasn’t really any of his business, but he couldn’t help but be worried for Seungkwan.

  


“Walk me out?” Hansol turned to Seungkwan who was looking up to him fully now that his parents left. His eyes screamed _don’t you try to leave me_ and Hansol wasn’t planning on it to begin with.  

 

Hansol fights the urge to grab the other’s hand just to spite his parents, who are strolling behind and watching the two of them, but he has some self control. Once his parents get distracted and pulled into a conversation with, Hansol guesses, other rich, important people, Seungkwan hurries him outside.

  


“Sorry I made you go through that torture, but I  just really wanted them to meet you.” Seungkwan confesses while kicking at the grass. They’re standing more than a couple steps from the glass front entrance and freezing themselves in the winter air.

 

“It was more than fine. I’ve been through worse.” Hansol tries to reassure Seungkwan, so he could stop frowning so hard. He notices he’s shivering, and his first instinct has him taking off his jacket.

 

“Don’t y-you dare take that off. I’m pretty sure you’re still a little sick, so stay warm. My parents’ll be out soon.” He said while handing over the basket to Hansol so he could rub his arms more efficiently. He tried to get him to wear his jacket just for a second, but Seungkwan is more fond of his teeth-chattering it seems.

 

“You did good today Boo.” He couldn’t help but ruffle his hair a bit (it was already kind of messed up anyways) because he looked smaller than usual trying to curl up on himself to keep warm.

 

“Yeah, well t-thanks for coming. And…stuff.” Hansol wanted to burst out laughing because he thought his  own bashfulness was bad. Seungkwan is just allergic to praise. His avoidance of eye contact and instant blushing were the biggest giveaways.

  


“Aw, someone’s a little—“ He tried to say, but then the Earth stopped spinning.

 

Hansol couldn’t process what was happening. He couldn’t even finish his statement because Boo Seungkwan just decided to close the foot of space between them with a hug. He’d shoved Hansol’s arms apart so he’d could fit between them nicely .

 

It wasn’t quick either. He didn’t feel the other pull away after five seconds, or even ten seconds. They just stood in the the cold breeze. Maybe Seungkwan was using Hansol as a shield to block the cold air. Whatever, he needs to stop questioning _why_ and just go with it before Seungkwan pulls away.

 

The smaller had circled his arms around Hansol’s waist in a squeeze while his chin was resting on his shoulder. Hansol stood stiff until sense hit him, making him drop the cookies and return the embrace back. Seungkwan’s shoulders laid against his chest. Hansol was pretty sure Seungkwan could feel heart thumping against his own chest.

 

If he did, he didn’t mention it.

 

“Thank you for being there when I needed someone today. I was honestly a wreck before I talked to you.” Seungkwan said. He wasn’t exactly facing Hansol, but he felt the vibrations of his voice.

 

“That’s…what friends are for Kwan. I’ll always be there for you.” Hansol seemed to be calmer than he thought he would. The thought of Seungkwan hugging him on whim wasn’t realistic until now. Until he was in his arms, thanking him. Until he could feel the warmth of another body against his.

 

For seconds, the atmosphere fell. It felt like Hansol could feel Seungkwan’s worries from just mere contact. He could feel him hesitate, and he couldn’t help but wonder what was weighing on his mind.

 

“Friends… Is that all what you want to be Hansol?” Seungkwan craned his neck back to look into his eyes, and Hansol felt confused. It looked like Seungkwan didn’t even mean to let those words slip out, but he couldn’t take it back now. It only lasted for a second after his thinking was interrupted by his parents walking out and almost dragging their son to his car. With the cookies secured tightly under his arm, Hansol could see him wave and smile after he was squinting distance.

  


Even though Seungkwan left, his words still lingered.

  


_“What else could we possibly be besides friends Seungkwan? Do you even know what you’re asking me?”_  Hansol thought while opening the door to go back inside. He swears Boo Seungkwan will be the end of him. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song: [underneath the christmas lights](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRbnKbmKfa4) by sia i really love this song wow.  
> i'll be going back to my regular updating schedule now... i was just preparing y'all for what's going to come ;-)  
> happy (early) new year!! stay healthy, have fun, & love lots this year <3


	14. merry new years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan's holiday break...kind of sucks, and then it doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to [liv](http://archiveofourown.org/users/livforjun) for always being an angel to me <3  
> i hope u like this ;-)  
> sorry this is kind of late y'all. looking over it took forever & im kind of sick rn

It had been four days. Four entire, twenty-four hour length days and Seungkwan’s memory was still not letting him live. Every time he got up in the morning, texted Mingyu throughout his, now, uneventful days, and even through most of his meals, his mind traveled back to that godforsaken hug he indulged in just days ago. If he focuses hard enough, he could just smell Hansol’s cologne diffusing with the wind. He could just feel his own heartbeat with Hansol’s going a rate just as fast.

 

He didn’t know what for, probably because he took him by surprise, but Hansol was…timid and nervous just like he was. It sparked that beautifully ugly flash of hope in his heart that he didn’t need. It was confusing him to no end. But it didn’t just stop there.

 

The next night, Thursday, was cold enough for the snow to stick rather for it to become the slush that always melted as soon as it touched the ground. It was perfect environment, in most eyes, for a (early) Christmas party. It had been in plan for a couple of days, but with the concert, Seungkwan completely forgot about it. Showing up to Joshua’s house, which was decked out in its aggressive Christmas spirit, was nerve racking and little heartbreaking all at once. He wouldn’t see his friends for two weeks due to the holidays. Somewhere deep inside his heart, he would easily admit he would miss them.

 

And then there was Hansol. That’s the part of the night that made him so nervous. Seungkwan was trying to keep his act up so his feelings wouldn’t show unlike the night before. No more sudden hugs on his part. Between them, he swore everything was completely normal, and that’s what bothered him the most. It’s like the quickened heartbeats and shared embrace was just a dream he conjured up. Maybe it didn’t mean as much to Hansol as it did to him.

 

They are still just friends. Seungkwan just _knows_ that’s how it’ll stay. He looked for indicators like stares, touches, or _anything_ , but it was the same bare minimum affection it had always been. Enough to be more than friends, but not enough to question it. After the shit he pulled last night, Seungkwan didn’t have the courage to be bold again. He wasn’t one for dying young due to heart palpitations.

 

So he finds it pointless to keep thinking about the hug, but his mind can’t help it. Even the so called “Christmas spirit” that was soaring around his house on Christmas Eve couldn’t distract him.

 

“What’s got you so wrapped up?…Get it? Wrapped up because we are…wrapping presents.” Grace _bonks_ Seungkwan on the head with the roll of snowflake gift wrapping paper since he’s zoned out for the _n_ th time today. She’s beyond done with his airhead, out-of-character behavior and he can tell by the way she rips off the tape dramatically to hand it to him.

 

“Nothing specifically. I–” he stops in his tracks and weighs his options. If he exposes himself, he might feel better but will receive endless teasing. If he doesn’t, then he might just drive himself into the abyss of insanity.

 

“I just did something stupid…with Hansol. To Hansol actually.” Now that one doll he was working on was safely wrapped, he dropped it into their little mountain of wrapped toys. They’d go out and drop them off to the shelter near by who accepted donations during Christmas time.

 

“Stupid? Stupid like what Seungkwan?? Oh my god. You’re only seventeen. I knew I should’ve gotten a background check on the kid. Did you at least use–“ Grace rambled on with worry as Seungkwan just looked at her with confusion. Her eyes were wide with shock. It took him a few seconds to realize he could have worded that a million times better.

 

“A hug, Grace. We only hugged. I…hugged him after my concert. My parents saw too.” The sound got sucked out of the room when he finally spoke up with a little laughter behind his voice. She looked relieved for a brief second, but it soon faded away into joyful excitement. Her hands clasped together with glee and a smile stretched across her face.

 

“Oh yeah, Mingyu knows. He told everyone I like him.” Just when Seungkwan thought she couldn’t get anymore happy, she started jumping up and down. And they call him dramatic.

 

“I seriously can't believe you. What happened to my little kid who was in love with his homework, huh? You think because you’re almost eighteen you can go out and get a boyfriend?.” The way she had her arms crossed and waved her index finger pointed at him made her feel like an another older sister he didn’t mind having. The word _boyfriend_ almost made him jump in his pajamas. That was a word he’d most likely never associate with Hansol.

 

“We aren’t dating! He doesn’t even like me.” He felt like he’s explained a thousand times. Maybe he has because it honestly feels he’s been asked that many. He focuses on diligently creasing the wrapping paper over the new toy truck.

 

“You don’t even know that. You wanna know how I know? Because you haven’t even asked. I’ve known you for your entire life Seungkwan, so you can’t hide anything from me.” The playfulness is gone and now, the serious Grace has come to show. He wonders why everyone is so set on thinking Hansol has a thing for him.

 

_“Why are you so set thinking he doesn’t?”_

 

Yes, thank you mocking subconscious.

 

“You don’t just hang out with anyone Seungkwan, so he’s probably a great kid. Plus, you don’t just develop feelings for anyone, so, in fact, this kid is probably amazing. I really think you should give it a chance. The worst thing that can happen is awkwardness that you can possibly get over with time.”

 

“If you don’t put yourself out there, then you’ll most likely end up regretting it.” She said softly like she _knew_ . Like she had experienced the feeling once before. Grace was practically his older sister, and had raised him well. She would be mad if he didn’t face his feelings head on. The heavy atmosphere let his thoughts continue to sit and circulate for a while. He _knew_ that his feelings would continue to grow, so he couldn’t hide forever. What he didn’t know, was if Hansol liked him back or not. The hope of the situation could build him up or destroy him. The possibility lied within whether he wanted to take the risk.

 

Four days, and things became a little more clearer. He wonders if he’s too late.

  
  
  


On Christmas morning, Seungkwan’s phone is vibrating. His phone is going off non-stop due to his lovably idiotic friends spamming him Merry Christmas messages. As much as it pains him, he opens his eyes to check his phone. 218 messages. Imbeciles, he swears.

 

It’s only…10am which is quite early for Boo Seungkwan who’s running on holiday schedule. He barely makes a sound as he pours water for his morning coffee. Usually there’s the sound of the TV with the news on in the background or Grace  humming as she polishes the hardwood, but it’s quiet because it’s Christmas morning. They’ve sent her home to be with her family for the rest of Seungkwan’s break which leaves Seungkwan to fend for himself for close to a week.

 

While taking a sip, he realizes just how spoiled he is. He can’t even make his own coffee properly. There’s about twenty gifts under the tree, all his, and he doesn’t remember them being there yesterday. Something nostalgic, something years old sparks inside his heart when he feels somewhat excited to open the gifts. It’s only because some are from his friends of course. They had all sworn to wait until Christmas Day to open the gifts they exchanged. That’s probably why Seungkwan’s phone was going off like a ticking time bomb.

 

He doesn’t know whether he should wait to open the gifts or just go for it. The conversation with his parents over the phone still sticks in his mind, fresh.

 

 _“We’ll be home for Christmas this year!”_ His mom shouted into the phone with a smile. He lost his appetite during dinner with Grace, but of course she forced him to eat the cookies they decorated together.

 

He didn’t know when, but apparently they would be coming. Last night, he wasn’t too thrilled, but he felt himself slipping back into old habits. No one wants to be alone on Christmas. Even if your only company is your lukewarm parents you’re not on great terms with. So he’d probably wait hours like the good son he is. They’re just presents after all. By the way his stomach was growling at him, he could tell breakfast was a more pressing matter to attend to.

 

He was completely prepared to make something on his own, but Grace, being the angel that she is, saran-wrapped an entire feast for one she must’ve made this morning. Santa-shaped Pancakes are a little terrifying, but it’s the thought that counts for Seungkwan. He truly didn’t deserve her.

 

After warming his meal, he strolled it over to the table with phone in hand. 406 messages now. Jesus. He didn’t even know if he wanted to jump into the mess, but he desperately wanted to know how everyone liked their gifts.

 

The constant vibration made him silence his phone because it was fucking annoying, but it didn’t trump the smile on his face. His friends were so stupid and smiley, so of course it was going to rub off on him. They sent enough pictures for it a damn photo album, yet Seungkwan still inspected them all meticulously. Mingyu in the snow, Joshua and his surprisingly large extended family, and even some weird duck dish that Jun is exciting about eating all were engraved in his memory.

 

He tells himself it’s natural to envy his friends. To envy what you don’t have anymore. But it still doesn’t make him feel any better about sitting here alone on Christmas morning, for the first time in a long time, he wishes his parents could come home sooner.

 

His day is pretty uninteresting, and that’s to be expected when you’re alone in a mansion. His sisters call right after his breakfast, so that takes up about two hours of his morning. After he got through the mass of messages, he switched on the usual marathon of Christmas movies that played every year.

  


Seungkwan didn’t realize he hadn’t moved in eight hours until his phone pinged with a notification. It was…from Snapchat wishing him a Merry Christmas. Rewatching the animated ghost dance around in the video was kind of heartwarming until he realized how late it was. This entire day he had become one with the couch, lodged deep in some crevice while a Lifetime movie was rolling. He doesn’t remember changing the channel, but it must’ve been somewhere after _Elf_ or _Frozen._ Okay yes, he still enjoyed a childish movie from time to time; especially now, when he’s feeling nostalgic.

 

He didn’t find it unusual that his parents hadn’t contacted him since they’re people of unpredictability. The last time they’d all went out as a family, a little over a month ago, Seungkwan didn’t even know what time they’d be coming. He just knew he needed to be ready when they arrived. They weren’t the most patient pair in the world.

 

After he cleaned up the, now stale, bowl of chips and other snacks he had gotten for himself hours ago, he rushed upstairs into his room. Walking into his closet, he immediately stepped past the casual clothes he has on the left and focuses on the right. It’s where all the blazers, button-downs, and slacks hang for formal events such as…having a Christmas dinner with his parents.

 

He doesn’t know how they even go out to eat on Christmas since everything in town is closed, but being rich has it perks it seems. He remembers when he was about twelve or so, and his parents dragged him to this high-class dining restaurant. Business was considerably slow that day as there were only two other groups of people sitting down.

 

After twenty minutes of back and forth debating, he just closes his eyes and drags his hand down the rack before choosing blindly.

 

There in his hand was his homecoming blazer. The jacket sat there on a hanger covered by the plastic protection film that the dry-cleaners always sent your clothes home in. Subsciously, Seungkwan was smiling at the memories of that night. Things had been so different compared to now. His hands fumbled over to the jacket next to it, a simple gray design, and snatched it off the rack.

 

He didn’t want to be thinking of Hansol right now.

  


With his clothes laid out on his bed, he could hop into the shower with no worries. He may of gotten a little distracted by turning on music to sing to. He’s not home alone often, and he’s going to take advantage of it alright. Luckily, his neighbors are away and don’t have to hear his pitchy singing.

 

In the midst of his high-note belting, the music paused. At sound of his ringtone came through the speaker, he almost slipped and fell right on his ass in the shower. He was basically done anyways, so he has no problem clamoring over to his phone and answering with wet hands.

 

“Hello?” He tried not to sound out of breath, but damn his bathroom is big. The distance between the sink and the tub should not be a 100 meter dash.

 

 _“Hi sweetie. What are you doing?”_ His mother sounded a bit on edge. Must’ve been a tough day at the office. He knew they were working on some merger deal that took long nights of over-time and coffee. He was surprised to even see them at his concert, but maybe they actually do have hearts and care for Seungkwan.

 

“Just getting ready for whenever you guys come. Which is soon, right? It’s already almost 9 I’m sure.” Seungkwan peeled back the phone from his cheek to catch the time. Five minutes to 9pm.

 

 _“Well, listen Seungkwan…”_ her voice was small and distant like she was nervous to be saying the upcoming words. His mom isn’t an unsure woman most of the time, so he’s minorly taken aback by her  cautious tone.

 

 _“You know we love you right?”_ Now they’re confirming their love for him? His heart started to fall out of the cloud nine it has been in all day and come back to reality. He knows his parents are a bit careless, but he thought they were past the times of empty promises.

 

“Sure.” His response was half-hearted.

 

 _“Well, we do love you a lot. More than you would like to understand. We work hard for you everyday. I’m sorry honey, but we…are thinking about just staying in the city tonight.”_ His Mom was rushing, and without a doubt, trying to get all her words out to feel less guilty. Seungkwan, on the other hand, felt a chill and wrapped his towel closer to him. His lack of response triggered more excuses from his parents.

 

 _“I know you’re probably mad at us Seungkwan, but this is what being an adult entails. We’ve made lots of sacrifices for you and your sisters, so one day you won’t have to.”_ He didn’t know when his Mom handed the phone over to his father, but his voice didn’t even shock him. He from his toes to his fingertips, he felt entirely numb; void of emotion for the briefest of seconds as he tried to keep it together.

 

“It’s—” Their son couldn’t even conjure up the classic _it’s fine_ he always returned with. He was tired of pretending it was okay, but he didn’t feel like fighting with his parents right now.

 

“Merry Christmas. I hope you’re happy.” Seungkwan choked out before pressing the red hang-up button. The stream of tears were already starting to fall from his eyes as he hiccuped a bit. He attempted to wipe the salt-water away, but he learned over the years that his tears were stubborn. They fell until they wanted to, or ran out—whichever came first.

 

He wanted to scream so bad. Maybe he could, but it would probably worry anyone within a mile radius. When will his parents ever understand? Seungkwan hates to admit it, but all he’s ever wanted in his life was for them to love him. To be real parents who care for him and are here, at home, constantly. It makes him feel weak.

 

 _“It’s my fault, right? For even getting my hopes up.”_ He thinks to himself with his face in his palms. By now, he’s shivering, and should move to put clothes on since he just got out of the shower. He can’t though. Every fiber of his being doesn’t have the energy to move. Instead, his mind turns all his happiness into sorrow. He blames his parents for…being themselves. No matter how much he hates them, they’ll never understand why he feels that way. He blames himself for ever believing they’d do anything different other than let him down. When was the last time they cared more about him than this stupid company?

 

And finally, he blames hope. He’s always hated the emotion. It leaves you hanging on a thread to fend for yourself. The outcomes are endless, causing him to be optimistic, in every situation, yet Seungkwan always gets burned in the end. His thread is cut and he’s left alone.

 

God, he really hates Christmas.

  


☄️

 

Seungkwan hated how much his parents affected his emotions, but they were a major part of his life he just couldn’t ignore. He hated how he stayed hopeful and thought _they might come tomorrow, or the day after_ , but he was just faced with disappointment. They weren’t coming until after their merger was done, so that could mean days to weeks.

 

He also hated the fact that he missed his friends dearly, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Everyone was busy with their own families and out-of-town friends, so he kept to himself. When they texted in the group chat asking how Christmas went, he replied with a short _okay_ since he didn’t want to go in depth on possibly the worst Christmas yet. They didn’t push him to elaborate, so he felt fortunate.

 

Now it was two days til the new year, and he’s alone and moping around his house. He considers  calling his sisters again, or adopting a dog since it’s beginning to be very lonely. For days, he’s been running on the same routine of wake up, eat breakfast, and watch movies. He’s pretty sure he has watched the entire section of romantic comedies Netflix has to offer. After the entire fiasco with his parents, he immediately went to sappy cinematography to help his hurting heart.

 

He considers doing something productive. He did all his homework within the first day of break. Looking at all the Christmas decorations for longer than two weeks has made him sick, so he figures it’s a great idea to take them down.

 

While rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he drags himself to the towering tree. What compelled him to convince his parents to get such a big ass tree when he was younger? This thing is going to be _such_ a pain in the ass to take down. Seungkwan stepped to remove the tinsel, but instantly retracted when he felt something crunch underneath his foot.

 

He forgot about the presents under the tree.

 

It was an uncomfortable position, but he settled next to the mountain of presents underneath the fake tree. His hands searched for the ones gifted from his friends as they skipped over items from his parents. He’d open those later. Probably.

 

“From Jun.” He finally found a small box underneath all the others. Something in his chest made it feel constricted and hard to breathe. It was just a present, but the sentimental value behind it made Seungkwan feel better about Christmas. His friends, even though they weren’t here, had something about them to always make him feel better.

 

All of that flew out of the fucking window when he unwrapped the box.

 

“Wen Junhui are you serious? Condoms? For Christmas?” He laughed after picking up the box he just threw. After inspecting it and opening it to peek inside, Jun really did get him fucking condoms. He has no use for these, but it’s the thought that counts he assumes. He would definitely have to hide these in his room incase Grace, or worse, his parents, found out.

 

After getting through Jeonghan’s blanket, Mingyu’s weird brand of exotic coffee, and Chan and Minghao’s box of snacks they bought him, Seungkwan was almost too caught up to hear his phone ring.

 

The smile on his face faltered into a frown of confusion when he saw it was an unknown number. After letting it ring about six times, he decided to throw caution to the wind.

 

“Hello?”

 

 _“Hey.”_ A familiar voice breathed into the phone, helping Seungkwan quickly identify the stranger. He made sure to check the number. Why was Hansol calling him from some random phone? Did something happen to his phone? Maybe he lost it on his trip? Seungkwan tried to stop his mind from jumping to conclusions and just focus on the boy on the other end of the call.

 

“Hansol! How are you?” He cringed at his over excitement, but didn’t really care. He hasn’t talked to him in over a week. No sort of communication between them. It wasn’t his fault necessarily, but it didn’t make Seungkwan any less lonely.

 

 _“Mm, I’m good. I’m really tired, but otherwise good. It’s a long flight y’know.”_ He said with a yawn which made Seungkwan question if he was eating properly or getting enough sleep.

 

“Well, get some rest soon stupid. Where even are you? I thought you couldn’t call in Italy?” Seungkwan shifted in his position and felt a bit too happy. Even though he missed him, he hoped Hansol had the time of his life in the little European country. Hopefully, he ate lots of pasta and went on a gondola (he doesn’t know much about Italian culture obviously). His parents were there on business, some global artist conference, but they turned it into a vacation when Hansol and his sister tagged along. It reminded Seungkwan of the time he and his family took a trip to Spain. His obsession with matadors lasted for an entire month after.  

 

 _“I couldn’t! I would’ve if I could though. I didn’t even get to wish you a Merry Christmas.”_ Was he sulking? His voice was small, almost a whisper, as he somewhat complained into the phone. Seungkwan wanted to bang his head on a wall. Hansol is too cute for his own good.

 

“It’s fine. My Christmas was lame. How was yours?” Seungkwan diverted the attention off of himself since he knew Hansol was going to ask about his wretched holiday experience. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mind talking about his trip since Seungkwan didn’t want to talk about it.

 

 _“It was really different actually. We stayed at this bed and breakfast thing, so the owners spent their Christmas with us. Italians have a lot of traditions though. It was cool. How was your Christmas lame?”_ Hansol laughed, and made Seungkwan kind of sad he wasn’t there to hear it. He took a deep breath in mental preparation.

 

“Well, my parents. I don’t know, they kind of ruined it for me? I can tell you more later it’s not really something to talk about over the phone.” _Yes Seungkwan, nice save._ He didn’t want to talk about this especially when his mood was already so happy.

 

 _“Oh…well alright. Later as in when? Are you free tomorrow?”_ Hansol suggested and threw him for a loop. He wasn’t even here, so how would they see each other tomorrow? Seungkwan can never keep up with his pace, but he plays along.

 

“Sure, tomorrow, if you’re in the country that is.” Hansol, for some reason, finds that the funniest thing in the world as he’s gasping for air laughing. Seungkwan’s heart picks up speed at the sound.

 

 _“I’m actually on my way back home. Sofia is currently glaring at me as I use up her phone battery. Do you want to say hi to Seungkwan?”_ Seungkwan hears a definite _no_ and cackles. Then he swears he hears another voice, a bit further away, say _I do!_ So, Hansol  remembered his number? He wanted to call him as soon as he got off the plane?

 

Seungkwan really needs to stop smiling like an idiot.

 

 _“Sorry she’s a little shy. You’ll meet her eventually though.”_ He replies a little apologetically, but Seungkwan doesn’t mind.

 

“Oh, so she’s just like her brother.”

 

 _“Whatever Kwan.”_ Seungkwan can just see his eyebrows furrowed through the phone.

 

It’s silent for a moment, and Seungkwan barely hears a small voice ask _are you done yet_ in the background _?_

 

“So about tomorrow…” The open ended question slips out of his mouth before he can stop it. It’s sad how desperate he is for this call not to end so soon.

 

 _“Yeah. I hope you don’t have any plans._ ” Hansol states, but more like asks.

 

“I don’t. Why? What’re you planning?” Seungkwan, a bit too eager, questions. He didn’t take Hansol for the big get-together type or the one to throw a last minute New Years Eve Party, so he was clueless.

 

_“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out. Just be ready tomorrow night…around 9 or so…”_

 

Seungkwan’s pretty sure Sofia grew short with their conversation and snatched her phone back because he got the dial tone right after. He giggled into the nearest decorative pillow like a fucking idiot. Honestly speaking, this break was starting to suck the life out of him, but then he remembered Hansol existed. That boy and his stupid handsome face and weird laugh and nice attitude and smart mind and everything else made Seungkwan feel like the happiest boy on Earth.

 

He could even be considered the luckiest because Hansol is so caring. So caring enough to plan something for New Years Eve. He was beyond excited.

 

☄️

 

It was one of the many times this break that Seungkwan wished Grace was here, but a video call would have to do. She even offered to drive over, but he knows she lives on the other side of town and it’s snowing out. He doesn’t need her getting in any accidents just to help him avoid a fashion disaster.

 

“Should I really wear it? Will it be too obvious that I like him?” He worriedly asked while looking between five different sweaters, one of which, Hansol had gotten him for Christmas. He didn’t open it until after their phone call. If he thought he was happy before, then he was embarrassingly over the moon after.

 

“Isn’t that what you’re going for? You’ve already been talking about him like he created the universe. I’m surprised he doesn’t know yet.” Grace lectured from her home. Seungkwan heard screaming kids in the background, people talking, and a TV. He hoped he wasn’t disrupting anything.

 

The sweater, although plain, was Seungkwan’s favorite shade of pastel pink. When he first picked it up out of the bag, he almost screamed. He loves the color a little too much, but he didn’t think he was so obvious about it. He doesn’t remember discussing favorite colors with Hansol, but it must’ve slipped out along the way.

 

 _“Or he pays attention.”_ His subconscious added. Seungkwan is still at war with his own thoughts as you can see.

 

After Grace convinced him to _fucking go for it_ (as she so kindly put it), he grabbed a simple pair of black jeans to match.

 

“Are you going to wear black jeans? If you are, choose the ones that really show off your ass.” Grace spoke up before yelling at a bunch of little kids running around on her side. Seungkwan almost tripped on his way back from his closet.

 

“What does my ass have to do with anything?” His face felt hot. He knew what she was implying, but Hansol wouldn’t. He’s eighty percent sure he would never look at his ass.

 

“Listen Seungkwan, if he likes you, then he has  definitely looked at your ass already. I mean, it’s easy on the eyes. You might as well wear _those_ jeans.” Grace basically knows the entire house, including most of his room and closet, so she’s seen _those_ jeans. They were a mistake of a purchase when he accidentally got pants a size too small. They still fit and he could still breathe fine, but every detail of his legs were defined. His ass, was an entire different story. He made sure to never wear _those_ jeans out in public.

 

Tonight is different though. Because of unaddressed reasons he doesn’t want to get into, he wants to catch Hansol’s eye. And if tight ass black jeans would do the trick, then so be it.

 

He thinks he really is losing his mind.

  


An hour later, it was minutes to 9 when Seungkwan looked in the mirror for the millionth time that night. His sweater was the only bright piece of clothing he had on while the rest of his articles were black. Even his shoes were black which made him feel a bit like Hansol. All he ever wears is black.

 

He had this excited bounce in his stride as he ran down the stairs to wait on the couch. He loved and hated surprises only because they made him so anxious. If you threw Hansol into the equation, then Seungkwan was that much more of a mess. His phone offered little distraction since he doesn’t have many apps on there. He did text Mingyu, who is back from his vacation in Colorado, earlier this morning to ask if Hansol had said anything about a party. His best friends negative response confused him a bit.

 

_“What if it’s just us tonight?”_

 

Seungkwan sighed with a smile on his face. It couldn’t be right? He supposes it wouldn’t be awkward, far from it actually, but still it feels a little too much like…a date.

 

He doesn’t get to think about it a second longer when the telltale buzzing of their little security system suggests that someone is at the main gate.

 

“Yes who is this?” His voice was a bit higher due to him feigning ignorance. There was a camera there, so he knew damn well just who it was; he’s an idiot for trying to stall though.

 

“You already know Seungkwan. Just get your ass out here before I leave you.” He’s laughing into the microphone before a simple _okay_ slips out. He takes one last lingering look at the screen.  

 

Hansol’s alone, and it does no good to Seungkwan’s nerves.

  
  


It takes him approximately thirty seconds for him to make a fool of himself. After enabling their security system and locking the front door, he tries to walk with patience to look like he has some sort of self control. Of course, it’s in his nature to be clumsy, so it’s no surprise he nearly slips and falls in the frictionless snow.

 

When he’s good, balanced, and safe, he continues his pursuit to Hansol’s car with a little more speed. If he’s lucky, then Hansol didn’t see-

 

“That was _the_ funniest– I’ve ever seen. Holy shit. I can’t– You almost broke your tailbone.” Hansol is sucking all the oxygen out of the car due to his uncontrollable laughter. Seungkwan barely has a foot in the car before he debated if he really needs to go out with this idiot tonight. His desperate longing for his good friend trumps the teasing as he decides to sit down and buckle his seatbelt.

 

“Aw Kwan. I’m sorry, but it was funny.” Hansol apologized with a laugh. Seungkwan, being the dramatic boy he is, crosses his arms and looks out the window. He fights to keep the smile off his face.

 

There’s a moment of silence, after Hansol’s laughter dies, where he turns the music down and tries to lean over closer to Seungkwan.

 

“Hey are you mad at me? It wasn’t even _that_ funny. I don’t know why I was laughing so much. Probably because it’s you and I laugh at everything you do, so please don’t be mad at me. I haven’t seen you in like a—” Hansol’s apologetic rambling begins to halt as Seungkwan’s shoulders start to shake. He panics for a millisecond when he thinks the other is crying, but a wave of relief washes over him when he hears laughter. When Seungkwan can’t keep up his pouty  attitude any longer, he doubles over in laughter.

 

“You’re so _cute_ when you’re all panicked. It’s funny Chwe.” He peers over at the boy in the driver’s seat, whose lips are pursed, before tearing his eyes away. It would be embarrassing to be caught staring after the scene he’s caused.

 

“Not funny Kwan. You know I’m not good with crying.” Hansol murmured, probably referring to the _one time_ that random girl came up to him during lunch and confessed her growing, undying love for him since freshman year only for him to reply _okay cool._

 

“Yes Hansol, I know you’re a socially awkward heartbreaker.” Seungkwan teased. Hansol rolled his eyes and dropped the subject. It took place a little over two months ago, right when their group of friends conjoined, so Hansol hates that Seungkwan still brings it up every now and then.

 

No, Seungkwan _doesn’t_ bring up that story because he’s jealous. He has no reason to be.

 

“So, how was your Christmas?” Hansol asks while pulling up to the front gate of Seungkwan’s housing unit, and asking the boy to wave to security so they can let them go freely.

 

Sighing, he didn’t know if he wanted to tell what truly happened. If he was being honest, it’s pathetic, embarrassing even, to recall what happened almost a week ago. He has felt neglected in the past, but never to his extent. Not to where he’s questioning his self worth or whether they actually love him.

 

“If it wasn’t good then we don’t have to—“ Hansol, realizing the weight of his question, kept his eyes fixated on the road and bounced his fingers on the wheel as he drove straight ahead.

 

“Sorry. It’s hard to talk about sometimes. My parents aren’t really an easy subject.” Seungkwan attempted to start. He expected the driver to just nod and leave it at that, but Hansol cares and wants to know what’s wrong of course.

 

“What happened?”

 

“It wasn’t that big of a deal. They said they were going to come on Christmas, but backed out last minute. I don’t know…I just got excited, I guess. Grace went home with her family, so I was just by myself. ” He tried his best not to blow out of proportion like he felt like he often did. Even if his parents made him feel like shit, he always felt like it was himself to blame.

 

“Oh. I’m sorry they left you alone. You don’t deserve that. ” Hansol gripped at the steering wheel as the light turned green, his lips turned down into a frown. Seungkwan watched his internal conflict as he fought the urge to say more, but he ended up keeping his mouth shut.

 

“Thank you Hansol.” Seungkwan smiled to him. The driver was lucky enough to catch the tail end of the sight as he glanced over to the passenger side briefly. He felt better since Seungkwan felt better. Now that he knew of his…terrible Christmas, Hansol figured this couldn’t have been an easy week for him. At least he was smiling for whatever reason.

 

“Merry Christmas if it makes you feel any better.”

 

It does, but Hansol definitely doesn’t need to know that right now.

 

“It’s New Years Eve. Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?” He laughed while questioning Hansol, who grimaced at some song that came on his playlist and skipped it immediately.

 

“Fine then. _Merry New Years_. Killing two birds with one stone. Are you happy now?” Hansol was breaking into a smile while peering over to Seungkwan, who was shamelessly beaming in satisfaction. He was too happy. Hansol made him too happy.

 

This was definitely going to be a night to remember.

  


Unsurprisingly, there’s a lot of traffic at 9:30pm on New Year’s Eve. Everyone is out doing whatever you do the day before the year ends. Seungkwan isn’t very knowledgeable since he just stays home every year. But his curiosity is getting the best of him since they are alone, and everything is moving slow.

 

“Where are we going?” Seungkwan spoke up after their conversation on Hansol’s rapping ability ended. He’s no qualified judge, but the boy should seriously look into a musical career because he sounds pretty good. He just brushed him off to Seungkwan’s disappointment.

 

“Somewhere.” Hansol drove carefully in the sleet. He’s a pretty good driver. Seungkwan is certain they’re in the city due to the amount of traffic, but he hasn’t been paying much attention. His talking has been pretty distracting.

 

“No shit, but where is that somewhere?” He asked while rolling his eyes. He’s a bit bored and doesn’t want to go on his phone only for Mingyu to fuck with his head about all of this, so his eyes flicker around Hansol’s car.

 

“In the city.” Seungkwan sighs at his vagueness which makes Hansol smile. He guesses he’ll just find out when they get there. It stays silent after, so Hansol asks something just to make sure Seungkwan isn’t asleep. He feels like he’d be the type to pass out before midnight.

 

“Remember when we first hung out and I—” By the way he was smiling, he already knew what Hansol was about to recall.

 

“And you got me high. How could I forget?” Seungkwan groans at the memory. It felt like a year ago when it was really mere months. Back then, he’d already trusted Hansol more than he should’ve.  As he remembers it, Seungkwan was already acting like a schoolgirl in love. He didn’t want to stop hanging out with him (then, he didn’t know why). Hansol even gave up his food and introduced him to Snapchat like he wasn’t a total idiot living under a rock. Even then, he was too nice.

 

“Now _that_ was a good time. When are you smoking again?” Hansol has the nerve to suggest. Seungkwan is a bit baffled and almost pushes him until he realizes distracted driving can result in death. He’s not about to kill the both of them.

 

“How about never? It was a one and done kind of thing you know. I don’t even know why you guys do it.” Seungkwan pouts a bit and focuses on the falling snow ahead. It’s making the car ride a bit skittish.

 

“Hm. Let me know when you change your mind.” Hansol’s smile grows a fraction which annoys Seungkwan even more. His favorite pop song comes on right after, so he ends up singing his lungs out. They talk about music for the rest of the way there.

 

Seungkwan’s heart stops when he sees the sight of an amusement park. Not just any, but the one he used to frequent as a kid that holds many…precious memories. Like his sisters shoving his ice cream in his face or them forcing him onto the biggest thrill rides. Yes, many precious memories from his evil siblings.

 

“What’s wrong? You don’t like rollercoasters?” Hansol looks over worriedly at Seungkwan, who’s staring ahead towards the theme park with terrified eyes. Seungkwan regains some sanity before sending a nervous smile to the other.

 

“No, I-I love them!” Wow, he really can’t lie. Hansol knew the fact well by the way he’s looking at him in disbelief. They both unbuckled their seatbelts and stepped out into the frigid cold. The snow squashed beneath their feet, but wasn’t thick enough to trip in (again, in Seungkwan’s case).

 

“It’s fine Boo. We aren’t really here for them anyways.” Hansol smirked, to himself mostly, and lead them to the entrance. Seungkwan doesn’t know what he means by that, and is too afraid to ask. His usual confidence gets lost as soon as Hansol is within a 5 mile radius. He just focuses on their steps imprinting the snow.

 

When they arrive at the gates, the lines are at least a mile long at each stall. Everyone, including varying ages of couples and different families, must’ve had the same idea as Hansol. Seungkwan had always come in the summer due to the long breaks, so he doesn’t know why there’s popularity

during the holidays. Maybe they had some special event going on.

 

“So, because you drove us, you’re going to let me pay for our tickets right?” Seungkwan proposed while they inches forward little by little. He tried not to get annoyed at the group of younger teenage girls and boys in front of them who kept peeking behind them to look at Hansol.

 

Said boy laughed quite hard at Seungkwan before realizing he’s serious.

 

“No Kwan. I invited you out with me, so it’s only right if I pay.” He smiled with his hands in his pockets. Seungkwan tried not to be a little confused. Usually his friends split the cost when they go out, and Hansol did at first. But along the way, Seungkwan started getting spoiled by Hansol convincing him that he just _had_ to pay for the both of them and _had_ to pick him up every time they went out. His job, whatever it is, must be high paying, or his parents just give him a lot of money to fuck around with. They took a couple steps forward.

 

“You always pay! You know I actually have money right?” Seungkwan cringes how that came out. He didn’t want to flaunt his family’s wealth since he’s anything but a rich kid who hasn't worked for anything in his life. Hansol, thankfully, doesn’t really take it to heart. He looks more flustered than anything.

 

“Whatever, but I’ll only let you pay if you do something for me.” Mischief could be heard in his voice. Seungkwan’s heart stutters out of anxiousness. He can never tell what Hansol is thinking. Something for him? What does that even mean?

 

“Fine. Okay.” He does _not_ want to look like the scaredy-cat that he is, so he takes the bait. Hansol is more than cheerful to see Seungkwan give into his crazy whims.

 

“You see that fountain right there?” Seungkwan nods as he follows Hansol’s index finger, which was pointing somewhere close behind them, to a fountain covered lightly in snow. He remembers it well. He had spent _so many_ of his pennies in the past wishing for meaningless things.

 

“I will indulge in your stupid request if you sing me a song…standing on the fountain.” Hansol challenged. He wished he had his phone out so he could take a picture of Seungkwan, mouth agape in shock. He kept looking back and forth between the fountain and the boy. Hansol struggled keep his laughs quiet when Seungkwan asked _are you serious?_

 

“If I’m going to embarrass myself, then I at least want something out of it.” Seungkwan whined. He peered up to Hansol with begging eyes. Fuck this _i have a crush_ bullshit because Hansol is definitely losing his edge. He could say no to anyone (if he truly wanted to) before he met Seungkwan. He thought a bit at what could he could do to equivalate to Seungkwan making a fool of himself.

 

“I’ll…do anything you want. Just once.” Hansol said, feeling a bit uncreative.  It’s kind of a useless request since he’d probably do anything for Seungkwan anyways, but he doesn’t know that.

 

Seungkwan’s eyes brightened like he had an idea, but it was gone as quick as it came. His face morphed into a look of determination as he made his way over to the fountain. Hansol was a little taken aback because _he didn’t think he’d actually do it._ He moves up in line a step for the both of them.

 

Seungkwan does his best not to slip as he makes his way to stand on the bricks that make up the fountain. A few people are looking at him, including the group of girls who were standing in front of them in line. He could just make this easy on himself and sing quietly; he’d be done with no pain.

 

But the dramatics in his personality are urging him to do something different.

 

“Hi everyone! I’m Seungkwan. Is it okay if I sing a song for you?” Hansol narrows his eyes in confusion. He stifles a laugh when the singer gets little to no response. Usually, no one cares.

 

“Okay well this is Jingle Bells for my good friend Hansol. As a boy, it was his favorite song to be sung at bedtime by his mommy, isn’t that right Hansollie?” Seungkwan calls over to him and Hansol fights the urge to duck and run. Seungkwan might as well have horns and a tail since he’s definitely the devil. Hansol was certain. By his dramatic announcement, those who were listening realized it was him. The little kids in the line to the left of them were laughing their asses off while pointing fingers.

 

It was safe to say Seungkwan paid for their tickets with a shit eating grin on his face.

 

☄️

 

“So if we aren’t here for the rides, what _are_ we here for? There’s always some kind of surprise with you.” Seungkwan wrapped his coat closer to himself. Hansol was doing the same with his blue coat that looked similar to Seungkwan’s black one. Their outfits were a bit different since Hansol wore a gray hoodie underneath his overcoat with dark blue jeans. With his hands in his pockets, he smiled at Seungkwan.

 

“Isn’t me wanting to enjoy your presence enough? Must there always be reason?” Suddenly, Seungkwan feels a bit guilty for asking, but his suspicion doesn’t waver. He was about to retaliate, but a kid ran in between them. His other friends, just a small, were chasing after him. A man in his thirties apologized before running after the group.

 

“Kids are cute.” Hansol said simply while kicking the thin layer of snow as he walked. He returned back to his spot of walking close to Seungkwan. Their selves brush every so often due to proximity.

 

“Yeah, they are. Do you want any someday?” Seungkwan didn’t take Hansol for the kid-loving type, but then he remembers he has a little sister. He can practically see young Hansol not wanting to be separated from his baby sister.

 

“Mhm. I don’t know, I’ve just always wanted some.” Hansol had a happy look in his eyes that, Seungkwan guesses, only children can bring out. It made Seungkwan feel all warm.

 

He doesn’t say anything about it, and continues to follow in Hansol’s lead. They’d been walking for close to ten minutes now, and as far as Seungkwan can remember from all those years ago, they should be somewhere in the middle of the amusement park. It’s usual signs and stalls are covered in glittering lights with holiday music to match. Christmas was almost a week ago, but it seems like the holiday cheer never dies.

 

They stroll in comfortable silence while trying to avoid kids that run around and between them; until they get to the section of those carnival games that scam the shit out of you.

 

Seungkwan was about to keep trotting along, but Hansol grabbed him by the bicep to pull him over to the ring toss. The dreaded ring toss.

 

“You have good aim right?” Hansol asks, flashing a smile to Seungkwan. The brunet looked a little startled as the amount of bottles in front of them seemed ten feet taller than they actually were.

 

Before Seungkwan could talk him out of it, Hansol was already handing the man a ten dollar bill. In return, he slid the cups full of rings over to the pair. He began to explain the rules. Three bottles is a small prize, but eight bottles wins you one of the big stuffed animals hanging above them.

 

Something he’d learned about Hansol was that he didn’t really care for competition. Being concerned about losing or winning was more of Seungkwan’s thing, so if his competitive spirit appeared, then it was always for a reason.

 

A whistle sounded from the worker, and they began aiming the oval shaped rings towards the glass bottles. The clinking of the plastic against glass almost _annoyed_ Seungkwan as much Christmas music. Or the yelling little kids.

 

By the way he and Hansol kept looking at each other in between tosses, there was obviously some kind of unsaid bet brewing between them. But the facts were too true to ignore. Seungkwan’s aim was too good.

 

Hansol should definitely be focused on kicking Seungkwan’s ass and not his actual ass, but it’s not like he’s actually making any of his tosses. By the looks of it, he hasn’t been caught by Seungkwan, who has his face frowned in precision. Hansol doesn’t know how, but he’d already made two bottles.

 

By the time he’d ran out of rings, he had four bottles under his belt. The smile on his face was unbeatable. His heart hurt just watching at him jump up and down in celebration.

 

“If you pay again, and get another four bottles, you can win the big prize.” The worker, who was drowning in their big puffy jacket to keep warm, pointed up to the big prizes hanging up above. By the way Seungkwan was peering up at them with adoration made Hansol smile.

 

He was already handing over his money a second time before Seungkwan could stop him.

  
  
  


Hansol didn’t really have a solid outline for tonight. All he knew was that he needed to spend time distracting Seungkwan until midnight. It seemed to be working quite well now that his arms were full of plushie.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want it? What am I going to do with a humongous Pikachu?” Seungkwan asked Hansol while trying keep a grip on the plush toy that was more than half his size. Hansol laughed at his waddling, but gripped the shorter’s arm so he could steer him out of harm's way.

 

“No, it’s all good. If you don’t want it, then act like I won it for you. It’s like a gift that way.” Hansol was certain Seungkwan was just being modest and felt kind of bad that he won a prize and Hansol didn’t. That was Hansol’s intention, but it didn’t really go as planned. He just wanted to win Seungkwan a stuffed animal, but _nooo_ his aim sucks. _A big fat thank you to the Universe._

 

He’s not sulking though; at least not as obvious as it was before. Seungkwan looks more than ecstatic to have the huge Pikachu, so Hansol feels a little better about his failed plan.

 

Seungkwan has no idea where they’re headed now that they’d been walking for a couple minutes. He’s pretty sure they’re still in that “carnival games” part of the park by the sounds of the little kids and workers trying to encourage them to stop by and pay for disappointment.  He would be a little panicked if he was by himself, but Hansol is keeping him company and guiding him through the park like the nice person he is. Seungkwan’s heart is about to burst, but doesn’t get a chance to when they finally stop.

 

There’s loud hip hop music playing which contrasts greatly with the family friendly atmosphere. He finally puts down Pikachu to reveal just what game they’re about to get themselves into.

 

“Oh god Hansol. The fucking basketball one? You know this is rigged as hell right.” Seungkwan looked a every bit of distressed and _don’t make me embarrass myself_ , but Hansol was feeling a bit ruthless. The worker just stood by until their conversation ended.

 

“C’mon Boo, you're no fun! This game has your name written all over it! Please, _for me_? I want to see you play.” Hansol shoved at him. Seungkwan hated just how weak he was to his requests. Fuck Hansol and his manipulating attitude since he can just talk Seungkwan into doing anything!

 

The president gets in one last glare before handing over his prize and taking off his jacket for Hansol to hold. His smile was one shot to the heart, but the loud _good luck!_ he said right after was the finishing blow to Seungkwan. Hansol is not good for his heart.

 

The worker explains how the game work.(Seungkwan never thought shooting 3-pointers was complicated, but this man made it feel so. If Seungkwan gets 21 points, then he’ll score another big prize.) He’s somewhat confident in himself until he feels the basketball. They’re overinflated.

 

 _“This shit is so rigged_.” Seungkwan cried in his head. If he hadn’t already paid, and Hansol didn’t look adorable jumping up and down trying to motivate him, he would’ve walked away in a second. But the universe is too cruel.

  
  


“Wow. I thought you were actually good at basketball.” Hansol says like he hasn’t been repeating himself for twenty minutes. He was just trying to frustrate Seungkwan at this point. He knew his friend’s 15 points were much more than he could ever accomplish.

 

“You saw how I almost fought that employee, so don’t think I can’t treat you the same. You’re not special.” That was a _lie_ , but Hansol is being an annoying brat. He knew the game was fixed, like all the others were, but messing with Seungkwan was too entertaining.

 

As of now, it’s almost 11pm and they’re both chillier than when they first arrived. They ventured towards a warm cafe-like place with tables and a barista working busily. The line was long, so they figured this place _must_ have good drinks. They didn’t mind waiting anyways.

 

“So, is there anything you want to do?” Hansol asked while sipping on his hot chocolate. Seungkwan guessed he was referencing to any of the rides that surrounded them. Their walking led them to the back of the park, where all the low-thrill rides were. Ones that won’t stop your heart and make you scream.

 

He can sense the night is almost over, but he feels selfish. He wants to spend all the time he can with Hansol because he _likes him goddamnit._ He looks for any ride that can slow down time, make things feel like they’re not going to end.

 

“You’re not afraid of heights, right?” Seungkwan asked curiously, and passed his empty cup over to Hansol who was closer to the trash can. He’s feeling ten times warmer, but still a bit shivery. He blinks many times before he realizes that it’s snowing again. Just tiny sprinkles, but it’s falling.

 

“No, um, not really.” Hansol says unsurely as he follows Seungkwan’s eyes to the ferris wheel. Pikachu is on his back with him holding the arms around his neck like some sort of piggy back ride.

 

The petty side of Seungkwan wants to make him get on the ride because it’s obvious he has a fear of heights (but loves scary roller coasters? yeah he’s weird). He’s dared and pushed Seungkwan to do a lot of shit he didn’t want to tonight (but still fun nonetheless). Even with that in mind, he feels a bit guilty. When they near the front of the line, Hansol keeps looking to the very top of the wheel in nerves.

 

“Hansol we really don’t have to ride this if you don’t want to.” He reassures for the tenth time that minute. Hansol looks as if he’s seen a ghost, but is still smiling.

 

“It’s fine, just hold my hand if I freak out.” Hansol says jokingly. Seungkwan tries to laugh it off too, but it stays on his mind the entire way they inch up in the line.

 

Once the family in the cart ahead of them gets off, the worker urges them inside. It’s not until they’re sitting opposite of each other with Pikachu fastened in, that Hansol realized they’re actually going up. They’re actually doing this. His hand is gripping at his wrist with his legs bouncing. His nervous habit, Seungkwan learns.

 

They’re barely even up in the air when Seungkwan feels like he has to do something. They were supposed to be having fun, not freaking out.

 

“Remember,” He started out not exactly knowing where he’s going, but at least he has Hansol’s attention.

 

“Remember when we first met, and I pretended to call the cops on you.” Seungkwan thought maybe he could distract him with memories. Nostalgia was a better feeling rather than panic. He couldn’t tell if it was working since he just looked at him with a blank expression.

 

“And when we fought at Homecoming, but then you took me to that party which I can barely recall.” Seungkwan is smiling while looking out the side. As they go higher, the view gets prettier and more distracting. This has always been his favorite ride since it’s just so calm and peaceful.

 

“Also when you invited me to your art exhibit. You’re really talented and I was probably never going to know!” Seungkwan laughs. Hansol’s lips quirk up in a small smile.

 

“I could say the same about you. I mean, you always sang in the car or in class but it was nothing compared to how you did at the concert.” Hansol spoke quietly. The cart shook a bit since wind was picking up a bit. In the air, snowflakes blew haphazardly around them. Seungkwan’s heart swelled due to Hansol’s praise. His friend _did_ play a part in his nerves, so now he feels a sense of validation.

 

“Honestly, if someone would’ve told me four months ago that Chwe Hansol, _my good friend_ , would be going to my choir concert, I would’ve laughed in their face.” Hansol agrees with a nod, and takes Seungkwan’s outstretched hand. He tried not to dwell on the fact they were holding hands and focused more on Seungkwan’s nostalgic talk.

 

Both of their hands are cold. Hansol’s more than Seungkwan’s.

 

“Well that’s fair, I didn’t think we’d make it this far.” His words are jumbled, but Seungkwan could  decipher Hansol’s mumbling. His hand gripped on to Seungkwan’s tightly as they neared the top.

 

“It’s like we weren’t meant to be friends.” _Maybe because we are supposed to be something more._ Seungkwan failed at subtlety. His emotions were always written on his face, and Hansol felt what he was hinting at. He’d felt it since that after concert hug.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Hansol appeared unsure, but his eye contact didn’t waver. Seungkwan’s heart beat in anticipation. He knew his actions would have reactions. When he left his house, with Grace’s voice of motivation echoing in his head, he felt like today might be the day he could face his feelings. Then, he remembers why he kept running away in the first place. That fear of rejection was crushing him. It’s easier said than done.

 

Seungkwan nodded though, and swallowed nervously. His hand was still grasped on to Hansol’s. His gaze was heaviest during times of high emotion. Seungkwan couldn’t take it, and instead looked at the landscape. The lights from close city buildings twinkled.

 

Their cart, rocking a bit, stilled at the top.

 

“At your concert, you said something I didn’t really understand.” Seungkwan’s heart stopped at the mention of his slip up. He knew exactly what Hansol was talking about. _“Friends…is that all you want to be Hansol?”_ Those nine words would likely be his downfall. Hansol wasn’t thickheaded. He knew what Seungkwan was implying, but he needed clarification. Anyone would due to his vagueness.

 

Seungkwan didn’t want to lose this yet. This friendship they’ve crafted together though their petty arguments and cheers of support and text messages.

 

But he couldn’t run from his problems forever. .

 

“The friend thing?” Seungkwan choked out. He wasn’t crying, but just nervous. He wanted to make sure he and Hansol were on the same page. His soft _yeah_ , that could barely be heard, was enough for Seungkwan to continue.

 

“I—Sorry if it made things weird. I was just emotional because I made it through the night okay, so I took it out on you. You helped me a lot y’know.” Seungkwan attempted to explain, but still avoided  his eyes. It was times like this, where Hansol looked at him so deeply; he feared he’d spout out all of his feelings.

 

He peeked, just a glance, and Hansol looked deflated. He seemed as if he was expecting something else which confused Seungkwan. He decided to be a bit more honest. A spur of the moment decision of _now or never._ He faced Hansol, who was already staring at him.

 

“But I meant what I said. I’m really confused, but I know I don’t want to be just a friend to you anymore.” His voice was the quietest it’s been in his life. Barely above a whisper. He’d be surprised if Hansol even heard him.

 

If he did, he had quite a way of hiding his emotions. His face was blank, but he nodded his head a bit like he understood. A confusing confession from Seungkwan, and he only nods? Seungkwan, a nervous mess of limbs, tries to pull his hand away, but Hansol grips even harder.

 

The ride ends with silence.

  
  


He doesn’t know what came over him honestly. He’s been preparing himself for this kind of outcome, but it still doesn’t sting any less. After the slow ride finally came to an end, Seungkwan snatches his hand away and grabs the giant plush toy. He’s hurting and he wants to go home. He knows his truths weren’t the most clear, but Hansol could’ve rejected him properly.

 

Hansol doesn’t say anything when he’s trying to catch up to Seungkwan. The snow falls heavier now, but the elder can still see as he dodges people left and right. His hands are so cold now that it’s so close to midnight, but it doesn’t compare to how cold his heart feels. Everything is starting to sink in with each step. It hurts all the more.

 

What he can’t ignore is that Hansol is still quiet after everything; he lets Seungkwan lead them to the car in silence. He could at least say something!

 

The tense, ten minute walk had almost come to an end as they neared Hansol’s car. The sight of the red  vehicle just solidified how everything was about to end. Seungkwan probably fucked up their friendship to no end. They’d most likely never go back to being the same.

 

The snowfall had stuck which made the walk more sluggish. Hansol still hasn’t said a word, and instead, kept his sight fixated on the footprints Seungkwan left.

  


“I need to talk to you.” He blurts out now that the two of them were about to go home. Seungkwan felt like he could only make things worse now, so he might as well reveal the depth of his feelings. He couldn’t leave with any regrets.

 

He felt like crying. No matter how hard he tried not to hope, his heart wanted to believe that they’d be together. Fuck his friends—basically everyone—for putting the stupid ideas in his head.

 

Seungkwan, right next to the passenger side door placed his prize down. He hoped Hansol would get the idea to follow his actions as he stood in front of the car.

 

Sounds of crunching snow came to a halt once Hansol was in front of him with hands shoved into his pockets. His hood was on now. His eyes, barely visible, were filled with something he didn’t understand, so Seungkwan didn’t dwell.

 

Everything was pounding. He was scared out of his mind to let go of everything, but Hansol should know. It’s probably not fair to him.

 

“I’m sorry for the Ferris wheel. It kind of just slipped out.” _A lie_ since the way Seungkwan conveyed his emotions was every bit of calculated, but it felt better hiding from the truth. He would know. Seungkwan would know best.

 

He hated how his eyes were watering. He hated how his deep breaths were too shallow for him to calm down. The stars are watching, even if he can’t see them. They’d probably be beautiful. Just like Hansol.

 

“I like you Hansol. I like you a lot and I’m sorry if I’ve ruined our friendship, but—”

 

A shallow breath, and Seungkwan looks him directly in the eyes. He still…had no reaction. Not even shock or disgust.

 

Seungkwan’s fist clench at his sides in frustration. He’s usually more level headed, but Hansol has always had a way of messing him up. Jumbling his thoughts. How much power he had over Seungkwan just made him even more angry. He didn’t realize he was pushing Hansol away with his palms until he watched him stumble backwards.

 

“You could at least say something Hansol! After everything, please. I know how you’re probably feeling. A boy… liking you is gross, but please don’t hate me. I’m so—” Seungkwan rambled on until he heard a boom from somewhere in the park. Shrieking, he jumped from his position in front of the car and could barely regain his balance. He felt himself slipping.

 

But Hansol caught him. He was in the other’s arms before he could fall flat in the snow. He doesn’t know what’s worse, the fact that he rather would’ve fallen or that he’s crying…in Hansol’s arms, and he doesn’t want to let him go.

 

The tears, that he’d tried his best holding back, were now spilling out on to his cheeks.

 

 _“God, could I be anymore pathetic?”_ He thought to himself.

 

He struggled in Hansol’s grasp as he tried to break free, but he held him tight. His arms were against the others chest.

 

He could feel Hansol’s heart racing.

 

“Seungkwan,” He called out, his voice was a lot deeper than usual. Maybe due to lack of use. He choked a bit when their eyes met. They were full of emotion, and something a bit more. It confused Seungkwan the most because it seemed like he was nervous and terrified with his pupils dilated.

 

“You’re not gross. You’re anything but gross.” Seungkwan felt a thumb swipe across his cheek. Then flinched a bit at the loud fireworks coming from the park.

 

“You’re _beautiful_ , and I still don’t think I deserve you. I couldn’t even say anything because I couldn’t believe it to be true. You liking me? That is an impossible reality for me. You’re so perfect. Every single thing about you is something I end up loving. You’re so smart and passionate and funny and  fucking talented.” Hansol paused, taking an unsteady breath. By now, Seungkwan had calmed in his arms, but was still on edge.

 

“I always wondered why, despite the fact that we kept fighting so much, I didn’t want to let you go. It was scary to face, but I knew. Since Homecoming, I’ve known that I liked you Seungkwan.” Hansol watched the boy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Like he was saying something he couldn’t understand.

 

Seungkwan was about to refute, but his words never made it out. Before he could question it, Hansol was leaning in with closed eyes, his hands already placed softly on his jaw with his fingertips grazing his ear slightly. Seungkwan gripped a bit harder at the material of Hansol’s sweatshirt as he realized what was happening before their lips touched. It felt too light to even be real.

 

Their lips were dry, due to the cold, but Seungkwan couldn’t think. It was quick with the slightest pressure, no more than a second,  before Hansol was pulling back to look at him with a smile that stretched across his face. He looked every bit of angelic since his hair, now exposed due to his hood falling, was dusted in snow flakes. No matter the circumstances, he was pretty.

 

“I like you Seungkwan. I like you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :0  
> my inspiration for their [outfits](https://twitter.com/sleepyverny/status/830915140966969344) on their lil date  
> boo + [pikachu](https://twitter.com/BOO_UNIVERSE/status/876124375300284416)  
> && i'm going to be getting busy, but i'll try my best to stay on schedule <3  
> see you soon <3


	15. the resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as expected, the new year's eve kiss triggers a shit show of events that cause a little hiccup for hansol and seungkwan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCK ME im back y'all! i missed writing so much <3 HAPPY COMEBACK DAY!  
> this was supposed to be short, but once again, spiraled out of control and ended up being 10k...  
> everything is actually starting so im very excited. much love.  
> \- oh yeah! i got like 50 kudos (which is the most i've gotten in a span of an update) & THANKS FOR 100+ SUBS WHY ARE Y'ALL EVEN READING THIS IT BELONGS IN THE SEWER (jokes) but fr i wanna hug every single one of y'all

Unlike most of the youth who had to drag themselves back to school this week, Seungkwan was beaming with happiness. It was obvious, if his bright eyed smiles and louder than life laughs didn’t speak loud enough, that he was in a very good mood. Even when they were discussing their Christmas experiences at lunch, the stupid smile couldn’t be wiped off his face. It’s like his terrible memory of his most recent Christmas, that he shared openly with the group, was somehow overshadowed by something amazing happening over break.

 

At least, that’s what Kim Mingyu thought.

 

No one was agreeing with him, minus the ever-passionate Jun, who thinks Seungkwan and Hansol put good use to the condoms he bought them for Christmas. Everyone else was calling the thought delusional. _Seungkwan and Hansol finally getting together? Unlikely._

 

He doesn’t blame them for disagreeing. Their turtle, back and forth pace was making everyone around them anxious. If they took anymore time to get together, Mingyu would voluntarily lock them in a  room together.

 

 _“You’re so stupid.”_ He hears a whisper from the corner that clears the cloud of his thoughts. It was silent, _dead silent_ as the six of them sat circled up with papers flowering around their textbooks. Midterms are a little over a week away, and it’s in their intellectual nature to prepare in advance. They were supposed to be studying, and _not_ smiling down at whatever sappy texts they were receiving on their phones.

 

Mingyu peered up from the Economics talk about taxes and over to Seungkwan, who was tapping away with a wide smile on his face, and then shifted his gaze to Seungcheol, who couldn’t hide the smirk on his face.

 

“Kwannie, aren’t we supposed to be studying?” His voice suddenly announced, nonchalant, as his focus remains unwavering from taking notes on his Government class from the beginning of this semester. Everyone’s eyes shot up and directed towards Seungkwan, who locked his phone all too quickly, but couldn’t swipe it off his notes in time.

 

He was caught. Red faced and red handed.

 

“I-I am. Just taking a break. My hand hurts from writing so much…” Seungkwan’s eyes shifted under everyone’s analytical gaze. They were trying to see between the gaps that Seungkwan failed to cover up. He was happy, they knew that. But why? And _why hadn’t he told them yet?_

 

The vibration of his phone beneath him grabbed his attention for a brief second as he read the message on his lock screen.

 

**_[rapper genius hansol vernon chwe the greatest]:_ **

_o kay but if i were there, as elsa of course,_

_i would totally beat ur ass in karaoke_

 

He couldn’t stop the flutter of giggles that escaped as he skimmed over the message quickly before locking his phone once again to meet the staring eyes of his friends.

 

Oh yeah, he forgot everyone else was here.

 

“Who’re you texting?” Mingyu smirked, acting like he didn’t just read the contact name from across the circle. Thank him and his perfect vision.

 

“Just Hansol.” Seungkwan truthful confessed. He found out a long time ago lying to his nosy friends was a recipe for no good. They can almost wrestle anything out him, mostly with good reason, since Seungkwan is usually on the verge of telling anyways.

 

Unlike those moments in the past, where he’s eager to tell them a crazy story involving a famous idol or a puppy, he’s hesitant. Too frozen to move. It’s only been a few days since they’ve been back to school. Now, he’s seeing Hansol everyday again, texting him more, talking to him more, and just a thousand times more aware of his presence. He starts wondering if Hansol always sat so close to him during lunch, or stared at him for so, obviously long, or why he still calls him those god awful, teasing nicknames when they’re practically…

 

_“Are we—”_

 

“Are you guys dating?” Joshua asks as he effortlessly snatches the thoughts from Seungkwan’s brain. He’s in on his stomach, pencil wagging between his thumb and forefinger, looking as calm as ever. On the flip side, Seungkwan looks like he’s been tackled by the defensive line of a football team. His mouth agape at Joshua’s boldness like a fish out of water.

 

“I…um—No. No! _No!_ Dating? Us? Nev—We can’t. It’s not like we kissed or anything…”

 

Shit. Seungkwan thanks himself for being one of the biggest imbeciles on planet Earth as he slams his head on the glossy pages of his textbook. His slip up causes him to leave his cell phone defenseless momentarily. The second long window of time is enough for Seokmin to toss the phone to Mingyu and allow him to clumsily tumble into Seungkwan’s closet for protection.

 

It’s the fastest they’ve ever seen him spring up into action, but luckily, Wonwoo is faster into securing him before he kicks his own wooden doors down.

 

“Kim Mingyu! You better get out here and give me my fucking phone back before I sell your organs on the black market!” Seungkwan screams as he kicks at the air, trying his best to kick in the doors.

 

“You’d have to kill me first ‘Kwan!” Mingyu’s distant voice, probably since he pushed himself to the furthest corner of the enclosed space, called back a little too amused. Seungkwan groaned out which made everyone laugh louder.

 

“How can I know everything about you expect your phone passcode?” The blond whines a second later which makes Seungkwan smile in victory.

 

“You’re never going to get it, so just come out.”

 

“Have you tried all zeros?” Seungcheol suggested. Mingyu trended to overthink these things. He probably thought Seungkwan was an over complicated algorithm of numbers, which he was, but he failed to recognized had too many things to memorize already. It would make sense for him to have a simple passcode.

 

The way Seungkwan shot daggers towards him confirmed that his thinking was correct. Fuck his friends for their ability to always figure him out. He didn’t want to resort to blackmail, but having his texts with Hansol read out by his best friends seems like a nightmare come alive.

 

“Mingyu, if you don’t come out and give me my phone then I’ll read our texts. If you remember what those said then you’d be smart and—”

 

The taller is opening the door swiftly, hair a tad bit messed up and clothes ruffled, while holding the phone towards Seungkwan innocently. Wonwoo was already releasing him from his death grip, letting his wrist breathe, and peering over to the two elders to see if they had a clue as to what was going on. They simply shrugged.

 

“Okay, no. What the hell just happened?” Wonwoo flopped on Seungkwan’s bed while disregarding their studying materials. It was already 8pm. With how smart Wonwoo is, three solid hours of studying would be all he needed to pass with flying colors and keep his position as ranked first in their class.

 

“Yeah! No more secrets guys.” Josh piped up as he started collecting his books even though he had no intent of leaving anytime soon.

 

 _“You’re one to talk!”_ They all screamed at once with accusing fingers pointing towards Joshua. His eyes grew wide with his eyebrows furrowed until it clicked in his head about what they were all referring to.

 

“Oh…Jeonghan? That’s nothing.” He waved their thoughts away with his hand, but they saw through the act. Every time the two were together, it was like a mushy romance movie in live action. Seungkwan had no desire to see it, but loved to see his friend happy.

 

“It’s not _nothing_ Joshua. We all see whatever is happening.” Seokmin said with a comforting pat now that all his papers were back in the neat pockets of his binder. Joshua gave him a wary look as if he was deciding whether or not to reveal his true conflict on the problem.

 

He let out a deep breath with his eyes closed.

 

“Well. After everything happened at that party…”

 

“Wait, what exactly happened?” Seokmin, precious Seokmin, asked. Poor thing was drunk off his ass thanks to the hosts, Minhyuk and his friends, so it doesn’t surprise everyone that he has blank spots in his memory. Everyone is thankful he even asked since what happened that particular night between Joshua and Jeonghan wasn’t exactly clear. The two had disappeared for at least two hours after they’d been eliminated from the messy Beer Pong tournament.

 

Too many things can happen in the span of two hours. They know that. Josh knows that. Everyone was on edge with curiosity ever since Jeonghan had won Homecoming King. No one just dances with you in front of the entire student body, sneaks off with you at a party, and shows up unannounced to go Christmas shopping (with everyone of course) to make you feel better if there wasn’t some shred of romantic feeling going on between the both of you.

 

Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed down in concentration as if he was recalling something distant. Slowly, he tried to suppress a smile that crept on to his face and  had everyone clueless.

 

“What does _everything_ entail Josh?” Wonwoo, now flipped over on his stomach with his head resting in his sweater covered palms, asked urgently. No one ever takes the quiet ones for the gossips, but _boy_ Jeon Wonwoo loves to stay in the loop.

 

“Don't let anything I say leave this room okay?” the subject of the conversation scratched at his neck nervously. Seungkwan’s heart beat instantly quickened. The last time Joshua said those very words, they were followed by the terrible news that they’d lost his fucking phone in a ball pit of a mall.

 

“Just spit it out Josh please!” Mingyu begged, hanging on to Seungcheol for dear life in their little circle.

 

“Well after he told me he liked me, one thing kind of led to another…” He stated quietly, cheeks flushed, while his hands tried to spell out the words he couldn’t bring himself to say.

 

_“You’re lying!”_

_“Hell fucking no!”_

_“Wait, you like boys?”_

_“WHAT?!”_

_“Okay Josh I see you!_

 

The shouting commenced all out once, but above all voices, Wonwoo’s rang out the loudest.

 

“That’s so bullshit! You did _not_ have sex!”

 

His eyes grew larger than the frames of his glasses as he realized just how loud he screamed. He froze right in his tracks and instantly flopped down.

 

 _“Boys! Are we studying?”_ Grace’s skeptical tone could be heard from all the way downstairs in the kitchen where she was busy with dinner.

 

 _“Yes!”_ They collectively shouted from their spots in Seungkwan’s room. Not a second later, their eyes shot back to the boy they thought they knew so well to explain.

 

“Why’re you all staring at me like that?” Josh asked bashfully which just stunned them all the more. His elf ears were red hot, so at least he had some shame at hiding this from his best friends for two months.

 

“Because there’s no way _you,_ goody-Christian boy who was probably saving yourself until marriage, lost your virginity to a boy you barely knew.” Wonwoo whispered the facts so they wouldn’t relive the terrifying experience of Grace overhearing their conversation like they’d just went through two seconds ago.

 

“It was probably a heat of the moment thing! C’mon Wonwoo…” Seungkwan glares at the unusually overactive boy as he tries to defend their elder, who has his eyes downcast in shame. Wonwoo has been spending way too much time in Soonyoung’s presence. Everyone can tell by the way he started to wave his hands while talking and raise his voice if the conversation gets interesting.

 

The mannerisms are so unlike the Wonwoo from five months ago, but no one mentions anything.

 

“It’s just hard to believe. I’m sorry if I’m being insensitive, but I’m just surprised.” He stuffs his face into one of Seungkwan’s throw pillows due to the sudden embarrassment that overtakes his explosive attitude.

 

“We all are…” Seungcheol, who looks questionably paler than before, chokes out as if he’s still struggling to swallow the truth. It won’t shock anyone if he takes longer to process all of this considering he and Joshua have been friends since Middle School. They’d seen each grow into the pretty eighteen year olds that they are today.

 

“I’m sorry Cheol…I’m sorry if this is disappointing to you guys, or if you feel like you can’t trust me anymore…” Josh had his hands shielding his face in sadness. All of their hearts panged in hurt. Their best friend had just exposed one of his biggest secrets, and all they could do is focus on the little things. Seungkwan scooted over first, arms closing around Joshua’s shoulders in comfort, and soon the rest followed when they noticed his distressed state.

 

“We just weren’t expecting. It’s not even a big deal as long as you were safe.” Seokmin’s muffled voice could be heard somewhere from deep within their pile of hugs. Everyone, minus Josh, nodded in response and let their heads brush together.

 

“He didn’t hurt you right?” Mingyu asks seriously now that the humorous tone had evaporated from the conversation. All their eyes flicker back to Josh. They’re all sitting—laying, in Seokmin’s case—on Seungkwan’s bedroom floor in a tight circle so they can see each other’s expressions clearly.

 

“No! Never. He—I’m pretty sure I initiated it. I was the one who kissed him first.” He pushed his fingers through his hair with a huff as he mentally prepared himself. While scanning his friends reactions, he almost broke into laughter. Their eyes wide and mouths agape told him that they didn’t believe a fraction of what he just said.

 

“I-I didn’t know how to react, okay! One minute he was being really caring and giving me water trying to sober me up, and the next, we were in some bedroom and I was up against a door with—”

 

“Okay! _Okay!_ We get it!” They all shouted in horror. Wonwoo started making gag noises while Mingyu waved his hands begging Josh to spare them the details. The elder felt the weight lifting off his shoulders as his friends all started giggling at the entire situation. They just couldn’t wrap their heads around Josh being so bold, but it was a side of him that only Jeonghan could see.

 

“So, you guys are dating?” Seungkwan takes a chance and asks. Half an hour ago the tables had been turned and Josh had been the one questioning him, but a lot can happen in such little time.

 

“No. It was complicated and frustrating if I’m being honest.” Joshua has his eyebrows furrowed in the same fashion he did before he started explaining. They watched as a hand went to his neck in nervous habit.

 

“Sneaking around can be fun, but it doesn’t compare to something exclusive—something _real._ I didn’t mind going along with the pace we set, but I started regretting it as soon as I wanted to hold his hand in public or go on actual dates that didn’t involve me sneaking out at midnight.” He glared at their cooing while they dramatically gripped at their hearts. Seungkwan knew, from observation, that he and Jeonghan were close, but he knew none of this was happening right behind their backs.

 

“I risked everything to be with him. I lied to my parents and my grades started falling all just to spend an hour or two with him.”

 

“Was it worth it?” Seokmin asked innocently. As he confesses everything out in the open, he feels pathetic. He shouldn’t have been so weak, but Jeonghan had that affect over him. The sight of the other smiling made him happy. He tried his best not to dwell on the questions like _where did you work?_ and _where do you always sneak off to?_ so they could somehow maintain the fairytale atmosphere of no problems.

 

But Josh was human. He has doubts and insecurities like anyone else. Once the fear of Jeonghan doing something dangerous with someone even more dangerous planted itself in Joshua’s mind, their relationship—whatever they were—started to crumble piece by piece.

 

“I don’t know Minnie. Things have just ended, but I still don’t feel any better. I miss him. Even though he was always so secretive…” He started trailing off, his voice getting thick with emotion. The boys were over to him in seconds with a lifetime supply of hugs. Seungkwan was on the brink of tears and it wasn’t even his heart that got broken, so he can’t imagine what Josh is feeling right now.

 

“Why didn’t you guys tell anyone?” Mingyu spoke up.

 

“We agreed to just lay low after the party so everyone wouldn’t make a big deal. Plus, we didn’t really know each other well enough to date.” Josh sniffled from his spot in the middle of the hug. He doesn’t cry much, so they all know just how much this affected him. He had to go through this entire ordeal by himself, without telling a soul, if he wanted to keep Jeonghan.

 

“I thought, eventually, we’d get to the point where we could tell you guys, but I was wrong.”

 

Seungkwan had remained mostly quiet through the rest of secret spilling session. Everyone soon learned just what he was holding over Mingyu’s head to get his phone back.

 

_“I technically bought him a souvenir, okay.”_

 

_“Mingyu, he got hot chocolate maker while we all got keychains. You’re so fucking obvious!”_

 

He wanted to join them on cloud nine as they laughed about Seungcheol’s new hobby (“ _keep laughing fuckers and i won’t be crocheting you a scarf next winter.”)_ and teased Wonwoo about his weird situation with Soonyoung _(“we’re just friends! I’m serious!”)_ , but something was weighing him down and keeping him rooted to the harsh reality.

 

He and Hansol were nothing like Joshua and Jeonghan right? They took things at a slow pace, let their feelings brew, and, finally, arrived to mutual attraction. He doesn’t know what they are right now or what they can become, but he doesn’t want whatever they have to be taken away.

 

“Hey Kwannie, can I talk to you?” Joshua has his coat on and his backpack in hand. Seokmin is the only one left, slipping on his shoes quickly, as everyone has already made their way out.

 

Seungkwan hugs Seokmin goodbye and tells him to say hi to his new dog, another thing he’d learned tonight, for him. The taller bounces at the mention of his fur baby and hurries out the door so he can get back her even sooner.

 

“Are you okay?” Seungkwan asks. He doesn’t know exactly where Joshua is going with this talk, but he can put two and two together. Joshua is one of the most perceptive people he knows, so he probably noticed something off about Seungkwan after he confessed everything.

 

The elder doesn’t take his attention off of the wide window in front of him. He’s sitting on the cushioned bench in their study with his legs crossed. Everything about him stargazing with glossy eyes makes him look years younger than his actual age.

 

“I’ll be okay, but will you be?” His voice sweet and concerned as he turned to look at Seungkwan. He had just settled next to Joshua with a pillow in his lap.

 

“I…don’t know. I’m trying my best not to overthink everything.” Seungkwan sighs while his head leans back to hit the glass of the window. He’s tired.

 

“What is there to overthink?” Josh questions. His friends don’t know the exact nature of his and Hansol’s relationship, but he promised to tell them the story of New Years Eve when things were finally making sense. When Seungkwan’s head wasn’t a spewing mess of pros of cons.

 

“Okay, when you confess to someone and they accept it and you just end up kissing, what does that make your relationship?” The younger tries to appear as if he’s asking a hypothetical question, something random, but Joshua sees through him like jello. He’s smiling and pinching Seungkwan’s cheeks, something he knows he hates, in seconds.

 

“Seriously! What do I do? I mean, it’s only been a couple days at school, but all he does is smile at me. What does that even mean?” He whines which makes Joshua laugh and smile even harder.

 

“He’s probably waiting for some inclination from you. He doesn’t want to push you to do anything you don’t want to do I’m guessing.”

 

He nods. It makes sense. Hansol has always let Seungkwan do whatever he want, but not without the trouble of constant teasing or some kind of bet between them.

 

“Just show him you want to be more than friends. Don’t send odd, mixed signals.” Josh suggests like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He dulls in comparison next to Hansol when it comes to experience, so of course he’s going to over analyze every action he makes. He bemoans this entire thing and figures he should just talk to Hansol. But that’s scary.

 

He thanks Josh for the advice as they both rise to make their way over to the front door. While locked in a tight hug, Josh whispers “Be careful okay. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Always put yourself first, and never _ever_ lie to each other.”

 

As the elder is walking away in the cold, Seungkwan is reminded of a parent he never had. It’s rare to have someone look out for him the way Josh always is. He feels the warmth spreading and swirling in his chest as he waves his friend goodnight.

 

He closes the door quickly to seal the cold air from coming in and turns on his heel to head back to the kitchen to help Grace with their dishes from dinner.

 

“So, New Years Eve huh?” She questions with a blinding grin. Seungkwan swears she has hidden microphones and cameras around the house. Or she’s a spy. Probably the latter because Grace somehow knows everything.

 

☄️

 

Seungkwan has created a resolve that may or may not have been inspired by Joshua’s paternal thinking. In his defense though, the insecurities that previously ate away at his thoughts were now a quiet whisper in his mind thanks to him burying himself in his studies. He, no matter what circumstances, didn’t want to repeat Joshua’s mistakes. He couldn’t afford to let Hansol, no matter how pretty and nice he is, distract him to the extent that his grades fell into the depths of hell. If his grade point average dropped one point, if his class rank fell from its respective second place (not first, thanks to Jeon Wonwoo), then his hard work, pain, and suffering during these four years would be for nothing.

 

And his parents would surely be the first to shove it in his face.

 

So, Seungkwan has to pushed his feelings aside for this week—hell week, or the school days right before exams—and he decides he’ll deal with the future when it gets here. He can’t bury himself in the study guides and flashcards forever. At least, not when Hansol is staring at him like he’s grown a second head.

 

“It’s rude to stare.” Seungkwan says simply with his chin resting on his fists that are holding a bright highlighter. His eyes skimming some kind of reading passage, but Hansol lost count after the third one _this lunch._

 

“Just admiring the view.” Hansol says with no feeling. The younger feels a bit frustrated since he’s been competing for Seungkwan’s attention against his assignments all week, but at least he knows he’s not the only one feeling neglected. He glances over to Minghao, who meets his eyes while sorting Mingyu’s wide variety of sticky notes, and laughs silently.

 

“It’s Friday for Christ sake. Are you guys seriously going to spend another lunch studying when that’s all you’ve been doing for the past week?” Jihoon says with grave concern. It’s half way through their lunch period and the usual lively lunch table is dead silent minus the sound of chewing and pens against paper.

 

“Yes.” The six say in monotone unison as they continue working, not batting an eyelash at the sudden question. During past hell weeks, they often spent most of their time in the books instead of actually eating during lunch, so Seungkwan’s glad they didn’t break tradition this year. He needed the focus now more than ever since Hansol-sized distractions were straying his sight away from his priorities.

 

“You guys know there is a thing called over-studying right? I’m pretty sure this is just causing you more stress.” Jun brings up a valid point, but they brush away his worries with claims that _this is a tradition_ and _they’ve been doing it for four years now._

 

Their friends are wary, but let them stress and study in almost silence with a quiet whisper every so often between Chan and Soonyoung.

 

Seungkwan believes wholeheartedly in his resolve. He should be fine if he just keeps his grades up high, keeps his mind off of all the questions he has about his and Hansol’s relationship, and forgets the fact that he doesn’t know how to ki—

 

His heart threatens to jump out of his chest as a hand squeezes his thigh and he feels the boy to his left lean in closely to his ear.

 

“Are you still coming over tonight?” Hansol’s voice is a baritone whisper that short circuits Seungkwan's brain. He wished he would have did something else other than gape like a fish out of water, but he found it particularly hard to force his mouth shut due to the dry feeling.

 

“I…Um yeah. We’re studying right?” He gripped at Hansol’s hand on _his_ thigh and picked up the fingers weakly. He didn’t want to let go, but he knew he had to if he wanted to remain sane.

 

“Yeah. If you want to.” Hansol peered down at his hand Seungkwan dropped on his own thigh with a pout. The elder groaned internally at the sight. Damn Hansol and his cuteness. Damn this wretched  resolve.

 

He doesn’t even know if he’s doing the right thing anymore. He sees the remorseful glances that Joshua and Jeonghan send to each other and feels the tension now that they aren’t speaking. The thought that he and Hansol could end up like them pains him. He doesn’t want their friendship to end, but everyday it gets harder. Hansol has woven his way into Seungkwan’s heart and the feelings of attraction grow by the hour. He assumed it was impossible to smile brighter, look even better, and grow smarter every single day but he swears Hansol does it so effortlessly that it makes him envious and happy and breathless all at once.

 

Even if he tries his hardest to avoid the truth, he can’t deny that Hansol is perfect. Seungkwan could probably talk for hours on why he thinks so. He _likes_ him after all. And Hansol… _likes_ him somehow. The mere thought of New Years Eve has him suppressing a smile.

 

“Okay. I’ll meet you at your house after school.” He finally responds with scattered thoughts. The swarming mass of conflictions halts when Hansol is smiling that gummy tooth smile that has the power to end his life.

 

Seungkwan figures he’s fucked.

 

It’s around 7pm when Seungkwan finally gets the _hurry and come over ;-))_ text from Hansol. It’s not like Seungkwan had spent over an hour in front of his floor-to-ceiling length mirror trying to improve his appearance for this study session. Study date? He’s lost when it comes to technicalities.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be leaving already?” Grace knocks and then enters without even waiting to be acknowledged. Luckily, Seungkwan is just resting on his knees trying to smooth away the flyaway hairs that the wind ruffled while he was outside. He wasn’t wearing _those_ jeans, but a pair similar to them that allowed for more breathing room matched with a white sweater and denim jacket over it. He shouldn’t want to look so good just go sit in Hansol’s room for a few hours and study, but he does. After finally gaining control over his hair, he spins on his knees to see Grace staring at the screen of his phone.

 

“Hey! And to answer your question, yes I’m leaving soon.” He snatched his phone from its resting position on his bed and into his palm to see what notifications he’s missed. Nothing more than a few news updates and the Hansol text message that sits at the top of the screen as the most recent update.

 

“Remember to text me everywhere you go! I doubt you’ll be studying for the entire three hours you're over there.” Grace reminds him of the slightly overbearing Mom he never had. She’s been asking about Hansol non-stop ever since he let it slip that their feelings were out in the open. She also barges in his room with snacks during his studying since he hasn’t had much of an appetite lately due to stress, so he just eats to satisfy her worry. It warms his heart that she cares enough whether he’s up to no good or if he’s handling all of his courses well or if he’s eating properly since his own parents could care less about his well being.  

 

“I will, but we are only studying. Exams start Monday and I can’t afford to get distracted right now.” He laughs emptily while lacing up his sneakers. The pressure he put on himself as a distraction, as well as the unsaid pressure always there from his parents, is hitting him full force now that Monday is almost  here.

 

“Chin up Kwannie. You know how smart you are. Just believe in yourself. Plus, you’ve been cramming nonstop for an entire week! It might feel better to have some fun tonight.” Grace ruffles his hair, destroying all of his hard work, and pinches at his cheek affectionately. He’s not a kid, so he’s frowning at her childish gestures, but they still stick around in his thoughts long after he’s out the door and on the road.

 

Ever since he was young, he’s had to put in extra effort for high marks. Concepts never came as easy to him as they did to the naturally gifted and talented kids, but he was considered to be one of the smartest children due to his study habits. He didn’t have friends when he was younger, so he befriended the books he had to read for class and many others he grew fond of. He was lucky to find Mingyu in middle school or else he would still be that timid kid in elementary school who only had fictional characters for company.

 

So now that everything in his life seems to be heading towards a chapter of ‘too perfect’ with his high grades, good friends, and…Hansol, he doesn’t want some random wrench to be thrown into the situation that fucks up everything. Seungkwan should be basking in the moment, but he can’t stop thinking about the future of what will come. Even if he gets the high grades he wants, his future still won’t be his own. Even if he takes the risk and crosses that line of more-than-friendship with Hansol, then there’s no guarantee they can stay together.

 

It’s so unfair how the world works.

 

Seungkwan wished he didn’t brew so much on his way over to Hansol's house now that the frown won’t leave his face. He tries to push away the negative thoughts as he makes his way over to the door. He takes in the little trinkets and details of the porch before ringing the doorbell. The doormat has a large _C_ on it and to his left, there’s a swinging bench with a family of garden gnomes next to it. Cute.

 

Not a second after he touches the doorbell, he hears shuffling inside the house. A voice yells out _“Sofia, go answer that!”_ which spikes Seungkwan’s nerves and triggers full on panic. Of course he and Hansol wouldn’t be alone at his house. Of course his family would be home. It’s inevitable that they would be introduced if he came over, so he curses himself for not catching on sooner.

 

He’s mid-attempt in trying to compose himself when the door cracks open. All he can are brown bangs resting on a forehead and light greenish-brown eyes peeking through the slit.

 

“Who are you?” The voice of a young girl asks defensively and on guard. He wants to laugh, but is glad she doesn’t open the door wide for total strangers. If he remembers correctly, Hansol’s sister, Sofia, is twelve.

 

“Boo Seungkwan. Here to study with your brother.” He tries to sound cool as he rocks back and forth from his heels to his toes with hands gripping on the straps of his book bag.

 

“Oh. Come in.” She makes space for him to come in and shuts the door quickly so the warmth of their house doesn’t escape more than it already has.

 

While toeing off his shoes, he takes in the appearance of the house now that all the lights are on unlike the last time he was here. There’s a lot more little paintings decorating the walls, like landscape scenes and framed work, as well as family pictures. He hears a loud clatter in the kitchen which grabs his, as well as Sofia’s, attention.

 

“I’ll be right back. Um…make yourself at home? I don’t know where my brother is honestly.” The girl, who looks like a spitting image of said brother, points over to the living area with an awkward smile before vacating to the kitchen. Seungkwan settles on the couch, which has the worn and homey feel like the rest of the house, and folds his hands in his lap.

 

He’s engrossed in whatever action movie is playing on their living room TV for an indefinite amount of time until he hears a familiar voice echoing down a hallway coming closer.

 

“Mom, have you seen that shirt? The plaid one?” Hansol breezes by their living area after coming out of an unknown room. He was in his line of sight of a mere second, but it was more than enough. The apples of his cheeks are turning red at his shirtless, black jeans appearance.

 

“I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in that messy room of yours.” Seungkwan hears an unfamiliar voice, probably Hansol’s mother, reply back to him keenly.

 

“No, I swear it’s not. I cleaned it like three days ago because I knew he was coming over.” He hears Hansol say in defense and attempts not to think too much of it. It’s rude to eavesdrop, so he returns his focus back to the superhero movie on the screen.

 

“Oh! So you’ll do your chores when Seungkwan is coming over. Good to know.” He suppresses a laugh, but his gaze doesn’t falter from the TV screen. He finds it interesting to watch a family, who he assumes is close, to interact since it contrasts his own so vastly.

 

“Not to interrupt this great conversation, but I guess now would be a good time to mention that Seungkwan’s been here for like ten minutes?” Sofia says questioningly. Seungkwan's never heard Hansol shout in such a way, so he couldn’t help but let out the laughter bubbling in his throat.

 

It’s not _too_ awkward now that Hansol has a shirt on. Before Hansol led Seungkwan up the stairs, his mom was grabbing Seungkwan’s hands in attempt to excuse her son’s indecent behavior while said son scrambled to find a shirt. Sofia was laughing in the background at her brother’s embarrassment and Seungkwan couldn’t blame her. Maybe she knows about them, or maybe the eyebrow raises and smiles mean nothing and Seungkwan’s being his usual delusional self.

 

The blacked out door is the same as it was two months ago, but the room itself is neater. His bed is made, the floor can be seen, and the desk still has the same stack of notebooks and broken headphones. There’s some sort of microphone-tape-recording device out in the open, sitting on the desk, but before Seungkwan can ask what it’s for, Hansol lunges to put it away in the safety of one of his drawers. O…kay.

 

“What do you need to study for?” Hansol asks a little loudly now that his head is deep in his closet looking for a shirt. Seungkwan thought the Bart Simpson one he was currently wearing was a little adorable, but he doesn’t voice it.

 

“I finished everything, so now I’m just looking over stuff. Have you even started studying?” The president questions from his comfortable spot on Hansol’s bed. It feels bigger than when they both slept on it, but maybe it’s the way he’s laying.

 

“No. That’s what Sunday night is for.” He laughs which makes Seungkwan roll his eyes. Why does he like such a procrastinator? Up until this point, his eyes were trained on Hansol’s moving figure, so he was taken off guard when the boy was suddenly discarding his shirt.

 

For a couple seconds, Seungkwan had a full view up to Hansol’s shoulders and down all the way to his waist. He wanted to count the tiny moles that littered his back, or do anything that meant he could stare at the expanse of skin longer, but the younger was pulling a black shirt over his torso in no time.

 

 _“The resolve. The resolve!”_ His thirsty subconscious screamed at him. Seungkwan swallowed his saliva.

 

“W-Well it would be a waste for you to make such high grades all year and then bomb your exams.” He regains his thoughts and finds the strength to reply back to the younger. His entire body tenses as Hansol chooses to sit down on the bed, _his own bed_ , instead of…the desk chair or the floor. Okay, not many options, but he’s awfully close. Seungkwan’s pretty sure if they let silence consume their conversation then they’d both be able to hear his hammering heart.

 

“I’ll study, calm down _Mom_. Don’t you think you’re going overboard though?” Hansol asks while looking to the Milky Way he painted on his ceiling. He couldn’t remember the order of the planets during eighth grade, so his parents helped him create a larger visual. Seungkwan thinks it looks neat.

 

“I’m not. It’s like this every year with us.” Seungkwan admires the art of the ceiling, something he didn’t notice last time, as well as the stacked canvases in the corner. He also spots a medal or two scattered around the room. Hansol’s artistic abilities is something he’s always going to be fascinated with.

 

“It’s unhealthy, Kwan.” Hansol, realizing he doesn’t have Seungkwan’s full attention, makes the impulsive decision to scoot closer to the boy and plop his head in the other’s lap.

 

Seungkwan forgets how to breathe. The sight of Hansol with his eyebrows furrowed cutely and his hair, now a mess, sends his heart into overdrive.  “It’s not.” Is all he can say. Thankfully, he responds in a timely manner so Hansol doesn’t question him. If he notices anything about Seungkwan’s odd behavior, he doesn’t say anything on the matter.

 

“Please don’t make me study for hours Boo. I don’t want to~” Hansol is begging? _What?_ What happened to the boy who used to make fun of him at each and every moment? The hazel eyes are piercing through his defenses. It should be illegal to look that pretty. There’s no blemishes on his face, his eyelashes are so long, his eyebrows are shaped nicely, his cheekbones give just the right amount of definition to his face. Seungkwan wants to shout out and cry.

 

Oh yeah, he’s supposed to be saying no.

 

“I came over to study remember? If we aren’t going to then I should probably get going…” Seungkwan struggles to get up with no real intentions of actually leaving. Hansol suddenly weighs a ton and wraps his arms around Seungkwan’s waist to prevent him from leaving.

 

“One hour.” Hansol is glaring at him, but it’s ineffective since he looks like a ginormous baby who’s using Seungkwan’s thighs as a pillow. The brunet raises a hand to play with the black hair resting on Hansol’s forehead.

 

“Two hours.” He bargains back.

 

“Thirty minutes then.” Hansol says and Seungkwan is rolling his eyes once again. The staccato sounding laugh sounds and can be felt from its source as Hansol’s chest vibrates.

 

“An hour, but I get to choose our plans.” The elder offers. The suggestion has Hansol looking at him curiously, but he reluctantly agrees. Somewhere inside him he knows he should be studying, but another part is happy that he’s finally giving himself a break.  He hasn’t hung out with Hansol since New Years Eve, so he’s grown anxious waiting for the day they’d be alone again.

 

“How am I supposed to study with this huge _distraction_ sitting on me?” Seungkwan complains with a smile. He’s still playing with Hansol’s soft hair. He must’ve taken a shower before he arrived since it smells particularly good and feels even better.

 

“I don’t know. You’re smart. You figure it out.” The younger says, unmoving. His eyes flutter shut like he’s about to take a nap which makes Seungkwan groan. Stupid Hansol and his heart melting tactics.

 

☄️

 

It wasn’t even an hour.

 

Okay Seungkwan will admit it was _barely_ an hour before Hansol was dragging him out of the house. In the span of time, they had only recited their speeches for their midterm final. They had barely chipped the iceberg of subjects that needed to be studied, but a deal was a deal; so Seungkwan stuck to his word. After telling them to be safe, Hansol’s mom lets them go easily. He doesn’t spot Sofia from earlier or Hansol’s dad, so he decides to ask for their whereabouts while putting on their shoes.

 

“I think Sofia is in her room and my dad is in the garage working on something.” He answers while opening the door. The gust of cold air cuts through Seungkwan’s sweater and reminds him of his jean jacket sitting on Hansol’s bed. He had removed the layer of clothing when the warmth of the house became too much.

 

“I left my jacket in your room. Let me go—” Seungkwan’s already turning his body back towards the stairs, but Hansol stops him with a hand gripped around his forearm.

 

“I have a million jackets in my car. Just wear one of those.” He doesn’t wait for a response of affirmation, but it’s not like Seungkwan was going to object. He’s already opening the front door, waiting for Seungkwan to exit to the house, so he hurries out into the cold air.

 

Apparently Hansol’s logic is, _if you make the plans, then I get to drive_ since he ushered Seungkwan towards the vintage, red vehicle sitting in his driveway. He wants to call bullshit on his excuse to drive them since he’s made plans _and_ driven in the past, but his teeth are too busy chattering due to the cold. Even though he’s in the car and doesn’t get cold easily, the night air is unforgiving. While waiting for the boy, he decides to send a quick text to Grace about where they’re headed.

 

“Sorry I took so long, but here you are your majesty.” Hansol plopped a red and navy blue hoodie in his lap. “Thank God.” Without second thought, he slipped the material over his head in a desperate attempt to become warmer. It was a thick cotton material, so it worked just fine, but his nose filled with Hansol’s scent.

 

“So where to?” Hansol is turning down the music and glancing over to Seungkwan. He thinks the elder looks better than him in the jacket, but keeps quiet.

 

“The movies.” Seungkwan says, feeling small in the material. He suddenly feels bashful and doesn’t know what to do with his hands, so they just fidget in his lap. Hansol takes note of his shy behavior, like he has all week, but he keeps his mouth shut and eyes on the road.

 

The ride to the theater was nothing out of the ordinary. The two always found things to talk about, so today, it was how terrible radio music was. Seungkwan tried his best to be his usual bubbly self, but he felt awkward. He felt like his clothes were too tight and he was breathing too loud. Just because Hansol handed him a jacket to wear, he was suddenly reminded of the intensity of his feelings. And the apparent fact that Hansol feels the same way. He was lost on how to act around him.

 

“What’re we watching today?” Hansol asks as they walk to the front of the building. This isn’t his side of town, so Seungkwan has never been to this movie theater. It’s a bit dated with its yellowing movie posters and old _Now Showing_ announcement board, but it’s still crawling with people on a Friday night. Seungkwan isn’t surprised when a few people wave at Hansol from afar.

 

“What kind of movies do you like?” Seungkwan browsed the list of currently available movies with a pout. He’s seen most, but didn’t know where else to suggest for plans. Plus, Hansol’s not much of a movie watcher, so it should be interesting to gauge his reactions.

 

“Anything honestly. I don’t care.” Hansol replies indifferently. Seungkwan could’ve predicted this outcome. Hansol’s taste in _everything_ is so peculiar yet flexible at the same time. Seungkwan doesn’t understand how he operates.

 

“Hmm. Fine, be like that then Chwe.” Seungkwan marches away to the ticket booth before he could catch up.

 

”Do you have any tickets for The Greatest Showman?.” He asks the teenager behind the counter. She looked around their age and beyond bored with her job, but instantly perks up with widen eyes when she sees Seungkwan in front of her.

 

“I’m sure we do. Are you trying to make the 9:30pm showing?” She asks, clicking away at the computer system. She glances up every so often and meets his eyes, and then shyly looks away. He doesn’t know what that’s about, but he decides to ignore it since he feels Hansol step up to the counter next to him.

 

The girl, Seungkwan glances to her name tag which reads _Adi_ , peers over to Hansol quickly before her eyes venture back over to Seungkwan.

 

“These are all our available spots for the 9:30pm showing.” She smiles brightly at Seungkwan. He smiles back just as bright and compliments the theater’s hospitality. He hits Hansol, whose gaze is locked on the worker in front of them, to ask where he wants to sit.

 

Since the movie’s release date was a few weeks ago, there are plenty of seats to choose from, but Hansol insists they sit further towards the back. Seungkwan gives in with hesitation and has his debit card ready to pay before Hansol could even think about getting his wallet out.

 

“Thank you for coming! Enjoy your show and come again soon!” Adi, the nicest cashier Seungkwan has come in contact with, hands him the two tickets with a receipt underneath. He’s smiling, feeling a lot less awkward than before, until he hears Hansol mock the girl’s goodbye.

 

“Hey! Don’t be rude! She was so nice.” Seungkwan defends. He’s completely taken off guard by the boy’s behavior, and looks at him for an explanation.

 

“She was nice…too nice! From the times I have come here with everyone, she was never that polite. It was obvious she liked you.” Hansol grumbled as they made their way over to the snacks. They both had eaten before their study session started, so the two felt slight hunger prickling in their stomachs.

 

Seungkwan tried to recall any type of flirting or romantic vibes from the girl, but he came up at a dead end. She was probably just doing her job.

 

“Don’t be so jealous Hansollie.” _I only have eyes for you_. He wanted to say, but decided against it. The sweet words got caught in his throat and the moment passed.

 

He claimed he didn’t want any popcorn, but here he is, eating the popcorn Hansol bought. The buttery goodness is an addiction. They’re locked into an argument about movie candy when a sudden question hits the younger.

 

“What is this movie about again?” Hansol asks between bites. They’re whispering even though there’s no one within a five row radius.

 

“It’s the creation of show business basically.” Seungkwan says vaguely since he doesn’t want to give the plot away.

 

“I’m not going to cry right? Or throw this bucket of popcorn at the screen?” Hansol seems skeptical at the lack of detail Seungkwan is giving, but he doesn’t want to spoil anything so he just laughs.

 

“I hope you don’t. I’m actually really hungry.” Seungkwan tugs the popcorn out of Hansol’s arms now that the threat of him wasting the food is out in the open. It triggers a laugh from a younger and a couple looks from the front rows, but Seungkwan doesn’t really care. The sound is charming.

 

There are a lot of sights he couldn’t imagine when it came to Hansol. He’s always so sweet and awkward but somehow in control of the situation, so Seungkwan could never visualize him getting mad or sad. That’s why his heart drops when he hears sniffling to his left while the credits are rolling.

 

“Hansol? Are you okay? I—” Seungkwan chokes up at the stream of tears dropping on Hansol’s plaid jacket. He’s reaching over to Hansol’s face, forcing him to look his way, so he can wipe the tears.

 

“The movie was just… _so good_.” He sniffs and stays still so Seungkwan can swipe the salt water off his pretty face. If he keeps crying, his eyes will be red, and Seungkwan doesn’t like it when he looks sad.

 

“Yeah, I thought so too.” Seungkwan agrees which weirdly makes Hansol laugh. He pulls away from Hansol’s face to get a better view and see if he truly is alright.

 

“You’ve seen this movie before right?” Hansol asks as they finally get up to exit the theater. They thank the employee that accepts their trash before stepping into the light.

 

“Was I too obvious?” Seungkwan’s voice is small and hopes he didn’t ruin Hansol’s movie experience. The thought of him crying doesn’t leave his mind, but he doesn’t push the topic if Hansol doesn’t want to talk about it.

 

“Not really. You only sang every song and quoted the entire movie.” Hansol replied with sarcasm dripping from his voice. Seungkwan pushes him away since he even had the audacity to sass him which both has them giggling. The brunet has to apologize for bumping into a twelve year old because he’s too caught up in the moment.

 

“Okay! I’m sorry! That movie really is amazing though.” Seungkwan denounces as if that makes up for his loud singing throughout the movie. At least Hansol found it amusing, so there really was no harm.

 

“Yeah. It really hits home.” Hansol says more to himself than to anyone else. Seungkwan _wants_ to know what every implication means and all of his thoughts and why he cried, but he feels like he doesn’t have the right to ask about something so personal. They may have shared one percent of their feelings and even kissed, but Seungkwan still feels like he’s stepping over an invisible boundary.

 

Their walk to the car has them closer than before since the winter air is whistling around in full force. In the short time they were outside, Hansol’s nose and ears are already turning red.

 

“Jesus, my hands are freezing.” The driver is slightly shivering as the car warms up.

 

“Let me feel.” Seungkwan is reaching over the center console and reaching for Hansol’s ice cold hands. They contrast against his warmer ones, so his initial reaction is to hold the collection of bones until they feel warmer; then he realizes just what he’s doing.

 

He’s holding Hansol’s hands and he’s looking at him like he did two weeks ago, so he tries to pull his hands back to his side. Suddenly the air is suffocating and the feeling of awkwardness from before comes creeping back to pull his skin tight.

 

Unlike before, Hansol doesn’t stay quiet. And he doesn’t let go of his hands. Well, he does, but throws them to Seungkwan in a sudden burst of frustration.

 

“You can’t do that Seungkwan. You can’t just play with someone’s feelings like that.” Hansol starts. His gaze isn’t soft like how it was in Seungkwan’s lap, but the very opposite. He had his eyebrows furrowed hard like…he was glaring at him.

 

“I—Wait, Hansol. Let me—” He didn’t want this. The last thing on Earth he wanted to do was to hurt Hansol. The boy was just in his hands, at his reach, and now he feels distant even though he’s sitting right next to him. Seungkwan feels desperate to get his attention.

 

“I feel like don’t even _like_ me. One second you act like it and then the next, you’re back to acting all shy and unsure. Stop neglecting me Kwan. Or,  at least tell me the reason why since you haven’t talked to me all week.” Hansol confessed. The words stung his heart. The boy he liked, the boy he felt so strongly about, was trying his best to figure out just how Seungkwan was feeling meanwhile he was being selfish about this entire situation. He may have been fine with this ‘resolve’, but he didn’t even consider how Hansol would feel. It wasn’t his intent to play with his feelings.

 

“I-I know me being new to this relationship thing is no excuse for me not to be upfront with my feelings,” his breaths are shaky since he wants to run away from Hansol’s gaze. He feels the weight of the other’s emotions when their eyes meet, but he tries his best not to choke on his words.

 

“But this past week has been so confusing. Ever since I kissed you, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it, so that just made me like you even more. Then I was like _is it appropriate to kiss him again?_ And _when?_ Then I was like _why would you do that Seungkwan you even don’t know how!_ So that just made me question what are relationship really was. Are we still friends? Are we more than friends? Do you want to be more than friends? I was too scared to ask, so I kept avoiding you. Also Joshua told me about what happened with him and Jeonghan, so I was scared that would happen to us…but it was dumb  of me considering I didn’t even take his actual advice into account…” Seungkwan bites his tongue to end his rambling. He’s never sounded so stupid. He’s pretty sure Hansol didn’t even understand his point, so he takes a deep breath to try again.

 

“I—”

 

“I understand Seungkwan. You were confused on what we were because we hadn’t talked about it yet, but this entire thing,” Hansol waves his hands between the two of them, “isn’t going to work unless we talk about everything. Don’t forget I _like_ you Seungkwan. I mean it’s pretty obvious the way I stare at you and try to touch your ass all the—”

 

“Okay! I get it! Communication! You like me!” Seungkwan is blushing fully and tries to hide himself in Hansol’s jacket. The boy seems to be in a better mood considering the misunderstanding is cleared, but he’s still wearing a frown on his face.

 

A beat of silence passes.

 

“Am I the first boy you’ve liked?” Hansol asks, a bit off topic so Seungkwan is sent into mild confusion. He’s looking at him, waiting for an answer, so Seungkwan reluctantly says “No, there’s been another.”

 

“The only one you’ve kissed then?” Hansol leans over the center console and into Seungkwan’s space suddenly. He has to fight the urge of opening the car door and running. Maybe the nice girl, Adi, will save him from the Hansol in front of him. He doesn’t recognize him, and it’s a bit overwhelming.

 

“Does that matter?” Seungkwan’s voice cracks in the middle of the question, but still has the challenging undertone to it. He does his best to stand his ground and not shy away from Hansol.

 

“Not really, no. I just wanted to know if I’m really going to be your first boyfriend.” Hansol says nonchalantly, as if they were discussing shoelaces, and calm. He finds one of Seungkwan’s hands, which is gripping the center console rather tightly, and intertwines their fingers.

 

His brain stops processing after the Hansol says the _b_ word. He’s in a state a shock that’s almost laughable, but does his best to pull it together.

 

“Boyf—but I thought you were mad?” Seungkwan asks as he tries to keep up with these rapid change of events. It’s making him breathless because one second Hansol was yelling at him and now he’s talking about being his…boyfriend? The word, a noun he never thought he’d get to associate with Hansol, feels heavy, but fluttery on his tongue at the same time. It has his stomach doing backflips.

 

“I wasn’t mad Boo, but I was frustrated. Imagine being practically ignored for a week by me? It doesn’t sound fun right?” Hansol points out. Seungkwan feels his cheeks grow red hot at his childish actions. Feelings are complicated and influenced him to overthink more than usual.

 

“No. I’m sorry Hansol. I was thinking too much.”

 

“It’s fine right? We just went on a date and you don’t hate me after all, so what does that make us?” Hansol asks. The teasing side is back. Seungkwan hasn’t seen it all night, yet it decides to reappear when Seungkwan has already embarrassed him into the depths of hell. Hansol tightens his hold on Seungkwan’s hand while he waits for an answer.

 

“I…don’t know.” The boy in the passenger seat looks off, staring into something in the distance so he doesn’t have to feel the weight of Hansol’s stare. The question has sent head into overdrive. Is this some kind of test? How was he supposed to know—

 

The amount of time passed seem to be too long for the ever impatient Hansol. Seungkwan doesn’t get the chance to ask why he let go of his hand or why he scooted closer towards him to close the distance between them. It was a fast, swift movement of Hansol coming too close with his hand on the nape of Seungkwan’s neck. One moment Hansol was blinking, just staring at him with their eyes locked, and the next, he felt lips pressing on to his own. It was just like before except no booming fireworks and more low hum of the radio.

 

Seungkwan’s eyes fluttered shut at the feeling. His arms were moving on their own as they reached out for the boy in front of him. His hands fumbled around, trying to find something to hold, and eventually settled on his shoulders trying to bring him closer. Their lips finally found rhythm as they move timidly against each other.

 

Hansol pulled away sooner than Seungkwan wanted.

 

“You think too much Boo. Just go for it.” Hansol, not even the least bit breathless, says in a voice raspier than usual. He knows exactly what Hansol is referring to. His resolve was safe and comforting. It allowed him to keep things as they were before, but he knows deep down he doesn’t want that. He wants to hold Hansol’s hand, go on dates, keep kissing him, and be his _fucking_ boyfriend. He doesn’t want to live with the regret of never trying.

 

“Just shut up and kiss me again.” He feels the boy smile against his lips as he makes contact. He almost pushes him away because of his cheekiness, but Hansol brings his hand to cup his jaw and the other back to the his nape.

 

Seungkwan knows this road isn’t going to be easy, but Hansol is a risk he’s willing to take.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. shit is happening. call the cops. in conclusion:  
> wonu's a gossip, josh is a real mom, jihan is done (or are they?), and seungkwan's an idiot who overthinks his emotions (he's trying his best)!  
> side notes:  
> -[kwan's outfit](https://twitter.com/jeonwonwoo_kr/status/872307824151474177) , [hansol's fit](https://www.instagram.com/p/BeMqZ2_l3h3/) , [the jacket](https://twitter.com/carat_life/status/928841045537886208)  
> -i feel like i'm terrible at writing kissing but im rlly trying to get better oof.  
> -sorry i was so late at updating. i took a break during exams and it was incredibly difficult to start back  
> -i read some of my earlier chapters and they were absolute g arbage THEY WERE SOBAD!!!  
> -thank u for the continuous support these past weeks. y'all rlly do give me strength ughhh <3  
> -oh yeah im gonn a probs be late during these months bc high school + doing a sport is hard but pls wait for me! love y'all! support seventeen's comeback! <3


	16. a surprise, a princess (and a heartbreak.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in short, everyone wants seungkwan to have the best 18th birthday ever (especially hansol).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /comes from under rock/ y'all I AM ALIVE! <3  
> frick i don't even know what to say except for hi & welcome back to my fic!  
> you might want to reread the last couple chapters for a refresher...but i hope u enjoy the chapter <3  
> 

 

The ring of the bell shook Seungkwan with a fervor so hard that he stopped mid-essay in panic. The sound of the bell displayed the end of his exam, yet he’s mid-sentence; in the middle of a brilliant thought if you asked him. Before he could continue scribbling along his lined-paper in black ink, his teacher snatched the papers from his grasp.

 

“I assume you weren’t about to continue to write past the allotted time Mr. Boo” Her eyes narrowed as she shot a glare in his direction while everyone stifled a laugh. 

 

“No ma’am. I think you may be seeing things.” Seungkwan tries to play off nonchalantly, but it’s no secret he attempted to finish the last sentences of his essay. He wasn’t the only one trying to sneak in a word or two either. Yes Jimmy, everyone sees your pitiful half page essay that you’re continuing to still write, but _ I’m _ the one who gets caught. At least he got all of the content addressed, but sadly, his conclusion suffered. Time is seriously his greatest enemy. 

 

After his teacher continued to ramble on about how proud she was of them coming this far into the year and made yet another allusion to the late and great Shakespeare, the small class finally filed out of the classroom and into the semi-crowded hallway. 

 

He turned to wish his English teacher a great day since he knew, like the rest of the teachers, she’d have her hands full of exams to grade then strolled out the door. His eyes instantly scanned the cluster of students scattered in groups talking amongst themselves as he tries to spot a head of raven hair, slightly above the rest. With his arms over his head and his weight pressed upon his tip-toes, he stretches up to get his blood flowing; he had been sitting for an hour and a half after all. 

 

“What are you doing? Prepping for pilates?” A familiar voice asked to his left. The sheer sound of it had Seungkwan turning too fast on his heels to face them. Of course Hansol would appear out of thin air to catch him looking like an idiot. He prayed his face wasn’t as hot as he felt it was getting. 

 

“Looking for you actually. Where were you?” Seungkwan peers up to him while trying to sound like he isn’t on the verge of death or hyperventilating or passing out since he may be a little too excited over seeing Hansol. In the flesh. Not over Facetime or with funny Snapchat filters over his face. 

 

_ “You saw him like two days ago.”  _ He tries chides to himself while trying to calm his heart from going haywire.  _ Friday was three days ago _ , he corrects his mocking subconscious. They ‘studied’ and saw a movie, yes, but the details are what Seungkwan tries  _ not _ to analyze. He threw his precious resolve in the trash, and he…kissed Hansol a lot that night. What does that make them now? 

 

“You took forever!” Hansol laughed while draping his arm over Seungkwan’s shoulders. The shorter was taken off guard for a millisecond before he let himself be dragged along to whichever unknown destination the handsome boy had in mind. He didn’t question or let his thoughts linger on the subtle contact. “And I’ve been waiting for an hour or so.” Hansol said with pursed lips. 

 

The president instinctively craned his neck to see if he could make eye contact with Hansol. Did he hear that right? “Class ended like ten minutes ago. Don’t tell me you skipped your exam Chwe!” Seungkwan whined. Midterms are twenty percent of their semester average, so him not showing up would definitely hurt his grade. Hansol laughed at the other’s pouting as they neared the main stairs. 

 

“Chill Mister Pres. It was Maths, so I finished in thirty minutes.” He held up his hands defensively, but Seungkwan just rolled his eyes while leading their way down the stairs. As soon as they found themselves in the empty foyer (minus the few stragglers who were waiting for their rides), the taller placed his arm around him  _ again _ . If this is going to be a reoccurring action between the two, then Seungkwan is in trouble. He can physically feel Hansol taking over his own heart as his personal possession. 

 

“You should be in Calculus suffering with the rest of us! You’re too smart for Regular Maths. It’s unfair.” Seungkwan complained, secretly wishing he had Hansol’s brain to take his Exams for him. Hansol whispered a loud  _ whatever _ under his breath before leading Seungkwan towards the glass, front doors. 

 

“Where are you taking me exactly?” The shorter spoke up from his comfortable position underneath Hansol’s arm. He gazed up at the younger for an answer with raised eyebrows. 

 

Before Hansol could answer, his words were rudely interrupted by the vibrating sensation in his front pocket and the telltale  _ Hotline Bling  _ ringtone he had set for all of his idiotic friends during sophomore year. 

 

The loud, repetitive lyrics made Seungkwan jump a foot away from Hansol in shock. Instantly, Hansol wanted the boy back in his ‘half’ embrace, but apparently there were more pressing matters. 

 

“What are you doing? Stop being weird and answer your phone!” Seungkwan chuckled in confusion at the fact that the boy in front of him is just…staring at him. Hansol’s eyes seemed to linger longer than usual compared to his quick, not-so-secretive glances. Their eyes held contact for a moment too long before Hansol broke away with a smile. Which in turn, made Seungkwan smile for no particular reason. 

 

“What?” He almost laughed at Hansol’s change in character. His tone of voice sounded clipped and annoyed even though he just picked up the phone. Seungkwan pulled out his own phone to check messages since he didn’t want to awkwardly stare at the other like he had nothing better to do; even if that was his reality. 

 

_ “Wow! Good afternoon to you to Vern. You sound happy to hear me. Am I interrupting?”  _ Soonyoung’s voice, mischievous and sarcastic, spoke through the phone. Confusedly, Seungkwan looked up from his phone at the sound of Hansol scoffing. 

 

“Yes actually. I have  _ very important  _ plans, so you have a minute to talk. My time is ticking Kwon.” Seungkwan’s eyes instantly widen at the revelation of Soonyoung being on the other side of the conversation. Hansol is suddenly being attacked with begging eyes and pouting lips because someone is shouting  _ I want to say hi Hansol!,  _ but he shoves down a laugh and turns his head the other way so he doesn’t cave. 

 

_ “Oh, about those plans…you’re gonna need a rain check because everyone needs your help. Like right now. This instant.”  _ Soonyoung says casually, but it leaves Hansol a bit lost for words. Everyone needs his help? Who? Right now? Even when he wanted to spend time with Seungkwan because he hasn’t seen him all day? 

 

“But—”

 

_ “Hey. Buts are for loaves of bread. Hurry up and kiss Seungkwan goodbye because we really need you up here! And whatever you do, don’t bring him with you! Bye~”  _

 

Hansol stared at his home screen for a minute, all of the recent information sinking in, before groaning loudly. 

 

“Soonyoung had bad news?” Seungkwan questioned from behind him. His phone was pocketed, nowhere in sight, so his hands were now busy fumbling around in the pocket of his— _ Hansol’s _ —sweatshirt. 

 

“Mhm. The worst news.” The black haired boy lessened the distance between them so the two boys were toe to toe. Absentmindedly, Hansol reached out to smooth out the fly-away brunet hairs that stood up on Seungkwan’s head. 

 

“What happened?” His voice came out panicked and scared, probably at the possibility that something terrible happened to their friends, and Hansol found it endearing. Boo Seungkwan, always worrying for everyone close to him in his life. 

 

Although it felt nice, he stopped the movements of Hansol’s hand with his own. He slid his hand down the other’s wrist and interlocked their fingers to get his attention. 

 

“Soonyoung needs me for something. I don’t know what exactly, but I’ll probably be busy with him and whoever else is there.” Hansol explained while swinging their hands from side to side. 

 

“Anything I can do go help with?” The president felt himself pry since Hansol was being vague yet again.

 

“Um…I don’t think so. I think we’re okay. Plus I know you want to study for your exams you have tomorrow anyways.” The taller replied. Seungkwan nodded slowly while focusing on a distant potted plant and tried to shake off the disappointment in his heart. Hansol has always excelled in making up sneaky excuses that raise little suspicion. He’s right, Seungkwan does want to get a little more review time in, but the unsaid statement is loud and clear.  _ I don’t want you to come.  _

 

Whatever Hansol is up to, it’s none of his business, but he was hoping for the secrecy between them to change after…everything that happened.

 

“Okay. Well then, I’m just going to…go home then. Have fun with whatever you’re doing. Tell Soonyoung I said hi.” Seungkwan pried his hand away from Hansol’s grasp and took a step backwards to decrease the suffocating feeling that was starting to loom in his chest. 

 

Hansol witnessed the change of emotions on Seungkwan’s face. The initial happiness which instantly changed into confusion and then a flash of hurt. It was unmistakable. He wanted to know, but Hansol knows the risk that entails. Soonyoung wouldn’t tell him to keep Seungkwan away without reason. 

 

“Hey. We still have the rest of the week to hang out. It’s early release all week due to exams, so that means the rest of our afternoons are free right? Except for tomorrow of course.” Hansol asks, trying to lighten the dampening mood he’s caused. His hands are busy fiddling with the drawstrings of his hoodie out of mindless habit and the feeling of guilt for getting Seungkwan’s hopes up.

 

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m being a baby. I just wanted to see you today. And don’t remind me about tomorrow, I’m already dreading it y’know.” Seungkwan dramatically sighs and rolls his eyes at the thought of the formal birthday dinner his parents have planned. Meanwhile, Hansol’s mind is slowly trying to process exactly what Seungkwan said. 

 

“ _ He wanted to see me today? Boo Seungkwan seriously…”  _ He tried not to smile to himself like an idiot. 

 

He's already slowly walking backwards, preparing to leave, but Hansol wants to reach out and grab him. He wish Seungkwan didn’t have to go, and Soonyoung didn’t need him. 

 

“Your birthday should be a happy occasion Boo. I better see you smiling tomorrow, okay?” He says a little louder, hoping to get the attention of the lone straggler sitting on the tiled floor playing phone games, while Seungkwan pushes out the front doors of the school. He sees the smaller wave through the window before trotting off to his car. 

  
  
  


Hansol feels a limited range of emotions at the moment. Annoyance, at the many text messages he’s receiving from his friends asking for his whereabouts. Confusion, at the random classroom number Joshua had texted him. And more annoyance, at the fact that Seungkwan probably thinks he’s hiding something from him. 

 

Which he…technically is, but that isn’t really the concern at the time. 

 

If Joshua texted him, that means he’s there too; which means this has nothing to do with work. How urgent can this really be?

 

Now that Seungkwan is long gone and three flights of stairs have been climbed, he figures he has nothing better to do with his afternoon. The curiosity is starting to eat at him as strolls down an empty hallway. 

 

As he nears a particular door, random yelling voices start to increase in volume. Through the small window carved out in the wood, he sees his friends playing uno. It seems like Chan just got told to draw four by the way he’s glaring at Seungcheol. 

 

“You called me to play fucking Uno?” Hansol says with no amusement in his voice. The noise comes to a sudden halt as all of the room shifts their attention to him. Hansol raises his eyebrows expectantly for an answer which just causes the boys to share a look amongst each other and laugh. 

 

“He’s so pissed he’s not with Seungkwan right now. It’s so obvious!” Jun, wheezing at the moment, tries to get out between giggles. Wonwoo pats him on the back while trying to sneak a glance at his cards. 

 

Hansol rolls his eyes. 

 

“No you idiot, we did not call you up here for uno. You’re the one who took forever. Hurry up and get in here.” Soonyoung, trying not to laugh with everyone else, beckons him inside. They place seven cards in  the empty space between Seokmin and Soonyoung, so Hansol can play as well. 

 

“What is this even about?” He drags out the plastic chair so he can sit comfortably. Against his better judgment, Hansol decides to indulge in this wretched game of cards. He’s never played with so many people, but it can’t be going well by the amount of cards in Chan’s hand. 

 

“It concerns our beloved Seungkwannie of course.” Mingyu says, drawing from the scarce deck since he doesn’t have a red card or zero to stack on top. 

 

Hansol feels his confusion grow. If it concerned him, why couldn’t he bring him? They, especially the good natured six amongst them, weren’t the type to do things behind a person’s back. 

 

“What about him?” Hansol raises an eyebrow as he folds his cards down from Seokmin and Soonyoung’s prying eyes. Minghao changes the color to yellow only for Jeonghan to change the color to green. Next to him, Jun snickers and makes Jihoon draw two, but he stacks, and so do Joshua and Wonwoo. It ends at Soonyoung as he picks up eight cards and cursing everyone to hell. 

 

“We wanted to plan a birthday party!” Joshua finally answers his question as Hansol puts down a blue card. A reverse. Seokmin glares at him which has him smiling a bit. 

  
  


“I thought he didn’t like parties.” Hansol responds in more of a form of a question directed at his best friends. From everything Seungkwan has told him, he hasn’t had many birthday parties. The ones he did end up having when he was younger turned out to be more business casual than anything. Some strategic event planned by his parents for their  personal gain. His birthday was just another fact lost in the statistics of the event. 

 

“It’s not that necessarily.” Mingyu spoke up. He tried to find the right words, but seemed lost on how to describe it in a way that would make sense. 

 

“Seungkwan just doesn’t have any good memories attached to parties. His parents are business moguls who have been dragging him to corporate parties ever since he could walk. His birthday is no exception.” Wonwoo tries to simplify as they all take turns placing cards in the middle stack. 

 

“Usually, they have this huge party around this time to bring in the new year and force him to come along, but I think they’re busy with something at the company so…” Seokmin leads out. Hansol can recall Seungkwan mentioning being ‘thankful’ his parents are so busy they don’t have time to bother him lately. 

 

“So we should have an actual party since his parents won’t be here?” Jun asks and his lips quirk up into an excited smile. He urges Jeonghan, too distracted by the surrounding conversation, to hurry up and go. Now that he picks up the last card, he gathers the other deck to shuffle. 

 

“Not a full out  _ party _ . Nothing like the night of Homecoming,” Seungcheol urges, probably getting war flashbacks from his behavior with alcohol in his system. A few sounds of disagreement could be heard amongst their friends which in turn, made the elder blush. 

 

“Just something calm. Something Seungkwan would love. Food, lots of food, games, and movies. Sound good?” Mingyu asks. Everyone nods in excitement. Seokmin is practically bouncing in his seat with gleam. Jeonghan is smiling. Even Chan, who still has at least ten cards in his hand, feels the happiness in the air. 

  
  


It’s when they’re arranging the desks back in their respective rows, right after all the details are sorted through for Seungkwan’s party, Minghao asks just how they were able to get into the classroom without a key. 

 

“If you turn the handle and force the door open, it opens on its own. The school is old y’know.” Joshua supplied as an excuse. Hansol met Minghao’s eyes and then the two shrugged, and decided not to question why Hong Joshua, of all people, would know about a rickety door.

 

Everyone is almost finished setting the room back in order, no sign of the chaotic state it was in a mere ten minutes ago, as they make conversation amongst themselves. Hansol overheard variations of complaints about being hungry, how today’s exams went, and what to get Seungkwan for his birthday. 

 

_ What to get Seungkwan for his birthday.  _

 

The pure thought of gift hunting terrorizes Hansol’s thoughts. During Christmas, he was lucky. Seungkwan had talked his ear off about wanting a pastel sweater ever since the seasons changed, but it’s his  _ birthday  _ now _.  _ The most important day of the year, even though Seungkwan wouldn’t agree, and Hansol doesn’t want to mess it up by getting him a terrible gift. They’re…kind of…together at this point, so he feels the pressure to go all out. 

 

He makes the impulsive decision of dragging himself towards the three party planners: Mingyu, Seokmin, and Joshua. They’re so immersed in their conversation about balloons that they don’t even notice his presence. 

 

Joshua is the first to whip his head around after Hansol clears his throat. His eyes widen slightly in surprise before they narrow as he smiles. 

 

“Hey! Love bird number one. What can we do for you?” The eldest shoves an elbow into Hansol’s side annoyingly which makes him question whether he really wants to throw his pride away by asking them. 

 

He sighs. A huge, long ass sigh. Fuck everything. Seungkwan deserves perfection, so he’s going to do everything in his power to get it.

 

“As for a gift goes…what exactly does Seungkwan like?” 

 

Hansol isn’t surprised by the deafening silence that follows his inquiry. Knowing his luck, everyone would stop talking as soon as the question came out of his mouth. 

 

Mingyu glances between Josh and Seokmin, probably weighing the possibilities of whether Hansol is serious or if they should burst out laughing, and then smirks at the boy in front of him with a little too much satisfaction. 

 

“You don’t already know? That’s weird considering you guys are—”

 

“Since we are  _ what _ ?” Hansol challenges back. Mingyu’s teasing tone, which he has yet to be a victim of until now, is getting on his nerves. He knows Mingyu is that protective friend that has been by Seungkwan’s side since Middle School, but now isn’t the time to be rubbing it in his face. 

 

“Nothing. Nothing. I just thought you paid attention more.” He snickered. 

 

Hansol fought the urge to roll his eyes. He’s just pulling his leg right? Does Mingyu actually despise his existence?

 

“I do pay attention. I’m just not good with gifts.” Hansol told the preppy boy. This wasn’t the  _ absolute  _ truth, but Mingyu doesn’t need to know that. He probably is aware of his and Seungkwan’s relationship, so he should understand why Hansol is going through this embarrassment of putting his pride aside and seeking help for a mere birthday gift. Mingyu spared him a reluctant glance while Hansol just narrowed his eyes. 

 

“Mingyu would you  _ quit _ . Hansol is being really sweet right now.” Seokmin chimes in to smack the taller’s arm. Hansol doesn’t miss the glare shared between the two. Then the former turns to face him, ready with an explanation. 

 

“Sorry Mingyu is a giant idiot. You know he’s putting up a front and actually thinks you’re one of the coolest people ever.” 

 

Seokmin’s words provided instant relief that allowed Hansol to relax his nerves a bit. Why was a nervous? Okay yes, the validation of Seungkwan’s closest friends matter, but it’s just a gift! And Mingyu is literally the human embodiment of a golden retriever! Not intimidating at all! 

 

“As for a gift,” Joshua’s soft voice interjects as he furrows his eyebrows in thought. Hansol barely catches the whisper of words through the loud background noise their friends are making. Their conversations continued now that the drama was over. 

 

It takes longer than a minute for a flicker of an idea  to flash across Josh’s cat-like eyes, then a brief look to the two standing next to him. Hansol doesn’t know if they’re all telepathic, but they sure do nod and speak with expression a lot. 

 

“Seungkwan  _ really  _ likes heartfelt things rather than materialistic items.” The eldest grasped his hands together with a huge smile adorning his face. Hansol is lost as to why he looks so happy when that was the vaguest piece of advice he’s ever received in his seventeen years. 

 

“Oh that’s true! He will cry over anything if it has some symbolic, deeper meaning.” Mingyu agreed, and Hansol wanted to scream in frustration. Deep how? Deep like what? But if he asked that, he knew he’d get some kind of backlash from them for not knowing Seungkwan well enough. 

 

“Don’t panic dude. Just think from your heart. You care about him right?” Josh asked, which in turn caused Hansol to nod right away. 

 

“Then you’ll be fine!” He smiles sweetly before patting his shoulder with a little push. Hansol hadn’t even noticed everyone else was waiting outside for them to finish up their conversation. Luckily, it’s exam week, so he didn’t need his school bag or anything else to weigh him down during the day. He quickly lead the way out the door with the three party planners behind him. 

  
  


☄️

  
  


Hansol figured the situation he was stuck in was anything but fine. 

 

He sighed, loudly in fact, as he kicked his shoes off by his front door. Ever since Monday, he couldn’t get the idea of Seungkwan’s birthday gift out of his head. He seemed to be the only one out of his eleven other friends antagonizing over finding a present. They either already have something in mind or aren’t putting that much thought into it. Meanwhile, he is lost even after seeking guidance. 

 

“Mom, can you tell Hansol to sit up? If he doesn’t, he’s going to suffocate since he’s lying face down onto the cou—second thought, never mind!” Sophia’s voice echoed within the small space of their living room. He could sense her presence behind him as he laid, spread out on their couch. His mom was off somewhere in the house doing god knows what, but her lack of response showed she wasn’t anywhere near them. 

 

“Can’t I lay in peace? It’s a sorrowful time Sophia. You wouldn’t understand.” He picked his head up to briefly look at his sister, who was eyeing him like a caged animal, before resting his head back on the cushion. 

 

“What’s wrong with you? Did Seungkwan finally ditch you after realizing he’s so far out of your league?” His sister joked. He could only sigh into the couch at the mere thought of Seungkwan beginning to hate him over a terrible birthday gift.  _ “Not yet. But after this, he definitely will.”  _

 

Hansol felt a sudden weight crush his back. As he scrambled and tried to turn over, he realized Sophia was lounging comfortably on top of him. 

 

“O…kay. Didn’t know it was that serious.” She sat back on Hansol’s spine. He began to exaggerate heavy breathing even though he knew his sister weighed well under 100lbs. 

 

A beat of silence passed before he debated on spilling the truth to his baby sister. She’s twelve. She’s most likely going to judge him since she has no regard for his feelings. And she’s never been in a relationship before (hopefully), so really, what does she know? 

 

Then again, he  _ is _ a desperate boy with no gift ideas whatsoever. 

 

As he throws caution to the wind for the second time that week, he takes an easy inhale with the weight of Sophia on his back; she listens and tries to disguise the worry for her brother. 

 

“So Seungkwan’s birthday was yesterday…” he starts out, but immediately gets cut off by her small hand smacking the back of his head. 

 

“And you forgot?! You really are the worst! Honestly, if I were him, I’d–”

 

The subtle throb at the back of his head caused a hand to nurse the area immediately. He quickly pushed Sophia off of him, sitting up in the process, with the palm of his hand rubbing through his black hair. 

 

“Fuck,  _ ouch _ , that hurt. And no, I didn’t forget.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

Hansol shoved at her small frame and, in return, caused his sister to stick her tongue out like a five year old. 

 

“His best friends—well, we—are throwing this…surprise birthday party thing on Saturday. And I don’t really know what to get him. Like, what does it mean when someone wants something  _ from the heart _ ?” Hansol takes a risk of asking. He resists the urge to laugh at Sophia’s surprised face as he watches her expression morph from shock to almost neutral. He was scared at how oddly…serious she was taking this.  

 

“How much do you like him?” She asked. There was no joking tone in her voice. No punchline waiting for him like usual. For a second, he didn’t recognize how his sister could become so mature in a matter of seconds. After the initial shock passed, he cleared the cobwebs out of his throat. 

 

“I…Um, A-A lot. More than I’ve ever liked someone before. Why?” 

 

The way Sophia sighed, like she was in deep thought before conjuring up the words she was about to say, made him question who was the older sibling between them. 

 

“Because I don’t want you to go into this with half hearted feelings without realizing”

 

Her words caused the elder to furrow his brows in confusion, so she took that as an indication to expand further. 

 

“I obviously don’t know Seungkwan, and he seems very nice from the two seconds I talked to him; but what I noticed the last time he was here was how different you acted. You seemed truly happy with him.” 

 

“I’ve always been happy Soph. What are you getting at?” 

 

She directed her attention off of the far point in the distance she was zoning out and onto her brother, who was avoiding her glare. Figures. 

 

“I’m getting at how he makes you happy. How you actually care about school now. How you’ve changed so much this year. How you finally stop burying yourself in that stupid—”

 

“Sophia.” He said her name firmly, forcing her to stop her sentence in its tracks. Her big eyes bored into his. 

 

“Fine. Whatever. What do I know right? I’m a kid. But if you want to give a gift that means something Hansol, then think from your heart. Think with all of those feelings he makes you feel. Naturally, something amazing will come out of it. And take into consideration how much you like him.” 

 

Hansol watched his sister jump off the couch and march up the stairs loudly. In fact, her feet stomping on the carpet of the stairs was so loud that their mother peeked her head out of their study. 

 

His mom caught his eyes with question, but he shrugged it off and evaded the interrogation session he knew that was coming by following up the stairs after his sister. 

  
  


On the way to his room, he hesitated in front of Sophia’s door. It was closed shut and thumped loudly from the music coming from within it. It was blatantly obvious he pissed her off and she didn’t want to be bothered, yet here he stood, hand hovering over the door handle trying to gather his words to apologize. 

 

His sister is twelve. She shouldn’t be so knowledgeable at such a young age. Maybe Hansol is just transparent to her. 

 

But Sophia was right, and that’s what made it so hard to accept. 

 

Seungkwan some kind of luminous, bright light that brought nothing but joy into his life. He felt the change in himself, in his school work, and in everything else he liked to do like art, music, and writing. You act differently when you’re truly happy after all, and it’s scary to accept a single person had that effect on you. 

 

Before he turned the knob, he dwelled on his sister’s words. On how he needs to harness all of his feelings into one gift. 

 

Seungkwan deserves something more than special,  more than meaningful, and and Hansol finally believes he will be able to deliver. 

 

Or, he has an idea at least. 

  
  
  


Hansol guessed his sister didn’t want to deal with him now, as she would most likely yell at him for being an idiot, so he stepped back with careful steps to head to his room without disrupting her. 

 

After shutting his door, he paced over to the desk tucked into the corner of his room. His Art midterm was yesterday, so his stack of sketchbooks were piled high on the table. 

 

He flipped through the thick pages filled with messy Ebony drawings of everything ranging animals to inanimate objects until he found the section he was looking for. His anatomy study. 

  
  


The pages were incomplete. They weren’t formal pieces he ever wanted to show off (or show  _ anyone _ for that matter), so they were all haphazardly drawn on the pages. Different eye shapes, noses, hands, parts of the abdomen and other sections that meshed together. 

 

Nothing really went together until he ventured towards his more recent sketches. He flipped past things done months, or even weeks, ago rather than last school year. If you look closely (and Hansol was starting to), you could see the consistencies in his sketches. It was funny how the eyes, noses, and lips all looked similar like he had a certain someone in mind while sketching. The eyes were slim, but open wide and crinkled up like they were smiling or laughing. The lips were plump, but not too small. Even if he didn’t draw these himself, Hansol could recognize Seungkwan’s features. 

 

Hansol attempted to suppress a smile, but he couldn’t help the way the corner of his lips quirked up. Looking over everything made him feel like an obsessed schoolgirl with a crush. In a way, this was his own method of showing how much he liked Seungkwan. But instead of clichely writing his name hundreds of times to fill a notebook page, he stared at his face and memorized the facial structure so he’d be able to draw it without photo reference. 

 

The artist never gifts his art away. The last time he did was his sister’s sixth birthday. She begged him after he locked all of his homemade comic books up in his room. He was twelve then, and didn’t understand why she was sobbing over the fact that he designed a superhero after her, but he thinks he understands it now. It was something he made. Something he couldn’t buy or find anywhere else. Something irreplaceable that she would never forget. 

 

He would never voice it, but he wasn’t the most confident in his art. Sure, his pieces won a couple competitions, he’s been shown off by his parents, and gotten endless compliments from teachers, but the positivity still doesn’t trump the doubt in his head. He knows he’s  _ good _ , but to make something for Seungkwan? Would he even like it? 

 

Fuck overthinking at this point. He remembers Seungkwan’s face, how his eyes sparkled while admiring something  _ he  _ painted back in December. He talked about Hansol’s piece like he created it. He seemed so proud of him then. He had enough power to make Hansol’s heart race.

 

Maybe, just maybe, this would be acceptable for Seungkwan. 

 

He placed the wire-bound books back on the desk since he’d be needing them later. His feet carried him to his closet where he checked to see if the extra canvas boards he kept there will still stacked high. 

 

The white boards were hidden in the corner, but they were there. He was actually going through with this. 

 

Hansol felt bubbling excitement well up inside his chest. To be able to take a chance and do something that can make Seungkwan happy has him on edge.

 

This is going to be perfect. It has to be for him. 

 

“Mom? Are you still using the Acrylics? I need them!” 

  
  


☄️

  
  


So far, it has been one of the weirdest Saturdays of Seungkwan’s life. It almost takes the top spot as the weirdest, but  _ nothing _ can beat that trip to the zoo with Seokmin’s family. He’ll never be able to look at amphibians the same. 

 

“Can you guys cut to the chase and tell me why you’ve been taking me on a wild goose chase since  this morning?” Seungkwan pulled Jihoon and Jeonghan aside. The two shot each other a glance while hesitating on the answer. Jihoon kicked at the pavement, avoiding Seungkwan’s questioning glare, as people brushed past them to get to the baskets of fresh produce. 

 

Yes, they were at a farmers market. In the middle of fucking January. 

 

“We just wanted to hang out with you Seungkwan. I’ve never spent any  _ real  _ quality time with you. Is that so wrong?” Jeonghan pouts. He has the two youngers underneath his arms as he drags them to the snow peas. Seungkwan suddenly feels guilty for questioning their intentions. 

 

“I guess it’s fine. Just unexpected. I swore you guys were up to something by the way you were suddenly at my door this morning asking me to hang out.” He smiled. Oddly, the two boys laughed quite loudly at that. Seungkwan knew he wasn’t  _ that  _ funny but figured they were trying to be friendly. 

 

“No. None of that. We just wanted to…look at the vegetables I guess.” Jihoon cringed at…whatever thought was crossing his mind. Seungkwan was confused at what there was to find embarrassing since that’s exactly what they’re doing here. Looking at the vegetables. 

 

“Well, if you guys  _ actually  _ want to do something fun, I know a place across town.” Seungkwan suggested. The woman selling the peas was starting to get impatient, so the brunet dragged the other west-siders away and out of the crowd once again. 

 

“What exactly do you see fit as fun Seungkwan?” Jeonghan said wearily. His skepticism didn’t compare to Jihoon’s, who looked like he was about to run away, so Seungkwan put on an award winning smile. 

 

“Trust me! It’s not like we have anything better to do!” 

 

He’s right. Their mission, although Seungkwan doesn’t know it, is to waste as much time as possible until they get a text saying otherwise. So, they let the president drag them to wherever he has in mind. 

  
  
  


“Karaoke. I can’t believe your bright idea was karaoke.” Jeonghan laughs shaking his head. His voice is scratchy since his vocal chords are overworked from singing (and screaming) his lungs out. 

 

“I can. He’s in choir after all.” Jihoon whispered. His voice completely obliterated after Seungkwan dared he couldn’t hit all the high notes in a Mariah Carey song. Boy, was he wrong, and now Jihoon is twenty dollars richer. 

 

“Are we not going to talk about the fact that  _ both  _ of you can sing? Is this some kind of closet talent no one knows about or what?” Seungkwan, the only one with enough energy and vocal power to speak, bounced up and down with bright eyes. He would never forget the shock Jeonghan put him through during the first song,  _ When I Was Your Man _ , as he started to sing and it sounded…good. Okay sure, Seungkwan’s planned failed since he wanted to see them embarrassed and butchering the songs, but he got something worth so much more out of it. 

 

And Jihoon was even more shocking. How are you able to sing and rap? Seungkwan swore you could only choose one of the skills to possess. It’s written in the rulebook of talents. 

 

“It’s not really a known fact, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a closet talent.” Jeonghan pursed his lips and laced his fingers together as they walked with Seungkwan to his front door. 

 

“An unknown talented is definitely– _ Wait _ .” The boy leading the way up his long, long driveway halted his steps causing the two following to collide into his back. 

 

Their confusion rubbed off their faces and morphed into panic. Pure panic. Seungkwan turned to face the  _ cars _ —that shouldn’t be there—in his driveway. As the brunet began to point and question why so many people were at his house, Jeonghan pushed him the rest of the way towards the huge front door. Jihoon, along the way, managed to snatch the keys out of Seungkwan’s palm. 

 

“Dude! There’s like this keypad lock too! Fuck this rich people technology.” Jihoon rolled his eyes and began to pound on the door so one of their friends would come to the rescue…but then their plan would be exposed.

 

“Okay! What the fuck is going on?” Seungkwan’s voice yelled in distress as he struggled in Jeonghan’s grip. He glanced back at the cars in the driveway to confirm his presumptions. As he thought, his friends’ cars were lined up in his driveway including Hansol’s vintage red one. 

 

First, Jeonghan and Jihoon act out of character by subjecting themselves to karaoke with Seungkwan for four hours, and now there’s some secret cult meeting at his house? And not to mention how all of his friends were being…oddly distant this week. They kept skirting around the topic of this weekend, and Seungkwan, being his clueless self, couldn’t put it together that maybe…that were scheming something. 

 

“Tell us your code and maybe you’ll find out.” Jihoon waved the president’s keys in front of his face. Forget every compliment he said about the shorter’s personality. It’s unbearable. 

 

“It’s my house. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t yell for the Johnsons next door who will definitely call the cops on your asses.” Seungkwan tilted his head towards the house a good distance away. Jihoon  stepped in its direction and squinted to get a better look. Kids. Kids were peeking through the curtains watching them. 

 

“Because this is all for you! So–”

 

“What does that even mean?!” Seungkwan asked, genuinely curious. He tried to run over the possibilities in his mind while keeping his panic to a bare minimum. At least, his parents wouldn’t be home until sometime next week. 

 

“It means,” Jeonghan sighed, giving up as he releases the younger from his death grip whilst pushing him towards the door. 

 

“That you should unlock the door.” 

 

Seungkwan figured he’s never hanging out with these two again. As he punches in the sequence of numbers, he hears the two behind him mumble something along the lines of  _ that could’ve went worse _ . Questioning things has just brought him more stress, so he decides to roll his eyes and ignore it. 

 

To Seungkwan’s surprise, there isn’t paint splattered on his walls or a wild chicken running around. It’s the his normal entrance to his house. The gray walls, clean furniture, and framed art was the same. He peered behind him in confusion to ask what was the big deal, but Jeonghan and Jihoon were already shoving him inside. 

 

“I’m home…” Seungkwan shouted. The only response he heard was his own echo. 

 

He noticed how spotless, or freshly dusted, everything item in their house was while they removed their shoes. Grace must’ve cleaned while they were gone. 

 

“Usually Grace, my nanny, is here, and she’d be  _ making noise somewhere _ .” Seungkwan attempted to call out again, but with no avail. There was stunning silence heard all around his house minus their breathing. He shrugged. Definitely a weird Saturday. 

 

“Let me go and find her real quick.” He assured them. Their forms tensed even further under Seungkwan’s lingering eyes, but, against his better judgment, he didn’t comment on their condition. Everything is starting to creep him out at this point. 

 

The first place he could think of was the kitchen as the light was on, so he dragged his feet forward with dumb and dumber following behind him. 

 

He turns the sharp corner to get into his kitchen, bypassing the open living room to his left since it's  obviously empty, and feels his heart stop beating the second he steps foot into the cooking area. 

 

“Surprise!” 

  
  


Hansol felt relief leave his system as they finally screamed that wretched word in unison. They’ve been practicing for the last hour.  _ At least that went as planned.  _ Unlike he thought though, Seungkwan didn’t immediately break out into a smile or start screaming with them in joy; he was stunned into silence with an unreadable expression. 

 

“Happy Birthday Seungkwannie.” Grace was the first to step forward as she closed the distance between them with a hug. The twelve other boys glance around the house as they try not to intrude on their moment. 

 

For a second, Hansol is actually worried this was all a terrible idea. He’s never seen Seungkwan react to something like this. He’s usually so bubbly and happy, but the expression of anguish had everyone believe he truly did hate parties. 

 

“You did all of this for me?” He asked, voice soft like a child. Everyone fought the urge to attack him with hugs in that very second, but Joshua held them back. 

 

“Not just me. Everyone planned it. We love you.” The woman said while rubbing a few circles in his back. Eventually, she shoved him back so he can take in all of the decorations, including a banner they all wrote birthday messages on, hanging up. By the time his eyes stopped searching around the room, tears were rolling down his face. 

 

Hansol’s heart ached within his chest as everyone surrounded the birthday boy in one tight group hug. It was obvious. Seungkwan’s face said it all. His genuine shock, his crying. He’s truly touched because they were right, he’s never dealt had a  _ true  _ birthday party before. Hansol wishes he could go back in time and tell younger Seungkwan Happy Birthday for all those times he felt like the day wasn’t important. 

  
  


“So who’s idea was this?” Seungkwan asked, now looking like a complete idiot with a birthday  _ tiara  _ on his head, Grace handed him a princess plate for pizza. Why was everything pink, five year old girly themed? Is this how everyone perceived him? 

 

“Well Josh, Seokmin, and Gyu did most of the work along with Ms. Grace.” Wonwoo spoke up as he waited patiently for Soonyoung, who was blankly staring into the cardboard box, to choose what kind of pizza he wanted.  _ It’s cheese, pepperoni, or both dude. It’s not rocket science.  _

 

“But it wasn’t really our idea since we thought you didn’t like parties. Minghao texted me on Monday asking if you were having a party or something since your birthday was so close.” Mingyu explained. Everyone’s head whipped around to the male towards the back of the line as he tapped the paper plate on his hand. 

 

“Hey. I didn’t know it would spiral out of control like this.” He held his hands up defensively. Seungkwan was about to thank him for asking since it unintentionally caused this party, but he was turned into a spluttering mess when their eyes met. Did Minghao just wink at him? For what?! 

 

“Okay. That’s it. I’m getting pepperoni.” Soonyoung picked up three slices making everyone groan out in victory. Now that the sloth holding up the line had chosen, everyone grabbed their slices quickly and made their way towards the stairs. 

 

He readjusted the plastic crown on his head as he walked up the stairs with a plate in one hand and drink in another. He looked down at the greasy triangles piled on his plate. Seungkwan tried, he really did, to get away with one slice, but Grace knows him well. She knows he hasn’t been eating due to exam week and isn’t too fond of this ‘diet’ he’s been on anyways. Obviously, she likes to see him suffer. 

 

_ “Why must everything good in life be mad for you? It’s just not fair.” _ Seungkwan sighed to himself.  

 

As he topped the mountain of stairs, he realized they decorated his second floor too. He smiled, hoping he didn’t look like a fool because he couldn’t hide the happiness on his face, and turned to face the rest of them once they finished climbing. 

 

“I was going to offer a tour once we finished eating, but seems like you guys already made yourself at home.” 

 

The usual upstairs dining table was decorated with ‘royal’ trinkets which gave it a round table feel even though he’s technically a princess and not a king. It’s okay, Seungkwan is still in love with it. 

 

He sits at the head of the table with the rest of his friends filling in after him. Hansol is to his right while Chan is to his left. Joshua, much to everyone’s annoyance, gets up to put on music. When  _ Sunday Morning  _ plays, Seungkwan almost throws his pizza crust at him. 

 

Everyone makes conversation, so it’s hard for Seungkwan to hear everything. He only speaks up when necessary like when everyone was curious as to how Jihoon and Jeonghan lost their voices. For once, he’s quiet and observant. He doesn’t ever want to forget this moment his friends planned for him. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Hansol’s voice broke him out of the glittering trance he was under. For the first time today, Seungkwan realized Hansol was actually  _ here _ . In his mind, that sounds terrible but he has just been so caught up in the emotions of today that Hansol became another one of the swirling thoughts in his head. 

 

“Nothing. I’m just happy.” Seungkwan already had a smile on his face. Hansol wanted to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair but everyone else would see. But then again, Seungkwan would be embarrassed…and then he’d be even more cute. 

 

His fist clenched in his lap unconsciously. A true contradiction indeed. 

 

“You are so quiet, so I thought something is bothering you.” Hansol purses his lips due to boredom and slight awkwardness. He likes it better when they’re alone since he can feel Chan’s eyes going back and forth throughout this entire exchange. 

 

“No. I’m fine.” Seungkwan felt the atmosphere too. Like the two of them didn’t belong in the lighthearted party environment everyone else was enjoying themselves in. They both heard Chan and Seungcheol, who was seated next to Hansol, stifle a laugh. Hansol snapped out of it and tried to stop his ears from getting red. 

 

“I’m gonna go…downstairs for a bit. Anyone need anything?” Hansol gets up from his chair, gathering his empty plate and solo cup. Everyone, mainly Jun and Mingyu start throwing other pieces of trash his way. 

 

“I’ll go with you.” Seungkwan rises from his seat as well which triggers a wave of offers who will  _ gladly  _ go take out the trash with Hansol instead of the birthday boy. Luckily, his persuading glare is in full affect so no one dares to actually take his place next to Hansol. 

 

They go down the stairs together in silence. It’s weird, maybe just because it’s today, but it feels like they’ve reverted back to old times where they could barely hold a conversation. Seungkwan watches Hansol carefully, taking in the details of his facial structure and how the rolled of sleeves of his flannel compliment his strong forearms, and how his black bangs are swept up, exposing his forehead maki—

 

“Are you sure nothing is wrong? You’re staring at me…” Hansol wears that nervous smile that shows his confusion well. Usually, he’s so confident. He’s teasing Seungkwan at every chance and having him close in proximity. 

 

But today, he’s worrying. It’s like their personalities switched. So, Seungkwan tries his best to make the first move for once. 

 

“I swear I’m just happy. And I missed you.” He wants to cringe at his wording, but it’s all he could think of. It was the truth after all. With his week consumed with exams, he rarely saw Hansol. And when he did, the latter avoided him so he could go home immediately. Seungkwan tried not to dwell on how much that hurt his heart. 

 

He steps closer to Hansol, who’s supporting himself with an elbow leaning on the marble counter, and mirrors his stance. The raven haired boy laughed nervously, almost uncomfortably, and avoids eye contact with Seungkwan like…he’s hiding something. 

 

What is there not to know? He’s already at his own surprise party. 

 

Annoyed, Seungkwan walks off and back up the stairs; not catching the way Hansol quietly said he missed him too. 

  
  
  


Hansol tried not to let his nerves show. He agreed he would play it cool. But ever since he stepped foot in Seungkwan’s house, he couldn’t stop his swarming thoughts of doubt. He couldn’t take the gift back now. Hell, what else could he get him if he didn’t give him this painting? Socks? 

 

He also tried to keep it a secret on what his gift was, but his friends are nosy and persistent. Their hearts melted and  _ aw’s  _ commenced once they heard just what Hansol had done. Of course they’d make a big deal out of it. So when Seungkwan storms away from him because he’s acting like an awkward asshole, he feels horrible. And when Joshua announces it’s cake time  _ now _ , he feels even more worse. 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t sense the looming gray cloud of depression that hangs over Hansol’s head as he happily skips over to his seat. Grace, from seemingly out of thin air, pulls a huge chocolate cake with the numbers one and eight stuck into the thick layer of icing. 

 

For a minute, Hansol is knocked out of his sadness. The sight of the fire illuminating Seungkwan’s face is beautiful, and is even more intense now that the lights are off. 

 

Soonyoung and Seokmin start singing (or screaming)  _ Happy Birthday,  _ so everyone joins in a second later. 

 

A bunch of choir kids singing a simple song, almost nursery rhyme, is probably the most annoying thing on the planet since they make it their own, extra melody that makes everyone’s eardrums bleed. 

 

Seungkwan’s eyes close as he makes a wish. He’s never really had this opportunity. The only occasion that has came close is, in the past, when Grace makes him cupcakes, and one has a candle on the top. So his eyes are squeezed tight for a long time. He wishes for a long time. 

 

By the time he’s done, they’re tears in his eyes. He blows out the two candles successfully, much to Hansol’s surprise since he thought they were going to get trick—

 

_ “Oh my god.”  _ He screams internally. His first reaction is to run and reach forward across the table, but the damage is already done. Seokmin definitely smashed Seungkwan’s face into the cake. At least he waited for Grace to remove the candles. 

 

The birthday boy lifts his head slowly, wiping the cream cheese frosting off his face, and smiling. His smile turn into peels of laughter that scare the shit out of everyone. 

 

Hansol assumes they’re all as good as dead. 

 

“Seriously, you guys got me good! But, honestly, who wants some cake?” 

 

Thank God Soonyoung’s reflexes are amazing. The chocolate cake would’ve smacked him in the face at top speed, but unfortunately…Jihoon was collateral instead. 

 

Everyone is cracking up and barely breathing. Grace is sobbing over her hard work and the chocolate cake on her  _ white  _ carpet. Jihoon…says Happy Birthday and nothing else. Soonyoung is hiding behind Mingyu trying to defend himself while Seokmin, if he’s smart,  has probably made it halfway down the street by now. 

  
  


Thankfully, Grace stops everyone from throwing cake and brings out cupcakes instead. Everyone is baffled at the fact that someone could be  _ that  _ prepared, but she is a nanny who’s had to deal with Seungkwan for years.

 

“Kwan. Open your presents!” Josh encourages. He sends a smile Hansol’s way in the most chaotic fashion that he’s convinced the elder is the devil himself. Fuck him and his meddling. 

 

Of course, unsuspecting Seungkwan hurried over to the stack of gifts and cards waiting for him in the corner of the room. Grace must’ve brought them out while Seungkwan was in the bathroom cleaning icing off of his face. 

 

“Really. You guys didn’t have to buy me gifts or anything.” Hansol watches as the birthday boy looks up to the ceiling to try to force the tears from making another appearance. He fans his face as he picks up a card to open. 

 

The hard thing about getting someone who has enough money to buy anything is that a gift card or money won’t suffice. But what’s so easy is that they, at least the rich people Hansol knows (his five friends and Seungkwan), find sentimental value in literally anything. 

 

Hansol can already tell that his heart is full at the stuffed animals, new brand of coffee, and 120 pack of pens he’s received. He’s so caught up in watching him smile that he doesn’t notice him grab his own gift. 

 

“Oh  _ nonono _ Seungkwan. Hansol said he wanted you to open his last.” Josh waves his hands and urges him to put it back down. Seungkwan shoots him a look, but Hansol is already dragging his fingers along the smooth finish of the wooden table

 

Once he nears the end of the gifts, with Hansol’s the only one left standing, the artist feels his neck getting red. His throat closes with nerves. 

 

“Why are you all looking at me like that? It’s making me ner—” The words stop flowing out of his mouth as soon as he ripped the wrapping paper enough to know  _ exactly  _ what it was. 

 

“No you didn’t Chwe Hansol…” Seungkwan’s eyes are huge as he tears into his gift faster. Hansol smiles and rolls his eyes a bit at Mingyu recording this for all of his Snapchat viewers to see. 

 

“Oh my god.” Seungkwan is astonished. He’s taking in the small details as he runs his fingers over the texture of the small canvas. The different bumps of paint that have dried in layers make it that much more real. Hansol made this for  _ him.  _

 

“Let us see!” Jun bounces impatiently. Seungkwan realizes that he’s been staring at the work of art for too long, so he flips it around. 

 

It’s him. The painting is of Seungkwan with baby pink flowers surrounding him. His eyes are closed and there’s a smile on his face as if he’s got all worries off of his mind. 

 

_ “Jeez Vern.”  _

_ “I knew you were good, but not this good.”  _

_ “Dude this is amazing.”  _

_ “Okay I’ve known you the longest and I’ve yet to get a portrait.” _

 

Seungkwan slid the painting their way and urged them not to touch it as he ran the short distance over to Hansol, who was on the other end of the table. 

 

“I can’t believe you!” Seungkwan is overjoyed when he jumps into Hansol’s arms. He’s on the tip of his toes as Hansol slides his own arms around Seungkwan’s waist so he can spin them around slightly. 

 

Seungkwan wanted to ask him how he managed to get him such a perfect gift. How he always does everything so perfectly so Seungkwan is in the best mood, but the words were stuck in his throat. He refused to cry. 

 

“Did you like it?” Hansol felt obliged to ask even though he can already guess the answer. He just needs to hear it with his own ears so his stress can finally be at rest. 

 

“I loved it. How can I not love it? You literally painted my face. You made me look beautiful.” Seungkwan, whose arms are still hanging around Hansol’s shoulders, looks at him like he’s an idiot for considering otherwise. 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Hasn’t anyone ever told you the real thing is always better.” Hansol’s smile was bright as he made a move to press their foreheads together. He feels a wave of relief wash over him now that he knows Seungkwan is finally happy with his gift. A week of stressing is worth it as long as Seungkwan is smiling. 

 

Before the two could do anything…compromising, Jun coughed out  _ get a room _ which grabbed everyone’s attention off of them and to the disruptor.  Everyone groans, expecting  _ something _ to finally happen that they can witness, but Seungkwan crushes their dreams by stepping away first. 

  
  
  


Joshua stuck to his outline of events one way or another. He didn’t mind yelling at everyone if it meant the night was going to stick to schedule and Seungkwan was smiling. By now, they’re all supposed to be watching movies laughing at some cheesy punchline or crying at a character death, but  _ no _ , his friends are difficult and wanted to fight over everything. 

 

“Seungkwan, no one wants to watch your shitty dramas.” Seungcheol argued and vouched they all went for something more ‘lighthearted’. 

 

“How is a superhero movie any less dramatic than a drama? The storylines are all over the place anyways.” Seungkwan fought back from across his seat. They were all seated in his theater room facing the Netflix home screen. 

 

“Ladies, ladies. Let’s not fight.” Minghao urged as he glanced up from his phone. He was already comfily reclined with a blanket draped over his form. 

 

“Then what do you suggest we watch.” Mostly everyone minus Jihoon, Jeonghan, Hansol, who was in the bathroom, and Wonwoo were up and fighting for their choice in movie. 

 

“Something scary?”

 

_ “No!” _

_ “Yes.” _

 

The two answers were said in unison. Joshua was already looking for some kind of terrible horror movie to soothe his headache. 

 

“Shua please don’t make me sit through this.” Seungkwan grabbed his slim frame and shook frantically. Joshua shoved his arms off with a hard look. 

 

“You either watch it or close your eyes the entire time. Your choice Seungkwan.” His neck vein was popping even though he wasn’t yelling. That’s true terror. 

 

Seungkwan plopped back in his seat and waited for an hour and a half of unenjoyment to occur. While waiting, he heard a vibration in the seat next to him. 

 

He flipped over the phone to read the name  _ Wonho _ and recognized it instantly. Hansol’s friend from the party about two months ago. 

 

By the second time he’s called, Hansol has been gone for ten minutes now. Seungkwan starts to get curious as the movie starts and excuses himself to bring Hansol his phone. 

 

It rings in Seungkwan’s hand on the way to the bathroom. It’s fine right? He and Wonho have spoken before. If it’s so urgent, then he can pass on the message. 

 

_ “Vernon fucking finally. Where have you been? You need to get over here now. W-We almost got caught basically. It was a close call. They’re still patrolling, so we need help covering our tracks. As fast as possible.”  _ He recognized the familiar voice, but none of the words were making sense. A run? Covering tracks? 

 

“H-Hi Wonho. It’s Seungkwan. Hansol isn’t by his phone at the moment, so—”

 

“Seungkwan. What are you doing out here?” Hansol asked. The boy was walking up the stairs oddly. There’s a bathroom upstairs. The former doesn’t dwell as he pushes the phone out in Hansol’s direction quickly, like it was toxic, so he could take it. 

 

“Your phone kept ringing, so I answered. I’m sorry.” He apologized. Hansol read the caller ID and put the device to his ear. 

 

Their conversation was short replied and hushed. They knew Seungkwan, or anyone who wasn’t supposed to hear, was near, so they kept their voices low. Even though they were whispering, he could still make out words to get a clue about what they were talking about. 

 

It had to be about Hansol’s job. 

 

_ “Now? Are you serious Wonho? You can’t get anyone else but me?  _

 

_ “Whatever, you owe me.”  _

 

Hansol seemed frustrated as he hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. Seungkwan was right there waiting for him, for any kind of explanation so he can make sense of things. 

 

“What did Wonho tell you?” Hansol asked, voice serious and borderline stressed. Seungkwan knew it was better to tell the truth rather than pretend he heard nothing and act like everything is okay. 

 

“Something about a run? They almost got caught? He said you had to go. Are you leaving?” Seungkwan held on to his hands and kept them between them. Hansol stiffened at the words that Seungkwan said so easily. Word he never thought Seungkwan would say and wasn’t ready for him to voice. He could tell by the other’s begging eyes waiting for him to explain that he was worried, scared, and confused. 

 

“Just forget everything you heard. Please Boo, for me. One day I’ll explain, but I have to go.” Hansol whispered as if the words were painful to say out loud. 

 

Seungkwan felt the ghost of a kiss on his forehead, but he was too numb to do anything about it. Hansol was already walking away from him. He felt confused. This day couldn’t get any more perfect, so why does he have to leave? Hansol was such a big part of his happiness today and Seungkwan doesn’t want him to go. 

 

“H-Hansol wait! Don’t go.” His eyebrows furrowed.  _ What about everyone else? What do I tell them? Where are you even going?  _ He has so many questions, and Hansol isn’t making sense. 

 

“I have a responsibility Kwan. I need to be there. You wouldn’t understand.” Hansol turns and leaves before the other can make him stay. 

 

Seungkwan is frozen in his stance until the sound of the front door closing could be heard. In that second, a realization dawns on him. It doesn’t matter how close he tries to get to Hansol because he will always close off a part of himself away from Seungkwan. Does he not trust him? 

 

He hates how he’s always the one left feeling like this. In the dark. With his heart hurting in anguish. 

 

_ “I wouldn’t understand? It’s not like you even gave me a chance too.” _

 

 


	17. i don't love you (not yet anyways)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan is worried about hansol becoming distant, but luckily josh gives him some insight. unluckily, seungkwan's life kind of sucks regardless.  
> (read chapter notes please!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to let this chapter speak for itself, but i hope you guys are ready to board the angst train ;-) so many problems come up...  
> !!MAJOR trigger warnings in this chapter: fighting with parents/ panic attacks!!  
> \- if you are uncomfortable reading, dm me on twitter and i can summarize what happens! love y'all & enjoy this shorter chapter cuz big things are coming.  
> \- reread if u forgot anything sorry i've been gone :'-(

 

Seungkwan never fails to realize how boring life can be when everything seems to be going smoothly. For the most part that is.

 

He never knew about having a calm, steady life until he got to high school. Before then, he’d have too much free time for his parents to utilize. That meant more singing lessons, more reading up on stocks, and more studying for school. Now that he was older, he fought for more leisure time. He’d rather be fulfilling responsibilities as the Class President in contrast to doing whatever his parents put him up to.

 

It’s two weeks into the new semester. There’s no new projects for him to busy himself with now that the roses (that they sell to the student body) for Valentine Day have been ordered. He’s even caught up with every assignment from his seven classes.

 

He figures there’s always something to do if he _really_ wanted to go and actively put himself out there. He does need more community service hours, and the library or his local humane society are always welcoming. He could call his sisters, who he hasn’t spoken to in a week, and bother them a bit. He bets it’d be welcomed since they’re swamped with what’s going on at the company. Apparently mergers bring a lot of stress, but Seungkwan’s never bothered to ask. The last thing he wants to do is talk about his parent’s _well accomplished_ company he could care less about.

 

There’s probably a million things he _could_ do. Maybe get back into crochet with Grace, but he doesn’t particularly _want_ to. All of the options are mere distractions to keep his mind off of the real problem that he refuses to face.

 

**_[ boo(ty) sk ]:_ **

_where are you?_

 

Seungkwan checked his text messages for the _n_ th time that day. He’d messaged Hansol at the start of third period after hearing from someone in the boy’s Art class that he hadn’t showed up to school. Again _._

 

The president tried his best not to worry. Tried his best to grant the unsaid wish from Hansol to give him space and let him deal with this on his own. But after three days of absence at school, he feels like he has some right to be concerned.

 

It would be different if he was informing Seungkwan of his whereabouts or why he’d suddenly become distant after his birthday party, but reality isn’t as kind. He’s left in the dark about Hansol and the secret life Seungkwan just _knows_ exists.

 

His habit of overthinking, of jumping to conclusions, rears its ugly head while he wonders what Hansol could be up to. _Something illegal? Is he being threatened? Could he get arrested for it? Is he safe?_

 

They’re thoughts that have bounced around in his head but never communicated because it’s, apparently, none of his business. Hansol had drawn the line of what he wants Seungkwan to know and what must be ignored, turned a blind eye to, but it’s becoming harder for him to respect the boundary.

 

**_[ rapper genius hansol vernon chwe the greatest ]:_ **

_out of town. sumthing came up._

 

Of course. Something always happens, yet Seungkwan never gets a fucking explanation. He’s been asking continuously the past two weeks about where Hansol is going, but the boy never tells the entire truth. It’s always _work_ or _visiting a friend,_ but never beyond the one word explanation.

 

Hansol is seventeen. What could he possibly be up to?

 

There’s only so much Seungkwan can take.

  


His day isn’t too taxing. In fact, it was almost too mellow in the way everyone quietly went about their day. Maybe it had always been like this, pre-Hansol, but Seungkwan was too blinded by his existence to notice. Too consumed by his busy, presidential life to take a breather.

 

It’s the end of eighth period, everyone talking amongst themselves about minuscule happenings, like a party in the woods this weekend or something about iHop, while the speech by former President Obama, they all should be working on, goes unanalyzed. Seungkwan, bored and unmoving since he finished noting what persuasion tactics were used, almost jumps out of his seat when his phone buzzed by his elbow.

 

**_[ hong kong ]:_ **

_Hey. Wanna get coffee after school? Just me n you :3_

 

His eyes widened as he comprehended the message. Coffee with Joshua? It’s a bit out of his character to actively invite him. They often do big group hangouts, so the time they spend one on one is fractional. Even smaller would be the time he’s spent alone with Josh. Meeting the polite boy with kind eyes in his Geometry class freshman year marked the start of their friendship. Since then, they’ve grown closer into best friends that they can both confide in, so Seungkwan knows Joshua doesn’t just call someone out on whim. There’s always meaning behind his solo hangouts.

 

The president catches himself smiling while typing out _sure_ to Josh’s text. He doesn’t dread their plans in the slightest. In fact, Seungkwan feels his spirits lift now that his mind won’t be totally consumed with a certain someone. Time with one of his closest friends would probably do him some good.

  


“You’re drinking Iced Americano in _this_ weather?” Joshua peered skeptically over the steam of his peppermint hot chocolate. So much for going out for coffee huh?

 

“The fact that you’re not even drinking coffee is an abomination.” Seungkwan teased back as he pulled out the minimalist chair, scraping the legs of it against the hardwood floor, and took a seat in front of the elder. He could see where Joshua is coming from as he glanced outside. The cold wind still rustled the bare branches of the trees as February rolled in. The warm air of the coffee shop not too far from their school, closer towards the east side of town, made Seungkwan forget about the frigid weather outside. Even though they were easing out of the harshness our winter, today has been especially…chilly.

 

“So, how are you?” The black haired male in front of him glanced up from the swirling liquid and marshmallows in the white mug momentarily. The heavy, almost concerned,  emotion in Joshua’s eyes had Seungkwan averting eye contact in panic.

 

Now _that_ was a loaded question. Had the elder seen through his emotional turmoil? Seungkwan considered he disguised it pretty well. His friends treated him the same even though he felt himself mindlessly going through the motions these past few days. So, how was he supposed to answer this? He would feel weak if he confessed how much Hansol had drained his emotions these past two weeks.

 

“I…Um. Fine? I guess. Normal?” Seungkwan giggled with a bit too breath behind it, but Josh didn’t call him out on it. He just pursed his lips and nodded.

 

They sat in a beat of silence, sipping their drinks and taking in the conversations around them before Seungkwan managed to cough up the question that had been resting in his throat.

 

“D-Did you love Jeonghan?” His voice was quiet and timid like he was afraid of stepping on a landmine of emotions.

 

Joshua’s face slipped from its relaxed expression, to mild shock, and then furrowed his eyebrows in thought all within a second.  Seungkwan felt guilty for bringing up something so sensitive, especially in a public place, but the question has been flying around his mind along with the other thoughts that were making him go insane.

 

“Why? Do you love Hansol?” Joshua asked seriously in a low voice. He looked displeased at the sheer possibility that Seungkwan could fall in love so easily, so quickly, but the younger knew that wasn’t true. He doesn’t love Hansol. He likes him a lot, even though he may be pissed at him right now, but he doesn’t even know if they’re dating for sure at this point.

 

He quickly denounced the elder’s accusation and turned the question back on him.

 

“I think I was starting to fall in love with him for sure Kwannie. He was the only boy I ever liked seriously. All it took him was a _day_ , and suddenly, I was melting in his hands. I’ve never done so many compromising things for a single person.”

 

Josh sighed. Seungkwan clutched his drink.

 

“The only explanation I could come up with is love. I was falling in love with him, but losing myself in the process. You tend to do stupid things when the lines of love and lust are blurred.”

 

The brunet nodded. His heart clutched in agony for his friend and he reached out across the table for his hand. Josh readily accepted the warm palm and squeezed.

 

“I’m trying everything to avoid going down your path Josh, but I’m so scared. He’s starting to become distant and hide things from me. What do I do?” Seungkwan whispered. He knew his pain was nothing compared to what Joshua had been through. He knew he’d have to take Josh’s mistake of not being more vocal and try to communicate with Hansol. He likes Hansol too much to let him hide secrets from him. To let him get involved in something dangerous.

 

“Confront him Kwan. Whatever they’re hiding, this ‘job’ must be important because I could never get Jeonghan to tell me.” Joshua’s eyes avoided his as if he were embarrassed to look back on the memory. Their feelings obviously weren’t on the same page and it was hard for Josh to admit that.

 

“Never. Not even once. No matter how many times I asked, he just…wouldn’t.” Josh pulled his hand away from Seungkwan’s grasp. Even though the two elder boys had been split up for weeks—almost a month—the group still felt the tension the pair brought. They couldn’t even be in the same room without bringing some kind of awkward atmosphere with them.

 

“I’m sorry things turned out that way. Just forget about him ‘Shua.”

 

“It’s fine. Jeonghan and I aren’t the point here. It’s you and Hansol that concerns me. What makes you think the both of you are growing distant?” Josh skirted around topics easily as he had probably grown tired of thinking of Jeonghan so often. He swirled his mug around in his hand while he gripping the handle as he waited for a response.

 

“Ever since my party, he’s barely been at school. He doesn’t contact me even though I’m obviously worried about him. And you know I like to know everything… especially when it involves someone I care about, but I’ve been in the dark this entire time.” Seungkwan pulls out his phone from his coat pocket. Once it’s unlocked, he pulls up his and Hansol’s texting conversation to show Joshua.

 

“It’s all unresponsive and dry and that _frustrates me!_ ” Seungkwan pouted as he rested his chin on the plastic cup. Joshua held back his urge to laugh for the sake of his friend’s feelings. Seungkwan still managed to look cute while he was upset, so it was hard to take him seriously.

 

But Josh did look at the messages. You could visibly see Seungkwan putting in more effort (even if it was just text messaging). He made sure to ask about his day and what he was doing. He always told him to stay healthy and sleep tight. He even wished him good morning, although he was never one for waking up early, so it reflected how hard Seungkwan was _trying_. He puts in so much effort for Hansol, and at one point it was all mutual. It was a lot of scrolling, but he made it towards the beginning of January. Where their texts were separated by the minute, and not spread apart by hours of not replying. You could see Hansol’s personality in his replies compared to now where it seems like Seungkwan is talking to a stranger. What happened in the span of two weeks?

 

“It does look like he’s pulling away, but why ‘Kwan? Is there anything that would cause him to? I’m not saying it’s your fault of course, but—”

 

“I know. There is this _one_ thing.” Seungkwan sighed. He had shared everything with Josh up until now, but telling him what he heard before Hansol left his birthday party seems like crossing some invisible line between them. He eavesdropped on the situation to begin with, so it doesn’t seem right to be sharing all the details. Even if it is to one of his best friends who can make him feel better.

 

“He was on the phone with someone. They were having some kind of emergency at his job that only he could deal with. Ever since then he’s been leaving constantly and ‘going out of town’ to ‘visit a friend’” Seungkwan used his fingers to put air quotes around the excuses Hansol had told him this past week while rolling his eyes.

 

“Well the way I look at it, you only have two options. But really, only one since you wouldn’t ever do the other.” Josh said finally after thinking it over for a minute or two. Seungkwan narrows his eyes in question at Joshua’s back-handedness but knows that isn’t the focus right now. He waits for the elder to explain.

 

“You can let Hansol keep sneaking behind your back doing God knows what…” Joshua paused to let the idea sink in. To let Seungkwan’s imagination run wild. The president trusts Hansol, he really does, but Joshua is making him question everything right now. His faith is dwindling by the minute as he starts to think back on every questionable action in their relationship. Even going as far back as the beginning of their friendship when Hansol ghosted on their plans to hang out. Was he busy doing the same things he’s doing now?

 

“Or you can confront him. As soon as he’s back, ask him whatever is weighing on your mind. If you don’t communicate with each other, you won’t last.” Joshua said like it was Seungkwan’s only option. He couldn’t live with the secrets anymore. He was worried. He was anxious. He didn’t know how bad whatever Hansol’s secret could be, yet even if Seungkwan was as scared as he is now, he still trusted Hansol.

  


☄️

 

“Seungkwannie, welcome home.” Grace chimed from the kitchen as soon as the teenager turned the door handle to step into his house. He rolled his eyes with a huff and he removed his sneakers by the door. His nanny doesn’t ever greet him unless his parents are home, like some kind of warning so he could mentally prepare himself of the shitshow that was bound to ensue. He didn’t see his Dad’s car in their long driveway, but he had an inkling on this, now, Friday afternoon. He hadn’t heard from his Mom since his birthday, so he figured they had to be coming home soon. They usually don’t go longer than a couple weeks without talking to him whether work is busy or not.

 

Seungkwan didn’t place his backpack down since he didn’t count on staying downstairs for long, but he made sure to venture into the kitchen to see what Grace was doing. He took note of the various cutting boards and the pots working hard on the stovetop.  She always took to stress cooking whenever Mr. and Mrs. Boo visited.

 

“There’s watermelon in the fridge if you want some.” Grace smiled and brought Seungkwan into an awkward hug. Her hands were sticky with whatever she was cooking, something to do with a cream sauce, so he mostly felt her elbows grip around his sides.

 

He grabbed the tupperware bowl full of watermelon cubes and hesitated as his eyes drifted over to his Mom sitting on one of the sleek bar stools at their island. He watched her eyes skim over the mail quickly before opening another envelope. While Seungwan was having an internal debate of whether he should go greet his mother, his Dad’s voice cut through the silence, minus the clattering of Grace whisking around the kitchen, of the room.

 

“Well. Hello to you too son.” Mr. Boo said from the couch with work laptop in hand. He didn’t even bother to spare Seungkwan a glance which led to the teenager to scoff while rolling his eyes. _“So now he wants to acknowledge my presence?”_ He thought to himself while yanking a stool from underneath the island top. Seungkwan knew his Dad wouldn’t let him upstairs so easily now that he’s been greeted, so he might as well take a fucking seat. His Mom sent him a sweet smile from her spot two seats away.

 

“Hi.” Seungkwan glared over his shoulder, which was pointless since his Dad paid him no attention, before opening the container of watermelon with a loud _pop._ His Mom stopped her reading at once to bring her focus over to her son. With a pair of eyes observing him, Seungkwan felt confused but didn’t voice it. Instead, he removed the weight of his backpack off of his shoulders; he tried to avoid his Mother’s stare, which seemed to be searching for something as they checked his appearance up and down many times, and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

 

“Seungkwan, have you been eating well?”  His Mom finally asked while moving closer. Looking up from his fruit, Seungkwan grew perplexed by the question. He dodged his Mom’s attempt to pinch his right cheek. Eating well? Of course he has. Does he not look like it? Does he look sick? “Sticking to the diet plans I provided for you I mean. I sent special recipes to Grace so you could watch your weight. ” Grace could be heard dropping a wooden spoon on the tile floor and then apologizing a second after while placing the utensil in the sink. Seungkwan’s eyes drifted over to Grace slowly, who had her back turned towards them in an effort to focus on making dinner, and then back to his Mom. All sorts of emotions swirled around in his chest, but betrayal screamed the loudest of them all.

 

“Am I not good enough Mom? Does my appearance not fit your standard?” He felt his voice raising as the anger welled up inside of him. Years of watching his weight, Years of worrying about how he looked, and here he thought he moved past it all. Here he thought his Mom was over it and had finally stopped judging him. Funny. _Why is his entire life a joke?_

 

“That— No Seungkwan. Since you were young, you just had this tendency to put on weight easier than other kids. I just want you to be healthy and look the part too.” She attempted to defend herself. In his mind, Seungkwan wanted to cut her some slack. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but everything stung and buzzed red. No matter how he views things, this entire situation just looks as if his Mom is trying to shape him into some perfect robot so she can control his every move. All she wants to do is use him to her advantage one day.

 

“If you cared for my health, you’d remember how sensitive I am about my weight. You wouldn’t put me on some diet unknowingly without my consent! I’m supposed to be your son, who you are supposed to love regardless, and not some pawn in your business!” He got up suddenly, not caring if he showed his weakness by crying in front of his parents. He heard voices call after him as he raced upstairs to his room, but he tuned them out.

  
  


Everything was white noise as he collapsed on the floor of his room. Even though the space was open, he still felt it closing in on him. The walls felt like they were growing closer to him in proximity, so he scooted away until his back hit the frame of bed. He was afraid. He was panicking. His thoughts and memories were so loud that he couldn’t even hear his own breathing. Was he even breathing? He couldn’t tell.

 

He recalled a time like this once, back in Middle School, where he was crying so hard that he couldn’t even catch his breaths. Then, his sister was there to  stroke his back and softly shush him until his vision wasn’t blinded by tears. She urged Seungkwan to take full seconds in between breaths. He couldn’t let his mind succumb to the bad memories like his mom always controlling what he ate, her ‘balanced’ meals that included only fruits and vegetables, him fainting on the playground at age 8. His sister encouraged him to focus on the happy times. He had to stay strong.

 

His mind wandered to his best friends. Their smiles. Their jokes. How they would do anything to make him happy. All the funny accidents at lunch, the times they screamed in the theaters while watching a horror movie, the times they came so close to getting kicked out of Target for riding the skateboards, the choir rehearsals, the classes he shared with them, the _everything._ All of his happy times stemmed from his friends. Even this year, meeting seven more people changed his life. One in particular, brought a smile to his face in the midst of all of this chaos.

 

He was okay. He coughed and hiccuped on the stray tears that fell down his face, but he was okay. Seungkwan removed his hands from his hair and found the strength in his legs to stand. Luckily, he had a bathroom attached to his room so he didn’t have to drag his feet far. As he flicked on the light, he admired his sulken, puffy face. His eyes were completely red and still wet from a few seconds ago. Whilst splashing cold water on his face, he heard Grace scream his name from downstairs indicating it was dinner time. He had no appetite to eat, but he knew his parents would throw a fit if he didn’t join them for the meal. They _did_ drive all the way out of city limits for him apparently.

  


“Am I allowed to eat this or does it qualify as not healthy enough for my diet?” Seungkwan asked before joining everyone at the table. He was changed into a hoodie, yes _that_ hoodie, and a pair of lounge pants now that he was okay. In front of him, he heard his father let out a deep sigh.

 

“Stop acting like a child Seungkwan. Just sit down and eat.” His father said in the usual stressed filled tone. Seungkwan pettily looked at his mom for her approval, to allow him to eat. Once she nodded guiltily, he sat down. He didn’t feel hungry, but his body knew his energy was drained from stress and crying, so tried to enjoy the pasta the best he could. It came easily since Grace was such an amazing cook.

 

After ten minutes of chewing, forks twirling on plates, and sipping from glasses, Grace decided to cut the tension. Seungkwan wasn’t mad at her for the diet since this was her job at the end of the day. She had no choice but to follow his Mom’s orders, yet he was still hurt. Everything about this hurt him.

 

“So, how is the business going Sir?” She asked. Her plate was still full of noodles, probably due to the stressful environment spoiling her hunger.. Mr. Boo, almost done with dinner, smiled at the inquiry of his business.

 

“I’m glad you asked Grace. We are almost finished with the merger. Probably another month and we will own both sectors which will make Boo Industries flourish. Our stocks, production, and job opportunities will increase. Not much longer and we will be the richest people in the city, maybe even the state!” He grabbed his wife’s hand out of excitement. It was obvious to Seungkwan that there was nothing more important to father than his precious company. Not even his own family.

 

After staring for a second off, too busy visualizing the future, his Dad turned to him suddenly. “And this success I’m building is all for you Seungkwan. It’s yours to inherit. You’ll go to college, study business just like me and-”

 

“No.” Seungkwan said confusedly. He dropped his fork into his pasta, mid-twirl, and looked at his parents directly for the first time since this afternoon. He didn’t want to sit by and watch his future get taken from him anymore. He wouldn’t go through with his Dad’s plans for him. He doesn’t  want to manage some huge business, making millions, and be in charge of thousands of jobs. That’s not the life he wants for himself.

 

“What do you mean no?” His father was taken aback by the answer. He almost rose from his seat, but his mom seated next to the man urged him to stay seated. Both of them had fire in their eyes even though their tones of voice were even, void of emotion. It was a business tactic not to show your emotions to your competitor or enemy.

 

“I mean no. That is not my future. I will go to college and pursue whatever I want, not what you have calculated out for me.”

 

His father’s eyes narrowed, “You know, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but this is not the son I raised.” At that point, Seungkwan wanted to laugh in his face. He wanted to claim he barely raised him at all. He wasn’t there to teach him how to drive or to shave or come to any of his past concerts, but he didn’t want to throw fire into the already burning flames.

 

“I’m just tired of your shit. You always thought you did so much for me when you’ve barely been there for me at all. You can’t fix all your problems with money _Dad_.” Seungkwan felt Grace urge him to settle down, but he ignored her whispers. He saw the exact moment his dad snapped, but he still didn’t wipe the smirk off of his face. It felt good to tell the truth.

 

“What happened to you Seungkwan? You were never like this. There must someone influencing you, I bet, huh? Which friend of yours is it? Mingyu? Seungcheol? Or are you hanging with gangbangers now?” His Dad always attacked personally when he ran out of options. He knew Seungkwan’s friends meant more than his family did, and it was his main objective to get under his son’s skin.

 

“I’m surprised you can name that many of my friends. Maybe you actually do listen.” The teenager laughed. He watched his Mom look worrilily between him and his father. If Seungkwan kept pushing the man’s buttons, there’s no telling what will get damaged in the explosion, but he didn’t care. Seungkwan didn’t want to hold back anymore.

 

“Or maybe that Chwe boy? What was his name again?” His father suggested which made Seungkwan’s smile falter. His blood started to run cold at the mention of Hansol. He thought his parents forgot about him.

 

“And so he finally falls silent. It must be _him_ after all. The Chwe’s boy. You know they come from nothing right? They barely have any money. I honestly don’t know how they manage to pay the bills when they survive off of the income of two artists. But that’s what happens when you follow your dream, your family suffers for it.” Seungkwan tries to ignore his Dad the best he could, but his venomous words seeped under Seungkwan’s skin. He laughed knowing he had finally won their little argument. Once he knew Hansol was a sensitive topic, he didn’t shut up about him.

 

“Their kids can’t be any good. That boy is probably only friends with you for our money. It’s the only thing he doesn’t already have. Something that he can’t go out and steal.” Seungkwan listened and listened, but he couldn’t just sit by while his Dad thought up senseless lies. He clenched his fist underneath the table and took a breath.

 

“Don’t talk about him like that. Hansol is kind and smart and isn’t materialistic like you make him out to be. His entire family is more genuine than you can imagine. So…please, don’t talk badly of him like you know him.” Seungkwan asked nicely of his Dad. It made his skin crawl with anger every time he insulted Hansol. He was someone special to him, and he didn’t deserve to be judged like Seungkwan knows he had experienced in the past.

 

His Dad was shocked by the sudden shift in atmosphere. Seungkwan was waving the white flag of surrender just because his Dad mentioned Hansol.  He laughed quietly to himself while his mind came up with its own conclusions as to why his son would instantly stop fighting. All because of some boy.

 

“I can talk about him any way I please. Stop acting like some schoolgirl trying to defend her precious boyfriend. He is nothing but a temporary part of your life that you will forget about someday.” His father said. Seungkwan visibly tensed at the mention of romantic feelings. Hansol may not be his boyfriend, but he falls on the blurry line of _way more than just friends_. The teenager avoided his Dad’s gaze and continued to eat his food. No matter what, his parents could never find out about his feel—

  


“No. Whatever you’re thinking is unforgivable. No son of mine will be in some kind of _despicable relationship_ such as this.” His father shook his head back and forth continuously. His mom looked confused and disappointed. They must’ve seen straight through him. His heart raced as he glanced to Grace. What was he going to do?

 

“You’re disturbing the natural balance of life, Boo Seungkwan. I’ve let you play pretend long enough, but your life has been decided from the moment you were born. You will be an asset to this company, marry a woman, and have a rightful heir whether you like it or not.” His father demanded from him. It was impossible what he was asking from Seungkwan. The boy had already determined earlier in the week that he didn’t necessarily love Hansol, but that didn’t invalidate his feelings for him. Every flutter of his heart was real and it counted for something. How could he end their relationship before it even started?

 

“But–”

 

“You better put a stop to this, whatever you have with this Chwe boy now, or you won’t be the only one who pays the price Seungkwan.”

  


☄️

 

After silently washing the dishes with Grace by his side, Seungkwan found himself alone in his bedroom once again. Unlike hours ago, his breathing was under control. His mind wasn’t pleading for help, but he did feel a sense of pain in his heart. He didn’t know if it was longing or sadness or _both_ , but it hurt.

 

He was lost. He knew he shouldn’t cross his father, but Seungkwan felt the risk of Hansol was worth it. To be selfish and indulge in the happiness the other boy brings him would only make this bad situation worse, but somehow the good still seemed to outweigh the bad. He’s never felt so _alive_ as to when Hansol was by his side.

 

Yet to selfishly get Hansol wrapped up in his family drama would be too dangerous. Seungkwan knows his dad has connections everywhere, so he could probably terrorize his son through Hansol’s life now that he knows he is Seungkwan’s weakness.

 

He flops, back first, against his his bed. It was only 10pm, but he just wanted to go to bed already. Before making a move to brush his teeth, he checks his calls and texts for the last time that night. He’d already declined his friends’ weekend plans to hang out. He had so much thinking to do, and he rather be holed up in his room for a couple days than pretend he’s actually having fun.

 

Seungkwan’s thumb brushed past the plentiful pictures in his camera roll. He wasn’t searching for anything in particular, maybe a sign or some guidance on what choice he should make, but the teen knew his effort was fruitless. Looking at pictures of his happiest times were not going to help him decide anything.

 

Against his better judgement, he went to his call app. Joshua’s word of _confrontation_ rang inside his head as he hovered over Hansol’s contact.

 

The phone didn’t even ring once Seungkwan pressed the call button which confirmed his suspicion that Hansol’s phone must’ve been switched off. Or dead. Or maybe he’s dead. He hasn’t heard from him in like five days. After hearing the automated voicemail, Seungkwan took a deep breath.

 

 _“_ Hansol. Yeah it’s me. Again. I don’t know when you’ll turn your phone back on, but you’ll have a lot of messages from me” He takes a second to emptily laugh before continuing. “Yeah, but anyways. You probably don’t want to know how much today sucked, or how boring this week was without you or how much I missed you. Okay that sounded cheesy.” Seungkwan groaned into the palm of his hand with a smile. He was so sad a second ago, but the mere thought of Hansol brings joy to his heart.

 

“I just hope you’re eating, sleeping, and staying safe. I’m worried about you, okay?” He said seriously. As much as he didn’t want to think about it, for all he knew Hansol could be in a ditch somewhere. But he trusted him to be okay and safe. He’s smart.

 

“And when you get back…we need to talk.”

  


Seungkwan presses the red hang up button and lets out an exasperated sigh. God, he’s so stressed and everything fucking _hurts_ . Seungkwan doesn’t even know where Hansol is right now and doesn’t want to think about it or else he’ll worry himself sick. He doesn’t want to let Hansol go even though he _should_ . And even though he should, he doesn’t think he _can_.

 

Shit is so fucking complicated.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a h shit :0  
> i almost cried writing this it was hard, but yeah. told y'all seungkwan's parents sUCKED. i had been wanting to write that scene with his mom for a long time since it kind of gives context as to one of the reasons why seungkwan resents her so much. hopefully verkwan can survive this drama!  
> \- n e ways i didn't mean to take another break but i was finishing my junior year (terrible experience 10/10 do not recommend) but thank u everyone who wa s patient i love y'all fr and i'll be more active this summer ofc. i've been waiting all year to write this part of the story so im DEADASS SO EXCITED LMAO <3  
> \- hopefully y'all liked this! pls tell me what u thought!

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to comment or whateva (to make my day) & subscribe so you don't miss an update <3  
> hmu on my writing [twitter](https://twitter.com/simigang) for updates & my kpop [twitter](https://twitter.com/kwanology) incase you want to be buds!  
> i update every other friday!!   
> love y'all see you soon <3


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